Even if I could somehow endure Tsumugi’s words, I couldn’t withstand the shadow of Shiori. I was completely crushed by my own mental weakness.
In that single moment when I’d superimposed Shiori over Tsumugi’s profile, the wound I thought I’d sewn shut deep in my chest tore wide open, and a messy tangle of regret and pain came bubbling up.
What was I doing on Tsumugi’s special day? I should have been looking at her for who she is. And yet, I’d gone searching for Shiori again.
To have been near her, even just in passing, with my heart in such a state… It’s painful even to look back on.
But the fact that I’d been seeing Shiori superimposed over Tsumugi must never, ever be known. For that girl, it would be the cruelest betrayal.
Once, just once, I’d muttered “Shiori…?” to Tsumugi just after her bath. I still can’t forget the expression that flashed across her face then. It was unmistakable—a hatred that seemed to gouge out the very depths of her heart, swelling instantly, something indistinguishable between anger and sorrow.
Tsumugi is Tsumugi, not Shiori. I understand that obvious fact in my head, over and over. Yet I couldn’t stand how pathetic I was, my heart simply unable to catch up.
Somehow holding back my tears, as the entrance ceremony drew to a close, I was finally able to look forward.
I took a deep breath and gently wiped the droplets distorting my vision with my sleeve. During that time, the new students had begun filing out.
Soon, Class 2, where Tsumugi was, would be coming. The murmur of the gymnasium mixed with the creaking of chairs, and only the sound of my own heart seemed to echo pointlessly loud. So loud I almost hallucinated that those around me could hear it.
And then—
The moment I spotted Tsumugi near the back row, my heart clenched tight. Whether she’d noticed me or not, the faint smile she’d been wearing vanished, and she looked down at me with her usual, frozen eyes of hatred.
Then, slowly, her mouth moved.
—”Murderer.”
She never voiced it aloud.
Surely no one else noticed. Those words reached no one else. But they pierced clearly into the depths of my chest and sank there, turning into pain.
“…!”
Even though I should have heard that word many times before, it mercilessly stabbed into my heart, which had just been wavering with Shiori’s shadow.
Endure it, endure it, me… I can’t break down here. I have to protect Tsumugi in Shiori’s place. Because that’s the only purpose left for me, the one who survived…
◇
And so the entrance ceremony ended, and the flow of people spilled out from the gymnasium.
In the plaza in front of the school building, preparations for photo-taking were already underway. Class signs were set up, teachers were organizing lines, and parents were scouting spots with their smartphones and cameras ready. Laughter rose from here and there, bright voices calling out, “Look this way,” “One more, okay?”
The spring sunlight was soft, cherry blossom petals fluttering down. Such a peaceful scene spread out before me.
But within that circle, the relationship between me and Tsumugi alone felt like something from a completely different world.
Tsumugi, of course, didn’t speak to me. Rather, she turned her face away as if trying to keep me out of her sight, maintaining her distance. I could only watch her from a little ways off.
It was then.
“Shintani Akane-san… right?”
Suddenly called from behind, I gave a small shudder.
Turning around, standing there was someone I vaguely recognized… Yes, the teacher who had been in charge of my and Shiori’s class in our second year of high school. Short hair, modest makeup. A fair amount of time should have passed since then, but her impression was almost unchanged.
“…Ah.”
Words wouldn’t come out properly. Surprise, nostalgia, and memories of Shiori all rushed in at once, clogging my throat.
Seeing my expression, the teacher seemed to understand immediately and carefully wove her words.
“I heard about what happened with Yoshino Shiori-san. It was so sudden, I was truly shocked. It must be very hard for you.”
The depths of my chest grew warmly tight. There was someone who would speak Shiori’s name so naturally like this. That alone offered my heart a tiny bit of salvation.
I bowed my head deeply.
“Thank you…”
I couldn’t manage any words beyond that.
After a slight pause, the teacher lowered her voice so those around us wouldn’t hear and asked,
“Is it alright to ask at a time like this? Where is her younger sister?”
“…Over there. In the very back, third from the right from our view.”
With just my gaze, I gently indicated the spot where everyone was gathering for the class photo. The teacher also followed with her eyes and confirmed Tsumugi’s figure. Then, for just a moment, she seemed at a loss for words.
“…She looks a little like Shiori-san from back then. But, those cold eyes…”
“She resents me. Because it’s as if I killed Shiori.”
When I said it honestly, the teacher showed a slightly pained expression, then gently placed a hand on my back. It was the same warm, reliable hand from back then.
“I’m not her homeroom teacher, but I’ll do as much as I can to look after her within the school. I’m worried.”
“Yes… thank you.”
That was all I could say.
The teacher gave a small nod and headed back toward the school building. Watching her retreating back, I was suddenly pulled back into the past.
Shiori, bathed in the light streaming through the classroom window, face planted on her desk, looking sleepy. The face she made, pouting her lips in dissatisfaction when I poked her gently with a notebook. The stair landing where we secretly kissed. The hallway we ran down after school, holding hands.
It’s all here. But all of it will never return.
The depths of my chest tightened painfully again.
While I was sinking into memories like that, the photo session seemed to have ended without my noticing. A murmur spread, and the flow of people began to disperse.
I turned around in a panic, but Tsumugi’s figure was no longer there.
Even when I swept my gaze around trying to find her, I couldn’t spot her amidst the waves of uniforms. Maybe she went home ahead of me, or maybe she was inside the school building.
Either way, I had been left behind.
For a while, I stood rooted to the spot, then looked up at the spring sky. Against a clear blue sky without a single cloud, cherry blossom petals drifted slowly.
Knowing they wouldn’t reach Shiori, somewhere in my heart I desperately wished.
—Please, give me the strength to protect Tsumugi’s heart.
It’s fine if she hates me. It’s fine if she rejects me. Even so, I don’t want to lose that girl.
The sky gave no answer.
Only the wind brushed against my cheek.