“Middle school syndrome?”
Lying on my bed, I seriously mulled over it. I replayed the situation again and again but just couldn’t understand.
Why did he say that to me?
I frowned and turned onto my side. The bed across from me was empty. My roommate Oliver had gone to the library to work on assignments. Thanks to that, after finishing rowing practice and returning to the dorm, I was left alone to flop around and think over the day’s events one by one.
It probably wasn’t such a serious topic.
Had we been close enough to share such uncomfortable talk? No, not at all. For about two weeks, I’d followed him obsessively to the point of creepiness, but it was one-sided contact; Lucien hadn’t even properly greeted me. So why suddenly bring up such things? To embarrass me? Or did it mean something else?
No matter how much I thought, no answer came. What the hell did he mean? Did the Hearst steel dynasty’s generations-old family really have some unspeakable troubles?
“Nonsense.”
I shouted loudly and suddenly sat up. The conclusion was clear. There was no reason to toss and turn over this. Lucien Hearst was just lost in self-absorption and posturing. Living alone with no one to engage with, he probably wasted time in pointless fantasies. Fitting himself into the frame of ‘a child unloved by his parents,’ indulging in the role of ‘poor me,’ or throwing out absurd words just to push me away.
“Definitely.”
I muttered to myself again. No need to get serious. I decided to ignore what Lucien had said.
“Hey, Luc.”
As usual, I stood guard where he always passed. When he appeared at the usual time, I cheerfully greeted him. The skinny classmate with messy hair that looked like it had never been cared for, and glasses, noticed me and hesitated. I stepped up beside him and continued.
“It’s really cold, huh? Let’s get to class. Days like this make me wish I could just stay in my room. Don’t you hate wandering around trying to find classrooms?”
I smiled casually, but he didn’t react. That was always the case, but today Lucien was different. His face, blank and staring at me with an expression I hadn’t seen before, made me curious and I asked,
“What’s wrong? Something happened?”
Cautiously, he seemed to come to his senses and blinked. His wide eyes behind thick glasses looked up at me. His mouth moved several times, but no sound came out until a strained voice was squeezed out.
“…Are you okay?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
I genuinely couldn’t understand what he meant. Looking confused, I saw Lucien suddenly bite his lower lip and then speak in a very hoarse voice.
“I told you yesterday, about me.”
Ah…
Only then did I vaguely realize. The words he said yesterday? That ridiculous delusion?
I was surprised he still wanted to talk about it. It wasn’t just thrown out randomly? For a moment, I reconsidered what our relationship even was and how close we were, but the answer was the same. We weren’t close, so it couldn’t be sincere. If it was, I’d be in more trouble.
Anyway, it wasn’t something I could solve. If there really was a serious family problem, he should talk to a counselor, not me.
Cowardly, I chose to avoid it.
“Uh, well.”
I mumbled vaguely.
“Every family has their own issues, I guess.”
It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. There were plenty of parents who abused their kids, but many children exaggerated mild scolding or weak reprimands as abuse, wallowing in self-pity. I judged Lucien to be the latter. But I wasn’t dumb enough to say that aloud, so I made up a plausible excuse to smooth things over.
“It’s not my place to say, and it’s your family’s business, so I don’t have a reason to see you any differently.”
I thought it was a pretty decent line. It was just a cliché that might come from a cheap teen novel, but Lucien’s reaction was unexpected.
“The others, when I said that, they never came near me again…”
Ah, of course. Middle school syndrome at this age is disgusting.
But I hid my true feelings and lied.
“That’s them, I’m me. Don’t worry about what others say.”
I patted his back with a bright smile, sincere this time—because it really wasn’t a big deal.
Lucien silently let me pat his back. Still unable to predict what would happen next, I hurried to change the subject. Just as I was about to suggest we go to class, Lucien suddenly grabbed my hand, which was moving away from his back.
“What?”
I blurted out roughly without meaning to. Surprised by the lightning-fast movement, my eyes went wide. It was lucky he didn’t swear. Looking up at me, Lucien’s pale face gave me chills. His usual bloodless complexion looked even ghostlier today. Before I could realize what was happening, Lucien said:
“Why do you keep following me around like this?”
Caught off guard, my brain stopped working for a moment. What should I say? What do I say? Answer quickly! Time’s running out!
In that moment, I made the biggest mistake of my life.
“Because I like you.”
Lucien’s eyes slowly widened. Only then did I realize what I’d done, but it was too late to turn back. Frantically trying to fix the situation, I stammered,
“Uh, I mean, I like you as a friend. Yeah.”
Nodding as if making a vow, Lucien stared hard at me.
“…We’re, friends?”
His voice was deep and low. It even sounded eerie. I laughed exaggeratedly and answered.
“Ah, of course.”
Trying not to look at my aching hand, I continued,
“We take classes together, eat lunch together, and talk like this.”
I smiled at him, but inside all I could think was how much his grip on my hand hurt. I wished he’d let go soon, but there was no sign. Despite his frail frame, his surprisingly strong grip made me wonder if Emilio had good taste. Lucien parted his lips.
“…Friend.”
He murmured the word low and repeatedly. I quickly nodded.
“Yeah, friend.”
Opportunity. Like a revelation struck my mind. I didn’t miss it and quickly proposed.
“How about it? Want to row together? I think it’d be fun.”
It was a phrase I’d repeated many times before. But never with this much certainty. This time, it would work. Definitely. Filled with some unexplainable hope, I eagerly continued.
“Come on, you should get moving too. Have you finished your PE credits? Even if not, exercising is good, right? You’ll build muscle, too. Well, the lake’s frozen now, so we have to practice indoors, but later when we get on the boat, you’ll enjoy it. After class, we train together, how about it? You don’t have to be a player, we just need backup. Think of yourself as a spare and join comfortably. That’s fair, right? Yeah?”
While I hurriedly explained why rowing was good, Lucien just listened quietly. Until now, he either ignored me or showed clear displeasure, but this time was different. Not breaking eye contact, Lucien’s reaction made me stop speaking, nervous and hopeful. Finally, he spoke.
“So, you’re joining too?”
In a low voice, I immediately nodded.
“Of course. I’ll help you. Teach you what I don’t know, though I don’t know much myself, but it’ll be fun. Let’s learn together. Practice too, okay?”
I babbled nonsense as if not knowing what I was saying. He’s almost convinced, just a little more, just a little!
As I silently repeated my hopeful mantra, suddenly,
“...Okay.”
“Huh?”
I asked in surprise. Seeing his face, Lucien said again.
“I’ll do it, rowing.”
“...Ah!”
I almost shouted with joy but managed to cover my mouth with one hand. After taking a breath, I pulled my hand away and hurriedly asked,
“Really? You mean it? Rowing?”
Stammering the words awkwardly, Lucien looked at me briefly and nodded shortly. That was all the answer I needed. This time I couldn’t hold back and grabbed him in a tight hug.
“Thank you, really thank you! I’ll never regret it, I promise!”
Unable to contain my joy, I jumped up and down on the spot. I did it, I really did it.
Emilio’s cute face flickered before my eyes. How happy would Emi be? Just imagining it made my heart explode.
“You did it!”
As soon as Emilio heard the news, he jumped up from his seat with joy. Beyond the expected reaction, he hugged me tightly, making me feel proud—almost smug. I wanted to enjoy that moment longer, but unfortunately, Emilio soon left. I swallowed the urge to hold him back and casually asked.
“So it’s all settled now?”
Emilio nodded.
“I can’t fully relax yet... but it’s important we can do it. We’re not expecting great results... just participation is good, everyone.”
After saying that, he smiled brightly and praised me again.
“It’s all thanks to you, Dilly. Everyone will be happy to hear the news.”
“I’m the one glad to help.”
I said the polite thing, and Emilio laughed. He added some praise mixed with self-praise, saying things like, “Let’s do better from now on,” “I’m really glad you joined the rowing team,” and “I knew you had good eyes.” Of course, even that was cute.
Soon Emilio said he’d report the good news to the coach and hurried off. I watched his quickly receding back, then turned and headed back to the dorm. I planned to change clothes and go to practice. Of course, with Lucien.
The rest was up to them.
Practice was the coach’s job; my role was done. I thought next time we’d just exchange casual greetings when we met, and with a light step crossed the campus. Feeling good, I whistled without thinking. The sky was clear and the air refreshing. Now I could focus on Emilio without worry. Just the thought made me smile with my mouth open.
But that was a huge misconception.