“Waaah.”
A strange sound reached Eunhyung’s ears as he concentrated on the taste of his cigarette. He turned toward its source.
The maid, having paused to catch her breath, was drinking straight from the bottle again. Eunhyung couldn’t tear his eyes away from her delicate throat as it bobbed with each small swallow. Not until she took the bottle from her lips. Not until he heard that peculiar sound again.
“Hic. Hic.”
The girl was crying with her hair in wild disarray, her entire face scrunched up. The way her sobs burst out at intervals, like the lid of a boiling kettle rattling against the steam, was bizarre.
“Waaah. Waa-aaah.”
Living under someone else’s roof, she couldn't afford to cry loudly. She had developed the habit of clenching her molars and stifling her sobs.
Yet there was something so pitiful about the wails escaping between her lips, stretched wide in misery, that he couldn't bring himself to laugh at her. The best he could do was cover his face with the hand holding his cigarette and pretend to be lost in anguish.
Still, he had a feeling that once he got out of prison, he might find himself wanting to see that crying face again.
Hyungnam cried for a long time, drank, and cried some more. Then her body gave a tremendous sway, and she toppled sideways with a thud.
“Well, look at that.”
Eunhyung nudged her near the knee with the tip of his shoe, but Hyungnam didn't move. Soft, even breaths escaped her slightly parted lips.
She looked exactly as she had that night. Her lips gently parted, one cheek squashed against the floor, her fingertips twitching as though jolted by electricity. The very sight that had made his cock stir without any effort on his part.
Eunhyung turned his head away, drawing on his cigarette until his cheeks hollowed. Then he took a deep breath under the pretense of exhaling smoke.
Fuck. If I get hard looking at her like this again, I'm not even human.
The thought was followed by a bitter sense of self-mockery.
The maid was still sprawled across the floor. He considered putting her on the bed, but he resented her for making him feel miserable, even briefly, and decided to leave her where she was. The floor was a little cold, but not cold enough to give her facial paralysis.
Eunhyung picked up the liquor bottle and rose. Thanks to the maid's sloppy drinking, the neck of the bottle was unpleasantly wet. Grimacing in disgust, he shook the liquor off his palm.
“Hngh.”
Even in her sleep, that little body was swallowing sobs, sprawled there so pitifully.
After a moment's hesitation, Eunhyung irritably raked his fingers through his hair and set the bottle on the low writing desk.
“Oh, for fuck's sake…”
Her face isn't actually going to get paralyzed, is it?
Even if it did, that had nothing to do with him. Still, he worried that the little bitch would throw another fit about wanting to die because she'd become ugly.
Then again, if she gets any uglier than that, who's going to want to marry her?
Eunhyung sighed quietly and lowered himself onto one knee. Sliding his arms deep beneath her neck and the backs of her knees, he stood without effort and practically tossed her onto the bed.
He just felt like doing it that way.
Because he was pissed off.
Remembering to take the liquor with him, Eunhyung tilted his head and started out of the maid's room. Then he abruptly looked back.
The bare light bulb was still shining brightly.
He stood there in a willing daze for a moment before taking half a step backward and switching off the light.
The small, shabby room was instantly swallowed by darkness.
Don't die.
The quiet goodnight, addressed to someone who couldn't hear it, echoed softly. Soon afterward, the guest room door closed just as quietly.
The house fell silent, deep blue darkness surging gently through the stillness.
Then, for an instant, the armful of snacks scattered across the dining table—snacks he'd hurried out to buy to comfort the maid—glimmered in the moonlight.
The cold air made their wrappers rustle softly.
It was almost an embarrassed little sound, as though they had been caught suppressing a laugh at how adorable someone else's crying had been.
***
Her vision was blurry.
Hyungnam sat motionless in the middle of a late morning, blinking her heavy eyelids. Her eyes were so dry that every blink stung as though her eyelids were scraping fresh wounds across them.
After sitting there for a long while, she lowered her gaze to her wrists.
A neatly folded piece of gauze covered the wounded area. The ends of the securing tape had been trimmed with scissors, leaving everything remarkably tidy.
Did I put this on myself?
As she wondered vaguely, Choi Eunhyung's furious face floated into her mind.
You fucking bitch, what the hell have you been through that's so terrible you have to die?
Those enormous hands pressing painfully down on both her wrists as he tried to wrest the razor blade away. His voice spewing vicious curses, almost accusingly, as he pinned down her struggling body.
He had looked exactly like someone who'd been deeply hurt by a terrible betrayal.
Surely not because of me. Why would he be hurt over someone like me? That's just how he looks. He's the kind of man who looks like he's carrying some tragic past even when he's only lowering his eyes.
Besides, he was the person who would be most inconvenienced if she died in this house.
I'd have stopped someone from dying, too, if I were in his position.
Hyungnam silently accepted that explanation.
But was she supposed to consider it a debt that he'd gone to such lengths to stop someone determined to die?
She didn't feel particularly grateful.
He had effectively taken the remaining years of a life she no longer wanted, crumpled them up, and forced them back into her hands.
Now, thanks to him, Hyungnam had to somehow gather the fragments of her scattered soul and begin carefully smoothing out the creased corners of that crumpled life.
For starters, she was hungry, and the sweat that had dried on her skin left her feeling unpleasantly sticky.
Squinting against the unwelcome morning sunlight, she staggered to her feet. First she would wash herself, then find something to eat.
Her body was truly pathetic, so shamelessly intent on survival that it made yesterday's desperate frenzy to die seem embarrassing.
She took one step, and her vision went completely black.
Hyungnam opened her eyes wide and waited for the darkness to recede before leaving her room.
“…”
But the moment she opened the door, she saw a tall, indistinct figure in the dining room.
Utterly exhausted, Hyungnam quietly tried clenching her fists.
A sharp pain shot through the outer sides of her wrists. She couldn't tell whether it came from the wounds themselves or from the desperate pressure that had been applied to stop the bleeding.
“Morning.”
Choi Eunhyung was leaning over the dining table, crunching on something as he casually greeted her.
Hyungnam frowned faintly.
He had opened every one of several different boxes of snacks and was helping himself to their contents.
“Want some?”
Apparently, even at a time like this, he couldn't stand getting crumbs on his fingers. He had found a pair of chopsticks somewhere and was using them to pick up his snacks.
Does he have to make a production out of absolutely everything?
Hyungnam drew back slightly and stared at the slender white chopsticks and the cone-shaped snack caught between their tips.
What time does he think it is, eating junk food?
But she had been the one responsible for preparing his meals, and she'd been dead asleep, so she had no grounds to complain.
She considered shaking her head, then considered refusing aloud, but ultimately chose to remain standing there like a ghost.
This morning was time that should never have existed in her life. Behaving like a normal human being felt strangely unnatural.
Choi Eunhyung paid no attention to her chilly demeanor and continued munching away.
“Do something about your hair. You look like a crazy bitch.”
Hyungnam merely furrowed her brow without answering.
Well, I am a crazy bitch. Of course I look like one.
She didn't even have the strength to snap back.
Eunhyung put down his chopsticks, briskly brushed off his hands, and pointed toward the bathroom.
“Hurry up and wash. I've been waiting for you to wake up.”
Then, without further explanation, he pushed Hyungnam toward the bathroom.
We're going out? Where?
Having stumbled into the bathroom in confusion, Hyungnam suddenly caught sight of herself in the mirror.
She looked like an overboiled dumpling, swollen and soggy, or a deranged woman who'd completely lost her mind.
So that's what I looked like just now, standing there giving Choi Eunhyung attitude when he looked perfectly put together.
Her face flushed bright red, and irritation surged through her.
Hyungnam turned the cold water on full blast.
When she emerged with a towel hastily wrapped around her hair, Eunhyung was sitting at the dining table reading a newspaper.
Whatever his hurry, he had already put on a jet-black biker jacket.
Without so much as glancing at Hyungnam, he continued following the printed lines with his eyes.
“We're going to the mountain. Put on something comfortable.”
“…What?”
“Fuck, just do what you're told for once.”
Apparently irritated by her lack of obedience, Eunhyung shot her a piercing glare.
Stabbed through by that needle-sharp gaze, Hyungnam fled into her room.
She might have made a spectacle of trying to die yesterday, but that didn't make today's pain any less real.
***
When he said they were going to the mountain, Hyungnam assumed they would climb nearby Mount Bugak, right in front of the neighborhood.
Instead, he put her in a car.
It was Park Shineok's beloved, pristine white Royal Salon.
Even if he's the chairman's favorite subordinate, is he really allowed to use his car whenever he pleases?
Hyungnam was a little worried.
She had expected Choi Eunhyung to be a reckless driver, but he genuinely didn't touch the brakes even once on the downhill slope leading to the main road. Before she knew it, Hyungnam was clutching the overhead grab handle for dear life.
Choi Eunhyung snorted at the sight.
The car quickly left Pyeongchangdong, passed through the old city gates, and made its way toward Myeongdong.
With barely the crown of her head reaching the tall headrest, Hyungnam turned to look out the window.
As she began to guess their destination, her brows drew together faintly.
This is where I was planning to come with Gyeongja.
“Don't even dream about taking the cable car.”
Trapped between yellow taxis in front and behind, their car crawling through traffic, Eunhyung spoke with complete indifference.
Hyungnam expressed her displeasure by refusing to answer. Instead, she stared blankly through the window at the people outside.
Everyone was well dressed, and every face seemed to carry a smile.
Couples strolling arm in arm. Young mothers and fathers with small children riding on their shoulders. Close-cropped students conspicuously dressed in martial arts uniforms, stretching and warming up.
A space happened to open up in the crowded parking lot.
When Hyungnam pulled open the car door, cold air rushed inside.
The sky was perfectly clear, without a single cloud, and sunlight bounced mercilessly off the sandy ground, dazzling her eyes.
She kept blinking and flinching against the brightness, barely able to keep her eyes open.
Choi Eunhyung walked past her and took the lead.
“Hurry up.”