After he passed out, Park Yuhyeon started avoiding me with real dedication. If our eyes happened to meet, he would freak out and run away. It was funny at first, but once he kept doing it, it pissed me off. What, am I a disease? Am I garbage or something? The bastard was treating me like shit. But because I was so damn kind, I had no intention of getting angry at my weak-hearted brother. Maybe not now, but Park Yuhyeon back then had the kind of build that looked like his bones would snap in two if I put a little strength into it. No wonder he was scared of a fourteen-year-old.
And it wasn’t just his body. His brain was half-formed too. So mushy he had no head for studying at all. He was the kind of bastard who only knew how to leech off his family’s name and act like that was his own power. The only reason that half-assed bastard became the cold-blooded prosecutor he is now was entirely thanks to me.
So back then, I had been trying to pull a prank on Park Yuhyeon and strengthen our brotherly bond again. To do that, I decided to change that weak-hearted bastard’s guts first. How kind is that? A younger brother worrying about his older brother and trying to help him. I was born soft, really.
Late at night, I carefully opened Park Yuhyeon’s bedroom door. Sensitive bastard that he was, Park Yuhyeon shot upright and glared at me.
—What the hell are you? Why are you coming in without permission?
—Fine. I’ll go back out and knock, so tell me to come in.
—Who said I’d tell you to come in?! Do you not understand what I’m saying?!
That bastard threw a fit over everything.
—Then what do you want me to do? Should I break the door down and come in? Would you like that better?
—Fuck…….
Park Yuhyeon’s hands trembled as he clutched the blanket. I looked at him with an indifferent gaze, then went back outside. Then I knocked. In an irritable voice, Park Yuhyeon shouted, “Come in, asshole!”
It was pretty funny. He looked like a worthless little dog barking desperately to survive. Smiling in a good mood, I opened the door and went in. Park Yuhyeon stared at me with wary, relentless eyes.
—Why are you here?
—You’ve been avoiding me lately. Why?
—You’re asking because you don’t know?!
—Is that the only line you know? Why else would I ask if I knew? It’s getting boring, so try saying something else.
I sat down on one side of the bed and met Park Yuhyeon’s eyes. Who knew what he was so angry and scared about, but he kept gnawing at his lip. Such a weak-hearted brother.
—When I thought about it, I realized you’re too weak-hearted.
—…….
—So I’m going to help you a little.
I took the knife out of my pocket. Then I immediately lunged at Park Yuhyeon. He looked like he was about to scream, so I shoved my fist into his mouth. Maybe he couldn’t breathe, because he shook his head like a lunatic, then bit down hard on my fist with his teeth. This fucking dog. Pissed off, I pulled my fist out and slapped Park Yuhyeon across the cheek.
My brother’s lip split open. I had come with good intentions, but his attitude made me angry. What, did I say I was going to stab him? I hadn’t done anything, and he was already losing his shit. I wiped the smile off my face and looked down at Park Yuhyeon. He was so scared he didn’t even blink.
—Am I going to kill you or something? I haven’t done a damn thing, so why are you freaking out?
—You really are insane…….
—Are you crying? You really do everything, don’t you? Aren’t you embarrassed, being nineteen fucking years old?
Park Yuhyeon bit down on his lip and swallowed a miserable sob. Thinking he might pass out again at this rate, I got to the point. I set the blade of the knife against my own wrist.
—Look, Yuhyeon. People don’t die that quickly just because you stab them with a knife.
When I put strength into it, a thin cut opened and beads of blood formed. I held my wrist right in front of Park Yuhyeon’s eyes. When I dug the knife in deeper, blood burst out and fell onto Park Yuhyeon’s pale cheek, then trickled down.
—If you stab a little deeper, like this, the blood runs like crazy, right?
—…….
—But people still don’t die. Even if you stab them again and again, even if their wrist gets shredded, they don’t die right away. After that, they have to lose a shitload of blood before they finally croak.
I smiled brightly and stroked Park Yuhyeon’s cheek, now smeared with dark red blood. He should be less scared now, right? He must have realized that a tiny cut on the cheek was nothing. How was I so considerate? Thinking that, I lightly patted Park Yuhyeon’s deathly pale cheek, and the bastard passed out with his eyes open.
Wasn’t it basically an illness to be this weak-hearted? I let out a hollow laugh, then called a taxi. It seemed like there might be something wrong with his health, so I figured we had to go to the hospital. Unless he had a disease that could kill him on the spot, what healthy man fainted all the time?
Because of weak-ass Park Yuhyeon, even busy Father rushed to the hospital. When Father asked what had happened, I answered with a worried face. I said I had been playing around with my brother when he suddenly collapsed, so I got scared. I hid the bandage on my wrist behind my back and babbled with an innocent face that I was worried about my brother. Father sighed, then stroked my hair as if telling me not to worry. Like father, like brother.
—I’m still glad you were there.
Father said that while sitting on a folding chair and looking at Park Yuhyeon.
—Yuhyeon has matured quite a bit since you came.
—Really?
—Before, he used to run around with strange people. These days, he hasn’t caused any trouble and keeps to himself. Maybe meeting his younger brother made him feel responsible.
I quietly nodded. In the end, Father left the hospital room because his phone would not stop ringing. I reassured him, saying he didn’t need to worry, that I would guard this place.
Left alone, I stared at Park Yuhyeon for a long while. Just as I reached out to wrap my hand around Park Yuhyeon’s neck, the bastard opened his eyes. So close. I clicked my tongue and withdrew my hand, and Park Yuhyeon had a fit.
—You fucking lunatic! What were you going to do?! You were trying to kill me, weren’t you?!
—I got bored waiting.
—What?! You got bored waiting, cough! Ghk!
He must have ruined his throat screaming, because Park Yuhyeon started coughing. I shrugged and spoke in an even voice.
—I didn’t know when you’d wake up, so I thought choking you a little might do it.
—…Get out. Get out right now! If I see you in front of me, I’ll kill myself!!!
—You’re really funny, Yuhyeon. You’re not even going to kill me, you’re going to kill yourself? Is that supposed to be a threat? That’s fucking hilarious. Can I laugh a little?
I barely held back the urge to laugh my ass off and only sneered, but Park Yuhyeon started trembling all over like he had caught some disease. Then he screamed at the top of his lungs, begging me to get out, telling me not to appear in front of him. After listening to it for a while, even that got boring.
—Then you get out.
—What?
—Right, want to go to a psychiatric hospital? Seeing how you throw fits over every little thing, I think there’s something wrong with your head. I’ll put in a good word with Father. A psychiatric hospital sounds nice, doesn’t it? Hm?
—…You’re the one who should go to a psychiatric hospital.
—If you don’t like it, I can make sure I get sent to one. Want to become a real mental patient? That sounds fun too, right?
When I said it playfully, Park Yuhyeon turned blue and clamped his mouth shut. Then he pulled the blanket all the way over his head and trembled. After that, no matter what I said, he barely reacted. Such a boring brother. That day, while I stayed by Park Yuhyeon’s side and fell asleep, I faintly heard something as if in a dream. Park Yuhyeon muttered something as boring as himself.
Park Yuha, no matter what I have to do, I’m going to kill you.
From that day on, Park Yuhyeon changed completely. The bastard who had neglected his studies started studying like a madman. He studied until he got nosebleeds, then after retaking the entrance exam once and then again, he entered the law school of the best university in the country. He passed the bar exam on his first try and even graduated from the training institute at the top of his class. Park Yuhyeon had been stimulated by me, studied his fucking ass off, and turned into something presentable.
That was why I never dreamed Park Yuhyeon would hate me for it. I was his benefactor, the one who had guided what would have been his gutter of a life onto the right path, wasn’t I? And yet, instead of being grateful, that son of a bitch Park Yuhyeon killed me.
*****
Sitting at my desk, I stopped the pen I had been scribbling with. I had more or less sorted it out. Park Yuhyeon had joined hands with that rich conglomerate bastard to kill me, and the rich conglomerate bastard used Yoon Jiwoo to tie me into it. There had probably been some bastard sponsored by the rich conglomerate bastard on the debut program Yoon Jiwoo appeared on.
They must have deliberately aimed for the timing when a member from my own group went on the debut program. The only way to screw me over would have been to use one of our members. I barely interacted with anyone else to begin with, and the only person I kept close was a bastard like Cha Seokhyeon, so it would have been hard to use someone around me to screw me over.
That said, it wouldn’t have been easy to approach the members of a flop idol group like ours either. So first, they approached Kang Yejun under the pretext of sponsorship, and second, they approached Yoon Jiwoo once he went on the idol debut program. If they approached him during filming, then it was more likely a trainee than a staff member.
A trainee sponsored by the rich conglomerate bastard had intentionally approached Yoon Jiwoo. To drag Yoon Jiwoo down into the dirty bottom of the barrel. Either way, after sinking Yoon Jiwoo into the mud like that, they must have coaxed or threatened that gangster bastard and Kang Yejun into killing me.
I tapped the tip of my pen against the notebook when someone knocked on the door. I closed the notebook and lifted my head. With an awkward-looking face, Yoon Jiwoo said, “Yuha hyung, do you have a minute? I have something to talk to you about.” I smiled like a painting and nodded.
Sitting side by side on the bed, Yoon Jiwoo chose his words. I waited without rushing him, and after hesitating, Yoon Jiwoo opened his mouth.
“Do you maybe have any plans to go on it with me?”
“You mean the idol debut program?”
“Yes. I think it would be better if at least one other member went with me, rather than me going alone.”
He was right. Guys who went on those shows in groups rather than alone tended to benefit a lot later when they promoted as a group. I studied Yoon Jiwoo. Was he this nervous just to say that? Yoon Jiwoo fidgeted with his clasped hands and said,
“You said it wasn’t true, but… you don’t really seem that attached to idol activities, hyung…….”
“Really? Then why did you come to me?”
“Yejun hyung and Seokhyeon hyung are both relatively better known, so I thought it would be better if either you or I went.”
In a voice without confidence, Yoon Jiwoo added,
“If you don’t want to, I’ll go with one of the other older members.”
Even as he said that, he seemed to be hoping I would go. The way he kept glancing at me was like an innocent puppy. What should I do? If I went on that program and stuck close to Yoon Jiwoo pretending to be friendly, that stupid bastard Park Yuhyeon would latch onto Yoon Jiwoo faster, right?
Then things would start faster too. There was nothing to think about. Pretending to be close, I slung an arm over Yoon Jiwoo’s shoulders and leaned into him. The sight of Yoon Jiwoo looking at me in shock was as cute as a rabbit stabbed in the gut.
“Why are you walking on eggshells like that? I was already planning to go with you anyway.”
“What…? Really?”
“Yeah. How could I send the youngest out there alone when I’m worried about him?”
When I smiled with my eyes curved, Yoon Jiwoo quickly looked away. I watched Yoon Jiwoo’s reddened earlobe, then took my arm off his shoulders. Then I said we should go tell the other members too and opened the door.
In the living room, there was one sulking son of a bitch and one pissed-off son of a bitch. To the two bastards staring at me fervently for their own separate reasons, I smiled sweetly.