After finishing lunch, Tsumugi-chan pulled back her chair as usual and stood up without a sound. She placed her dishes in the sink, turned her back to me as I cleared them away, and tried to return to her room in silence.
As if performing a predetermined motion, she headed off without a moment’s hesitation. Aiming my voice at that retreating back, I made it sound as natural as possible.
“Tsumugi-chan, we’re going shopping after this.”
Tsumugi-chan’s movements stopped dead. Her foot, poised to step into the hallway, halted in mid-air. She turned only halfway around, a slight frown creasing her brow as she let out a low murmur.
“…So.”
It was a short sound I couldn’t tell was affirmation or denial, but I continued while wiping a dish.
“We’re going together, so get ready, okay?”
“…Huh?”
This time she turned around completely. The gaze directed at me head-on held its usual deep darkness. But today, mixed within that darkness was something else—a blatant confusion that screamed, “What are you talking about?”
“Why would I go with you…? I’m not going to complain about whatever you buy, so just go by yourself.”
In response to her usual rejection, I replied in as light a tone as I could.
“Can’t do that. We have to buy things for the overnight training trip, right? I might buy something that looks totally wrong on you.”
“Just buy whatever. I’m not going.”
In that moment, I realized it.
———’Take care of it.’
That was all it had been. I had just conveniently interpreted it my own way. It wasn’t ‘Let’s go together.’ It was just ‘Buy it for me.’
A small part deep in my chest tightened, and my expectation crumbled soundlessly. But I couldn’t back down here. I wanted to close the distance, even just a little. For that tiny, tiny hope, I deliberately took a step forward.
“If you don’t come with me, I won’t buy anything.”
The moment I said it, the air seemed to grow a notch colder.
Tsumugi-chan’s expression twisted slightly, and for just an instant, something flickered deep in her eyes.
“…Shouldn’t have said that.”
The muttered words, spat out like trash, and a cold sigh fell to the floor. Tsumugi-chan turned on her heel right then and there and quickly retreated to her room.
“We’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”
I called out toward the hallway, but there was no reply.
But if she wasn’t going to come, she’d surely say so. So Tsumugi-chan would definitely come. Even if forced, even if reluctantly, she’d still come.
Checking the clock over and over, I began my own preparations. I looked over the overnight trip handout again, circling things that seemed necessary.
Exactly fifteen minutes later, when I headed for the entrance, Tsumugi-chan was already changed and coming out of her room. Just seeing her like that lit a small lamp deep in my chest.
“Alright, shall we go then?”
“…”
No reply, and she wouldn’t meet my eyes. Even so, when I opened the door, she stepped outside after a slight pause.
Once we left the building, Tsumugi-chan walked along a few steps behind me. She didn’t walk beside me, didn’t overtake me, just maintained a fixed distance.
Sometimes our footsteps overlapped. We weren’t side by side. But we weren’t apart either.
That alone was enough for now.
◇
This was the first time Tsumugi-chan and I had gone out together.
Even though we lived in the same house, walking side-by-side outside was a first for today. Just thinking that made something deep in my chest feel restless.
I really wanted to say something, anything. But I didn’t know what to talk about. “How’s your class?” felt like too much of an intrusion, and talking about the weather wouldn’t lead anywhere.
In the end, we continued walking in silence.
Our destination was a shopping mall in a direction we didn’t usually go. Being a bit farther away meant a lower chance of running into anyone we knew, and most importantly… it was a place Shiori and I hadn’t gone to much.
That was the biggest reason I chose to go there today.
Right now, just seeing Tsumugi-chan in her uniform was enough to make me feel like I might fall apart. At that mall, I had no memories of walking hand-in-hand with Shiori. No memories of sitting next to her in the food court. So, it should be fine.
—Besides, they have a good selection.
I used that practical reason as an excuse to myself.
There was just one thing I was worried about.
It wasn’t Tsumugi-chan’s mood, or the distance between us, but an anxiety about myself—.
“…!”
It was the sound of a car horn, a bit loud, blaring in the distance. The moment my ears caught that utterly ordinary sound, my body reacted immediately.
My shoulders trembled, my heart seemed to leap, and my vision swayed slightly.
—On the morning of my first day back at work after the accident, my body would freeze every time a horn sounded like that during my commute. Just the sound approaching would make my feet stop, and cold sweat would run down my back.
Back then, I didn’t understand what was happening inside me; I was just wracked with chills.
But after experiencing it so many times, I understood. It was undoubtedly because of the accident that day.
The blaring horn, the shadow of the approaching car. Next, Shiori’s anguished scream calling my name. And the sound of the impact the moment it sent us flying.
All of it replayed vividly in the depths of my ears.
Even though I didn’t want to remember, my body remembered on its own. Each time, something deep in my chest tightened. It was phantom pain, yet it still bound me and wouldn’t let go.
It was what you could call trauma.
Then—
“…!”
This time, a high-pitched horn blared much closer. In that instant, I reflexively crouched down on the spot.
My vision swayed unsteadily. My heart thrashed as if it wasn’t my own, and it was hard to breathe.
Beside me, Tsumugi-chan was now standing. I looked up timidly, but her face held no trace of concern; she was just looking at me with a cold gaze.
It didn’t look like “Are you okay?” eyes at all. If anything, they seemed to say, “Hurry up.”
Even so, Tsumugi-chan had stopped and was staying by my side until I could move.
That alone seeped into my chest, just a little.
“…I’m fine, it’s nothing.”
I managed to murmur that and slowly stood up. Taking deep, deep breaths to steady myself, I clenched my trembling hands.
—It’s fine. Nothing is happening right now, no car is bearing down on us. Both Tsumugi-chan and I are alive.
And then, as if nothing had happened, I started walking again.
—I have to get used to this soon.
Telling myself that, I moved my feet forward slowly so as not to leave her behind.