[16] The Darkest Hour
At a relatively deserted section of the Nam La River embankment, Jiang Muhe lit a cigarette, exhaling smoke towards the river.
Feng Duo stood beside him, sizing up his former captain. Time seemed to have left no mark on his physique—his build and muscles remained the standard of excellence—yet it had settled faint wrinkles upon his face.
But he seemed somewhat haggard.
Feng Duo assumed he was still blaming himself over Yan En’s matter. He was trying to make up for Yan En’s absence through his own actions. Ever since he decided to come to Xishuangbanna to support Yan En’s parents, his comrades who had shared life and death with him understood: Jiang Muhe would find it very hard to move on.
“Is what you just said true?” Jiang Muhe turned his head to ask Feng Duo. After finishing one cigarette, he lit another.
“Have I ever lied to you, Mu-ge? No matter how long it takes, no matter how difficult, even if he dies at the ends of the earth, we’ll still find a way to dig him up and whip his corpse. Otherwise, we can’t face the brothers who sacrificed.”
“Laos, Thailand, Myanmar… we’ve practically opened shops everywhere except the ungoverned zones. Not a single lead.”
“Impatience won’t cook hot tofu.”
“Impatience? After waiting six years?”
“Don’t say that, Mu-ge. I owe you too much. We all owe you too much.”
“Enough nonsense. Get things done.” Muhe shot him a dismissive glance.
“Mu-ge, let me give you the bottom line: victory is in sight. It’s just a matter of these next six months or so! A new round of joint counter-terrorism operations with Southeast Asia has already begun. For a major case like this, there will definitely be overall coordination. They won’t leave you fighting alone!”
Feng Duo gave his assurance, then added, “Of course, I’m not saying you couldn’t handle it alone, bro.”
Jiang Muhe smiled wryly. “I’m almost at my limit too. These past two years, I’ve clearly felt I can’t keep up in training.”
“Come on, bro. You’re a soldier who’s been retired for almost six years, a man pushing forty, and you’re still comparing yourself to active-duty guys? Who has your level of perseverance?”
“What else would I do with my time?”
“Find a wife, have kids. Once this busy period is over, go back to Beijing and take over from your dad. Bro, you should have your own life too.”
“This is my life.”
“Bro, your parents are getting old too. Even if they were wrong in their youth, blood is thicker than water after all. What grudge can’t be overcome with family?”
Jiang Muhe’s cigarette was nearing its end again. He stubbed it out on a trash can and was about to light another when Feng Duo stopped him: “You’ve smoked three in a row already. Did something happen, bro? I remember you didn’t used to smoke.”
Afraid he’d press further, Jiang Muhe had no choice but to stop, saying he wouldn’t smoke anymore, and suggested going to a riverside bar for a small drink.
Next to the bar, a small square had a stage set up for a concert. Under the night sky, the warm yellow stage lighting held a unique charm. It seemed it wasn’t the kind of screaming rock music; their ears could enjoy some peace.
They settled at an outdoor table near the riverbank, ordering several different kinds of drinks along with some fried and cold-dressed snacks.
While chatting, they heard the host on the stage begin the opening remarks. The microphone echo was loud, making the sentences indistinct, but that didn’t stop Jiang Muhe from catching the three words that stabbed at him—Liang Youyun.
She was there to give a speech.
Jiang Muhe instinctively looked towards the stage. The platform was low, crowded with people, and the lighting was dim. It was impossible to make out who was who.
Forget it. What would seeing her clearly even accomplish? He laughed at himself mockingly and drained the fresh beer in his glass.
About half an hour later, the concert continued. Some people sang along with the chorus, while others emerged from the crowd.
Jiang Muhe saw from afar a group of people, both men and women, walking arm in arm toward the bar, laughing and joking. Even against the backlight, he could tell they were very close.
As they drew nearer, their faces gradually came into focus. Jiang Muhe watched as Liang Youyun’s long hair was tousled by the wind, the hem of her dress swaying between the tables.
Beside her were Zhang He, Yu Xiang, and a young man he didn’t recognize. They sat down two rows away, chatting and laughing so loudly that several other tables looked up.
Liang Youyun sat with her back to him, while Zhang He placed the birthday cake he was carrying in one corner of the table.
It seemed they were here to celebrate her birthday.
She had once said that every birthday, she would drink heavily with her friends.
Jiang Muhe leaned back in his chair, resting his elbows on the armrests, fingers interlaced, right leg crossed over his left, as if preparing to watch a movie or engage in a difficult negotiation.
He listened to Feng Duo speak, but his peripheral gaze remained fixed on their table. Wave after wave of laughter reached him, and he sighed deeply. It seemed she was living comfortably, unaffected by anything—the fool was himself.
Earlier that morning, he had considered sending a birthday greeting, but his fingers hovered over the phone keyboard for a long time, unable to press send. He didn’t want to embarrass himself, nor did he want to see Liang Youyun’s polite, formal reply.
He thought back to the brief time he had spent with Liang Youyun, always carefully maintaining that ambiguous distance—expressing his thoughts clearly without letting her feel it was excessive or even clingy.
At this age, talking about love and romance seemed frivolous. All he could do was tentatively understand her needs and thoughts, then try to meet them. That was all he could think of, but she had still politely rejected him, without the slightest hesitation.
He was a practical man, adept in the world of business, but when it came to Liang Youyun, he hadn’t yet mastered the art of romance, even appearing clumsy.
From another perspective, why should he interfere with her life? He couldn’t offer any promises, let alone companionship.
It hurt, deeply. But he let it hurt. If it hurt enough, eventually he would feel nothing. He even felt that this burning pain was a warning, a reminder not to make a fool of himself.
“What are you looking at, Brother Mu?”
Feng Duo waved a hand in front of his face, noticing that Jiang Muhe had been sitting motionless for nearly ten minutes.
“Oh, nothing.” Muhe adjusted his posture, uncrossed his legs, and picked up his fork to spear a piece of the sliced steak.
He chided Feng Duo, “You should have contacted me earlier. Staying at my place would have been better than here. Why not come back with me tonight?”
Feng Duo smiled awkwardly. “I know your place is beautiful, but I need… some private space.”
“Got a girlfriend?”
“Not yet.”
Jiang Muhe narrowed his eyes, turning serious. “Ah Duo, don’t do anything against the rules.”
Feng Duo rolled his eyes. “Brother, where is your mind? Am I that kind of person? I just don’t like blind dates, so I ran away from home. Otherwise, my aunts would have driven me crazy. I’m not someone who follows the rules—I prefer chance encounters, meeting someone naturally. That’s so much more romantic! Maybe I’ll meet my future partner here by the Nanla River.”
Jiang Muhe scoffed with a disdainful smile. Young people were so naive, still believing in chance encounters.
Feng Duo protested, “Surely Brother Mu has had this kind of experience too? Meeting a girl by chance, hitting it off in conversation, and then falling for her.”
Jiang Muhe smiled and shook his head. Suddenly, images flashed through his mind—a deep pit, tumbling down, a rainforest, scolding, crying… He felt his heart racing and instinctively glanced over at Liang Youyun’s table again.
So what if they met by chance? What happens after that? Isn’t it just asking for trouble?
He immediately stopped reminiscing, straightened up, and said, “It’s getting late. Let’s call it a night for today. Come visit me at home when you have time!”
“Alright, but I have to finish this steak first. Can’t waste it—it’s expensive!” Feng Duo chuckled sheepishly.
Jiang Muhe handed the steak over and turned his gaze toward the river.
Yu Xiang was pouring drinks, eating skewers, and even brought over the cake, wanting to light candles so Liang Youyun could make a wish while the three of them sang.
“Spare me, sis,” Youyun pleaded, terrified of such things and feeling extremely socially anxious. Besides, she didn’t have any wishes worth making. “Let’s just cut the cake!”
“Fine, fine, it’s your birthday, you’re the boss!” Yu Xiang pouted.
Seeing that the drinks were running low, Zhang He called for a waiter, but no one responded. He stood up and looked around, and what he saw startled him. He sat back down abruptly, as if he had discovered a shocking secret, and whispered, “Guess who I saw?”
Liang Youyun tore at the dried beef, asking casually, “Who?”
“Jiang!” Zhang He widened his already small eyes.
“What Jiang? Jiang Muhe?” Yu Xiang asked curiously.
“How do you know his name?” Zhang He asked in surprise.
Yu Xiang replied, “I just do! Where is he?”
Zhang He swallowed hard. “Two rows over, at the table by the river. The guy staring blankly at the water.”
Yu Xiang stood up to look. “I see him, I see him! So handsome, so handsome! His side profile is killing me!”
Xiao Sun also stood up to look.
“Can you stop looking?” Liang Youyun said helplessly, covering her face with her hand. “Can you calm down? This is a bar. We can come here to drink, and so can he. It’s perfectly normal!”
She tried to lower her voice, afraid that someone at the other table might notice their strange behavior. Ever since she heard Jiang Muhe’s name, her heart had felt as if it were on fire, burning with pain.
Yu Xiang suggested, “Why don’t we call him over? We have a table for six, and his friend looks pretty handsome too.”
Youyun retorted, “Are you even familiar with him to call him over?”
Yu Xiang shot back, “But you are!”
Youyun protested, “When have I ever been familiar with him…”
Zhang He chimed in, confused, “What’s the logic here? Didn’t you say your relationship with Jiang got tense over the phone?”
Yu Xiang added, “Haven’t you been in touch lately? You haven’t mentioned him in ages!”
Youyun fell silent.
Zhang He asked, “What did I miss?”
Yu Xiang exclaimed, “Oh no, they’re standing up to leave! They can’t go!” She waved her hand and shouted loudly, “Brother Jiang! Over here, over here!”
Liang Youyun broke out in a cold sweat, propping her arm up to shield her face, wishing she could hide under the table.
Hearing the shout, Jiang Muhe paused in his steps, turned slightly, and looked in the direction of the voice—toward Liang Youyun’s table.
He saw the girl named Yu Xiang, who had been drunk earlier, waving at him. Unsure, he pointed at himself with his right index finger, as if asking, “Me?”
The girl nodded vigorously and called out again, “Brother Jiang!” adding, “Sister Youyun is here too!”
There was no point in hiding now. Liang Youyun sighed and reluctantly turned her face, looking at Jiang Muhe, who was equally puzzled not far away, and gave him a shy smile. He had lost some weight, his cheekbones were more prominent, and his hair had grown longer.
She bit her lower lip and waved stiffly.
She saw Jiang Muhe hesitate, perhaps worried it would be awkward to sit together, but she couldn’t be that petty. So she also stood up, pulled out the empty seat beside her, and gestured for him and his friend to come over.
Jiang Muhe stared at her, still not moving.
Feng Duo, however, couldn’t hold back and wanted to go over for a drink, saying his chance encounter had arrived.
Reluctantly, Muhe had no choice but to go over as well.
Feng Duo sat on the side with Yu Xiang and Xiao Sun. Jiang Muhe sat on the side with Youyun and Zhang He, pulling his chair toward the edge to keep a distance from Youyun.
He was afraid of making her uncomfortable.
“Nice to see you again,” Youyun greeted softly, not daring to look him in the eye.
“What a coincidence,” he replied flatly.
This coldness made the fire in Youyun’s heart burn even hotter, and her heart ached even more.
After introductions, Feng Duo saw the cake and asked whose birthday it was.
Yu Xiang enthusiastically replied, “It’s Sister Youyun! You don’t know, she never celebrates her birthday! If I hadn’t looked through her resume and found out today is her birthday, she would’ve gotten away with it again! And this year is special—she’s leaving soon, so we had to give her a surprise!”
Then she proudly asked Liang Youyun, “Are you surprised? Are you happy, Sister Youyun?”
“…Surprised, happy, thank you all.”
If there was ever a darkest moment in life, it was now. The lie was exposed, her body felt exposed, she was mortified and powerless to explain. Liang Youyun was ready to let things fall apart completely.
Jiang Muhe lowered his eyes and said nothing.
Curious, Feng Duo also called her “Sister Youyun” and asked what “leaving soon” meant.
Youyun explained, “I’m stationed here in the village, and my two-year term is almost up.”
Zhang He seemed extremely excited, taking great care of Jiang Muhe, placing all the newly served dishes on his side and even ordering another dozen beers from the waiter.
Jiang Muhe poured wine for himself and also for Youyun, but otherwise remained silent, as if he weren’t even there.
Even so, Youyun couldn’t ignore him. Not only could she not ignore him, but his presence felt even more pronounced. Even his light, steady breathing made her cheeks burn.
Youyun gathered her spirits and cautiously glanced over, trying to keep her expression natural as she whispered, “Would you like some cake? It’s cheesecake flavor.”
“Sure, thank you,” Jiang Muhe nodded.
Youyun pulled the cake over, cut a slice into a paper plate, stuck a plastic fork in it, and handed it to him.
Jiang Muhe took it and, in a low voice, said to her, “Happy birthday.”
Youyun smiled faintly, feeling that this “happy birthday” was deeply ironic.
After that, there was nothing more to say, but Youyun knew he wasn’t usually like this.
Perhaps he was punishing her, punishing her for lying to him.
So he was giving her a taste of her own medicine?