6:54pm Friday - Amity Amy
I was so fucking wrong! On so many levels!
This just isn't as fun when I'm dressed like a girl by my self. I don't know how but Gavin made this fun, especially when we were trying to make the other regret existing. But I don't have the same butterflies in my stomach feelings that I got with him. I don't want to be seen, or spoken too, or have people be in my space. Why did I think this would be a good idea after last week? Riddle me that, bitch.
Second of all the fuckery I'm living through: I'm not gay. Or am I? Whatever! I don't like dudes. This chud has been blocking me in and pinning me to a wall for the last ten minutes and doing nothing but talk about himself while he tries to flirt with me. Does he know I'm trans? Does he think I'm a cis girl? Doesn't matter either way, he's a wanker. Grace could make it seem elegant and cool, like I could leave if I wanted to, that it was her entrancing eyes and...it doesn't matter why! This guy is doing it so wrong I'm never going to give another guy the time of day after this.
The utter dumpster of a man here told me his name when he introduced himself, but since I think this is the third time he's circled back to talking about golf I don't know if knowing his name would make suffering through this any easier. I hope to all that is dangerous and caustic that I was never this bad when I tried to flirt with ladies. I can't even use my drink running out as an excuse to leave, cause he gave me this drink when he first approached me, and while I don't know what rohypnol smells like, I don't trust a drink I didn't get myself.
I came here to try and have more fun as a girl and see if with a little spit and polish I could pass convincingly. I already felt like one under Grace's gaze (heh...gays) but I don't know if that was just one fluke after another. I couldn't stop noticing the makeup on the walk over, but now with the music blaring and the people moving and this wank-stain looming over me, my makeup and outfit are the last thing on my mind. I don't know if it's worth giving up and turning in for the night, if it's just gonna be more chud-like men hitting on my like this, I think I've had my fill.
It almost makes me regret coming up with a fake name to go by in case I meet anyone I already know or someone else complains about me. I don't want the name Amity getting back to Grace and her finding out I came here alone.
That feels wrong somehow.
7:06pm Friday - Gavin
"So you're just gonna be homeless then?" Real fucking subtle Felicity.
"I'm not going to be homeless, I'll just end up going home. I have a home at home."
"At your parent's place?" Don't give me that look Aaron, I don't want pity.
"No, I'm going to move in with my sister. She's not close enough that I can do classes, but I can do all my paperwork stuff in person rather than over the phone or something."
"So you're just giving up and going home?"
"Yeah, I don't have an extra two hundred dollars and I'm pretty sure my job is secretly trying to fire me, hence why they didn't pay me this week, so even if I asked for a loan from friends when next week comes around I wouldn't be able to afford rent either. I have no idea how the rest of you manage to afford to do this, I'm working myself to death and still can't afford it."
"One fifty a week isn't that bad-"
"One fifty? I'm paying three hundred. We're in the same building Flick, how are you paying so much less? I've seen your apartment, it's the mirror image of mine."
"Ohh yeah that sounds like discrimination." Thanks Aaron, I hadn't noticed I was being treated unfairly, what a surprise. "Don't give me that look Gav, maybe it's not cause you're black."
Does Aaron know? Did he actually know it was me a fortnight ago? Or did he work it out after? Or does he think I'm being discriminated for being tall? Or not having parents in my life? Fuck it's so hard to work out what a stupid person is thinking, anything is possible.
If this is the last university party I get to go to I'm not going to spend it moping with the least supportive pity party.
"I'm gonna go dance."
"You can dance? I always took you as someone who couldn't be bothered to exist let alone move." I wonder if Felicity even realizes she's saying something rude, or if she just opens her mouth and thoughts fall out. No point dignifying that with a response.
The room isn't heaving, but it's still quite full. A few steps away from Aaron and Flick and I can barely hear them toasting my future endeavors. The music has all been R&B so far, all heavy bass lines, the kind of stuff that I get strong urges (that I resist) to dance to. As I keep walking, seeing all the faces of people oblivious to me in their own worlds, the current song ends. The hubbub of voices dominates my senses, without the pulsing beat I even feel a little unsteady on my feet.
No.
It can't be.
Jazz.
Who put jazz on the playlist.
I don't want to think about her.
Him.
I don't want to think about...
"Amity?"