The moment I woke up, there was a faint tension deep in my chest. Today was Tsumugi-chan’s entrance ceremony… in other words, the day of a new beginning.
I slowly slipped out of bed and stepped into the hallway——
“……?”
Usually, there’s a sense of Tsumugi-chan’s presence in the room next door. But this morning, it was absent.
No one was in the living room. The hallway, of course, the bathroom, the changing area—all were hushed and still. Could it be…? When I glanced toward the entrance, her shoes were already gone.
——She left ahead of me.
It was probably because I said yesterday that I would “go see it.” Maybe she didn’t want to leave the house at the same time. Or perhaps she didn’t even want me in her sight.
My chest stung with a sharp pang. But I couldn’t blame her for it.
I finished getting ready and took out the small photo I keep carefully tucked inside my notebook.
The picture shows Shiori’s smiling face, taken during our high school trip. That dazzling smile, even now, still gives me the push I need.
“Shiori, today is Tsumugi-chan’s entrance ceremony. Let’s go see it together, okay?”
Of course, there’s no reply. And yet, I felt as if the Shiori in the photo suddenly leaned forward——
‘Alright, let’s go—!’
—and cheered in a bright voice.
My body felt suddenly lighter from that illusion, and before I knew it, I had finished getting ready and dashed out the front door.
◇
Gazing outside as the train swayed, I saw that the cherry blossoms had already mostly begun to bloom. After about ten more minutes, I arrived at the nearest station, and the moment I passed through the ticket gate, my chest grew restless.
From here on out was the path Shiori and I walked almost every day. If I passed through the shopping street ahead and climbed a small slope, the school should come into view. It should have been an ordinary commute, but now it’s filled with memories that tighten my chest.
The moment I stepped into the shopping street, the familiar scents and bustling sounds, almost unchanged from back then, spread out before me.
“It’s nostalgic, isn’t it, Shiori? That shop is still here.”
I stopped in front of the sweet-smelling crepe shop and smiled faintly. The faded sign, the samples in the display case—everything was just as it was back then.
“We often shared a crepe from here, didn’t we? Shiori, you always took the half with more whipped cream… you were sneaky.”
Even though there’s no reply, a gentle warmth spreads deep in my chest. But in the next moment, a different feeling washes over me.
“Ah… that shop is gone.”
It was a store with its sign removed. The shutter was down, and only a posted notice fluttered in the wind. It was the shop where Shiori desperately begged for the “couple discount.”
The owner saying the discount was only for male-female couples, and Shiori insisting, ‘But we really are lovers!’ I remember trying to stop her, my face bright red beside her, and in the end, the owner gave us the discount, half in exasperation.
Every time I remember, my chest burns. That time truly existed. The laughter, the touch of our fingertips—it was all real.
But the townscape changes little by little with time, and people come and go. The Shiori of that time, that laughter and warmth, is no longer beside me nor anywhere on this street.
By the time I passed through the shopping street, my vision was blurred. Today is Tsumugi-chan’s entrance ceremony, a day to watch her take a new step forward. Yet my heart is filled with thoughts of Shiori and regret.
I wanted to walk together more. I wanted to pass through this street while reminiscing about our memories together.
Such words keep surfacing.
But I can’t move forward if I just keep crying. Ahead lies the high school filled with memories of Shiori.
I wiped my eyes once more. Erasing the traces of tears, I straightened my back.
“……Let’s go, Shiori.”
◇
After walking a while, the familiar school gate came into view ahead.
The iron gate is the same color as it was back then. Though here and there the paint has peeled and it’s slightly rusted, even that was a familiar sight.
Only the school name plaque hanging beside it had faded a bit, telling of the time that had surely passed.
“It’s been a while since we came here, hasn’t it, Shiori?”
Muttering this in my heart, the moment I passed through the gate, a deep warmth surged in my chest.
Nostalgia, heartache, joy, pain—
Not just one, but all of them rushed over me at once. All of them connected to that time.
On the way to the gymnasium, new students and their parents bustled back and forth. The girls’ uniforms were almost unchanged from our time. The skirt length, the ribbon color—all just as they were then.
Because of that, my chest ached all the more.
Entering the gymnasium, the bustling air made my skin tremble. Sitting down in the parents’ seating area, the metal chair creaked softly. The surroundings were filled with quiet conversations between parents and the murmur of waiting for the ceremony to begin, yet I felt utterly alone, as if floating apart.
After a while, the new students began to enter. Neatly lined rows slowly advanced through the center of the gym. Uniform skirts swayed, and bright footsteps echoed.
I hadn’t been told which class Tsumugi-chan was in, so I desperately scanned each entering student, one by one.
Class 1-1 passed by, but Tsumugi-chan wasn’t among them. Next, Class 1-2 began to pass, but I still couldn’t see her.
What if she didn’t come…? The thought made my chest restless.
And then, just as the last row of Class 2 was about to pass by me——
Tsumugi-chan was there.
A face I’d never seen at home—slightly nervous, slightly unsteady, perfectly fitting for her age.
——No. I know it’s not.
The profile I glimpsed at the edge of my vision, the shape of the uniform, the way her hair swayed—it all overlapped so perfectly with Shiori from our school days. For a moment, I was genuinely fooled.
My hand almost reached out on its own, and I hurriedly pressed it back onto my lap.
No, that’s Tsumugi-chan.
I know, but my heart can’t catch up. My back trembled, and I couldn’t look straight ahead. Tears began to flow as if a dam had broken.
“Shiori, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
I repeated it in a small voice.
I felt the surrounding parents glance over, perhaps surprised. Maybe they thought I was crying because I was “moved by this family’s special day.”
But no, these aren’t such beautiful tears.
I’m supposed to be here to see Tsumugi-chan’s entrance ceremony, yet I’d superimposed Shiori’s image over her. I know there’s no replacement, but my heart can’t catch up. Tsumugi-chan is Tsumugi-chan, not Shiori.
“……I’m sorry, Shiori…”
I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for. For being alive? Or… for myself, still unable to fully face forward?
The ceremony continued. But for a while, I couldn’t stop the tears.