I resolved to endure the words Tsumugi-chan would direct at me. But this wasn’t simply a matter of gritting my teeth and bearing it.
If I forced the distance between us to close, she would surely retreat deeper into her shell. Yet, if I said nothing out of fear, we would remain on parallel lines forever.
Not too close, not too far. Not pushing too hard, not running too far. I needed to walk carefully, so as not to provoke her, while still building our relationship, little by little.
Undoubtedly, precarious days like walking a tightrope lay ahead. One wrong step, and her heart might close off even more. An irreparable rift might form.
Even so, this was a wall I had to scale.
Not just to fulfill the wish entrusted to me by Shiori, but because I myself wanted to face Tsumugi-chan. Not because she was Shiori’s little sister, nor as compensation for my guilt, but as two people living in the same house.
To that end, I decided to start with everyday conversation. Not as “the deceased lover’s sister” and “the deceased older sister’s lover”—a relationship constructed around death—but to slowly build a relationship as “Shintani Akane” and “Yoshino Tsumugi,” two people living together.
◇
Since I had the day off work that day, I waited quietly until Tsumugi-chan woke up. Eventually, I heard the sound of her leaving her room, and I looked up from the kitchen.
“Good morning, Tsumugi-chan. It’s cold this morning, isn’t it?”
I spoke as naturally and lightly as possible, making it just a simple morning greeting.
At the sound of my voice, her shoulders seemed to flinch for just an instant. But without replying, she headed straight for her seat at the table.
I aimed another single sentence at her back.
“Tomorrow’s your high school entrance ceremony, right? Are you all prepared?”
At that moment, Tsumugi-chan’s feet slowly stopped. When she turned, her eyes still looked sleepy, but deep within them lay the usual dark light—a clear hatred for me.
“…Shut up, murderer.”
The familiar words pierced my chest. They were words I should never get used to, no matter how many times I heard them, but now I—I had decided not to run, but to face them.
If it were me until yesterday, I surely would have fallen silent here. I would have looked down, ended the conversation, and then comforted myself with, “Today ended safely too.”
But that wouldn’t change anything, and this distance would never shrink.
“What about your uniform? Do you have the ribbon and everything? Did you submit the forms I signed?”
I spoke slowly, careful not to fire off questions too rapidly. Tsumugi-chan’s expression remained stiff, but she wasn’t completely ignoring me.
“Haa… I did it all.”
“I see. That’s a relief then.”
My chest felt just a tiny bit lighter.
Tsumugi-chan made a face like she might click her tongue, then averted her gaze.
“Stop fussing over every little thing.”
“I will fuss. I’m the one paying your tuition, so I’m allowed to worry, right?”
I thought I kept my voice low so it wouldn’t sound provocative, but the moment I said it, my own heart gave a little jump.
“…What’s that, a threat?”
I looked straight back into her eyes. If I looked away, I felt I’d lose.
“It’s not a threat. Just worry.”
I wasn’t lying. There was a lot to worry about regarding her school life.
Once Tsumugi-chan started high school, would she be able to fit into her class? Would she make friends she could laugh and talk with? Would she spend three years just sitting alone in a corner of the classroom, head bowed?
Just imagining it made my chest feel unsettled.
But I knew it was dirty of me to use money as a foothold. The reason Tsumugi-chan didn’t completely reject me now… if the only necessity for my existence lay there, then if I didn’t grasp even that thin thread, we would be completely severed.
“…How dirty of you. Figures, you hypocrite.”
Tsumugi-chan spat out coldly. Her gaze, piercing straight through me, held no restraint or hesitation.
“Say whatever you want. Adults are dirty.”
“…Whatever. Then worry all you want.”
“Okay. I will.”
This couldn’t be called a proper conversation. These were words that would absolutely never be exchanged in a normal household. Between a normal guardian and a high school student, there should be more natural kindness.
Even so, it was the most exchange I’d had with Tsumugi-chan so far. That was the fact, today’s small achievement.
◇
Once we sat down for breakfast, Tsumugi-chan bit into her bread, and I sipped my soup before starting the conversation again.
“I’ll be there to see your entrance ceremony, you know.”
“Don’t come… I mean, don’t. It has nothing to do with you.”
“It does. I went to that high school too, and right now, I’m also your guardian.”
At those words, Tsumugi-chan’s hand stopped. The fingers gripping her bread trembled slightly.
“…What’s with you since earlier? Guardian? You think you’re my big sister now or something? That’s—”
“I can’t become Shiori, and I don’t intend to. But being your guardian doesn’t change. I also think it’s one of the wishes entrusted to me by Shiori.”
“…Hah. You stole my sister from me, and you have the nerve to say that.”
It stabbed deep into my chest. But I didn’t look away. If I ran here, it would just be a repeat.
“I’ll say it as many times as it takes. I swear on Shiori, I will protect you, Tsumugi-chan.”
Tsumugi-chan stared at me in silence for a while. That silence felt accusatory, sorrowful, and above all, painful.
Eventually, a low, strained voice fell between us.
“Then I swear too. —I’ll make you see hell someday.”
Sound vanished between us. Only the morning light shone coldly on the table.
After that, we didn’t exchange a single word. A while later, she got up from her seat, but that day, I didn’t even hear the perfunctory “Thank you for the meal” that had recently been returning.
Staring at my nearly empty soup bowl, I let out a soft sigh.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t scared. It wasn’t that it didn’t hurt. Even so today, we truly exchanged words. Without running, without staying silent.
Hatred was fine, anger was fine. As long as her emotions were directed this way, it wasn’t over yet.
I whispered in my heart.
—It’s okay, I think we moved forward today. Even if just a little.
I believe that one step will reach Tsumugi-chan someday.