The three men walked around the small circular room, using their weapons to poke at the walls and check the corners. The guy with the monocle stood right in the center, tapping his foot against the floor. He looked incredibly annoyed to be spending his morning in a dusty basement. His two guards were sweating, their faces pale as they looked around the completely empty space.
"There is nothing down here, Inspector," the first guard said, wiping his wet brow with his sleeve. "Just old dust and bare walls. Are you completely sure the tracking crystal upstairs wasn’t broken by the merchant staff?"
"The crystal belongs to the royal family, you simpleton," the Inspector snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. "It is never wrong. Suzy must have moved the goods somewhere else right before we arrived at the gates. Keep looking. Check the regular cracks in the wall tiles. She couldn’t have gone far with ten full boxes."
I stayed perfectly still against the wall, keeping my invisible body pressed tight into a small corner line. The freezing feeling from the white soul pebble was still swirling inside my gut, making me feel a bit slow and stiff, but my translucent camouflage was running perfectly. I could still glide across the floor without making a single peep.
I looked at the Inspector’s leg, then looked up at his neck. The guy was completely wide open.
’Hey, System,’ I thought, my yellow slitted eyes tracking his movements. ’This guy has a terrible attitude. Let’s give him a taste of our special customer service department.’
[System: Go for it, Barry. Let’s see how his royal brain handles the new version of our retail stress venom. Jump on his leg and bite down hard. Don’t let him shake you off until the dose is full.]
I didn’t waste a single moment. I used my high-speed skill, moving like a quick line across the floor. I didn’t make a single noise. Before either of the guards could even blink, I shot straight up the Inspector’s trousers, slid right under his purple cloak, and drove my two long fangs straight into the fleshy meat of his bare calf.
Chomp.
My fangs went deep, pumping the hot, volatile venom fluid straight into his veins. The nerve fluid stopped the initial sting completely, so he didn’t even notice the bite.
[System: Target successfully bitten. The Karen Protocol is officially running in his system now. Sit back and enjoy the show.]
For the first two seconds, the Inspector just stood there. Then, his whole face turned a bright, furious shade of crimson. The veins on his forehead popped out like tiny ropes, and his eyes went completely wild. The panic about his job, the mission from the prince, and the missing royal potions completely vanished from his mind.
He spun around on his heel, his purple cloak flying, and looked directly at the first guard’s face.
"YOU!" the Inspector roared, his voice hitting a super high, screechy pitch that made the guard jump backward. He reached out and grabbed the guard by his shirt collar, shaking him violently.
"what is the meaning of this?! Why is your shirt not tucked in according to Royal regulations?
The entire district is run so poorly! I demand a complete cash refund for my time!"
The guard blinked, his face full of total confusion. "Sir? What are you talking about? My shirt is perfectly fine—"
"do not bite my ear off with your excuses!" the Inspector screamed, his face getting even redder as he sprayed spit into the air. He looked completely out of his mind. "The service in this underground room is absolutely terrible! The temperature is unacceptable! I am writing a nine page complaint to the high princess about of your ugly faces"
The second guard stepped forward, trying to help. "Inspector, please calm down—"
"get away from me, you casual!" the Inspector screamed. With a wild swing of his arm, he grabbed his gold monocle, ripped the chain right off his neck, and threw it straight at the second guard’s face. The gold piece hit the guard right on the bridge of his nose.
"Ow! Sir!" the second guard yelled, holding his nose as blood started to drip down his fingers. "The Inspector has gone completely crazy! He is under a dark curse!"
"He’s attacking the staff! Hold him down before he kills us!" the first guard shouted.
The two guards went forward and tackled the Inspector to the floor, trying to pin his arms behind his back. But the Inspector was flailing around on the ground like a wild animal. He was biting their fingers, scratching their faces, kicking his legs into their shins, and screaming at the top of his lungs about how the room layout was completely unacceptable and ruined his day.
The three grown men became a big, messy pile of moving arms and legs, punching, rolling, and cursing each other in a blind panic.
I slithered safely back into my corner, watching the whole fistfight with a giant snake smile inside my head.
"This is why I love retail magic," I thought, my tongue flicking out as the second guard accidentally punched the first guard in the eye while trying to grab the Inspector’s hands. "They are doing all my work for me, and they think it’s a workplace safety issue."
[System: Absolute gold star performance, Barry. They are completely destroying their own team, and nobody even knows you are in the room. The exit rope is wide open. Let’s get out of this office before they knock themselves out and the gas vents activate.]
’Agreed,’ I thought. ’Let’s go check on the main director upstairs.’
I glided right past the rolling, shouting men, wrapped the tip of my tail around the long rope hanging down from the ceiling hole, and scrambled straight up into the penthouse bedroom, leaving the absolute chaos far behind.