The laughter gradually died down, and then silence came. No one spoke. It was only natural. There were few situations as embarrassing as having the person you mocked and insulted right in front of you, hearing all the nonsense you babbled exposed.
Among them, the most awkward person was, of course, me.
“Uh-hum, hmm.”
Someone cleared their throat hurriedly and left, and the others followed suit as if waiting for the chance. Even Emilio went to his seat, leaving me alone, dazed.
Lucien still said nothing, just stared at me. His grayish face showed no expression. What on earth was he thinking? I felt cold sweat break out on my back from anxiety and nervousness.
The tension was unexpectedly broken and saved by the coach. Appearing behind Lucien, unaware of the situation, he shouted at us in his usual rough voice.
“What are you doing? Everyone sit down! Hearst, Avery, both of you!”
At the coach’s shout, I quickly sat in the assigned seat, and Lucien lowered himself next to me. Training started awkwardly. Time passed as usual. Again, Lucien fell off the equipment several times, and everyone silently focused on the training.
“Ah, ow.”
Lucien hunched his shoulder and groaned. Emilio, who was wrapping a bandage around his wrist, widened his eyes in surprise. Seeing Emilio worried, I quickly reached out my hand.
“I’ll finish it, you stop.”
“Y-yeah.”
Emilio showed no sign of relief as he passed me the baton and hurried away. I sat in the chair he had been in and looked at Lucien’s hand. He had injured himself by losing grip on the handlebar. Though he had thin, long fingers, surprisingly, his hand was large. Judging by hand size alone, it seemed similar to mine or even bigger, which made me feel strangely unsettled inside.
“Does it hurt a lot?”
I asked, wrapping his wrist and hand tightly with the bandage. Lucien answered between groans.
“I-it’s okay.”
It really didn’t seem okay at all.
Seeing the reddened palm and the injured knuckles, I felt bitter. This guy had never done sports like this before. Thinking that he had started rowing—something he was definitely not destined for—because of me, got hurt like this, and even had to hear useless comments, my heart grew unbearably heavy.
I should apologize.
Feeling ashamed that I had gone along with others belittling Lucien, I couldn’t raise my head. No, it was my fault the most. I had lured him in with sweet words calling him a friend and then laughed and joined in mocking him. I was deeply disappointed in my own vulgarity and meanness.
“All done.”
After taping the bandage in place and letting go of his hand, Lucien looked down at it as if unfamiliar with the sight. Watching him inspect the bandage covering the wound here and there, I stayed silent before speaking.
“Sorry, Russ.”
Lucien looked up at my words, as if suddenly wondering what I meant. I forced myself to meet his eyes, though I wanted to avoid them.
“Earlier, when those others said those things, I should have scolded them... Sorry, it was my fault. I made a big mistake.”
A mistake? Could I really brush it off with such a word? If I were in Russ’s place, I’d be furious. Probably wouldn’t even want to see me.
I felt disgusted with myself for thinking it wouldn’t be bad if Lucien were disappointed and drifted away from me even in this situation. How shallow was I?
Just when I felt I had hit rock bottom as a person, Lucien spoke.
“It’s okay.”
“Huh?”
Surprised by the unexpected words, I blinked. Lucien continued in his usual pale face and low voice.
“It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”
“Uh...”
At those unexpected words, I was left speechless. Seeing me stunned, Lucien said,
“Just going along with what others say is common courtesy, right? So you did that too? It’s fine. I know that kind of thing well.”
Know what...?
I was dumbfounded but couldn’t say, “No, actually, I meant it.” Anyway, it was better for me if Lucien took it that way to hide my shameful side, so I gladly accepted his misunderstanding as truth.
“Yeah, that’s right. Thanks for understanding.”
I awkwardly smiled, and Lucien lowered his gaze as if that was enough. I let out a small sigh—part resolve to watch my words better from now on, part relief at my luck this time, and part gratitude for Lucien’s misunderstanding. Anyway, thankful that my meanness had passed safely today, I became a bit kinder to him. I stood first and held out my hand. Lucien hesitated when he saw my hand but carefully took it. After confirming he stood facing me, I let go and said,
“Let’s head back to the dorm. You need to rest. You worked hard today.”
Having said my part, I turned away first and met eyes with Emilio, who was just about to leave. Exchanging light smiles and greetings, he soon left. Just seeing his face lifted my mood, and I found myself whistling. While humming softly and packing my bag, I left the practice room with Lucien.
“When the weather gets warmer, we’ll go out on the lake.”
Shivering from the sharp wind that had just blown, I casually continued.
“I guess it’s frozen pretty solid. My roommate said he’s going skating. Do you like skating?”
Because I was somewhat used to it, I didn’t expect much of an answer from Lucien. I was just muttering like talking to myself, but unexpectedly, he answered.
“I haven’t tried.”
“Oh, really? It’s fun.”
Happy the conversation continued, I said,
“If you feel like it next time, give it a try. The lake freezes pretty solidly here, so there’s no risk of breaking through. Though, I haven’t tried it myself...”
It had been a long time since I skated as a kid, so I wasn’t sure how it was now. Imagining absurdly what would happen if Lucien asked me to skate together, he suddenly spoke.
“That guy from before... the one who bandaged me.”
“Who? Emi?”
When I asked directly because his words were sparse, he stayed silent for a moment and then said,
“Are you close with him? I saw you talking often.”
Was he asking if I was friends with him? I hesitated for a moment. My relationship with Emilio was not quite friendship. Above all, I had feelings for him that I couldn’t lightly dismiss as just friends.
“Uh, no. It’s not bad, but I wouldn’t say we’re close...”
I carefully chose my words.
“Anyway, I started rowing because Emi recommended it... So, I’m grateful to him. Emi tends to take good care of people, and maybe because he’s the coxswain.”
Talking about Emilio made me excited without realizing it. Worried I might slip up, I hurriedly changed the subject.
“We got to know each other too, so it’s a good thing, right?”
Adding a forced smile, Lucien stared at my face intently before slowly speaking.
“So, you’re saying we’re not friends?”
Before I could say yes, he nodded first.
“Of course, since I’m your only friend.”
It was a pretty loud mutter for a whisper, so I was a bit taken aback. It wasn’t something I could just ignore and pretend not to hear. No, that’s... I have lots of friends. And you, well, you’re not really a friend to me either...
I thought I should deny it, but words wouldn’t come out easily. Those earlier words I said kept ringing in my ears, and that pale face staring at me lingered before my eyes. And while hesitating, I missed the timing.
“Then why do you keep hanging out with that guy? I saw you messing around with him earlier.”
Lucien asked with an unusually sulky voice. It sounded like he’d caught me cheating. I was momentarily speechless. Lucien’s attitude was ridiculous, but on the other hand, I felt scared—had I really shown it so obviously? Lucien was always watching only me, so he knew better, but if anyone else suspected, it would be a disaster. I wasn’t ready to reveal my identity to anyone.
“It must be a misunderstanding.”
I said, trying to sound as casual as possible, feeling my heart pounding wildly.
“Emi’s kind and cute, so he talks like that with everyone, just like me.”
Did I get through it somehow? I was nervously waiting as Lucien asked.
“Cute?”
His voice was quieter than usual and somehow sounded eerie. The chill crawling down my spine wasn’t just from the dead-of-winter cold brushing past. Startled, I looked down at Lucien, whose face was shaded in moonlight, turning into a ghostly grimace as he stared at me. Flustered, I hastily answered.
“N-no, Emi is small... Small things are cute, right? Like a small cat, a small monkey, a small cockroach... No, scratch that.”
Grabbing at any words, I quickly corrected myself, my heart pounding as I waited for Lucien’s reaction. Did it pass? Did it?
I desperately repeated silently in my mind, and after a brief silence, Lucien spoke.
“You like small ones?”
“Huh? Uh...”
Surprised again, I blinked and hurriedly answered.
“Ah, yeah. I do. I like ones smaller than me.”
“Because they’re cute.”
“Yeah.”
Feeling some hope, I answered quickly and nodded. Then Lucien stared at me intently and suddenly smirked. Another chilling moment passed, and I thought I might have a heart attack. Wide-eyed in shock, Lucien suddenly grabbed my arm and rested his chin on my shoulder.
I felt like my whole body had turned into a question mark, blinking rapidly. What was this? What was he trying to do? Why was he acting like this to me? Panicked and unable to find an answer, Lucien spoke.
“It’s too cold, isn’t it?”
Ah, was it because he was cold?
Only then did I somewhat understand and nodded belatedly.
“Ah, yeah. Let’s go. It’s too late now. We should go take a hot shower.”
Hurriedly moving my feet and babbling busily, Lucien fortunately agreed and started matching my pace. The crisis passed, and several days passed quietly. An unexpected incident happened about a week later.
“You’re going to skip practice?”
Lucien’s sudden declaration surprised me and I repeated the same words. He nodded and said,
“Something urgent came up. Tell the coach for me.”
“Uh, but skipping practice like that...”
I tried to say more, but Lucien’s expression had already hardened. No matter what I said, he wouldn’t listen, so my own momentum broke and I sighed, scratching the back of my head.
“You’re only skipping today, right? Or do you want to quit rowing altogether?”
“Only today.”
Lucien spoke in a firmer voice than usual.
“Don’t worry. I’ll definitely attend training from tomorrow. Sorry for skipping today.”
“No, you don’t have to apologize to me...”
Well, even if he tried hard, it probably wouldn’t help much anyway...
I stopped talking mid-sentence. Everyone knew how much of a mess Lucien was. It was tacitly accepted that the team would enter matches without a substitute player. Of course, Lucien didn’t know this.
“Alright, then I’ll assume that.”
“Thanks.”
Feeling awkward as he thanked me again, I thought only that I had dragged him into trouble for no reason, but it was too late to tell the truth now. Without a word, I watched Lucien leave and headed to the training room at the usual time. When I told the coach, he reacted indifferently. It was expected, but Emilio, who usually took good care of the team, looked worried.
“Is he feeling unwell? How was he earlier today?”
At Emilio’s question, I shook my head, recalling how normal Lucien had seemed.
“I don’t think so. I don’t really know either... He said he’d rest only today, so maybe it’s something personal.”
Smiling faintly, Emilio reluctantly nodded. Just then, the coach clapped, and everyone sat down to get ready for training.
“Phew.”
After warming up under hot water for a long time, I left the bathroom. Feeling refreshed, I was drying my wet hair when there was a knock and the door suddenly swung open. Startled as I was about to put on clothes, I turned around and Oliver, who was entering the room, hesitated.
“Ah, what the hell. You scared me.”
I scolded him awkwardly, and Oliver laughed teasingly before stepping in. As he put his bag on his bed, I finished changing and started preparing for homework. The soft sound of humming caught my attention. Looking over, Oliver was whistling while organizing his bag.
“Something up? You look happy.”
I smiled in response, and Oliver laughed aloud as he looked at me. He clearly had a reason to be happy. Curious, I plopped onto my bed and stared at him. Relaxed, he sat hugging the back of a chair, resting his chin on his arm.
“Something really funny happened today.”
“What? Something with Lilith?”
Oliver smiled instead of answering. Were those guys causing trouble again? Feeling an ominous premonition, Oliver asked,
“How was rowing practice today?”
Puzzled by the sudden topic, I answered honestly.
“Same as always. Nothing special. But...”
“How’s Hearst these days?”
Before I could ask, Oliver spoke first. Missing the chance to say anything, I had no choice but to answer.
“Same. Not really improving much, but whatever...”
I added casually,
“He skipped practice today because of something, but he said he’d definitely come next time. Not really helpful anyway...”
I stopped myself from saying more, embarrassed to almost make the same mistake again talking about Lucien. I was ashamed and lowered my head.
“Why? What?”
Seeing me look down, Oliver asked curiously. I just shook my head and said it was nothing. Oliver stared at my face but I didn’t want to talk anymore, so I ended the conversation.
“He’ll improve eventually. He’s just a substitute player.”
Trying to wrap it up, Oliver asked casually,
“Or maybe he just doesn’t want to do it anymore?”
“Rowing? No.”
I shook my head firmly.
“He said he’s just skipping for today. He said he’d definitely come tomorrow, and there was no sign of quitting.”
Giving my reasons, Oliver raised a counterpoint.
“People can suddenly lose interest. Maybe Hearst’s the type to get bored easily. Right?”
Oliver asked, but I couldn’t answer because I didn’t know Lucien’s personality well. I realized I didn’t know what Lucien liked or disliked, his tastes, or whether he preferred movies or plays. He always wore earphones, but I never asked what he listened to. I was so focused on dragging him into rowing that I had no real interest in him personally. I felt pathetic realizing this.
I was so selfish and self-centered.
Feeling my face flush, I avoided Oliver’s gaze. He shrugged off the topic lightly.
“Forget about a guy like that. Isn’t it better? If he stops bothering you.”
“Yeah... I guess so.”
I mumbled vaguely but still felt uneasy. Oliver ignored me and started unpacking his bag. The sudden awkwardness in the usual routine faded, and I switched moods, asking him,
“You’re late today? What happened?”
“It’s Lilith day.”
Without looking at me, he answered, and I nodded. Today was the weekly ‘Lilith Day.’ On this day, members gather in the ‘Lilith Room’ for meetings. I didn’t know what they did there exactly, but I was sure it wasn’t any grand plan to save the poor or keep world peace.
Once, when I was with them, they briefly mentioned sneaking into a nearby girls’ school festival, planning some stupid childish prank. Their eyes sparkled with enthusiasm, but I said nothing.
Sometimes they even did near-criminal things. But no one ever got punished, and nothing was ever revealed. It was just “the childish mischiefs of the promising sons of great families,” which was one of the services the boarding school offered. Not in the manual, but everyone tacitly knew the school turned a blind eye to any mischief.
“Was the meeting long today?”
I asked, and Oliver answered casually.
“A new member joined.”
He loosened his tie and chuckled like he remembered something. Then I recalled he had been laughing quietly before. I laughed too, and Oliver couldn’t hold back his chuckle.
“You should’ve seen it. It was really funny. You’d have cried regretting not joining Lilith.”
Eventually, he doubled over laughing. Watching him laugh so hard, I just awkwardly smiled. It seemed the new member had a rough initiation. That explained why Oliver kept humming and laughing all along. Initiations were the biggest event in Lilith.
But having a new member now seemed odd. Was there a transfer student in another grade? It wasn’t even the start of a new term, so new members were rare. But since the person wasn’t an official member, I didn’t press.
“Take it easy. Don’t tease too much.”
Trying to brush it off, Oliver chuckled and muttered something I didn’t catch at first. Suddenly the words sank in.
“You can’t take it easy. You have to teach him a lesson so he never does that again.”
...Huh?
I stopped moving and looked back at him. Oliver whistled happily as he got dressed. He looked unusually cheerful, which annoyed me. Was the new member something he disliked? As an outsider, I had no right to question. I knew ignoring it was best, but somehow I couldn’t.
Once the thought entered my mind, it wouldn’t leave. Slowly, I looked down at his clothes. His shirt and pants were wrinkled unlike usual. Looking further down, my gaze stopped.
Oliver’s usually shiny shoes were covered in mud and grass, completely filthy.
“...What happened to your shoes?”
A quiet voice slipped out. Oliver stopped moving, looked down, then back up at me. I kept staring at his shoes and continued.
“Where did you do the initiation? Looks like you rolled around in the forest for a while.”
The dust on the hems irritated me. Neither Oliver nor anyone from Lilith would ever ruin clothes and shoes like that. If there was a mess, it would be during PE or club activities, and they’d have changed into uniforms or sportswear. This state made no sense.
Slowly, I raised my gaze until it met Oliver’s eyes. He looked at me and tilted his head with a grin. Then an image I’d only vaguely imagined became clear. I frowned and spoke.
“You’re not telling me that new member is... Lucien Hearst?”
He didn’t answer immediately, just stared at me as if wondering what was wrong. Before I could ask more, Oliver spoke.
“That brat brought it on himself.”
“What?”
I
asked in surprise, and he shrugged lightly.
“Hearst said to us, ‘Are you guys my friends?’ How dare he be rude.”
“What?”
This was another unexpected answer. He smiled slightly and continued.
“We said of course. Told him all your friends are members of Lilith. Then Hearst suddenly said he wanted to join Lilith himself.”
“What?”
I couldn’t help repeating the same word. Oliver frowned mockingly seeing my shock.
“Ridiculous, right? We thought so too. Lucien Hearst joining Lilith? Seriously? Even he should know his place.”
He complained, but for different reasons. I ignored that and asked another question.
“So, you’re saying Russ deliberately went to Lilith voluntarily? Just because I’m his friend?”
“Yeah. Can you believe he thought he could join just for that? Must be crazy from those pheromones they say he has.”
Oliver put his fingers near his temples, spinning them like he was crazy. But I couldn’t believe it. Joining Lilith for such a reason? Everyone knew what a cruel initiation awaited.
One of the reasons I hadn’t joined Lilith was that. Joining just to prove you’re my friend? Where on earth did such an idea come from?
Maybe only Lucien Hearst could do that.
I didn’t know him at all, but that made me understand. I’d underestimated that bastard too easily. There was no other explanation.
“So what happened to Russ? Where is that brat now?”
I asked anxiously. Oliver stopped and looked at me like, why would you ask that? But it was a natural question for me. If Lucien was in trouble, it was all my fault. I had to go help. But Oliver thought differently.
“What do you want to do knowing that?”
“I have to help him. It’s already night. It’s freezing cold. What if he gets hypothermia?”
Despite what I said, he showed no sign of concern.
“Don’t worry. That brat’s an Extreme Alpha. He doesn’t catch colds.”
As if done with the topic, he started taking off his pants, so I quickly added,
“Even so, if you leave him like that, who knows what might happen? If something happens to Hearst, his family won’t stay quiet. Can you handle that?”
He hesitated and looked at me. The school might turn a blind eye, but not Hearst Steel. Of course, I ignored what Lucien said before about his parents. It was useless now, and that guy probably didn’t even know about it.
I never really believed that anyway.
It worked. Mentioning Lucien Hearst’s background made Oliver look a bit uneasy.
“Nothing serious will happen.”
“Of course. Russ has probably come to his senses by now. Isn’t it time to stop worrying?”
I softened my tone this time. He still looked displeased but seemed to think it over before reluctantly speaking.
“We just helped that brat realize his place.”
“I know. Of course.”
I quickly laughed and joked.
“Trying to join Lilith? He deserved a lesson, of course. Let’s forgive him since he’s suffered enough, yeah?”
After that, I slyly added,
“Of course, I’m an outsider, so it’s none of my business. I’m just worried about you guys. If problems arise, you’re the ones in trouble, not me.”
At that, he looked quite shaken. His face clearly showed he didn’t want to betray the other Lilith members by his choice, but at the same time didn’t want to get involved in their troubles either.
“I didn’t mean any harm.”
“Of course. I know.”
I patted his shoulder and coaxed Oliver.
“You could just check if he’s okay and leave. The others won’t know. As long as you don’t help Hearst yourself, they won’t suspect a thing. They’ll just think Hearst got out by himself or someone passing by helped. Outsiders with no connection to Lilith.”
Oliver caught my meaning. I smiled at him with a sincere look, as if saying I had no ill intent and just wanted to help.
Oliver reluctantly told me where Lucien was.