San Francisco.
Morning sunlight streamed through the bakery’s glass windows. Shen Qi was learning how to knead dough alongside neighbor Mrs. Lucy.
“You need to turn your wrist like this,” the old woman demonstrated with hands covered in flour. “Yes, just like dancing.”
Under her guidance, Shen Qi gently placed the dough in the fermentation basket, his fingertips still dusted with traces of butter.
Sunlight cut diagonally through the blinds, casting split patches of light onto the counter and making one’s eyes swim, yet the atmosphere was exceptionally cozy.
It was much quieter here than any place he had lived in back home. Even the sound of the wind passing through the small courtyard was clearly audible.
“Another success, my dear. You have quite a talent. Have you studied baking before?”
Shen Qi shook his head. “I just made things a few times for someone important.”
The elderly woman acutely captured the flash of desolation in his eyes and tactfully steered the conversation back. “Your control over temperature is even more precise than my niece, who has studied it for three years. You are truly cut out for making desserts.”
Shen Qi smiled as he accepted the teacup, thanking her for the compliment in fluent English. When his fingertips brushed against the warm ceramic cup, he instantly felt that this stable life had gained a bit more substance.
He had been here for nearly a month, renting this apartment with its small courtyard that connected to the neighbor’s house.
The neighbor was a dessert shop owner who grew very fond of him after spending time together, so Shen Qi had recently been learning how to make desserts from Mrs. Lucy whenever he had free time, which washed away quite a bit of his past gloom.
When making pastries, he would focus on many things: the exact gram weight of each ingredient, the temperature of the oven, the cutting angle of the lye bread.
During this process, he could temporarily cast aside certain thoughts.
“It tastes very good.”
He took a sip of black tea, whispering to Mrs. Lucy while his gaze slowly fell on the newly sprouted hydrangeas in the courtyard outside, breaking into a knowing smile.
Mrs. Lucy sat opposite him, stirring the sugar cube in her cup, and suddenly spoke up. “By the way, Maxie, you mentioned you just immigrated and haven’t found a job yet? My dessert shop is looking for an assistant recently. If you are willing, you can start tomorrow.”
Maxie was the English name Shen Qi gave himself. His current identification documents no longer bore the name Shen Qi, but rather Mu Xi.
Of course, he still could not quite get used to this name, relying more often on the moniker Mr. Mu to get by. Moreover, in a foreign land, not many people addressed him that way. Deep down, he still felt Shen Qi suited him much better.
Besides, Americans could not pronounce it with native clarity, which was why he chose an English name close in pronunciation to Mu Xi. Obviously, the English name saw much higher usage.
Hearing this, Shen Qi was startled for a moment before nodding excitedly. “Of course I am willing. Thank you!”
Just as they were speaking, the phone in his pocket suddenly vibrated.
He glanced at the screen. It was Yu An’s name. His heart tightened, and after uttering a quick sorry, he walked toward the courtyard.
There was a twelve-hour time difference between here and back home, so it should be the middle of the night over there. Why was Yu An calling him now? Could something have happened?
“Hello, Yu An.”
He lowered his voice, his fingertips unconsciously tightening around the hem of his clothes.
Yu An’s voice came through the earpiece after a few seconds of silence, carrying a hint of solemnity. “Xi-zai, Cheng Yanzhou came looking for me today.”
Hearing that name, Shen Qi’s breath hitched abruptly, and even the sound of the wind by his ear seemed to stop.
He took a deep breath, leaning slowly against the courtyard wall while his fingers gripped the decorative mesh of the fence. “What did he say?”
“He asked me where you are, and also said he knows you are not dead.”
Yu An’s voice traveled through the receiver, carrying a trace of unmasked worry. “But I didn’t budge. I just told him he wasn’t welcome. Still, his attitude was very firm. Before leaving, he even said things like ‘I won’t owe you anything anymore,’ telling me to let him know if I get any news of you. He is practically out of his mind.”
Shen Qi closed his eyes, the image of the last time he saw Cheng Yanzhou flashing sharply in his mind.
That day, he went to the company to hand over his work and retrieve important items, chatting with Cheng Yanzhou briefly in the elevator.
During their final meeting, Cheng Yanzhou remained as indifferent as ever, even accompanying someone else in places Shen Qi couldn’t see. With an attitude like that, what qualification did he have to talk about not owing anything?
He clearly owed him a lot.
Owed him so much that Shen Qi’s sincere heart was nearly overdrawn to its limit, yet he had never received even a shred of reciprocation in return.
He wouldn’t believe him for a second, Shen Qi thought.
Three years of silent violence and countless instances of neglect could not be erased by a single phrase like “I don’t owe you anything.”
Shen Qi thought a lot to himself, and when he spoke again, his tone wasn’t softened at all.
“Mm, I know. But I still don’t want him to find me. An-an, please help me keep it a secret.”
“Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him your whereabouts. I just felt it was necessary to let you know. Somehow, given his capabilities, he really might start searching on a large scale. You need to prepare yourself.”
Shen Qi sighed silently. “Alright, thank you, Yu An.”
“How many times have you said thank you these past few days? Alright, I’m going to sleep. Don’t overthink things, okay? Bye.”
“Bye.”
Hanging up the phone, he stood in the courtyard, watching the distant sun climb higher, though it carried little warmth.
The early spring wind remained biting as it swept fiercely through the small courtyard, yet he felt an inexplicable wave of heat surging through his body, and the stinging sourness in his eyes could not be suppressed.
He had thought that escaping would allow him to start over in this unfamiliar city, yet Cheng Yanzhou’s name could still so easily throw his heartbeat into disarray.
Mrs. Lucy leaned over the windowsill on her tiptoes, noticing that Shen Qi was still standing foolishly outside after hanging up the phone.
A voice filled with maternal affection and concern drifted from inside the house: “Child, the wind is strong outside. Come inside quickly.”
Shen Qi hurriedly wiped the corners of his eyes, gave an affirmative reply, and turned to walk indoors.
The moment he pushed the door open, the warm yellow light enveloped him once more, and the scent of butter wafting from the oven chased away a fraction of his sorrow.
He thought to himself that no matter how Cheng Yanzhou searched, he would never go back.
What he possessed now was the life he loved.
That night, Shen Qi lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep.
Even though his mind was clear, still.
His phone screen lit up and dimmed. Driven by some inexplicable impulse, he tapped out that familiar string of numbers on the dialing page, character by character. Every time he reached the final digit, he deleted them one by one, terrified he might accidentally trigger a call.
This routine repeated several times until it felt increasingly meaningless. Shen Qi tossed his phone aside and stared blankly at the ceiling.
At this hour, it was midday in Haishi.
What would Cheng Yanzhou be doing? Reviewing documents in his office? Or searching for his whereabouts?
Or accompanying Shi Nian?
Ah, right, he still had Shi Nian by his side. Making such a huge fuss to look for him, wasn’t he afraid that jasmine-scented Omega carrying a bun would get jealous?
Shen Qi’s lips immediately drooped into a frown.
He wouldn’t think about it anymore. With the greatest possible speed, he banished everything related to Cheng Yanzhou from his mind and shifted his anticipation toward tomorrow.
Starting tomorrow, he would work at Mrs. Lucy’s dessert shop, doing what he loved.
And then, he would forget all of his unhappiness.