LILY POV Everyone was outside.
i could hear them laughing from my room.
Music was playing somewhere, people were talking, and everyone seemed to be having fun.
But I didn’t want to go.
I was sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at my hands.
They were shaking again.
I tried to hold them still.
Nothing.
Then there was a knock on my door.
“Lily?” she said Ella.
I quickly wiped my face.
“Come in.” i said The door opened, and Ella walked in with Sophia.
“There you are,” Ella said.
“We’ve been looking everywhere for you.” “I’m not going outside.” i said Ella frowned.
“Why?” ella said “I just don’t feel like it.” i said Sophia sat beside me.
“Lily, you’ve been saying that a lot lately.” she said I looked away.
“I’m just tired.” i said Ella sat on my other side.
“No, something is wrong.” ella said I didn’t answer.
She looked at me.
“What is happening with you, Lily?” she asked I looked down at my hands.
“They’ve been shaking.” i said Sophia noticed them.
“Since when?” she asked “A few days.” i said Ella looked worried.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” she asked “I didn’t know how.” i said Sophia gently took my hand.
“Are you okay?” she asked I shook my head.
“No.” i said Ella became even more worried.
“What happened?” she asked I took a deep breath.
“I went to a doctor.” i said They both looked at me.
“A doctor?” she said I nodded.
“He said I’m probably having panic attacks.” i said Sophia’s eyes widened.
“Lily…” she said “I didn’t know what was happening to me.” i said I wiped my tears.
“My heart starts beating really fast, I can’t breathe properly, and my hands won’t stop shaking.” i said Ella held my hand tighter.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” she said “Because I was scared.” i said “Scared of what?” she said I looked at them.
“Of telling you the reason.” i said They both stayed quiet.
I took another breath.
“I like someone.” i said Ella blinked.
“You like someone?” she said I nodded.
“Who?” she said I couldn’t say his name at first.
My throat felt tight.
“Kiefer.” i said Ella stared at me.
“Kiefer?” she said I nodded.
They know i liked him cause when he came for firat time in univertsy i said them he is mine to try but they didnt know it would get this much also i didnt either exept it to became this much big obsseion Sophia looked at me.
“Since when?” “I don’t know.” i said I looked down.
“Maybe since we became friends.” i said Ella was quiet.
I continued.
“He was always nice to me.” i said Sophia asked softly, “How?” I smiled a little.
“He listened.” i said Ella looked at me.
“That’s it?” she said “No.” i said I shook my head.
“He actually listened to me.” i said I looked down at my hands.
“He never interrupted me when I talked.
Even when I was saying something stupid or talking too much, he never made me feel annoying.” i said Sophia nodded slowly.
“I could tell him things I couldn’t tell other people.” i said I wiped a tear.
“And I think that’s when I started falling for him.” i said Ella squeezed my hand.
“Does he know?” she said I nodded.
“Yes.”i said “What did he say?” she said “He doesn’t feel the same.” i said I looked away.
“He loves jay you know that ” i said Ella didn’t say anything.
I knew she understood.
“I know he can’t be mine.”i said My voice cracked.
“I know that.” i said Sophia hugged me.
“But I still can’t stop.” i said Ella asked quietly, “You can’t stop thinking about him?” I shook my head.
“No.” i said I wiped my face.
“He’s always in my head.” “When I wake up.” “When I’m in class.” “When I’m trying to sleep.” “Everywhere.” i said Sophia rubbed my back.
“Lily…” she said “I know.” i said I looked at her.
“I know it’s becoming an obsession.” i said Ella stayed quiet.
“I don’t want it to be.” i said I started crying again.
“But I don’t know how to make it stop.” i said Sophia hugged me tighter.
“You don’t have to figure it out alone.” she said I closed my eyes.
For the first time, I had finally told someone.
Everything I had been hiding.
Everything I had been afraid to say.
And they were still sitting beside me.
They hadn’t left.
They hadn’t judged me.
They were just there.
And somehow…
that made me feel a little less alone.