So you finally figured it out. I told you—we're in the same boat.
Hyungnam rebuked him with her silence.
Choi Eunhyung seemed lost in thought as he stared at Hyungnam's wrist, or perhaps at the empty space beyond it. But soon his face returned to its usual nonchalant expression, and he laughed with a breathy hiss.
"Of all the crazy shit I've seen, I've never seen a woman cut herself like this."
"..."
"Don't people usually cut across?"
Hyungnam lowered her weary eyes to the wound. It ran lengthwise along the cartilage in the center of her wrist.
"I won't die this way?"
Choi Eunhyung shot her an incredulous glare. But apparently deciding there was no point glaring at a crazy woman, he soon gave that up as well.
Eunhyung flicked his head slightly, shaking the bangs stuck to his forehead loose. He'd broken into a cold sweat wrestling for his life with a tiny slip of a girl just to get one razor blade away from her.
He answered irritably.
"No."
"What do I do, then?"
"..."
"This already hurts."
So I have to hurt myself a lot worse than this to die.
Hyungnam tilted her head to one side and murmured weakly.
Eunhyung had been watching her misery in silence when he suddenly examined the maid's wound again. Her limp wrist turned whichever way he moved it, like the arm of a stuffed doll.
"You think dying's easy?"
"..."
"A little scratch like this isn't enough."
"I've got other little scratches."
Hyungnam muttered the words. Her tone was much like the one she'd used when she'd murmured, I'm not a child, after he'd teased her.
The back of Eunhyung's neck went cold, his body snapping taut.
There's more.
Without hesitation, he yanked Hyungnam's long sleeves up to her elbows. First the right arm, then the left.
"..."
Fresh wounds lay across them in angry red lines, as though she'd been struck with a switch. Beneath them, like a backdrop, were older wounds that had healed into pale scars.
Eunhyung fell silent and clenched his teeth.
"Next time I'll cut across."
The maid's head, her hair in complete disarray, drooped forward.
Eunhyung was dumbfounded.
He flung Hyungnam's arm aside.
He desperately wanted a cigarette. At this point, he'd even smoke the Turtle Ships she'd bought specifically to spite him.
Raking his bangs back irritably, Eunhyung stood. He ducked awkwardly beneath the low ceiling and stomped out of the maid's room.
He grabbed the carton of cigarettes he'd tossed carelessly onto the coffee table. As he tore off the plastic and pulled out a pack, his fumbling hands sent the rest tumbling everywhere, but he didn't care.
Eunhyung ripped open the foil, hurriedly stuck a cigarette between his lips, lit it, and inhaled deeply.
"Haah..."
Only after filling his mouth with nicotine did his pounding heart finally begin to settle.
He couldn't even taste whether the cigarette in his mouth was a Turtle Ship or an Arirang. But simply dragging on it again and again, as though it were his only way to breathe, quieted the turmoil inside him.
He had seen plenty of bastards try to kill themselves.
Because they couldn't handle their gambling debts, or because they couldn't accept what those debts had done to their families.
Some had actually succeeded in dying, but most of them had been putting on a show. If they did that, they were usually granted about a week's reprieve as the price of the performance. It was practically an established custom in that world.
But to Eunhyung, who had effectively been handed a death sentence of his own, the sight of them was contemptible.
It was a performance put on by spoiled bastards.
When he himself desperately wanted to live but was fated to die at thirty, they had no right to pull shit like that in front of him.
Whenever Choi Eunhyung barged into the middle of one of those performances and beat them nearly to death, they all said the exact same thing, as though they'd rehearsed it.
Please, spare me.
When this is what you wanted all along.
So the girl in that room was doing the same shit because she had nothing left to lose.
Choi Eunhyung had seen every kind of misery at the bottom of the world, and Shim Hyungnam's life didn't strike him as particularly tragic.
There are people living far worse lives than hers who still struggle like hell to survive. They grab onto your pant leg and beg you to spare them.
Maybe she needs to get beaten nearly to death before she comes to her senses too.
But.
"..."
Where the hell am I supposed to hit something that small and round?
And she doesn't even know I'm being this considerate.
It was infuriating.
And why did she have to pull this shit right after he'd been messing with her?
If I'd known this would happen, I would've taken what I did with her hand to the grave.
You were worried I'd get arrested. You even lied to the police because of it.
I hadn't felt that good in a long time.
I'm so unused to having someone worry about me that I was just teasing you.
Fuck. That's the kind of joke a gangster makes. What's a girl doing maid work in a gangster's house getting so disgusted over something like that?
His cigarette burned down rapidly with his agitated breathing.
As Eunhyung stared at the cigarette, now burned almost to the filter, he noticed a fresh cut on his finger. He'd gotten it while wrestling the razor away from her. It wasn't much of a wound, but it stung unpleasantly.
“I've got other little scratches.”
Eunhyung remembered the wounds carved into those soft, delicate arms.
None were deep enough to split the flesh, and half had already healed completely into white lines, but the newer ones, red and swollen, looked itchy even before they looked painful.
And I held those arms down while I jerked off with her hand.
Eunhyung absently scratched the inside of his arm, squeezed his eyes shut, and ground out a curse between his teeth.
Fuck. What kind of human being are you? Using the hand of a kid who's already completely fucked up just to stroke your dick.
Calling himself an animal would have been an insult to animals.
But... how the hell was I supposed to know? If I'd known, I wouldn't have done it.
And I'm not the reason that girl lost her shit. The old man is.
Even if it hadn't been today, she would've killed herself eventually.
Eunhyung swiftly absolved himself.
His life was shorter than other people's. He had long ago developed the habit of refusing to waste even a moment on regret.
The room remained utterly silent.
Eunhyung suddenly turned his head toward the maid's room.
She didn't try to fucking kill herself again while I was out here, did she?
Tension returned to his face just as he'd finally begun to calm down.
There were charges and a prison term already agreed upon. If Hyungnam killed herself in this house, things would become complicated.
Two years was enough.
He couldn't afford to have murder or aiding and abetting added on top of everything else.
At the very least, the maid had to stay alive somehow until he went to prison.
After that, she could live or die as she pleased.
But then how was he supposed to keep a girl who had declared she was done living tethered to this world?
He couldn't stay beside her all day. He couldn't tie her hands and feet and lock her up.
Eunhyung let out a long sigh, tossed the cigarette butt into the ashtray, and headed back toward the maid's room.
Then his gaze landed on a display cabinet at one side of the living room.
Chairman Park's liquor collection.
Without hesitation, he opened the cabinet and pulled out the Royal Salute sitting in the center. It was a brand-new bottle, never even opened.
Gripping its long neck as though by the hair, he kicked open the maid's door.
"Hey."
The end of his voice trembled slightly at the thought that she might actually be dead.
Fortunately, the maid was still sitting with her back against the wall, staring endlessly into space.
She didn't even make the effort to move her eyes toward the intruder.
Her full lips had dried pale after all that crying.
"Let's steal this and drink it."
"..."
"This shit's fucking expensive."
At that, the maid slowly straightened her head.
After all her fuss about dying, the sight of her staring in dismay at what he'd brought in was almost absurd.
Eunhyung sat cross-legged in front of her and deftly twisted off the cap.
"Seems like a waste to die when there's so much good stuff left to eat and drink."
"...We can't."
"Are you the owner of this house? Quit bitching."
Eunhyung put the bottle to his lips and swallowed several mouthfuls.
The lukewarm liquor seemed to catch fire the moment it went down his throat. Heat spread through his stomach, leaving the scent of oak in his nose and vanilla lingering on his tongue.
He wiped the trickle of liquor from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand and held out the bottle.
"Be my accomplice."
"...You know I can't drink."
"If you don't drink this, you're the only one losing out."
When else is a maid ever going to taste liquor this expensive?
He shook the bottle in front of Hyungnam again, urging her on.
After hesitating, Hyungnam laboriously raised an arm and took it. She nearly dropped it from weakness, but Eunhyung caught the bottle for her and this time brought it directly to her lips.
"Open."
"..."
"Come on."
At his repeated urging, Hyungnam frowned slightly and leaned her upper body away. She seemed worried that she'd end up like that night when only a few glasses of soju had wiped out her memory.
But that was exactly what Eunhyung wanted.
He wanted a few mouthfuls of hard liquor to knock the maid unconscious.
Even if that was what it took, he wanted her to remain alive for one more night.
When the bottle showed no sign of being withdrawn, Hyungnam finally took it from him.
She stared blankly at it for a long while, as solemnly as though she were making an offering, before finally bringing it to her mouth.
Then she began swallowing without pause.
She poured the powerful liquor down her throat again and again without even stopping to breathe.
"Hey. Hey!"
"Hah... haah..."
Startled himself, Eunhyung reached out and snatched the bottle away.
Does this woman not know how to do anything in moderation?
Her face, puffy and sullen from crying, now reeked of liquor. Without even thinking to wipe away the alcohol that had spilled messily around her mouth, Hyungnam clutched at her chest.
The unfamiliar hard liquor seemed to be burning painfully inside her.
Eunhyung clicked his tongue and took another drink himself.
No sooner had that ball of fire gone down than Hyungnam held out her hand again.
He gave a disbelieving laugh, placed the bottle in her small hand, and put another cigarette between his own lips.
"Fine. Drink it. Drink the whole fucking thing."
Just as before, Hyungnam tipped the bottle up and drank straight from it.
She must have been holding her breath while swallowing, because the instant she lowered the bottle, she began panting heavily.
The hard liquor certainly seemed to be doing its job.
Her swollen eyes were already going glassy and unfocused.
Only then could Eunhyung finally taste the Turtle Ship between his lips.
It tasted fucking awful.
He wanted to complain about it, but forced himself to keep his mouth shut.