Traditional Chinese Medicine Hospital.
“It’s nothing serious, just a slightly high blood pressure. Young people shouldn’t keep making their elders angry,” the nurse said as she hooked up the IV. “She should wake up in a little while. When the drip is finished, press this bell.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
Pei Weixue sat by the bed, looking at the unconscious Su Qingyue, covering his face with both hands as countless barbed words of Su Yin’s mockery and sarcasm rang in his ears.
Before He Nan appeared, Su Yin had only been cold and indifferent to him.
Back then, Su Qingyue had hoped they would get married. Su Yin had neither objected nor shown any extra emotion, he was always silent. After they got married, Su Yin insisted on sleeping separately. Pei Weixue had thought he’d done something wrong, so he racked his brains trying to cheer Su Yin up, but Su Yin acted as if he hadn’t heard him, never responded to him, often hid in his own room, and rarely went out.
Later, Su Yin said he was saving himself for his true love. At the time, Pei Weixue had thought, saving himself for his true love? Then what were they supposed to be?
Su Qingyue had thought her son had developed some kind of psychological illness and had taken him to see many doctors, but nothing improved. Pei Weixue guessed that after being with him for so long, Su Yin had been affected by the ugly states he went into during his episodes. He felt deeply guilty, and treated Su Yin even better. No matter how much Su Yin ignored him, he didn’t mind.
Until half a year ago, after Jiang Zhi returned to the country, he brought his boyfriend He Nan to see Su Yin. Jiang Zhi was Su Yin’s childhood friend, the two of them had been as close as brothers. Even when they went to college in different places, they kept in frequent contact and often got together on weekends.
These past few years, Jiang Zhi had been studying abroad, so he didn’t know much about the changes in Su Yin. But when the handsome He Nan appeared in a brown vest, something in Su Yin seemed to suddenly click awake, and his eyes stuck to He Nan.
Even knowing He Nan was his best friend’s boyfriend, he still inserted himself when the two of them argued, making their relationship deteriorate further and further.
Jiang Zhi had no idea what was going on and would even ask Su Yin what he should do. Su Yin kept stirring things up, saying it would be fine to let things cool off for a while, that He Nan would come around sooner or later. Jiang Zhi had already been upset after getting cursed at for no reason, and after hearing Su Yin say that, he also felt he hadn’t done anything wrong, so the two of them fell into a cold war.
During that cold war, Su Yin used helping He Nan win Jiang Zhi back as an excuse to keep running off to see He Nan. He even joined the clothing company where He Nan worked without pay and worked for free. Only then did Jiang Zhi realize something was wrong. When he demanded an explanation, it was at a banquet.
He Nan had brought Su Yin along, saying he wanted to introduce him to some international designers. Jiang Zhi happened to be on the guest list too. While Su Yin was in the restroom, Jiang Zhi had wanted to ask what was going on, but Su Yin suddenly punched him and even said he would definitely steal He Nan away. Furious, Jiang Zhi fought back, and afterward Su Yin twisted the facts to the He Nan who came rushing over.
Not knowing the truth, He Nan believed Jiang Zhi had hit Su Yin first, and demanded that Jiang Zhi apologize and never show up again.
The two of them completely went their separate ways after that, and Jiang Zhi waited by the door and beat Su Yin half to death.
That day, Su Yin came home bruised and battered. Pei Weixue had been rushing to meet a project deadline. The moment Su Yin walked in, he slammed the door shut with a bang. Pei Weixue had to coax him for ages with the medicine box before Su Yin finally opened the door, only for Su Yin to immediately accuse him of tattling the second it opened.
“You just can’t stand seeing me with He Nan, can you? If he gets back together with Jiang Zhi, I’ll kill you! Do you really think you’re my husband? Have I ever slept with you? Have I ever touched you? What the hell is a lunatic like you supposed to be?”
He couldn’t believe Su Yin had actually called him a ‘lunatic’. Su Yin clearly knew he had once had mental health issues. In the past, Su Yin had treated those three words like a taboo. Even if they were out and he overheard strangers chatting and those words came up, Su Yin would tightly cover his ears, afraid hearing them would make him unhappy.
And in the end, the one who stabbed him with them was Su Yin.
Su Yin had not only smashed the medicine box, he had also trampled all the kiwis Su Qingyue had just brought over and thrown them away, cursing him over and over as ‘disgusting’.
When he finally pulled himself out of his memories, his palms were soaked with tears.
Soft sobs rose again and again through the private hospital room, like the cry of someone in utter despair.
After a long while, all the tissues by the bed had been used up. With his head lowered and his bangs covering his eyes, Pei Weixue walked into the bathroom to wash his face. He buried his face in water, and after his emotions finally settled, he lifted his head, sending droplets flying backward with the motion.
His damp bangs and wet face appeared in the mirror.
When he came out of the bathroom again, only his eyes were still slightly red and swollen, and there was a heavy nasal note in his voice. He went out to call the nurse to change the IV, and after another half hour, Su Qingyue finally woke up. He poured a glass of water. “Mom. Are you okay?”
With his help, Su Qingyue sat up and took the glass. She looked outside. “Where’s that brat? He didn’t come?”
Pei Weixue shook his head. He had just made countless calls, but none had been answered. Faced with a Su Yin this heartless, he finally seemed to make up his mind. “I’m sorry, Mom. I may have to break the oath I made to you back then. I…” Before he could finish, his clasped hands were enclosed in hers. He looked at Su Qingyue. “Mom.”
“Get divorced.” Su Qingyue set down the cup and reached out to wipe away his tears. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t raise Su Yin properly, and let him hurt you like this.”
“I’m sorry…” Pei Weixue’s tears fell one drop after another like beads from a snapped string.
Su Qingyue pulled him into her arms in heartache. “You still have me. You’ll always be my son.” She patted Pei Weixue’s back gently, letting him cry his heart out against her shoulder.
She had watched the two of them come this far step by step. From childhood to adulthood, Su Yin had never made her worry. His grades weren’t exceptional, but from a young age he had known what he liked, painting and design. Thanks to winning a competition, Su Yin had been exceptionally admitted to Dongda University. He had been filial and sensible, a little flamboyant in temperament, but that wasn’t a bad thing. He was outgoing and extremely popular, and the older neighbors on both sides often praised him.
Before he brought Pei Weixue home for the first time, Su Yin had already told her Pei Weixue was his future husband, praising him to the skies. Though she had doubts, she chose to trust Su Yin’s judgment. The two of them really were very close. Su Yin treated Pei Weixue very well, always sticking to him, and had helped cure Pei Weixue’s mental illness and color blindness.
Back when they were buying the scleral contact lenses, Su Yin had done endless research and run to countless hospitals. He spent every last cent of the prize money he’d just received to buy the best scleral contact lenses for Pei Weixue.
Graduation, confession, marriage, everything had followed naturally.
Who could have known it would turn out like this. Right now she wished she could go back to the moment Su Yin had just been born and strangle him to death. If he already dared to have an emotional affair now, then sooner or later he would have a physical one. If this kept going, he might even end up on a crime news program.
Besides, she couldn’t stand by and watch Pei Weixue be hurt like this. In truth, she had tried to persuade him. She had done so when Su Yin had only just begun emotionally cheating, but Pei Weixue had insisted, saying he had once sworn to her that he would never abandon Su Yin.
Now that things had come to this, Su Yin had turned his back on everyone close to him. There was truly no need to keep holding on.
After leaving the hospital, Pei Weixue didn’t go to the company. Instead, he called a friend who worked at a law firm, and before long the divorce agreement had been drafted. His friend reminded him that Su Yin was the party at fault, so he could ask for a larger share of the property, but he insisted on splitting it fifty-fifty.
In truth, ever since the day they got married, Su Yin had never contributed a single cent to the household. Pei Weixue had covered all the expenses himself. He had never told Su Qingyue any of that.
Let it count as… the last shred of dignity for both of them.
When he signed his name on the divorce agreement, Pei Weixue’s hand was trembling.
If someone gave him one chance to go back eight years, he would still sit in the library doing web design, waiting for Su Yin to appear and guide him in color matching. The Su Yin of the past had been a warm ray of light that led him out of a world of ice and snow. Even if it would disappear in the end, he would still want to have it, if only for a little while.
*
“Su Yin! You bastard!”
At the entrance of the coffee shop.
This was the place He Nan came to sit for a while every noon. Su Yin straightened his clothes and had just lifted his foot to walk when a shout came from beside him. In the next instant, a punch knocked him to the ground. He staggered a few steps and barely managed to steady himself. Su Yin touched his face, then turned around.
“Su Yin! I really misjudged you!” Jiang Zhi’s eyes blazed with fury. He was still holding a bouquet of blue roses. Ever since he and He Nan had fallen out, he’d thought a lot about things. Their relationship hadn’t reached the point of no return, which was why he’d come here today.
He had never expected Su Yin to show up too.
Su Yin lifted his leg and kicked him directly. Jiang Zhi was sent flying a good distance away, and the blue roses fell to the ground too, petals scattering everywhere. Su Yin gave him no chance to get up, pinned him down, and started beating him. A crowd quickly gathered around them. As he hit him, he cursed, “What’s it to you! You already broke up with him, so I can’t go after him now?!”
Jiang Zhi refused to back down, and the two of them grappled together. “The biggest mistake I ever made in my life was eating that fried dough stick of yours when we were kids!” He climbed on top of Su Yin and slammed down a punch. “Animal!”
Su Yin rammed hard into his abdomen. Jiang Zhi cried out in pain, and in the blink of an eye he was the one pinned to the ground. Seeing that a charged-up punch was about to come down, he glared hatefully at Su Yin. “If you throw that punch, then we’re done forever.”
More than twenty years of friendship had made Jiang Zhi yield again and again. He didn’t know why Su Yin had become like this after just one trip abroad, but feelings couldn’t be faked, and Jiang Zhi could no longer keep enduring it. Quietly, he waited for the fist to fall, while the chatter of the surrounding crowd buzzed in his ears.
Hit me, then. From this day on, I won’t acknowledge you as my brother ever again.
He waited a long time, but the fist at the tip of his nose moved away. He stared at Su Yin. “Go on, hit me!” A sudden look of struggle appeared on Su Yin’s face, as though he were in pain from being dragged along by something. Jiang Zhi watched him pull back his hand and shove him aside, then rub his own face and look down at the dazed man sitting on the ground. “Su Yin, don’t contact me again.”
He didn’t know whether Su Yin had stopped because of what he’d said. He decided to treat it as the final full stop on their brotherhood, a last bit of dignity left behind.
Su Yin stood up, his gaze vacant. For a split second just now, his mind had gone blank. Now he felt lightheaded and muddled.
Jiang Zhi accused him in a ringing voice, “Su Yin, stealing your brother’s lover, that’s disloyalty. Talking back to your mother, that’s unfilial. Cheating during marriage, that’s faithlessness.” He tore off a strip of his sleeve. “I don’t have a brother like you anymore!” With that, he picked up the ruined bouquet and left.
Inside the hospital room, the crack of a slap rang out. Dragged half by pulling and half by force into the room by Pei Weixue, Su Yin knelt with his head lowered in front of his mother’s bed. One cheek was swollen and red. Slowly, he raised his head and stared blankly at the disappointment in his mother’s eyes.
“Xiao Yin, from the day you were born until now, I’ve never once hit you. And now you won’t even acknowledge me anymore. Fine. From today on, I don’t have a son like you either.” Su Qingyue was so furious even her fingers trembled. She and Mother Jiang had been friends since girlhood, and yet her own son had stolen that friend’s son’s boyfriend. She truly didn’t know how she was supposed to face her old friend anymore. “Tomorrow, go divorce Weixue. Get out of that house. Go wherever you want.”
Su Yin’s eyes moved stiffly as he looked toward Pei Weixue standing beside him. He raised his hand, wanting so badly to hold his family, his lover, but after lifting it, he instead shoved Pei Weixue away hard. “Have you no shame? You don’t want a divorce, so you run crying to the parents! Is tattling all you know how to do?!”
“You, you still dare shove Xuexue!” Su Qingyue couldn’t catch her breath and fainted again. Pei Weixue cried out, “Mom! Nurse! Nurse!” He had no time to care about anything else. He only said three words to Su Yin, “I hate you,” then hurriedly ran out to get a nurse.
…I don’t have a son like you anymore
…I hate you
…I don’t have a brother like you anymore
Three different voices echoed over and over in Su Yin’s ears, growing louder and louder. Unable to bear the pain in his skull, he collapsed too.
*
“Weixue, I like you.”
“I like you too.”
Su Yin hugged Pei Weixue like a treasure as he took pictures. “Xue’er, give me a smile.”
Pei Weixue laughed at the camera.
“I, Su Yin, will love Pei Weixue forever, we’ll never be apart for the rest of our lives!” Su Yin shouted loudly at the sky with flamboyant confidence.
“And what if?” Pei Weixue bumped his shoulder lightly, his eyes and brows full of smiling warmth.
While looking through the photos on his phone and editing his social media post, Su Yin declared with absolute certainty, “There is no what if.” After posting it, he put the phone into his bag, clasped Pei Weixue’s hand, lifted it to his lips, and kissed it softly. “Even if I become a ghost, I’ll still cling to you.” With his other hand, he touched Pei Weixue’s somewhat pale face. “Did the wind get to you?”
Pei Weixue took his hand down. “I’m not that fragile. My lips are just a little dry.”
“Your lips are dry?” Su Yin looked around to both sides, then took Pei Weixue by the hand and ran with him into the small path nearby. Only when there was no one around did he stare at Pei Weixue’s lips and say, “I want to kiss you.”
Embarrassed, Pei Weixue turned his face aside and nodded lightly. Then his face was cupped, and a treasured kiss quietly landed on his lips.
Ring ring ring～
The alarm went off. A hand shot out from the bed and smacked down hard on the alarm clock. Then a muffled voice came from under the blanket. “I’d just gotten to kiss Xue’er, and this damn alarm had to wake me up.”
After cursing a couple of times, Su Yin threw off the blanket. The sunlight fell on his face, dazzlingly bright. He raised a hand to block it, rubbed his eyes, and got up to go to the bathroom. Only after using the toilet and splashing water on his face did he wake up properly. The moment he did, he stared at the unfamiliar toothbrush cup and toothbrush on the counter, looking puzzled.
“Huh? When did I change my toothbrush cup? Did Xue’er change it?” He picked it up and realized it wasn’t the one he’d been using before, but why was there only one?
Suddenly, he realized something was wrong. The him in the mirror had aged. His skin was still fairly firm, but his features had changed noticeably, and there were bruises at the corners of his eyes and mouth, as if he’d just been beaten badly.