In the twenty years of Xie Chengfeng’s life, he had never felt as utterly at a loss as he did right now.
Waking up to find himself turned into a bird, only to be pressed against a complete stranger of a young girl’s chest and aggressively cuddled… he felt like he was going to suffocate.
He was clearly just playing polo a moment ago… Right, polo.
He was supposed to be playing polo with his friends today, but midway through, his horse suddenly went mad, and unable to control it, he was thrown from the saddle. He had raised and trained that horse himself; it had a gentle temperament and was highly intelligent. It was impossible for it to go mad for no reason. In all likelihood, he had fallen victim to someone’s foul play.
So what about now? What in the world was going on? Was he dead or not?
He truly hoped this was all just a dream.
Xie Chengfeng finally wrestled his way out of the young girl’s embrace and stood back on the tabletop. He lowered his head and began fiercely headbutting the teapot, muttering to himself, “Wake up!”
Seeing it act so crazed, Constable Shen inexplicably let out a sigh of relief. “Scared me to death, I thought it really had turned into a demon.”
Shen Jiajia rested her chin in her hand, watching the parrot in deep thought. A moment ago, this bird opening its beak to tell her to ‘conduct herself’ had genuinely given her a fright.
Constable Shen asked, “Third Sister, where did you get this crazy bird from?”
Taking her time, Shen Jiajia slowly recounted the sequence of events from beginning to end. As she spoke, her gaze fell upon the parrot. She noticed it had stopped headbutting the teapot and was now tilting its little head, seemingly listening to her speak.
It can understand?
Shen Jiajia’s eyebrows twitched.
How could it, it’s just a bird…
“Third Sister, you are far too bold,” Constable Shen said. Trading a fat pigeon for a crazy little bird made his heart ache a bit for the lost meat, but since his daughter liked it, alas, so be it.
Xie Chengfeng thought to himself, So, my soul has borrowed a corpse to return.
Then, what about his original body? Was there still a chance for him to change back?
His mind was a tangled mess, and that girl was still staring straight at him. It made him feel incredibly uncomfortable, so he had no choice but to turn his body around and face his butt towards her.
After lunch, Constable Shen went out to buy incense, candles, and paper money for the condolences later. As for the monetary funeral offering, he would prepare that on the day of the burial.
Only one person and one bird remained in the main room. Shen Jiajia scooped the parrot up, bringing it face-to-face with her so their lines of sight were perfectly level.
Xie Chengfeng saw her eyes.
She had a pair of almond eyes, the black and white sharply distinct, as clear and bright as spotless autumn waters.
Such a pair of crystal-clear eyes stared at him quietly, as if piercing straight through his physical form and looking right into his soul.
Xie Chengfeng did not like this feeling. He twisted his bird face away and snapped, “What are you looking at?”
“Your esteemed self is rather ugly,” Shen Jiajia said.
Caught somewhere between anger and amusement, Xie Chengfeng turned his head back to glare at her, sneering, “And what kind of celestial fairy might Your Ladyship be?”
Shen Jiajia suddenly smiled. With that smile, her eyes curved, rippling with a gentle, lustrous light. The crisp autumn waters instantly melted into soft spring waters.
She said, “You really can understand me.”
Xie Chengfeng froze. This… this impudent commoner!
He had been so thoroughly scrambled by the trauma of turning into a bird that he actually forgot—a bird being able to speak human language was by no means a good thing. If he wasn’t careful, he’d be eradicated as an evil spirit!
Resting her chin on her hand, Shen Jiajia didn’t wait for him to defend himself. She blinked and said, “I understand now.”
Xie Chengfeng thought with a guilty conscience, What exactly do you understand?
Shen Jiajia: “The books say that some birds and beasts chance upon fortunate encounters, allowing them to cultivate into spirits and speak human words. Although I didn’t entirely believe it before, seeing you like this today proves it to be true. Sure enough, all living things in this world possess spiritual sentience.”
Xie Chengfeng quickly rode the donkey down the slope she offered: “Whatever you say.”
He had no intention of revealing the truth at this moment. The mastermind behind his assassination attempt had yet to be found. This impudent commoner was as meticulous as a single strand of hair; if she harbored any malicious intent and sold him out, it would be too late for regrets.
Besides, even if he did tell the truth, it wasn’t a given that anyone would believe him.
Since the person in front of him had already drawn her own conclusions, Xie Chengfeng let loose. He hopped and skipped a few steps across the table and asked her, “Impudent commoner, is there any food?”
“What did you just call me?”
“Impudent commoner.”
Shen Jiajia replied with a perfectly good temper, “My surname is Shen, and my childhood name is Jiajia. You may call me Third Sister. Oh, right, what is your name?”
“My name is Xie—”
“Xie what?”
“…Xie Bajian [Crab Eight-Pieces].”
What a bizarre name, Shen Jiajia thought. It must be because that Young Master Zhou loved eating crabs. This parrot was quite prideful, yet hesitated and mumbled when stating its own name, likely because it hated it. Figuring out this logic, Shen Jiajia kindly and considerately offered, “That name isn’t pleasant to the ear. I will pick a new one for you.”
“Oh?”
“Mhm…” Shen Jiajia thought about it, looked at the two red spots on its cheeks, and smiled. “Then we shall call you ‘Little Red’. How about it?”
Xie Chengfeng was incredibly dissatisfied. “That’s even worse than Crab Eight-Pieces. I knew it, you impudent commoner, a dog’s mouth cannot spit out ivory.”
Shen Jiajia wasn’t the least bit annoyed by his scolding. She continued to rack her brains until she suddenly clapped her hands together. “I have it!”
“Oh?”
“I heard a very beautiful name today, and it suits you perfectly. Anyway, that person is about to die soon, so we might as well borrow his fine name and put it to good use.”
Xie Chengfeng was utterly astounded. “Y-You can actually do that?!”
“Mhm!”
Just as Xie Chengfeng was about to say, ‘You’ll be struck by lightning for that, won’t you?’, he heard her declare: “That person is named Xie Chengfeng. His surname is Xie (謝) and yours is Xie (蟹 – Crab). You two can practically be considered part of the same clan. From now on, I’ll call you ‘Chengfeng’!”
Xie Chengfeng: “…………”
Thanks entirely to this impudent commoner’s deeply concerning moral compass, he had actually managed to get his own name back despite turning into a bird.
Truly, the heavens loved to make a mockery of men!
“Is there any food?” Xie Chengfeng asked again. He didn’t want to beg, but the hunger in his stomach was unbearable.
Shen Jiajia found it a bit strange. There was millet sitting right on the table—was this bird’s eyesight failing? She pushed the millet in front of him. “Isn’t this it?”
Xie Chengfeng felt insulted. “I don’t eat this.”
“Then what do you eat?”
I want to eat what normal humans eat.
Xie Chengfeng couldn’t say that outright, so he merely stated, “I will eat whatever you eat.”
Shen Jiajia’s lunch today was mutton steamed buns. She tore the bun’s skin into tiny crumbs, placed them in the palm of her hand, and fed them right up to his face.
Xie Chengfeng pecked at a few bun crumbs, turned his head to take a sip of fresh water, and complained as he ate, “This is so bland it’d make a bird fly out of my mouth.”
Shen Jiajia couldn’t help but remind him: “You are a bird…”
Translator’s Anecdote: Our girl really just casually plagiarized a dying aristocrat’s name for her new pet, completely unaware that the victim is currently eating mutton crumbs out of her hand while complaining about her seasoning. 💀🦜💅✨