I looked over the members sitting around the cramped-ass living room. Even if revenge had nothing to do with it, I was sick to death of this place. Sick of four big bastards living in this shoebox. Originally, after Cha Seokhyeon left and everything went to shit, we moved straight into an even dumpier dorm. Back then there was only one room, so I tried to take it for myself, but that clueless son of a bitch Kang Yejun forced his way in and made us share. Yoon Jiwoo slept in the living room.
I braced one arm on the floor, leaned back, and said halfheartedly,
“You know we’re one step away from being completely fucked, right? If we don’t get any real results here, we’ll hang on for a few years and disband. Honestly, with these members, it’s a miracle we made it this far.”
“Is that really something you should be saying, Park Yuha?”
I didn’t even let Kang Yejun’s dumbfounded remark go in one ear.
“So Yoon Jiwoo and I decided to go on the idol debut program.”
“What? What are you talking about? Why are you going, Yuha?”
“Then who’s going?”
“If you’re going, I should go too.”
Cha Seokhyeon, this son of a bitch, had to be an actual moron. I told him over and over not to act like he knew me, and there he was, pulling this shit. I’d already hated the way he’d been sitting there sulking like crazy for a while now. What kind of disgusting shit was that from a grown man? He’d been putting on this shitty little protest for days because I’d blocked him.
“Why would you go? Stay here and protect the group.”
“Kang Yejun can do that.”
“Perfect. Then the two of you can protect it together.”
“Ah, shit, why me?! I want to go too!”
The gay bastard I’d expected to be happy freaked out instead. I frowned and looked at Kang Yejun. Kang Yejun flinched for a second, then stammered like he was perfectly fine.
“I-I’d get more popular if I went, wouldn’t I? Don’t you know? I’ve got that stan-attractor look.”
“You mean the kind of face that makes stans want to attend your fucking funeral?”
“Fuck no, I don’t?! And what the hell are you even saying?!”
“How should I know? You’re loud, so stop yelling. What are you, some anger-management case?”
Kang Yejun huffed and bit at his lip. Cha Seokhyeon looked like he wanted to say something too, so, being the kind person I was, I decided to explain it step by step again.
“Two guys with no recognition going out there would be more effective. Well, I guess having one more guy with some recognition wouldn’t be bad either.”
I looked back and forth between Cha Seokhyeon and Kang Yejun, then said,
“Rock-paper-scissors. The winner goes with us.”
The second I finished speaking, Kang Yejun and Cha Seokhyeon looked at each other and threw out their hands. Both of them put out fists, and Cha Seokhyeon let out a sigh. From the way his face twisted up, he was probably trying to run that useless brain of his again.
Kang Yejun, who had thrown paper, cheered. Cha Seokhyeon stared vacantly at the fist he had thrown and muttered, “I was sure he’d throw paper, so why did I….” Then he looked at me with round, helpless eyes like a lost puppy.
“Yuha… I was going to throw scissors….”
I smiled gently. God, what an idiot. That idiot Cha Seokhyeon never understood a damn thing no matter how many times I told him not to use his head, maybe because he really was an idiot. It was impressive, in a way, that he kept doing this when there had been so many times his thinking had made everything go to shit.
I ignored the bastard as he clung on pathetically, asking if it wasn’t best two out of three, asking if we couldn’t just do two more rounds, and gestured to Kang Yejun. Even when I motioned to him like I was calling a dog, the bastard came over looking pleased. At this rate, he might even stick his tongue out and pant. I smiled playfully and asked,
“Are you happy? Do you like me that much?”
“Wh-what the hell?!”
“Stick out your tongue and pant, doggy. I’ll call you cute, okay?”
“Fuck, you crazy bastard! Who said I’m happy because I’m going out with you?!”
His face had gone bright red, like the anger-management case had blown his fuse again. His motive was obvious. He wanted to go on TV, milk every little trick he had, and get some popularity. Kang Yejun was disgusting with his cutesy bullshit. He cared so much about fan reactions that every time we did a music show, he searched for reviews like his life depended on it.
Once, that bastard had giggled obnoxiously and showed me one.
“The Seven Days guys are actually pretty good, so why aren’t they popular? ㅠㅠ I became Kang Yejun’s fan today ㅠㅠ He’s seriously so cute ㅠㅠ”
The look on his face when he showed me the comment underneath had been incredibly refreshed.
“That’s because of Park Yuha. He’s a psycho who does whatever the hell he wants, and from the rumors I’ve heard, that’s him acting as human as he can ㅠ What did the members do wrong to get stuck with him? ㅠㅠ”
There had been a decent number of replies under that. Some defended me, asking why they were dragging me into it when I hadn’t done anything, and others warned them not to say things like that lightly because it could get them in trouble. One commenter’s username had been weird enough that I remembered it. The username was “Park Yuha-nim’s Slave No. 1.”
Anyway, Kang Yejun was the kind of bastard who staked his life on popularity. Since he’d lost his sponsor because of me, he was probably clinging to a program like this instead. That anger-management bastard still seemed pissed about what happened. When I kindly talked him around by saying, “If you don’t quit the sponsor thing, the whole country’s going to know you’re a cock-crazed gay bastard who even takes sponsors up the ass,” he said fine, and now he was pulling this shit.
I ignored Kang Yejun as he wheezed with rage and got to my feet.
“Where are you going?!”
“We’re done talking, so I’m going to sleep.”
“That bastard just says whatever he wants and leaves….”
I smiled brightly at the mumbling Kang Yejun. “Then should I use some violence before I go? Would you like that better, doggy?” I said it gently, and Kang Yejun, looking disgusted, blurted, “Good night! Have a fucking great night!” and hurried into the room. Yoon Jiwoo gave an awkward smile too and said, “Good night, hyung,” before going into his own room.
Cha Seokhyeon followed me all the way to my room with a sullen face. That bastard really had no brain. He was handsome, sure, but he was a moron who used his head as decoration. I heard Cha Seokhyeon close the door. I deliberately pretended not to notice him, pulled on a hooded zip-up, and grabbed the pack of cigarettes and lighter from my desk. I was about to pass him and leave when Cha Seokhyeon caught me. He must have put a lot of strength into it, because the wrist he grabbed throbbed.
“Where are you going?”
“Can’t you tell?”
I waved the cigarettes in front of Cha Seokhyeon’s eyes.
“I’ll go with you.”
“You stay still. Do you not understand human speech? I told you not to act like you know me. Why do you keep doing whatever you want?”
“…You blocked me, Yuha.”
“That’s because you were acting like a moron.”
“I was acting like a moron?”
“You’re just a moron. Don’t think too deeply about it.”
Cha Seokhyeon looked like he’d lost his country. I clicked my tongue and shook off the wrist he was holding. He was severely lacking, but he had his uses, so I had to be patient. That bastard might be an idiot, but the family behind him was decent enough. I put on a sweet voice.
“Seokhyeon. You just have to do what I tell you.”
“And what does that make me?”
“At least not a complete fucking idiot.”
“…Okay. I’ll protect the group properly.”
“You have plenty to do besides that.”
I curved my eyes into a gentle smile and met Cha Seokhyeon’s gaze.
“You know I trust you, right? Do well, and I’ll adore you.”
“Yeah… You have to adore me.”
“Yeah, yeah. Now get some fucking sleep.”
Raising dogs was work too. I kicked Cha Seokhyeon in the back and went out to the living room. After shoving Cha Seokhyeon all the way into his room, I went to the entryway. The sensor light came on, lighting up the dim space. I slid my feet into my slippers, and my phone rang.
It was the gangster bastard’s number. After we parted ways like that, I’d stubbornly ignored every call he kept making. I felt like shit today, so I might as well answer. I grinned and took the call. As I opened the front door and stepped out, the gangster bastard spoke on the other end. His voice, frayed by the cold winter wind, was rough.
「You fucking bastard, you’re finally picking up?」
“Yes, the fucking bastard is finally picking up. How did you get my number?”
「That’s rich coming from the bastard who shamelessly called himself from my phone.」
“You were so my type, Boss. I wanted to see you again.”
「You drugged a guy who was your type and ran?」
I snickered in front of the elevator. It came up floor by floor, then stopped. I got in and pressed the button for the first floor. I gave the gangster a half-assed answer and pulled a cigarette from the pack. I put it between my lips and stared boredly at the tightly shut elevator doors.
I thought the gangster bastard would throw more of a fit, but his reaction was more boring than I expected. In the old days, he would have shown up right away and threatened to kill me. Come to think of it, the gangster bastard must not have had much to do either. He used to come by constantly just to see me, even though I was nothing but his lover’s roommate. I did get on his nerves a little, though.
The elevator stopped with a sound. I stepped outside and flicked the lighter. The flame flared through the pitch-black dark. I took a deep drag from the cigarette and walked out. When the glass doors opened, the cold winter wind struck my whole body.
Well, well. When I lifted my head, I saw a familiar face. Leaning against a black car, openly holding a baseball bat, he looked exactly like the gangster bastard he was. I stopped walking and slowly lowered the cigarette between my fingers. Then I smiled, scattering smoke beneath the pale winter night.
“You came because you missed me?”