"This is...... way bigger than I thought?"
Before coming back to the present, I'd heard plenty about it from Jun-hyeok hyung and other trainees who'd been on survival shows. I'd actually watched every one that aired, too.
But taking part in person and seeing that many people with my own eyes was on another level.
"I know. My head's spinning."
It seemed Jun-hyeok hyung, who'd come with me, felt much the same.
"This is your first time at something like this too, right, hyung?"
"Yeah. It's nothing like a regular audition."
If Jun-hyeok hyung, who never lost his positive attitude no matter what, was frozen like that, that said it all.
The contestants gathered here today for 'Star Recycle' numbered 108 in all.
With a program name like that, half really were trainees, and half were members who had debuted but never saw the light of day.
If I searched my memory, I thought even a member of a group that had done surprisingly well had been on it.......
Anyway, most people were clustered by agency or with others they knew by face.
All hyung and I could do was stick to a corner and scan everyone else with our eyes.
"This won't do. I'm going to hit the bathroom."
"Yep!"
It was already his third trip to the bathroom, so it didn't seem like there could be anything left to come out, but hyung left his seat again anyway.
"What's with this headcount, ignoring the time-honored history of survival shows?"
Right. I was wondering when it'd show up.
By now, it suddenly appearing didn't even surprise me. Glancing discreetly at Super Strong Dragon flapping its wings beside my face, I asked.
"The history of survival shows? There's something like that even an eternal trainee like me doesn't know?"
"No, don't these things usually start with 101 people?"
But I could understand why Super Strong Dragon would wonder.
It was true that, at some point, 101 contestants had become a trend, until the number turned into an unofficial rule.
But I knew better than anyone why Star Recycle started with 108, so I could explain it.
"It's nothing much— no, maybe it is something?"
"What is it?"
The trouble was, the answer was weighty enough that I'd taken back calling it nothing much.
"The CEO of Buda Pharmaceutical, the program's biggest sponsor, is Buddhist. Apparently they took the number from the 108 earthly desires that come up a lot in Buddhism."
"Ah. If religion's the reason, you can't touch it."
But instead of sneering the moment it heard the reason, as I'd expected, Super Strong Dragon nodded along obediently.
Don't tell me that thing is a real dragon? Since it's a sacred being itself, it'll respect every religion— something like that?
"Hmm— 108 earthly desires, huh....... Now that I look, it's a really fitting name. Every kind of human is gathered here."
"I know."
Honestly, I can say it only now, but taking the number from earthly desires didn't seem like a particularly good omen to begin with. By the time the debut lineup was announced, even that meaning had faded.
"Sigh—"
For now, the bigger problem was that there were a lot of faces I knew.
Hm. That one ended up in the entertainment news, and so did that one. And that one....... Let's not go there. It would only dirty my memories.
"Seems you know more faces than you thought?"
At the sigh that slipped out of me, Super Strong Dragon narrowed its eyes and asked.
"I do. The problem is I know too many."
I had no intention of hiding it, and no reason to either.
Super Strong Dragon had rattled off even Jun-hyeok hyung's past, which I hadn't known. Plus, since it was a hit idol-story author, it probably knew at least five of the people here.
But why on earth were only kids like that catching my eye? I was sure there'd been others who did well besides the ones I'd picked out.......
"Hey. I'm just telling you this in case."
While I was quickly scanning the people, Super Strong Dragon spoke up.
"Yeah, yeah. Go ahead."
Wondering what it was going to pick a fight about now, I answered carelessly, and the dragon heaved a sigh and went on.
"You'd better remember only about half of the future you know and forget the rest. Just like your and Jeong Jun-hyeok's future can change because of this chance, there's no rule that the futures of the people here won't change."
"......!"
In that moment, I was hit by a shock, as if Super Strong Dragon had smacked me hard on the back of the head with its tail. That thing had pulled out exactly the part I'd been missing.
That there would be people who, born with a rotten nature, could only go down that road, and also people who'd never wanted it but were dragged onto the wrong path by their surroundings.
I'd been used by Chief Park and never even debuted, so what right did I have to judge those people?
"Well— that doesn't mean you should just go trusting everyone, though. If you blindly trust people and wreck yourself again this time, even I can't help you anymore."
"......."
Even though Super Strong Dragon was considerate enough to throw out a sarcastic joke for my dazed self, I couldn't pull myself together for a while.
It made me want to beat up the me who'd been so proud of knowing everything about this industry.
"Hey. Hey, hey. Are you listening? Lee Jae-min?"
"Yeah. I'm listening. Thanks to you, I'm wide awake."
Maybe worried that my wits showed no sign of coming back however long it waited, Super Strong Dragon called me again and again.
Thanks to that, I pulled myself together and straightened my stiff shoulders, and only then did the dragon chatter away, as if making sure I heard.
"Hmph! Good, then. Even if things don't go the way you want later, don't blame me. It's not my fault."
"What on earth do you take me for?"
I'm not that shameless a guy.
Then Super Strong Dragon narrowed its own eyes to match mine, flapped its wings a couple of times on purpose, and laughed.
"What do I take you for? Lee Jae-min is Lee Jae-min. Anyway, I'm telling you to use everything you've learned holding out in this industry so far. Got it?"
Lee Jae-min is Lee Jae-min. No expression could hit closer to home.
"Yeah. Thanks."
It was only right to show gratitude for the right advice at the right time. This time, it really was thanks from the bottom of my heart.
Of course, when it heard my thanks, Super Strong Dragon's eyes went wide, and with an ugh— as if it had goosebumps, it vanished.
"Get it together, Lee Jae-min!"
Even though I'd realized something, my head was still a mess. But I'll be fine.
"Jae-min! You haven't checked in on the list yet, right?"
"No. There's still plenty of time."
Someone who had no information whatsoever about what happened in the past, and who didn't judge people only by what he could see.
Because I had someone I could rely on: Jeong Jun-hyeok.
"You're right? Why did everyone come so early?"
At hyung's question, which came after he caught his breath, I turned my head slightly and looked around once more at the people filling the set.
The first recording call time MTV had sent us in the official notice was 10 o'clock. And the clock hanging in the middle of the set read only 9:09.
"I know. Not that you're one to talk, hyung."
"Haha......."
At my words, clock checked and all, hyung covered with an awkward laugh and turned his head away.
He must've been embarrassed too. He'd called me from 7 in the morning telling me to hurry, so we'd ended up waiting in front of the company before the coordi team had even arrived.
'Honestly, you, I can understand, but he's being way too much.'
And so, finding it hard to accept a reality where I had no choice but to agree with Super Strong Dragon's words ringing in my head, I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Jeong Jun-hyeok?"
"Ah......."
Just then, someone said hyung's name. I opened my eyes to find the owner of that voice, and immediately wanted to close them again.
Why, of all people, did we have to run into that guy?
"Long time no see, Su-gwon. How've you been?"
Kwon Su-gwon.
He'd joined AP as a trainee around the same time as Jun-hyeok hyung, but he caught on that it'd be hard to debut at AP, bolted to the agency next door, and debuted right the next season.
"Yeah, yeah. But wait, is that really Lee Jae-min next to you?"
Dammit. His memory is damn good, too. And what's with 'really Lee Jae-min'?
I didn't want to run into him, so I'd tried to slip behind hyung's back, but apparently he'd spotted me.
The pre-video was out, and once recording started we'd end up face to face anyway, but I didn't want it right now.
"What do you mean, really? Jae-min, say hello. This is Su-gwon, who I used to hang out with. You know Su-gwon too, right?"
But with Jun-hyeok hyung stepping in like this, not saying hello would only smear mud on hyung's face.
"......Yes. Hello."
"If they sent out him and you, AP must really be struggling."
Hah? You're the one who's struggling.
Back at AP, he was always stepping on Jun-hyeok hyung, and he didn't stop showing off right up until he left, but the moment he debuted, he blew up his career with a scandal on an Insta live.
Super Strong Dragon had told me not to take the future I knew at face value, but this had already happened as of now, which meant his personality was rotten to begin with.
"Haha— you haven't changed."
"Well, neither have you."
See that? Hyung's trying to let it go, and his attitude's still that nasty.
Besides, from what I'd been through, people with a rotten nature steered around the good road no matter how nicely it was paved.
Just like right now.
"You flopped too and that's why you're here, so where do you get off showing off?"
If we'd just passed each other as people who knew each other by face, I wouldn't have gone this far either. If he hadn't looked down on me, Jun-hyeok hyung, and AP, I'd have put up with it, you know?
Probably.
"Hey. Y-You, what did you just say? Say that again."
"Y-Yuh, wha'd'ja jus' say? What's this? Why the stammer? Makes me wonder if you can even sing properly."
See that? His face crumpling. With a temper that can't even take this much, no wonder he cursed at his own fans and hit rock bottom.
But no matter what you do, I'm not scared one bit. After all, the one thing I learned in this business is to hear things and act like I didn't, and to say things and act like I didn't.
"Hey, hey. Looks like a fight broke out over there."
"Whoa. That's Planet."
"Huh? It is. Kwon Su-gwon. But didn't he get kicked out of Planet?"
I hoped he'd realize quickly that drawing eyes here wouldn't cost me anything.
"You....... You damn—"
"Haha. Su-gwon! Good to see you after so long. Catch you later, then."
In the end, once things around us started getting noisy, Jun-hyeok hyung stepped in.
Blocking me, hyung gave Kwon Su-gwon an awkward smile of farewell and quickly dragged me away. Naturally, Kwon Su-gwon didn't stop us.
"Jae-min, why on earth did you do that!"
Having driven me all the way into a corner of the set where not even the lights reached, Jun-hyeok hyung let out sigh after sigh as he scolded me. That didn't mean I had any intention of backing down.
"No, that guy pissed me off first."
Why doesn't hyung know that a battle of nerves like this is nothing?
"All right— we'll start the headcount in 10 minutes!"
While hyung was flustered at me refusing to give in to the end for once, a staff member in the middle of the set drew everyone's eyes with a mini megaphone.
Time had apparently ticked by steadily even while we got picked on, because the clock now read 9:40.
"We'll reflect later. Let's go for now. We can't come all this way and be late."
"You, honestly......."
At the well-timed announcement, it was my turn to grab hyung's hand, the opposite of when he'd dragged me into the corner, and I walked toward the middle of the set.
And at last, I could stand face to face with the 'Star Recycle' stage prepared for us.
"......."
A pure white stage, shining dazzlingly right under lights so bright I couldn't keep my eyes open.
Staff bustling around for the final equipment check, and countless cameras set up in front of it.
I'd thought I would never even make it this far, that I'd stay outside forever and that'd be the end. But now I could even go up there.
'Happy?'
As my emotions swelled and I clenched both fists, Super Strong Dragon spoke inside my head.
No matter how many times it asks, my answer will be the same.
"Yeah. Totally happy."
Jun-hyeok hyung, standing next to me, looked at me like I was being weird, but just this once, I didn't want to care.
Because I wanted to savor this feeling, one I'd never forget, for a long, long time.