At an age when appetite was at its peak and after such brutal training, we were all ready to eat like crazy. It felt like we had ordered nearly half the menu, the table piled high with food, and we devoured it like maniacs. Once we were somewhat full, I finally relaxed a bit and felt some ease.
Even after getting out of the car, the scene was something else. Lucien blatantly pushed Emilio away and insisted on sitting right next to me. My head was still ringing from earlier, so I couldn’t bring myself to scold Lucien and just silently took my seat, while Emilio and Brad settled across the table.
Maybe this was better.
If I wanted to see his face properly, it was better to sit opposite him—even if diagonally.
We kept up a trivial conversation over the meal. Talk about the coach, upcoming races, likely winners, and even the lunch menu, but Lucien didn’t say a single word. I only realized that when Emilio pointed it out while Lucien was briefly away in the bathroom.
“Looks like Lucien’s still in a bad mood.”
“Why?”
When I listened carefully to Emilio, he made a troubled expression and said,
“He’s just not talking. He looked really upset earlier, too.”
That was certain. He’d grabbed my head like he wanted to tear off my scalp.
Recalling what happened earlier, the back of my head started hurting again, and I unconsciously rubbed it. Brad, who had glanced toward the bathroom, suddenly spoke up.
“Just so you know, Dilly, he thinks we helped him. You should thank us.”
“Helped with what?”
I frowned at the sudden comment, and he pointed his chin at me with a sly expression.
“He was trying to sneak out alone with that guy. Didn’t you realize how close that was to a big disaster?”
I still couldn’t understand what he meant. Did Emilio know? When I glanced at Emilio, he made a troubled face and cautiously spoke.
“Brad says Lucien’s acting weird.”
“Weird how?”
I looked at Brad with a frown. He leaned on the table, tilted his upper body toward me, and wore a serious expression.
“Haven’t you ever doubted him? That guy?”
“What doubt? He just doesn’t talk much. It’s so frustrating.”
Brad chuckled a little at my harsh tone but then grew serious again.
“After Hearst got involved, Lilith suddenly disappeared.”
“So?”
I asked without thinking but quickly caught his meaning.
“You think Lucien has something to do with it?”
Brad leaned back as if to say ‘stop,’ but added seriously,
“Think about it. Everyone who joined Lilith got hurt, transferred, or ran into trouble and left. But Hearst didn’t have any accidents and is the only one left unscathed. How could that be unless he did something?”
“Lucien kicked out dozens of Lilith members all by himself? Does that make sense? Why would he do that? For what reason?”
Brad just frowned and didn’t answer. He hadn’t thought that far either. But for me, it confirmed that he was talking nonsense.
Every incident has a motive. No way someone would wreck a whole club for no reason. Lucien alone? It made less and less sense.
“Emi, you’re not buying into this nonsense, right?”
I looked to Emilio for support, but Brad cut me off first.
“He’s an Extreme Alpha.”
He kept pushing his reasoning.
“Extreme Alphas do things like that without hesitation. Look at what he did earlier—going wild over something as trivial as sitting in the back seat or not. That guy’s crazy.”
“What does that have to do with Lilith?”
Lucien’s behavior was over the top, but this was an outrageous assumption. Plus, talking like that was as bad as violence. It reminded me unpleasantly of the Hearst family secretary who spread baseless rumors about him.
“Do you think Extreme Alphas are some kind of superheroes from movies? Or aliens? You need to make sense.”
I cut him off mercilessly, but Brad wouldn’t budge.
“He’s a sociopath. Doesn’t care about means as long as he achieves his goals.”
His opinion was firmly set. Before I could say anything more, he added in a low voice,
“You should be careful too.”
After that, Brad suddenly got up from the table and started eating the remaining fries. I was about to deny his words again, but Emilio signaled me not to. Seeing Lucien’s figure reflected in my peripheral vision, I had no choice but to stay silent. Once Lucien sat down, Brad, who had been eating only fries until then, grabbed a paper napkin, wiped his hands and mouth messily, and spoke up.
“Shall we go now? Are you eating more?”
“No, I’m good.”
I shook my head, and Emilio agreed with me. Looking toward Lucien, he was already pulling cash out of his pocket. We each took out money roughly matching what we ate, paid at the table, and left the restaurant. To avoid any trouble on the way back, I sat in the front passenger seat, and Lucien silently took the back seat alongside Emilio.
Back at school, we greeted each other briefly and headed to our dorms. As usual, I walked with Lucien, and Brad frowned at the sight but just turned his head as if to say ‘do whatever you want’ and left. Walking back to the dorm with Lucien alone was always scheduled after training. But today, there was another purpose.
The wind had warmed up quite a bit but still carried a chill. As we walked, the cold crept in, so I shoved both hands into the thin coat pockets and briefly shrugged my shoulders.
“You okay? Still a bit cold?”
“I’m, I’m fine.”
Lucien stubbornly replied, voice trembling. That stubbornness was cute again, so I pulled my hands out of my coat, patted his head, then quickly shoved them back into my pockets.
“How are you feeling?”
I asked casually, and Lucien glanced at me, replying shortly,
“Fine.”
“Good, that’s a relief.”
After saying that, I stopped talking, and Lucien glanced at me again. Expecting an apology, I waited silently. The silence lasted longer than I expected, and after what felt like a long time, Lucien finally reluctantly spoke.
“…Sorry about earlier.”
“Okay.”
I readily accepted his apology, but didn’t forget to remind him.
“Don’t do that again. Violence isn’t good.”
I spoke gently as if talking to Elliot. Lucien pouted but that was it. Feeling the need to elaborate, I added,
“If you act like that, people will misunderstand you, thinking you’re violent and bad.”
Lucien hesitated, looked up at me, and when I smiled kindly at him, his confused expression brightened.
“You worry about me?”
“Of course, Lucien. Of course.”
My straightforward answer brought color back to his face. He looked happier now. Confident I had the right moment, I prepared what I wanted to say, looking down at Lucien’s smiling face full of joy.
“I think people find you strange.”
“I don’t care.”
Lucien didn’t even want to listen. His blunt dismissal made me feel like I lost my chance, but I forced the topic.
“They’re suspicious because you alone came through Lilith unscathed.”
Only then did Lucien react slightly. I kept my voice calm as I continued.
“Everyone else got into accidents and left school, but you’re the only one left fine. They think maybe you did something.”
Lucien said nothing. I kept trying to persuade him.
“But if you act like that, more weird rumors will spread. You should be careful from now on. Even if you get angry again, you can’t behave like that. We’re not ten-year-olds, right?”
I added jokingly,
“Elliot doesn’t do that anymore.”
I forced a laugh, but Lucien didn’t smile. Instead, he slowed his pace and then stopped. I stopped too, and he looked up at me. His steady gaze made me uncomfortable, but I couldn’t look away. To break the awkward silence, I forced a smile. Lucien then spoke.
“What do you think?”
His eyes didn’t even blink; his voice was lower than usual. Was he anxious? Or maybe he misunderstood the meaning of what I said. To reassure him, I answered firmly,
“There’s no way you’d do something like that. You’re not a monster.”
When I strongly denied it, Lucien finally relaxed and smiled brightly again.
“Thanks. I knew you’d believe me.”
Hearing that, I felt sorry for him again. He must have noticed those rumors. Of course, even if Lucien only talked to me at school, he probably sensed the atmosphere. Maybe there had been heated arguments inside Lilith before it fell apart. No one sided with Lucien, so he must have been heavily slandered.
The obvious outcome upset me. How much heartache had he endured because of such ridiculous misunderstandings?
“I believe you, Lucien. No matter what happens.”
I promised him firmly. Naturally. Who else would believe Lucien if not me? Lucien seemed to understand my feelings and nodded strongly. I felt my trust from him soaring to infinity, and my chest swelled with pride.
“Why were you so harsh earlier? It was the first time you hit me, grabbed my head like that.”
As we started walking again, I spoke without thinking, and Lucien lightly pouted, then turned his head.
“You keep getting close to that guy. It pisses me off.”
“Who? Emi?”
I was surprised not only that Lucien swore but also that Emilio’s name came up. Suddenly, memories of Lucien’s dislike of Emilio resurfaced.
No wonder he seemed wary.
He must be sensitive because Emilio is his only friend.
I concluded simply and thought for a moment. We’d come this far. Was there anything left to hide? Wouldn’t it be better for Lucien if I just told him everything honestly?
That he doesn’t need to be wary of Emilio. That he’s different.
Feelings of liking someone can’t be hidden anyway. Others might think it’s just excessive friendship, but Lucien knows I’m gay. It’s better to tell everything. Maybe then Lucien would understand my actions.
“Lucien.”
I made up my mind, looked up, and called his name. Lucien, who had been walking silently, looked up at me. It took a lot of courage to say what came next. My last coming out was impulsive, but this time I knew exactly what I was about to say.
“The truth is, I like someone.”
After a deep breath, I confessed, but Lucien’s expression was calm.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Really? You know?”
Surprised, I asked again. Lucien nodded again.
“Yeah.”
My face immediately flushed.
“Was it that obvious?”
Embarrassed, I covered my mouth with one hand, and Lucien chuckled softly, answering shortly.
“Well, a little.”
My face felt like it was burning. The wind was cold, but my face felt like it was on fire. Feeling heat rise to my neck, I hesitated but barely muttered,
“I see.”
Seeing me fidget embarrassed, Lucien laughed aloud and suddenly pinched my cheek gently so it didn’t hurt.
“You’re cute, Dilly.”
I was much taller and bigger than Lucien. He always called me cute, but that was wrong.
“The cute one is him…”
I muttered quietly, but it was barely audible. Lucien blinked as if asking what I said. I scratched the back of my head.
“I’m just bad at hiding my feelings…”
“It’s okay, everyone is like that.”
Lucien said rather maturely. Seeing his generous side, I felt at ease for the first time in a while. With Lucien, I could say anything. Maybe he was the only true friend I had too.
“I’m glad I can tell you everything.”
I breathed deeply and said, and Lucien readily replied.
“Of course, don’t hide anything. We’re that kind of friends.”
“Yeah, we are.”
Sharing each other’s secrets broke down my inner brakes. I couldn’t hide my excitement and completely lost myself. So when Lucien asked, I spilled my heart.
“When did you start liking him?”
“Huh? Well, from the first time I saw him?”
I blushed and rubbed my neck vigorously.
“His face looking up at me was so cute. I’m big, so I like small guys. Ones who fit perfectly in my arms… you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Lucien smiled warmly again. Seeing his genuine support gave me confidence, and I started babbling.
“The more I see him, the cuter and more lovable he gets. Sometimes when I look at his face, I’m speechless. He always smiles at me and talks kindly... When that happens, my heart overflows and I just want to hug him.”
“Then just hug him.”
Lucien cut in eagerly. I panicked and shook my head quickly.
“That’s not right, you can’t do that anytime. He probably has no idea I like him…”
Emilio would never imagine there’s a gay guy around him. If I got found out, I’d probably be found drowned in the lake the next day. I denied it waving my hands, but Lucien said,
“It’s okay, he probably knows. Just confess already.”
“He knows?”
“Yeah.”
Surprised, my voice rose, and Lucien nodded firmly.
“I told you, he already knows.”
Did Lucien mean Emilio knew? Or did Lucien himself mean that? Maybe Emilio sees me that way?
Just imagining it made my heart explode. I never dreamed of something like this. Emilio likes me? Me?
Clutching my chest, closing my eyes, Lucien urged me.
“So hurry up, I can’t wait long.”
His voice sounded anxious and excited. I barely opened my eyes and asked in a trembling voice.
“Can I confess? Really?”
“Of course. He’s been waiting a lot too. He just wants you to be brave.”
“I see.”
It was ridiculous but I wanted to believe it. When I wake tomorrow morning, cold reality will be waiting again, but right now, dreaming a little foolish dream couldn’t hurt.
“Want to practice?”
Lucien threw me a lifeline. Surprised, I looked at him, and he suggested with shining eyes,
“Practice so you don’t mess up, prepare what you want to say in advance. How about that?”
His long eyes narrowed enticingly.
“I’ll help you.”
“Uh…”
I was startled but soon agreed. He was right. Whether Emilio liked me or not, it was just practice, so this was okay. Just for fun.
“Okay… let’s do it?”
“Yeah.”
Lucien answered quickly, stopped walking, and stepped back one pace.
“How’s this distance?”
“Good.”
I nodded and cleared my throat. It was my first confession. I’d liked several people before but never dreamed of a situation like this, so I had no prepared concept.
But I had a romantic scene in mind. Like typical couples, offering a ring, kneeling on one knee, proposing. Of course, that would be when I was older, but kneeling seemed okay?
Having thought that far, I bent down. Kneeling on one knee and looking up, Lucien looked moved, putting both hands on his chest and sighing.
“Oh, Dilly.”
His face showed a faint blush and excited expression. It could have been embarrassing, but I was just grateful for his immersion. Taking a deep breath, I spoke.
“I have something to tell you.”
Lucien held his breath and quietly looked at me. Imagining Emilio, I reached out my hand to him.
“I fell in love at first sight. I’ve liked you all along.”
Lucien’s mouth opened wider. I confessed sincerely.
“I love you, Emi.”
A cold wind brushed past behind me. On the quiet trail, it was just Lucien and me. I had my lines rehearsed, but no reply came. Lucien’s lips slowly parted as he silently looked down at me.
“...Emi?”
His voice was so low it sent a chill down my spine.