That night, Ruan Chaoxi couldn’t sleep.
She tossed and turned, trying to sort out what exactly that vague, hazy feeling was, but the more she tried to make sense of it, the more tangled her thoughts became.
It wasn’t until the horizon began to lighten with the first hint of dawn that she managed to drift into a fitful sleep for a short while.
In the morning, she went to the cafeteria for breakfast with faint dark circles under her eyes, feeling understandably listless.
“Wow, Chaoxi, your dark circles are so heavy!”
Lu Yao spotted her in the cafeteria and pointed at her face, widening her eyes exaggeratedly. “Did you go out stealing last night?”
Ruan Chaoxi covered her mouth as she let out a small yawn, mumbling vaguely, “I had a bit of insomnia.”
“Homesick?” Lu Yao nodded understandingly. “Everyone feels that way when they first arrive. It’ll get better after a while!”
Homesick?
Ruan Chaoxi scooped a small spoonful of porridge and slowly brought it to her mouth.
It seemed like it, but not entirely.
She did miss her parents and her brother’s playful jokes, but that kind of longing was warm and accompanied by a smile, completely different from the unsettling feeling that had kept her restless the night before.
Last night’s feeling carried a bewildering heat, scorching and leaving her at a loss, as if she were trapped in a maze without a map. She could vaguely sense the direction of the exit but couldn’t find the path leading there.
“Mm,” she replied softly, offering no further explanation.
How could she explain the ripples in her heart that she herself couldn’t yet understand?
Yet this vague, unspoken feeling left her distracted all day.
At nine o’clock in the evening, the video call connected on time.
Samia’s face appeared on the screen. He seemed to have regained his usual calm, his gaze lingering on her face, tracing its contours, especially pausing for a moment on the faint shadows under her eyes.
“Didn’t sleep well?” he asked, his voice deeper than usual.
“…Mm, a little,” she replied, feeling an inexplicable sense of guilt.
They chatted about their daily lives, the topics ordinary, their tones trying hard to remain normal, but even through the screen, they could both sense a subtle tension lingering in the air.
Ruan Chaoxi could feel her heartbeat quickening more than usual. When his gaze focused intently on her, she would instinctively look away for a moment, her ears growing slightly warm.
Samia’s words were more concise than usual, and he listened in deeper silence. In his always profound eyes, there swirled undercurrents she couldn’t decipher.
The call ended earlier than usual. Even their goodnight wishes carried a hint of tension.
…
Life seemed to return to its surface-level calm.
Classes went on as usual, the cafeteria remained a regular stop, and Lu Yao continued to be the liveliest background noise in her campus life. Ruan Chaoxi’s days were filled with academics and social interactions.
Since handing her the lecture invitation that day, Jiang Yaoci hadn’t deliberately appeared again, and she had temporarily set aside her “specimen observation” of him.
However, ever since that night, the days had begun to feel somewhat long, and her anticipation for nine o’clock in the evening had become the sweetest yet most anxious secret in her heart.
In the blink of an eye, Thursday arrived.
Ruan Chaoxi remembered the evening lecture and decided to attend.
It was indeed a field she was interested in, and she faintly felt it might temporarily distract her from focusing too much on a certain someone.
After her afternoon classes, she returned to her dorm, changed out of her simple class attire, and chose a beige knit sweater with dark-colored trousers, loosely tying up her hair. It wasn’t particularly dressed up, but it was presentable enough.She hesitated for a moment, then took out the black encrypted phone, opened the chat interface with “My,” and paused her finger over the screen briefly before gently tapping:
“Miya gege, I went to that lecture.”
Sent.
The status almost instantly showed as “Read,” but the reply came about a minute later, with only a few brief words:
“Mm. Be careful.”
No extra words, no follow-up questions, no reminders to come back early.
Ruan Chaoxi held the phone, her fingertips growing slightly cold.
That indescribable flutter in her heart stirred faintly again, and it seemed… mixed with a hint of inexplicable guilt? As if she had done something she shouldn’t have behind his back.
She shook her head, trying to shake off those chaotic thoughts.
Forget it, she’d talk to him properly during their video call tonight.
It was almost time to leave.
Thousands of miles away, in Myanmar.
Samia stared at the “report” message on the screen, his gaze lingering for a long time.
That lecture invited by that man…
That opportunity that might bring them closer…
He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Uncontrollable, chaotic images flooded his mind—
That man approaching her with a calculating smile, deliberately striking up conversations during the lecture, perhaps even inviting her to dinner afterward… And she, perhaps intrigued by the topic, might respond.
Obsessive thoughts grew like the most vicious vines, wildly spreading, almost suffocating him.
Possessiveness surged like scorching magma through his veins, screaming to destroy anything that might come near her.
But he could do nothing now.
The freedom he had granted her had, in this moment, turned into the sharpest blade cutting back at him.
He could only act like the most helpless, ordinary man, lost in wild thoughts, tormented by jealousy and fear.
Xixi…
Time had never felt so slow and agonizing.