-Roy Raynolds-
The wooden door clicked shut behind me with only a small creak. Under the light of candlelight, I saw two figures sitting on the two-person bed.
Bell had her usual pajamas, a long white shirt, and those sky-blue bloomers that totally weren’t fetish wear that Hestia liked to see the girl in.
The bunny girl gave me a shy wave, making me snort and give a wave back. Really, she was stinkingly cute.
The other person was our Goddess. Her state of dress was a simple pair of baby-blue striped pajamas that clung to her form. Her hair was still tied with two little metal clips, one gold and one silver, which I remembered was the gift Bell got the petite Deity a few days ago.
Hestia had her legs crossed and a complicated frown on her face. So deep in thought was she that she didn’t even notice when I sat right to her side.
I silently gestured to her while staring at Bell with a raised eyebrow. She just shrugged, scratching the back of her head.
‘’Hestia?’’ I tried and got no answer. Snapping my fingers in front of her face also seemed not to draw any reaction out of her. ‘’Heeeeeestiaaaa~ Earth to Hestia. Answer, petite bombshell.’’
Still nothing.
Now, I knew this was supposed to be some important stuff, but I was tired as hell, didn’t get a golden-egg paycheck, and even lost me a free meal at the Hostess because my neurotic ass totally forgot about finding Syr.
Yes, I got a sweet-ass cloak, but I was still petty as hell.
‘’Hestia, wake up, or I’ll start gnawing on your toes.’’ I said flatly.
Now that drew a reaction out of her. Hestia suddenly jumped, pushing herself to the head of the bed while covering her bare feet with her hands. ‘’NOT MY FINGERS! GET AWAY, CREATURE, AWAY!’’ She hissed.
And what she found was her two children staring, completely unimpressed. Well, I was; Bell just stared at me strangely.
‘’…Her toes?’’ The bunny-hume frowned.
‘’I’ll tell you later.’’ I waved her off. ‘’So now, Goddess, there was something you wanted to tell us? Some super-duper-secret that would probably get us killed by the feds?’’
Ignoring part of my ramblings, Hestia cleared her throat with just a tiny flush on her cheeks. ‘’R-right. What I called you for…’’
The drawn-out pause made me get ever-so-slightly impatient.
‘’Is it something about that cloaked dude?’’ I tried.
‘’No.’’ Hestia denied, though she seemed happy enough with the distraction. ‘’I spoke with Fels. I’ll… I’ll fill you in later. I really don’t understand it very well myself, but it seems the Dungeon has a lot more to it than it lets on.’’
‘’Ominous, my favorite type of news.’’ I deadpanned.
‘’Is… Is it related to the Guild? Or my new Daggers and Roy’s cloak?’’ Bell gave her own two cents, frowning in worry as she closed the gap slightly. ‘’These can’t have been cheap, Lady Hestia. I know we are better off than before, but not that much better!’’
‘’No, no, it has nothing to do with those!’’ Hestia denied with a panicked shake of her head. ‘’Those are gifts! From me to you. I just had to do some deals with a… family member. Just make sure not to lose them, okay? That’s all I ask. Also, I told you to call me Hestia!’’
‘’Right… H-Hestia.’’ The bunny girl repeated. The words, along with the pleased smile on the Goddess’s face, seemed to make Bell relax slightly.
But they only made me all the more suspicious.
‘A family member…? Who could Hestia have as a relative that could get me an enchanted cloak—Oh fuck.’ Realization hit like a bag of bricks, and while I didn’t say it out loud, Hestia noticed the realization on my face, if her tight smile was anything to go by. ‘We owe money to Hephaestus, don’t we? For the love of your sweet, sweet rack, Hestia, you better not have put us on generational debt!’
The Deity shivered and tried ignoring my pointed stare. Yes, you'd better not make eye contact, or I’ll make you work a nine-to-six myself!
‘’So…’’ Restraining my inner animal that had just been, no doubt, robbed, I tried moving the conversation along. ‘’If it isn’t about the Guild or the free stuff, then what’s up, Hestia? You’re making it seem like we are being hunted down or something.’’
Hestia turned her gaze away with an awkward chuckle. ‘’Weeell… I wouldn’t say hunted.’’
‘’Oh fuck we are being hunted down.’’ I realized. ‘’Chat, we are so fucking cooked. Goodnight.’’
For dramatic effect, I even lay on the bed, clinging to the covers—Huh, actually, these were pretty damn soft.
‘’We are not being hunted!’’ Hestia grumbled, softly nudging my lying form with her foot. ‘’And would you stop using Tenkai mannerisms already?! Who even taught you these?!’’
I blinked. ‘’Wait… you’re telling me the Gods talk like I do?’’
‘’Some of them do.’’ She huffed, arms crossed, while staring me down. ‘’And I can barely understand half of them! There are words in place for a reason. You know how many runes we had to re-teach because of mistranslation?’’
‘Holy shit, the gods use brainrot language.’ With a straight face, I looked Hestia in the eye. ‘’Poggers.’’
‘’I will suffocate you with a pillow.’’ The woman hissed, and I had a feeling she wasn’t lying.
‘’Uhm… I don’t really get it.’’ Bell interjected, looking between the two of us while her ears remained flat against her skull. ‘’But please don’t fight?’’
I looked at Hestia. Hestia looked at me. We may not be telepaths, but the message was clear enough.
‘For the bnuy.’
‘’In any case.’’ Finally, seriousness entered the room. Hestia stared at the two of us with furrowed azure eyes. ‘’First… would you two promise me that this information doesn’t leave this room? It’s really important, as it could put the two of you in danger, and…’’
The implication was left in the air. ‘And I don’t want the two of you to get hurt’.
Somehow, both my Goddess and my Captain managed to be frustratingly adorable all the time, and I couldn’t just pinch their cheeks without serious repercussions in the form of extreme pouting that would put my general well-being in danger.
‘’I promise, Hestia.’’ Bell answered instantly with a nod and a determined glint in her eye.
Both then turned to me, and I sighed. ‘’Fine. I pinky-promise to keep my mouth shut. So?’’
Hestia hesitated for only a few seconds before she sighed. ‘’Right… First, let me update your status again, Bell. I couldn’t pass them into paper during the whole thing with the Silverback.’’ Then, she turned to me. ‘’You too, Roy. Shirts off, come on!’’
I raised an amused eyebrow as Bell’s face exploded into a blush. Hestia realized her mistake a second too late.
Riiiip…
Before she could interrupt me, I was already shirtless.
‘’Dammit Roy!’’ Hestia shouted, covering Bell’s face while, funnily enough, the bunny girl tried to peek. ‘’You didn’t have to rip your shirt off!’’
‘’Didn’t I? Oh my…’’ I hummed, resting my head on an open palm while purposely splaying myself on the bed. ‘’Guess you have no other choice but to paint me as one of your French girls—Gah! Again with the fucking sandals!’’
‘’No cussing!’’ Hestia shouted after having fetched one of her wooden sandals and thrown it at my face.
‘’Should I stop breathing too, woman?!’’ I whined.
…
The update was as fast as ever, though I did have to turn around to ‘protect Bell’s modesty,’ by Hestia’s word. Now, I was lying face down, with the petite Deity sitting on my back while dropping her blood onto it.
From the side, I could see Bell look befuddled at her own status sheet. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish’s while she kept looking between me and the piece of parchment. All the while, her cheeks were tinged red, and her ears twitched uncontrollably.
‘’You’re getting… awfully close to that advisor of yours, huh?’’ Hestia asked with a strange tone.
‘’Huh, you can see that?’’ I asked, but a mischievous smile grew on my face. ‘’My, don’t tell me you’re jealous, Goddess Hestia…’’
The woman slapped my back. ‘’W-who would be jealous for you, you stupid child?’’
‘’You stuttered. Argument invalidated.’’ I mocked.
This time, I got no answer, but it was pretty fun knowing the deity was currently grumbling about me under her breath.
I saw the dimly lit room glow softly, and a second later, a wave of energy hit me like a pack of energy drinks. The rush went as fast as it came, but after all was said and done, and Hestia moved from my back, allowing me to sit up, I was presented with my status sheet.
‘’Just…’’ Hestia paused just as she was handing me the paper, meeting my eyes with a hint of worry. ‘’Please try to be safe… alright?’’
‘Where is this sudden worry coming from?’ I wondered while offering a nod. Yet, once I looked at the paper… ‘Oh, that’s where.’’
[Roy Raynolds.]
Species: [Human.]
Status:
[Level: 1.]
[Strength: H-176 --> G-252]
[Endurance: F-357 --> D-501]
[Dexterity: H-158 --> G-210]
[Agility: H-166 --> G-274]
[Magic: H-122 --> H-187]
Skills:
[Monster Taming(?)]
[Szalony Debil]
‘’The One Who Plays and The One Who Saves. He gives his Mind, for they are bonded.’’
Faster Growth when Recklessness is present. The Greater the Recklessness, the Faster the Growth.
Bell and I looked at each other. Curiosity must have shown in both of our faces, because quickly enough, we swapped status sheets—
‘’HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK!’’ I couldn’t help but gasp, waving the paper right in front of Hestia’s face. ‘’Referee, what the fuck are these?!’’
[Bell Cranel.]
Species: [Bunny-Hume.]
Status:
[Level: 1.]
[Strenght: E-412 --> E-417]
[Endurance: G-205]
[Dexterity: E-434 --> E-440]
[Agility: D-561 --> D-570]
[Magic: I-0]
Skills:
[Cruentus Cordis.]
‘’The one who Saves and the one who Plays. She gives her Heart, for they are bonded.’’
Greater Growth when Desire is present. The Greater the Desire, the Greater the Growth.
Yes, we had matching Skills, and that was its own brand of adorable—if incredibly fucking corny—but I was more concerned about just how absurd Bell’s stat growth had been since her last update.
Of course, the bunny-hume had gotten updated mid-fight, but unless mental math failed me all of a sudden, Bell had gone through a… eight-hundred-and-fifty-point increase!
‘’You’re bullshit.’’ I turned to Bell with a frown. ‘’Like, so astronomically bullshit that’s not even funny. What are you, the Protagonist?’’
Bell’s hands jittered as she waved them around frantically. ‘’I-I’m sorry! I didn’t know I had something like this! I just… since the day of the M-minotaur… I just wanted to protect Roy, so…!’’
Pat.
I hit the reset button, stopping the word vomit. Bell looked on with wide eyes as I started petting her right between the ears. Much to my surprise, she didn’t complain this time.
‘’Don’t apologize for being better, dumbass.’’ I huffed. ‘’Repeat after me. When you do something better than someone without even trying, you’re just that gal, and they have a ‘Skill Issue’.’’
Hestia’s eyes widened in horror. ‘’H-hey, what are you teaching Little Bell—?’’
‘’Skill Issue…?’’ Bell frowned. On another occasion, she would have likely objected to it, but it seemed my pats were affecting her, as she leaned into my touch with a soft hum. ‘’So… Roy has a Skill Issue.’’
It took actual effort on my part not to choke. ‘’Exactly. Good girl, bun-bun.’’
That, for some reason, sent a full-body shiver down Bell’s spine. Awkwardly, I turned to a devastated-looking Hestia, who was kneeling on the bed, clutching the sheets while whispering.
‘’My Bell… He corrupted my Little Bell…’’ She whined, genuinely devastated. ‘’What is life worth anymore? Uhhhhh…’’
Both women absolutely froze. Bell’s pale cheeks tinged red as she robotically turned to our Goddess. Hestia, for her part, had eyes wide as saucers.
Then her hand moved ever-so-slightly to the side. The action caused Bell’s ears to twitch.
‘’So soft…’’ Hestia whispered and kept going, getting more confident as she went. ‘’T-this may be it, chat…’’
‘’Headpats from Lady Hestia…’’ Bell said under her breath, eyes glossy as she leaned into the tiny hand on top of her head. ‘’Roy’s scent… Hestia’s scritches…’’
I blinked. ‘They really are getting into it, huh?’
On another occasion, I would say that seeing my Goddess and Familia Captain getting all hot and bothered for each other was hot as hell. However, these two were so damn shy around each other that headpats had put them in a damn trance.
‘’And so, they were both bottoms…’’ I pursed my lips. My words were completely ignored; that’s how deep into it they were. ‘’Shit may give me diabetes, I swear.’’
In the end, the ‘’important chat’’ was cut somewhat short, but I wasn’t retarded enough to not understand why Hestia had kept this a secret.
…Because I don’t know about Bell, but I was totally going to do some ridiculous bullshit now!
-X-x-X-
On another occasion, being led around by the nose by a hot, redheaded wolf-woman would have gotten me bricked up and standing at attention.
However, when that meant spending money, let’s just say I was soft as a feather.
‘’Stop making that face.’’ Rose reprimanded with a low growl. She had to practically push me around for me to move. ‘’You two try to present those… ridiculous status sheets, blatantly ask permission to delve into lower floors after a measly two weeks of Adventuring… without even buying proper armor!’’
So apparently, going straight to Rose after yesterday’s night revelation and asking permission to delve into the lower floors wasn’t the wisest idea. Poor little Bell had been pulled along for the ride.
‘’I’m sorry.’’ Bell apologized sheepishly, scratching her right cheek. ‘’I didn’t think armor was that important. We do carry potions with us, so…’’
Rose huffed. Unlike with me, the wolf-woman had a lot more patience with Bell. If that was because she didn’t get on her nerves or because of cute privilege, it was unknown.
‘’It’s alright. Most Adventurers tend to ease into armor once they have a few months of experience.’’ Rose explained further. ‘’Which is why you’re both fucking ridiculous. A stat in D? Already?’’
For some reason, that particular fact bothered Rose the most.
‘’I got massive D, but other than that, what’s so special about it—‘’ Smack.
I deserved that one.
‘’D is… The sheer minimum you need on a single stat to achieve a Level Up—And before you dare ask, no. I’m not telling you how. Not right now.’’
‘’...Rude.’’ I scoffed playfully.
Rose pinched the bridge of her nose, then gestured all around us. ‘’This is the third floor of Babel, known for its many blacksmiths, and you brats better choose some armor quick, because I am not spending my entire off day on this bullshit.’’
‘’Yes, Miss Rose!’’ Bell nodded seriously.
‘’Fuck it, sure.’’ I shrugged, enjoying the way the werewolf’s ears twitched, and her expression soured.
Ignoring the passersby and merchants shouting their wares, I approached one of the display windows. I already had my knives, so I quickly scanned through and dismissed the two-hundred-thousand weapons—
Wait. Backtrack that shit.
I rubbed my eyes, staring absolute daggers at the shortsword on display. ‘’…This dainty, little piece of shit is actually worth half our damn house? Holy fucking scam.’’
‘’Oi, brat!’’ A portly man with a grey beard called me out from the door. ‘’Whose wares are you calling a scam?! I’ll have you know, my weapons and armor have served many an Adventurer!’’
‘’Served how, you old geezer?!’’ I rebuked. ‘’This shit cleans my house and blows me off? Cause how the fuck do you justify these prices otherwise?’’
My words made the old man scowl, his face going red as he stepped out. ‘’Ya fucking twat, I’ll smack you in that ugly mug!’’
‘’Try not to break your back while you’re at it!’’ I bit back, standing my ground.
…
In the end, I had to be dragged away by both Bell and Rose because apparently ‘’fist-fighting an old man was not allowed, no matter how much you disagree with his prices.’’
I call bullshit, but I was also banned from the store for life, so that’s that. We also had to move a few floors up to avoid the commotion.
‘’Five minutes…’’ Rose hissed, looking me in the eye with the fury of a thousand suns. ‘’I couldn’t leave you alone for five minutes—No, not even five seconds.’’
‘’Well, you know me.’’ I put a hand over my heart and shook my head. ‘’I’m a prize easy to lose. Better tie me down or I may run off.’’
‘’No, because you’d enjoy that, you freak.’’ She spat.
I grinned. ‘’You bet.’’
Bell had desisted from helping me out here. Merely staying back with a flat expression. Understandable, really.
‘’Just… just please choose from here.’’ She sighed, absolutely resigned. ‘’This floor has the works of Rookies from the Hephaestus Familia. Not as good, but you’ll find some quality nonetheless.’’
Now that she said it, the place did seem to have a less fancy vibe to it. The most expensive thing I could see was a regular iron longsword for like sixty thousand valis right off the bat.
‘’And before you still bitch about the prices, you cheap fuck—‘’ I gasped, absolutely offended at being attacked with the whole, unfiltered truth. ‘’The Guild provided a reward to the Adventurers who helped during the Monsterphilia incident… so besides whatever you brought, there’s also an extra fifty thousand valis from our part.’’
‘’Oh man, I get to buy shit for cheap and spend the taxpayer’s money?’’ I honestly shook, like a sugar-addicted kid in a candy store. ‘’Rose, I would kiss you.’’
‘’…’’ The werewolf frowned. ‘’Please don’t.’’
‘’You hesitated~’’ I pointed out, then had to dodge out of the way lest I get punched in the face. ‘’So feisty!’’
Rose grumbled curses under her breath, her face beet-red in anger. Even the guards on this floor were hesitant to intervene. Wise choice not to get in the middle of a scorned woman.
‘’Anyway… I can get behind a thrift store.’’ I nodded, arms on my hips. ‘’Come on, Bell, let’s spend the Guild’s money to our heart’s content!’’
The bunny-hume sighed, but followed me nonetheless.
Time to put my haggling skills to the test!
-X-x-X-
‘’I’m telling you, this crap isn’t even worth five thousand. Giving you ten is a mad gift.’’ I said nonchalantly,
‘’That is a full suit of plated armor, brat. It goes for at least eighty thousand valis. Seventy at its lowest ‘cause I can see it’s a bit oversized on ya.’’ The man behind the counter spat. He had antlers on his head, making him some sort of moose-beastman.
‘Fuck you, I ain’t small, this shit was made for giants!’ I bit down the words, unwilling to get kicked out of yet another store after the last three. ‘’Hmm… I see your point, I see it. Fine, I’ll look around for something else then.’’
‘’Just pick somethin’ already. I don’t have all day.’’ He sighed, arms crossed.
‘’Yeah, yeah.’’ I waved him off, and back to trash-dwelling I went. ‘Man, I remember this shit being easier to do near the thrift store’s dumpsters. There has to be something useful I can buy.’
Yes, I was trying to aim lower than the valis the Guild was providing. Call me cheap, I couldn’t care less. They weren’t getting an extra cent out of me!
‘’Let’s see… Plate armor… Chainmail… Wait, is this shit straight-up bent?’’ I frowned, picking up a fully covered helmet that had a dent akin to a maze on the back of the head. ‘…Oh shit, they're selling dead people’s shit, aren’t they?’
Well, I doubt these people were drilling holes into the earth to get an exorbitant amount of metal, so fair is fair.
Throwing the helmet away, I frowned. ‘Come on, there has to be something in this shithole…’
That’s when, rummaging through trash, I found a small box with a ton of dust piled onto it and a worn-down signature.
‘’T.C…?’’ I frowned. ‘’…Dude, put your actual name on it. You’re not him for me to recognize your initials at a glance.’’
Inside the box, however, I found dark-blue pieces of armor. At first, I was disappointed because I had already tried putting on plate, and the material was uncomfortable for me to wear, which was why I was trying to find some leather.
‘’Huh?’’ However, when I grabbed one of the knee-guards, which actually had a back part along with the front, it… flexed? ‘’Is this made of play-doh? It’s so stretchy…’’
It was almost like holding rubber. Just to test, I grabbed one of the knives from my belt and struck it.
Shing!
Yet, only the characteristic sparks of metal against metal showed. There wasn’t a single mark on the shin guard.
‘’Hey, if ya break somethin’, yer gonna pay for it!’’ The moose-man shouted from the front.
‘’Take a hike, old man!’’ I snarked back while rummaging through the box. ‘’Well, shit… It’s not really my style, but if it works, then it works, right?’’
Half an hour later—the movies made putting on armor way too easy. What the hell was with all these straps?!—I was looking in the mirror, moving around to feel the material.
The front had a dark-blue, almost black chestplate with crack-like designs in the form of electric blue veins. It covered both my chest and part of my stomach thanks to its triangle-like shape. However, it didn’t offer any protection on the back, which allowed me to stretch however I wanted.
It also had, bear with me, a single, slightly spiky pauldron, which I strapped to the shoulder of my dominant arm.
The two arm-guards ended shy of my elbow, though they also acted as a pair of gauntlets the moment the material reached my wrist. With any other metal-like material, it would have needed to be two separate armor pieces to not affect my joints, but that’s magic metal for you, I guess.
Lastly, the knee-guards. Same design, same crack-like veins, and I could bend, crouch, and move around without nay a sound.
‘’Well, I’ll be dammed.’’ I chuckled, looking myself up and down in the mirror before walking to the exasperated moose-guy on the counter. ‘’How do I look, old geezer?’’
‘’Like a Rookie who’s way too high on his head.’’ He huffed. It wasn’t like he was wrong, either. All of a sudden, his face turned serious. ‘’Are ya sure ya want that, brat? Cobalt doesn’t do well for armor… and the stuff is mighty pure in it.’’
‘’Cobalt, huh?’’ I asked, slapping the plate on my chest a few times, hearing the corresponding clang. ‘’What’s so wrong with it? Sounds fine to me.’’
‘’It’s flexible, so it’s mostly used on accessories.’’ He explained. He tried pressing his meaty palm against me, and barely paused when I didn’t move an inch. ‘’Shit for armor, as it doesn’t do crap against piercin’. Ya know, claws, teeth? Whoever made this thing was either doin’ a joke, a cosmetic piece, or was a genuine bastard.’’
I frowned. Whatever this old crone was saying did not match the experiment I had just done.
However… What he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, right?
‘’So, you’d say that, since it’s pretty shit armor, you’ll sell it cheaper?’’ I inquired, leaning against the counter.
The moose-beastman looked at me strangely, his brown eyes furrowing in confusion, probably trying to discern why, after saying that it was bad armor, someone would want to buy it anyway.
‘’…Yer furenal, lad.’’ The man shrugged. ‘’Can’t overcharge you for that junk. How about five thousand?’’
‘’You have some trinkets around here? Smokebombs, some sticky traps, any of that jazz?’’ I wondered.
‘’…Yeah? They’re usually Supporter Items, though.’’ He gruffed.
‘’Make it six and give me three of every kind.’’ I offered.
He snorted. ‘’Brat, I’m still runnin’ a business. Eight thousand.’’
I shook my head. ‘’You’re sending an Adventurer to his death with shitty armor, and you deny him some tools? Five thousand and five hundred.’’
‘’Ya choose the armor yerself, ya damn cheapskate brat.’’ The man slammed his hand against the counter with a thud. ‘’Seven thousand, final offer, or get the hell outta my shop!’’
I slammed the counter too, for dramatic effect, before nodding. ‘’You got a deal, ye dying old bastard!’’
‘’I’m only forty, and my name is Campus, ya darn brat!’’
‘’Forty? Forty years since you passed away, maybe, and I am Roy!’’ I said while slamming exactly seven thousand valis on the counter.
‘’A pleasure doing business!’’ Campus said while slamming the smoke bombs, some thread-covered spheres, and even a few pouches with a strange odor to them. ‘’Now get the fuck outta my shop!’’
Among Campus’s frustrated and tired growls, I couldn’t help but feel like I totally ripped him off.
-X-x-X-
‘’Are you an idiot?’’ Rose questioned when she finally found me. ‘’I’m genuinely asking. That is… Cobalt. Of all the shit you could have picked, you decided to get cosmetic armor.’’
‘’Beauty is a waste if the beholder has no taste.’’ I mocked.
‘’I’ll make you taste my boot by how far I’ll shove it up your ass.’’ She growled. A moment later, a huff escaped her lips. ‘’No, this shouldn’t surprise me. You are the cheapest fucker I know. You cross-dressed for a damn house discount—‘’
‘’It was forced, I may add.’’ I defended flatly, knowing my dignity had taken a heavy blow that day.
‘’—How much was that crap even worth? Ten thousand?’’
‘’Five.’’ I stated proudly, which only made the wolf-woman blanch. ‘’But I used like eight because I wanted to buy some stuff.’’ I explained, showing my goods.
Rose stared for a few moments at my bags, and much to my surprise, her expression softened slightly. ‘’At least you know your stuff… You know how hard it is to make anyone other than Supporters use these things?’’
‘’Sounds like Adventurers are fucking idiots, then.’’ I shrugged, getting a solemn nod. ‘’What even is a Supporter, though? The old geezer from the shop said the same thing.’’
‘’Supporters are the people who carry your stuff. Usually experienced, too, so they may be able to give some tips when dealing with monsters.’’ Rose said, then frowned. ‘’Though, knowing what that Go—Pallum girl can do… You probably won’t need one if you learn to harvest Monster Corpses.’’
She deadpanned. ‘’Yes, you idiot. They are service providers.’’
There went my idea.
Before I could question the ethics of underpaying a person to essentially carry my stuff when diving into a literal death-trap, my eyes caught a glimpse of white fur among the small crowd that had started to gather around the floor.
‘’Miss Rose, Roy!’’ Bell waved at us with a big smile on her face. As she approached, I couldn’t help but notice her change in attire. ‘’H-how do I look?’’
The bunny-hume was dressed top to bottom in black fabrics, probably to better fit the armor she had chosen.
Much like mine, it was pretty basic, if less flashy, with some pale-white bracers. A set of shin guards that barely covered her knees, and some shield-like plates around the hips that clinked softly as she walked.
The top part was when things got interesting, as she had a set of pauldrons and… a chestplate that drew in even Rose’s attention.
Because the piece of light-grey plate with red lines engraved into it, making it look almost like a heart… clung very tightly to the girl’s chest.
‘’Let me guess.’’ I pursed my lips, resisting the urge to laugh. ‘’You needed to get that custom-sized.’’
Bell paused, giving a slow blink before nodding. ‘’Ah, yeah… The chest part didn’t quite fit, but the blacksmith manning the counter was kind enough to resize it for me. For free, even!’’
I tried. Believe me, I tried to open my mouth and explain the two very big reasons why the modification needed to be done, but the innocent smile on Bell’s face was too much. I simply couldn’t bring myself to ruin it for her.
…But one day I will. Just not today.
‘’So, both of you chose light armor, huh?’’ Rose hummed, looking the two of us up and down. ‘’They even look a bit similar to each other… Was it from the same Blacksmith?’’
I shrugged. ‘’The box only had some initials on it, T.C.’’
Bell shook her head. ‘’Um… mine said it was made by someone called Crozzo? It… The armor also had a name…’’
I saw a hint of realization enter Rose’s eyes. Was this Crozzo guy popular? ‘’Oh?’’
‘’It’s …kichi…’’ The girl whispered so low that even my enhanced hearing couldn’t pick it up.
‘’What’s that?’’ I leaned forward.
The girl’s face flushed. Her red eyes turned away, not meeting my curious stare. ‘’It’s Pyonkichi!’’
Rose and I froze.
‘’P-Pyon…’’ I started, biting down on my lip.
‘’…Kichi?’’ Rose frowned, torn between amused and distraught.
‘’D-don’t laugh at it!’’ Bell accused. Unknown to her, she had stomped the ground just like an angry bunny while looking down, embarrassed. ‘’It’s pretty light, and I liked the colors, so…’’
‘’It’s fine, Bell.’’ I smiled, patting the top of her head. ‘’It’s… v-very fitting…’’
Chiii…
The death stare the bunny-girl sent my way was enough to give a lesser man a cuteness-induced heart attack, but lucky for me, Endurance was my highest stat.
‘’In any case…’’ Rose cleared her throat, giving us another appraising look before nodding. Her usual scowl lessened. ‘’Now you both are looking a bit more like Adventurers. If it’s like this… I’ll approve your request to delve deeper, but nowhere past the tenth floor, do you hear, you brats?’’
‘’Yes, thanks a lot, Miss Rose.’’ Bell thanked with a bow of the head, going the full ninety degrees and everything. ‘’I promise you won’t regret your decision!’’
‘’I make no such promise, ‘Miss Rose’.’’ I mock-saluted, drawing a huff from the overworked woman.
‘’That will have to do…’’ She sighed, palming her forehead before shooing us. ‘’Now go away. You already wasted most of my free day as is.’’
‘’You love us.’’ I rebuked with a grin.
‘’I will send you to an early grave, Roy Raynolds.’’ Rose scowled.
‘’Please let it be with your thighs around my neck—‘’ Smack. ‘’Hey! You’re going to damage something at some point, you know!’’
Rose turned away with a small flush on her cheeks while shouting back. ‘’There's nothing to damage in that empty head of yours!’’
‘…My foul-mouthed advisor can’t be this cute.’ I snorted at the shitty reference. Bell stared at me strangely. ‘’What? Do I have something on my face?’’
‘’Roy, your armor…’’ She stared, looking me up and down before whispering. ‘’You chose that because of your Skill, did you not?’’
Ah, caught red-handed.
‘’I’ll be fiiiine~’’ I reassured and started walking to the staircase that would lead us down. ‘’Both you and Hestia worry too much, bun-bun. I’m made of much tougher stuff.’’
‘’…I actually think we worry too little,’’ Bell admitted, but still followed after me.
Leaving the girl with such an expression did leave a bad taste in my mouth, because I knew she was absolutely right.
-X-x-X-
‘’…Are you sure, Hoomie?’’ Midna asked me once midday arrived. My usual ride-or-die was staring at me like I was an idiot. ‘’I mean, I’m all for those quads getting bigger, but…’’
‘’Do it.’’ I smiled, arms open as I prepared for judgment day. ‘’I’m ready to try hard the fuck out of this!’’
‘’Aight, say less.’’ She cackled.
A second later, I almost keeled over just at the same time as our dinner table disappeared into a pool of shadows. Midna resisted the urge to laugh in my face while I slowly stabilized.
‘’Next.’’ I urged. ‘’This shit lightwork—Oh shit.’’ Thud.
‘’HA, you ate shit, boy!’’
That is how I found myself on the plaza near the Dungeon’s entrance, wearing my newly bought armor and a black, magic cloak right above it.
‘Shitty but technically not shitty armor? Check. Cloak that taunts enemies? Check. No trusted companions that could make this easier? Check. One dinner table and three chairs inside my shadow, weighing me down? Check.’ I went through the mental list, still feeling a bit stiff from just walking all the way here. ‘Now I just need to find one of them underpaid workers to carry my shit, and I’m golden.’
Did I need to limit-test this Skill that may or may not have called me retard straight to my face? Probably not, but the saying goes, ‘don’t knock it till you try it’, so…
Why the hell not?
Though now I ran into another problem. Apparently, normal people go through the Guild to get Supporters, but that costs a fee, and I bet Rose knows what bullshit I’ll be trying to pull, so that’s off the table.
Which means… I was running around asking people with big backpacks if they needed some cash.
How hard could it be?
‘’Hey, you wanna be my Supporter?’’ I politely asked the first.
‘’Sorry. I have a group already, Mr. Adventurer.’’ A portly man said.
‘’Hey, I could really use a hand down the Dungeon today.’’ I hinted with a tight smile.
‘’Is that Cobalt armor? Piss off, I don’t work with Rookies or suicidal idiots.’’ A tanned lass spat before turning away.
‘’Yo, I heard you bitches need cash. I have the grub if you’d like to go down with me.’’ I said flatly.
‘’Guards, guards! There’s a pervert here!’’
Alright, that last one may have been worded quite poorly, and I may or may not have needed to run away because of it, but come on!
‘’Running around with all this weight is tiring…’’ I groaned while sitting down on a nearby bench. ‘’Uh, ‘how hard could it be?’ Fuck you, past Roy, you’re a freak and a fraud.’’
Yet, just as I was about to pull out and probably get Midna to help me out in this stupid quest of mine, I caught a peep of a nearby conversation.
‘’Damn useless bitch!’’ A man shouted. Turning around revealed an average-height dude with a long, black ponytail and permanently narrowed eyes that made him look like a cartoon villain. ‘’You almost made me lose profit yesterday, and you come crawling about some ‘twenty percent’? I should have thrown you to the War Shadows and run!’’
‘’Lili is sorry, Master Adventurer…’’ And the target of his ire was no one but a tiny girl—I’m talking Midna’s level of short—dressed in a full-body, torn white cloth and carrying a backpack thrice the size of her entire body. ‘’Lili didn’t mean to. Lili promises to do better if you—Ah!’’
Suddenly, the girl got backhanded by the man, making her fall to the ground. Yet, no passerby really stopped to do anything, merely side-glancing at her with pity.
Meanwhile, the dude kept berating the girl, all the while she clutched the ground with tight fists and ground her teeth together, if only to keep her mouth shut.
‘…That one’s got a bite to her, doesn’t she?’ I hummed. ‘And that backpack… Ah, guess it’s time for a ‘’hero’’ to make his appearance.’
‘’Please, Master Raish, Lili needs the job…’’ The girl did her best not to spit the words like venom.
Clap.
‘’Piss off already! Who would hire a Pallum Supporter anyway?’’ The man, now identified as ‘Raish’, scoffed… before a cruel grin spread across his face. ‘’Tell you what, you may be totally useless as a Supporter, but I could use someone to warm my bed—HYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!’’
Whatever nonsense that dude was spewing got cut off as I planted my foot directly into his nuts. I even winced a little, since I heard something pop right above my heel.
Gay-sh, or whatever his name was, fell to the ground, eyes rolled back, and foaming at the mouth, while his face was stuck in a silent, pained scream.
‘’…Eh?’’ The girl, Lili, stared at her previous contractor in shock before her chestnut-colored eyes centered on me. ‘’You, why did you—‘’
‘’Guess he won’t need you for that after all.’’ I dusted my hands and metaphorically patted myself on the back before grinning at the girl. ‘’So, I think you’re out of a job, and I have been searching for a Supporter for like two fucking hours. So, I’ll make it snappy, wanna make… ten thousand valis, give or take?’’
For a few moments, Lili seemed to be silenced into shock, until—and I kid you not—coin signs appeared on her eyes, and her previous mood vanished into a tiny, friendly smile.
‘’Ah, Lili is always happy to bring help to Adventurers, especially… valiant ones like yourself, Master Adventurer!’’ She replied cheerfully while swiftly getting to her feet.
‘…Why do I feel like she said ‘’valiant’’ like it’s a slur?’ I frowned, but shook my head. You didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, after all. ‘’Name’s Roy. Lili, right? Alright, daylight’s burning, so let’s get going.’’
Lili took a step forward, but then side-glanced at the Adventurer on the floor. ‘’Um… should Master Roy leave Master Reish on the ground like this?’’
I blinked, brought to a pause. ‘’Ah… I guess you’re right.’’
A second later, I was crouched down near the dude’s body. He was still breathing, just catatonic… so I started rummaging his pockets.
‘’…Master Roy?’’ The girl asked, part of that innocence bleeding off her tone.
‘’Sorry, I’m just taking his shit real quick.’’ I apologized. While yes, I was technically committing a crime, there weren’t any guards nearby, and all the passersby who noticed didn’t seem concerned with calling them anytime soon, considering that seconds ago, he was kicking around a small girl. ‘’Damn, why does a bastard need so many pockets?’’
‘’Back pocket on the left.’’ The Pallum said flatly, making me turn to her with a raised eyebrow. ‘’Master Reish always keeps his valis there.’’
Without question, I patted the dude down, and sure enough, found a small pouch with clinking coins. ‘’Atta girl!’’ I cackled, throwing the bag her way. ‘’Split that shit in half and let’s get going before the dudes in fancy masks get here.’’
‘’Yes, Master Roy!’’ The girl said happily, though her innocent smile had a hint of something cruel to it.
You know, I think I was going to like this ‘having a Support’ shit. After all, what was one more gremlin, am I right?
-X-x-X-.
.
.
Author's Note:
Cobalt doesn't seem to exist canonically in Danmachi, so in case you're wondering, I made it tf up as an excuse to have my boy in some dark-blue armor.
Of course, the first thing Roy does when learning he has a Skill that makes him better by being a dumb fuck is being the DUMBEST fuck on the face of the earth.
For your info:
He's going with none of his Monster Girls or Bell.
He has (what he believes) is the equivalent of plastic armor+.
He made Midna store a table and three chairs (that's going to be a fun convo) inside his shadow, which he uses as storage but also makes him carry the weight of whatever is inside.
Lastly, he literally bribed a stranger (Lili) to follow him inside the Dungeon while having no back protection.
As for Lili herself… let's just say she'll have to step up her game to manage to steal anything off Roy. Bro is not above punting midgets into walls. Trust me.
Anyway, Bell did have an 850-point increase, while Roy's, while not mentioned, was something of a 460 one (I think?), so it goes to show how much bullshit our Bnuy is compared to our favorite crackhead.
For anyone wondering ''What about Syr/Freya, or Dodo?'' dw, they'll have their moment next chapter or the next after that
I also publish on other sites, if you wish to check them out:
FFN: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/15809388/HamsterX42
QQ: https://forum.questionablequesting.com/search/35199387/?c[users]=HamsterX42&o=date
Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamsterX42