For a while, we just looked at each other in silence. I was bewildered by Lucien’s sudden change in attitude, blinking up at him without knowing what to say. After a brief pause, Lucien slowly and quietly spoke.
“Emi? What are you talking about? Why did you say that name here?”
“Why wouldn’t I say it?”
I tilted my head in confusion at the unexpected question.
“I’m confessing to Emi, so obviously.”
A short silence followed. Though only a few seconds passed, Lucien looked frozen in place.
“Emi? You’re confessing to Emilio Diaz? The person you like is Emilio Diaz?”
Then, his voice erupted into a loud, harsh shout. The sound was deafening, and I winced, quickly scrambling to cover his mouth.
“Qu-quiet, what if someone hears?”
I whispered frantically, turning pale, but Lucien didn’t care. He pushed me away again with tremendous force, and I fell helplessly to the ground. Why was he acting like this? Dumbfounded, I just sat on the floor and looked up at him. Breathing hard, he snarled fiercely.
“Is that true? The person you like is Emilio Diaz?”
I glanced nervously around, confirming that the only sounds were occasional rustling leaves in the wind, then fixed my gaze back on Lucien. His fists were clenched tightly as he looked down at me. The pale moon hanging overhead made his face look even more ghostly. A chill ran through me as I stammered my reply.
“Yes, you said you already knew. Why the sudden reaction?”
Slowly regaining composure, I furrowed my brows and asked,
“Are you mistaken? Someone else, not Emi? Who?”
Lucien didn’t answer. He just bit his lower lip hard and glared at me. Still confused, I stood up and brushed the dirt from my clothes. The mood was completely broken. I wasn’t upset, just lost my enthusiasm to continue talking. I was about to head back to the dorm when Lucien suddenly called me back.
“Dilly, wait.”
I sighed and turned around. Standing there, Lucien spat out harshly,
“You really like Emilio Diaz? For real? You’re not just pretending in front of me?”
“Why would I pretend to you?”
The thought itself was strange. Why would liking Emi be pretending? I asked genuinely puzzled. Lucien fell silent again and lowered his head. Muttering almost inaudibly, he whispered, looking at the ground,
“I thought you were just... rehearsing. Throwing out any name.”
“I used the real name because it’s not a rehearsal. Why would I make up a name just to mess up later?”
I was speechless, raising and lowering my arms in a ‘W’ shape and shaking my head. Lucien just watched me like that, waiting as if he wanted to say more, but he didn’t speak. Sometimes Elliot was stubborn like that too. Whenever that happened, I’d pretend to leave first. After a few steps, Elliot would panic, burst into tears, and run after me with all his might.
Sure enough, I soon heard hurried footsteps behind me and smiled quietly. Turning, I saw Lucien catching up, startled by my reaction. Finding that funny and a bit pitiful, I pulled my hand from my pocket and offered it.
“You really thought I’d just go alone?”
I gestured for him to hurry, and hesitant at first, Lucien quickly came and grabbed my hand. Holding hands felt like something lovers did, but I let it be. No one was watching anyway. We started walking again, and after a short while, Lucien asked,
“Do you really like Emilio Diaz…?”
“Yes. The one I like is Emi.”
I wondered who he had mistaken me for but didn’t ask. I didn’t want to see Lucien angry again.
Lucien became silent, seemingly lost in thought. I wanted to see his expression, but he kept his head down. Meanwhile, we arrived at an intersection. The building where his single room was located was different from my usual dorm, so we had to part ways here. Just as I was about to say goodbye, Lucien, who had been silent until then, suddenly spoke.
“What about me?”
“Huh?”
Startled by the unexpected question, I looked up. He wore an expression I hadn’t expected—almost desperate—as if pressing me.
“I’m small too. Am I not cute?”
Ah, jealousy.
This was the first time a friend had been so clingy to me, but with Lucien, it made sense. I was his only friend and his first one at that. I chose my words carefully so as not to hurt his feelings.
“Yeah, you’re cute too. Cute, but…”
“But?”
Lucien grabbed at my trailing words sharply. How to explain this? I scratched the back of my head.
“Well… you’re kind of like Elliot.”
Lucien was silent for a moment. Blinking, he looked up at me and asked in a slightly hoarse voice,
“Elliot? Your younger brother?”
“Yeah.”
I nodded, admitting it. Honestly, that was my true feeling. Lucien was a precious friend but also felt like a younger brother.
But Lucien looked shocked, blank-faced. Of course—who’d like being treated like a little brother by a classmate?
I understood how he felt but couldn’t lie. It was better to be honest now for both our sakes. The longer I delayed, the bigger the shock would be for him.
“Sorry if that upset you…”
I stopped before saying more. I had nothing else to say. Bowing my head and scratching the back of it, Lucien, who had been standing dazed until then, suddenly drew a harsh breath. Looking back at him, his blank expression was gone, replaced by a murderous glare. Startled, I stepped back involuntarily, and Lucien’s face grew even more fierce. I feared he might lunge at me again but luckily he didn’t. Instead, after staring at me for a while, he suddenly turned and ran toward his dorm building.
“Lucien!”
I called after him too late, but he didn’t look back. Watching his figure quickly swallowed by the darkness, I stood there for a while.