Such an outrageous lie no one would believe it, right?
Right?!
No!! You menace!
I glared at him indignantly, wishing he would say something to clear this up.
“Oh, my, now that the wine is finished, I suppose I should head home,” No said, pretending not to notice. With his hands behind his head, he whistled and looked up at the sky, wandering off at his own leisure.
Hey, hey! Don’t just walk away after saying that so casually!
What on earth did you come here for? And more importantly, what am I supposed to do now that you’ve left?
I was still hiccuping uncontrollably, and perhaps because of that, my face was burning red, and my heart was filled with only two words:
It’s over.
I wanted to run, but thanks to the alcohol, my legs were soft and weak, leaving me with no strength to move.
When only the two of us remained, he didn’t stand still; he stepped closer.
How had I only just realized how tall he was? Before he even got close, his shadow had completely engulfed me.
I couldn’t withstand the pressure… I subconsciously backed away, hit by a wave of his faint, refreshing scent. Above us, clusters of wisteria flowers hung down like grape seeds, looking like a purple lacy hat.
If it were any other time, he would have strictly adhered to etiquette and stopped advancing.
But today was different.
My back hit the tree. “I just… hic…”
Just as I tried to speak, I hiccuped again.
Damn it, of all times, why now? I couldn’t even finish a sentence.
“Those words… hic, you… hic…”
As he continued to close the distance, I covered my mouth with both hands. “You… hic… don’t come any closer, I… hic…”
Without a moment’s hesitation, he reached out, wrapped an arm around my waist, and slid it upward through the gap…
That subtle, light touch made goosebumps erupt all over my body. It felt as though he had touched my most sensitive nerve endings, and my heart rate spiked, feeling like a spasm.
He lowered his head and gently patted my back.
Just this posture alone no matter which angle you looked at it from was completely indistinguishable from an embrace.
Only we knew that distance still remained between us.
I even forgot to hiccup. I held onto his arm unsteadily and stammered, “Th-thank you, I’m much better now.”
“But, my… my illness is acting up again.”
He was leaning too close; it made me very uncomfortable.
He stopped patting but didn’t withdraw his hand. His tone was cold. “I asked many people. Does this sickness really exist? If so, why were you fine when No got close to you?”
“I…”
I knew that a lie would eventually be exposed, but why today? I couldn’t find the words.
He was forceful and cold, as if he had become a completely different person.
He no longer felt like the sun radiating warmth, but rather more like his older brother… I suddenly realized that he might be angry. But why?
He whispered, “It’s not real, is it…”
“I don’t understand anymore.”
After saying that, he breathed, not continuing further.
I tried to comfort myself, thinking he wouldn’t be any harsher toward me. Summoning my courage, I looked up into his eyes that were red-rimmed at the corners, filled with confusion, complexity, incomprehension, and unreadability. He looked at me and asked,
“Which side is the real one?”
“What? Which side is real?”
“What you said to me and what you said to No are completely opposite.”
“Those words just now, I was just, I was just…” My mind went blank, and I couldn’t continue. If I could turn back time, I would certainly take them back.
“You were lying to No, and you hate me, don’t you?” he said suddenly.
“Huh?” I opened my eyes wide.
“You forbade me from getting close. Isn’t that lie because… you actually hate me?”
“I hate you?” I said, incredulous.
Where did he get that conclusion? It was completely wrong!
“From the beginning, you kissed me and then wanted to commit suicide.”
I explained, “That was because I had done something against my conscience—wait, let’s not bring up that dark history, okay?”
I had finally managed to forget it; could he please stop whipping my corpse?
He stared at me in silence.
[You don’t even want to mention it.]
I could inexplicably read that emotion.
Me: …
“Later, you forbade me from getting close. Aside from hatred, I can’t think of any other reason.”
This was a massive misunderstanding.
“That was because…”
I had a code of things I couldn’t do. He didn’t know that my soul…
I am a dirty adult, QAQ.
His eyes were a hollow, bottomless red. No loneliness, no anger, no sadness… all emotions were absent.
They were clean, empty of everything.
“I know. Perhaps I will never be able to receive the love of the person I love. Older Brother, you all of you are like this. You pity me, and then, before you even realize it, you abandon me.”
“The only thing I can ever receive is that lingering, pitying gaze when you give me flowers.”
“Eh? Love?”
“I love you.”
At the most unexpected moment, I heard these four light words. My mind began to go numb.
I was dumbfounded. “You just… said it like that?”
“Things have come to this point; it’s not such a difficult thing to say.”
He said, “Originally… if you drove me away, I should have left. But now, hearing you say those things although I felt it was impossible, I couldn’t help but hold onto a little hope.”
His lowered eyelashes half-covered his eyes, dragging long, fragmented shadows like gray gloom under dark clouds. This solid, reliable person, who one would never need to worry about, was now as helpless as a child, as if he were waiting for the cruelest of verdicts.
“No, no, no, let’s start from the beginning.” My brain slowly cleared from its mushy state. “If I hated you, why would I ask you to live with me?”
“Because you pity me,” he said without hesitation.
Then, he rolled his eyes slightly and parted his lips. “You need me.”
I was speechless.
In a way, he was right. That was what I had thought from the very beginning. To use a more derogatory term, one could say…
I wanted to use his kindness to protect my own safety. He never said it, but he knew everything.
“Then why did you still…”
“I want to be needed. You said it: people are not independent; there must be connections between us. But today, you didn’t want me anymore.”
Meaning, I wanted to drive him away.
I rested my forehead on the back of my hand. “No, wait, weren’t you the one who said you wanted to live with someone else?”
Although I said that… it seemed he had never actually mentioned anyone else, had he?
But why didn’t he tell me? Ah… because my cold attitude made him think I hated him.
Once I realized that, everything became clear.
“Someone else?”
“Cough, you said it!” I remembered what he had said yesterday. “You said you had someone you wanted to marry, but you wouldn’t tell me who…”
He looked slightly surprised. “But I have already denied all the people I have met. That person… isn’t it just you?”
I had a “just as I thought” feeling in my heart, but he had actually preferred to leave rather than say it?
He was stubborn enough.
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” I still couldn’t help but ask. I wanted to hear more… his inner thoughts.
He fell silent for a moment at those words, turned his head, and for the first time, I heard him speak with such hesitation:
“If… I clearly said it and was rejected, then… I would have no reason to stay.”
My emotions were complicated. What was this feeling?
It was like taking a multiple-choice question on an exam. The question was complex and difficult to understand, so you decided to guess. Among the four options, you glanced at A and loudly shouted with conviction: “It definitely isn’t A! Even the King of Heaven himself couldn’t make this answer A!” And so, you forcefully kicked A out of your answer sheet.
You struggled with B, C, and D, and finally, with difficulty, wrote down your answer. But when the exam was over and the correct answer was revealed… it was clearly A.
Congratulations! You prioritized excluding the correct answer.
That was exactly how I felt right now.
“You didn’t give any hints… how was I supposed to know?” My confidence was wavering.
“I did.”
“I wanted to live with you.”
Hiss, it seemed there were similar words… I had thought he meant he wanted to be my younger brother without blood relations.
“Then…” I was at a loss for words, but continued to try to argue, “Why didn’t you just say you love me?”
“But,” he tilted his head, seemingly sensing the softening of my attitude, and his tone became lighter, “liking someone doesn’t mean we can live together.”
What simple, plain words words I couldn’t refute.
He had skipped over the entire process” I think I like you a little,” “I like you so much,” “I want to be with you,” “Let’s live together” and jumped straight to the final step?
I fell into deep thought. Thinking back carefully, his intention to be close had always been quite obvious. On the contrary, due to my own self-restraint, my attitude had been a mix of truth and lies, covered and concealed. It would have been very difficult to guess if he didn’t have eight hundred hearts. It really was hard on him.
But… he liked me. I had been “screen-capped” by that sentence.
“So, which side is the real one?” he asked gently.
Why was he still obsessing over that? The corners of my mouth curled up in a good mood, and my voice became light. “Well~ then let’s tentatively assume… it’s this side.”
He blinked slowly, seemingly still considering which side “this side” was.
“Alright! I don’t want you to leave.” I tugged on his sleeve. “Just stay.”
He was silent and replied in a steady tone, “You are drunk. It would be more prudent to answer after you wake up.”
Could he still think I was talking drunk nonsense?
I stomped my foot in frustration. “My drunkenness wore off long ago.”
Scared away by your appearance!
“Really?”
“Really! Truer than pearls.”
He hesitated and said in an uncertain tone, “So, can that person really be me?”
“I want to become Megumi’s husband. Is that allowed?”
Pfft.
H-husband?
That word… I was beet red. He just… he said that word, didn’t he? That was way too direct! I love it! (Strikethrough)
How was it that I felt like I had just started dating but was already on the fast track?
His gaze was truly clear and pure. Even now, I couldn’t believe he had said something as naked as wanting to be my husband…
How could this person be so bold? He had a lot of nerve! Excellent! We are a perfect match!
“Well, about that… let me think.” Of course, in my heart, I agreed ten thousand times over, but my mouth couldn’t help but say those words.
Who would just say yes immediately?! That would be too lacking in reserve.
I feigned indifference. “Anyway, first, put your things back. Let’s pretend what happened before didn’t happen. As for other things… we’ll talk about them later.”
“So I won’t be driven away?”
“That depends on your performance.”
“Then can I still give you flowers?”
“If you want to give them, then give them.”
And so, he slowly tamed from his “hedgehog” form. He stopped speaking and walked silently by my side. I snuck glances at him, feeling my heart racing.
Whenever I thought of the fact that he liked me, I couldn’t restrain myself.
As a result, I didn’t hold back for long. The moment we reached the door, I couldn’t help but grab his lapels, pull him down, bump into him, and in a flurry, plop a kiss on his chin (I had actually aimed for his lips).
I didn’t even look at his reaction; as soon as I kissed him, I jumped away and ran off.
By the time I was wrapped up in my quilt, clutching my pillow and rolling around like crazy, I thought:
Ah, ah, ah, what have I done? I pinned the “ceiling” against the wall and kissed him!
How embarrassing.
Hmph! And that’s just the beginning. Once he becomes my husband in the future, won’t I be able to kiss him however and wherever I want!
I don’t even have to wait for the future; I can do it now! Since he lives in my house, doesn’t that mean he’s mine?
Aiyah, that was just too clumsy just now.
I stopped rolling and scratched my cheek. I had only managed to kiss his chin. Then, I smelled the wine on the quilt and felt relieved that I hadn’t kissed his mouth.
Otherwise, our first kiss would have been full of the stench of alcohol… Urgh, just thinking about it is a turn-off.
It has to be fragrant~
Wait… what am I thinking? Am I already looking forward to kissing him?
I’m an adult; that’s normal, right? I covered my burning cheeks with both hands. No, no, let me be a bit more shy! Things like this shouldn’t be up to me to initiate!
And so, I naturally started letting my imagination run wild: when would he kiss me?
Sometimes I thought of his handsome, fine-featured face, sometimes of his crystal-clear, scarlet eyes… my little face turned yellow.
“Heh… hehehe…”
This must be the blessing I earned from ten lifetimes of good deeds!
But just as I started to calm down from that excitement, suddenly, my silly grin froze. A fact I had ignored popped up.
I threw off the quilt. Hold your horses!
If I agreed to get married…
His doomed, early-dying wife… could it be,
Little old me, incompetent as I am, truly,
Me?
The blessing was suddenly cut in half.