Dying is mostly just embarrassing or... terrifying? but the truth is that we can’t escape death....!
People always talk about getting hit by a speeding truck while saving a little kid, or going down in a blaze of glory. but Not me, I was walking out of a convenience store on a normal Tuesday afternoon, holding a plastic cup of iced coffee. I tripped over a stray cat, smacked my chin directly onto a red fire hydrant, and bit my own tongue completely off. I bled out on the hot sidewalk while a bunch of high school kids filmed it for social media. Classy, I know.
When my eyes finally opened again, the world was totally wrong.I couldn’t see my hands. I couldn’t feel my legs. I was staring straight ahead at a single stalk of green clover, but it looked as massive as a pine tree. Everything around me smelled aggressively like dirt, rotting leaves, and dead worms.
I tried to reach up and wipe the gunk out of my eyes, but my shoulder didn’t exist. When I tried to move my legs to stand up, my entire spine just did a weird, rhythmic zigzag through the mud.
I looked down. Instead of arms and legs, I had a skinny, bright blue tail that looked exactly like a cheap garden hose.
Great. I’m a worm. Or a garden snake. I survived thirty years of living in a crappy apartment just to become garden fertilizer.
Before the panic could fully set in, a annoying ding noise rattled right behind my eyeballs. It wasn’t a cool holographic screen floating in front of me like in the video games. It felt more like a text message sent straight to my brain.
[System: User identified: Barry.]
[System: Welcome to the Fantasy Realm of Eloria. You have transmigrated into the body of an Azure Runt. Congratulations.]
’ azure runt?!’ I yelled in my own head, trying to shake my tail. ’that sound like a generic brand of blueberry candy! Where is my cheat code? Where is my overpowered starter skill? Give me the magic!’
[System: Bold of you to assume you get a cheat code. Look at your panel, you absolute rat. You’re at the bottom of the food chain. If a wild rabbit steps on you right now, you die. Permanently.]
’what you —’
[Name: Barry]
[Species: Azure Runt (Tier 0 - Barely Alive)]
[Evolution Progress: 0 / 1,000]
[Skills: None (You don’t even have venom, bro)]
[Current Status: About to be eaten by your family]
’what do you mean, eaten by my family?’ I thought, my little snake heart beating faster.
Right on cue, the grass behind me rustled loudly.
I spun my noodle body around in the mud and came face to face with three other snakes. They looked exactly like me, except they were slightly bigger, their scales were a duller shade of blue, and their yellow eyes were locked onto my head with pure hunger. They weren’t looking at me like a brother. They were looking at me like a snack.
[System: Ah, yes. Meet your siblings. In the Azure Runt family, parenting doesn’t exist. The mother leaves the nest the second the eggs drop, and the strongest hatchling has to eat the rest to trigger their first evolution. Right now, you look very blue, very shiny, and very tasty.]
One of my dear brothers didn’t even hesitate. He opened his mouth, revealing a row of tiny, needle teeth, and went straight for my neck.
Pure human panic took over my brain. I didn’t have a grand martial arts strategy. I didn’t have a legendary warrior’s will. I just really, really didn’t want to become snake poop on day one of my new life.
I threw my body sideways, slipping through the sticky mud. I felt a sharp rush of wind as my brother’s jaws got closed on empty air, missing my scales by a millimeter. He hit the ground very hard, his tail flailing wildly right in front of my face.
’you want to eat me ?’ suddenly a wave of petty fury washed over my mind.
’screw you I was an assistant manager at a grocery store for five years! I have dealt with angry cutomers , crazy bosses , and worst of all , coupon karens ! I can handle a giant worm !..’
I coiled my body like a spring, aimed right for the tip of his flailing tail, and bit down with every single ounce of jaw strength I had.
[System: PING! First blood drawn. Activating ’Gluttony’ trait. Extracting biological data from Target: Brother 1...]
My teeth clammed onto his tail, and it felt like biting into a thick rubber band. My brother let out a weird, high-pitched squeak that sounded less like a terrifying fantasy monster and more like a squeezed dog toy. He thrashed around violently, dragging my entire body through the dirt. I held on for dear life, wrapping my tail around a patch of clover roots just to keep from getting thrown into a nearby puddle.
Suddenly, a strange, burning jolt of heat rushed up through my jaws and down my throat. It felt like I had just swallowed a spoonful of pure hot sauce.
[Data Extraction Complete.]
[Concept Stolen: ’Quick Dodge’ (F-Grade)]
[Biomass Gained: 10/1,000]
The brother I was biting suddenly went limp. His bright blue scales faded into a sad, dusty grey color. He didn’t disappear into digital particles like a video game monster—he just looked completely deflated, like a balloon that had lost all its air.
The other two siblings, who had been watching us with blank stupid expressions, suddenly realized I wasn’t an easy meal. They both hissed at the exact same time, their jaws stretching wide open in that creepy way real snakes do right before they swallow a giant rat.
’hey ,system!’ I yelled in my head, scrambling backward as they crawled toward me.
’i got a new trait! How do I use ’quick dodge ’before these two turn me into a double!’
[System: Easy. Just stop thinking like a human who relies on hands legs and start moving like a malfunctioning piece of spaghetti. Activating trait now. Don’t throw up.]
Before I could ask what don’t throw up meant, the entire world slowed down. The second sibling lunged at my head, but to my new snake brain, its movements looked incredibly slow, like it was crawling through glue.
With a violent spasm, my spine coiled and snapped backward like a rubber band. I didn’t just dodge the bite—I launched myself clear over the second snake’s head, landing squarely on the back of the third one.
’oh , hell yeah ,’ I thought, feeling a massive surge of confidence. ’ I am a martial arts master.A Ninja noodle.’
[System: Don’t celebrate yet, hero. Your stamina bar is currently the size of a tic-tac. Bite them before the speed wears off.]
’ right,no time to look cool ’
I clamped my jaws down directly onto the back of the third snake’s neck. The hot sauce sensation returned instantly, burning down my throat as the system violently drained its life force. The snake beneath me squirmed around, trying to roll over and crush me into the dirt, but I held on like a tiny, angry backpack.
[Data Extraction Complete.]
[Concept Stolen: ’Thicker Skin’ (F-Grade)]
[Biomass Gained: 500/1,000]
The moment the text flashed across my eyes, the second snake—the one who had missed me—swung its head around and bit down hard on my lower half.
Crunch.
’Owshit !’ I screamed internally.
[System: Calm down. Your new ’Thicker Skin’ trait just saved your tail. Literally. It barely broke the surface. Now stop crying and finish the buffet.]
I looked back. My tail was jammed inside the other snake’s mouth, but thanks to the new trait, my scales had hardened just enough to look like dull blue plastic. My brother looked incredibly annoyed that he couldn’t chew through me.
’now it’s my turn brother’ I said mentally.
I got up from the dead third sibling, spun around in the mud, and shoved my face directly into the open jaw of my last remaining brother, biting the soft inside of his mouth.
[Data Extraction Complete.]
[Biomass Gained: 1,000/1,000]
[Evolution Threshold Reached!]
[System: Congratulations, Barry. You have successfully eaten your entire immediate family on day one of your reincarnation. The universe thinks you are a terrible person, but hey, you get to level up. Select your evolution path:]
1. Greater Ditch Noodle (Boring, slightly longer, stays in the mud)
2. Viper Hatchling (Unlocks basic venom, highly illegal in towns)
3. The Grifter’s Choice (Hidden Path: Locked until you trick a human)
I stared at the mental choices, still covered in wet mud and tasting the copper flavor of my stolen biological data.
’System’, I thought, a smile forming on my tiny snake face. ’ tell me more about option three . What counts as tricking a human?’
[System: Look up. Right above your bush.]
I tilted my head upward. Peeking through the stalks of clover, I saw two massive step stopping right next to my patch of dirt.
A human voice come from above. "Hey, Captain! Found a nest of Azure Runts over here. They’re usually worth a few copper coins to the potion makers if we catch them alive!"
Tricking humans sounded like a great way to end up chopped into pieces for an alchemist’s stew. Five years of working customer service taught me one universal truth: humans are stupid, but they get violent when they realize they’ve been conned.
’System, pick option one,’ I thought. ’Give me the Greater Ditch Noodle. I like the mud. The mud is safe. The mud doesn’t draw swords.’
[System: Choice confirmed. Commencing Evolution: Greater Ditch Noodle. Warning: This path is aggressively uncool. Your cool monster status has been downgraded to ’Slightly Larger Worm.’]
Suddenly, my skin felt like it was shrinking three sizes too small. A heat crawled from my nose all the way down to the tip of my tail. It didn’t feel like a majestic transformation; it felt like a terrible full-body rash. My spine stretched with a wet pop, and my scales thickened, turning from that glowing blue to a dull, muddy slate color.
[Evolution Complete!]
[Current Form: Greater Ditch Noodle (Tier 1)]
[Biomass: 0 / 5,000]
[New Skill Unlocked: ’Mud Camouflage’ (Passive)]
[New Skill Unlocked: ’Dirt Spit’ (Active)]
Before I could even test out my new skills, a massive, hand plunged through the clover leaves. The fingers were thick, hairy, and smelled like stale beer and cheap tobacco.
"Well, look at this ugly bastard," a voice grunted above me.
A pair of rough fingers pinched the middle of my body and hoisted me straight up into the air. The sudden loss of gravity made my stomach drop. I dangled upside down, my new three-foot-long body wriggling uselessly in the open air.
I looked up—or down, considering my position and saw a sweaty, middle aged man with a messy beard and a bronze badge pinned to his leather chest. He was staring right at my face with a look of disappointment.
"Hey, Captain!" the bearded man yelled, turning his head toward the path. "This ain’t no premium Azure Runt. It’s just a common Ditch Noodle. The bloody thing is the color of wet clay. It ain’t worth a single copper coin."
The second man, wearing a helmet and carrying a long spear, strolled over and squinted at me. "Bah. Waste of time, Barnaby. Drop the ugly worm. We’re tracking a Shadow Wolf, not collecting garden pests."
Barnaby sighed, his grip tightening around my middle, cutting off my breath. "Guess you’re right. Maybe I’ll just squeeze its head off so it doesn’t trip me up later."
’System!’ I panicked, flailing my tail like a wild lasso. ’He’s going to crush me! How do I use ’Dirt Spit’?’
[System: You have a mouth full of mud and petty rage, Barry. Just aim for the eyes and hawk a good one. Don’t bite your tongue off this time.]
I didn’t hesitate. I pulled back my head, gathered every bit of wet muck currently stuck inside my throat, and fired a violent glob of black, sticky mud straight into Barnaby’s left eye.
Splat.
"AHHH! My eye! The bloody worm spat at me!" Barnaby roared, dropping me instantly as both his hands flew up to scrub the filth out of his face.
I hit the ground, tumbling into the wet grass. The breath knocked out of me, but my snake brain didn’t care about the pain.
[System: Skill activated: ’Mud Camouflage’. Stop moving, you absolute potato. Blend into the dirt.]
I flattened my body instantly against the dark, muddy earth, pulling my tail tight. The new slate-grey scales worked perfectly. To the naked eye, I looked exactly like a tree root sitting in the puddle.
The Captain come forward, swinging his foot right next to my head, missing my nose by just few inches. "Where did it go? Did it slither into the brush?"
"I don’t know! The damn things are fast in the muck!" Barnaby growled, wiping the last of the mud from his eye, which was now red and bloodshot. "Forget the worm, Captain. Let’s just move on. The Shadow Wolf tracks are getting fresh."
The two mercenaries grumbled, cursed my entire bloodline, and stomped off down the muddy trail, their steps splashing water all over my hiding spot.
I waited three long minutes until the sound of their footsteps completely faded into the forest.
I finally let out a long, shaky hiss and uncoiled my body from the mud.
’That was way too close,’ I thought, my heart still racing. "But hey, I survived.’
[System: Barely. You just ran away from two low-level grunts using a skill that makes you look like a piece of poop. Truly, a legendary beginning for the great Barry. Look ahead, though. Your lunch is waiting.]
I looked past the bush and spotted a glowing blue mushroom growing out of a rotting log. Sitting right on top of it was a fat, juicy, green horned beetle the size of my head. It looked tough, it looked mean, and it looked like a lot of experience points.