After finishing her dinner, Tsumugi-chan pushed her chair back the moment she set down her chopsticks. The scrape of the chair legs against the floor echoed far too loudly in the living room. Then, as if fleeing, she retreated to her room.
I couldn’t stand up. I couldn’t call out to stop her.
Soon after, the sound of a door closing came from down the hall.
Looking at the plate left on the table, I saw it had been cleaned off without a trace. Not even the last morsel remained. It was proof she had properly faced the meal with me.
“…Thank you.”
The words that leaked out like a whisper dissolved into the air without catching on anything. They didn’t need to be heard. They didn’t need to reach her. But I couldn’t not say them. Even if unspoken, the fact she ate was my only salvation today.
As I stacked the dishes, my fingertips trembled.
It wasn’t that I wanted to cry. I was just relieved. At the very least, she hadn’t rejected the meal.
◇
But after that, Tsumugi-chan never voluntarily left her room again.
In the solitary space, I cleaned up the dishes, scrubbing them with a sponge while replaying the day’s events over and over in my head.
Those eyes, holding darkness, when she first arrived at this house. And that desperate plea.
—“Give my sister back.”
My hands almost stopped. I hurriedly started scrubbing again.
It’s only the first day. There’s no need to rush.
Telling myself this, I tidied the kitchen a little for tomorrow.
By the time I finally caught my breath, the next time I saw Tsumugi-chan was after I had finished preparing the bath.
After setting out a bath towel and closing the bathroom door, I stood in front of her room and called out softly.
“Tsumugi-chan, the bath is ready. You can go in first. You can enter through the door next to the toilet.”
There was no reply, but the faint sound of footsteps told me she had heard.
After a while, her door opened, and Tsumugi-chan walked down the hall, holding her clothes and a towel. She never once looked my way, as if not acknowledging my existence… like she was holding her breath, she slipped into the bathroom and vanished.
Only after hearing the click of the door closing did I finally exhale.
—If Shiori were still alive now.
The three of us might have gathered around the table, argued and laughed over who got to use the bath first… There might have been days like that.
Just imagining it left a gaping hole in my chest.
Amidst the faint sound of the shower, I returned to my room and began preparing to return to work tomorrow.
I had been on leave from work ever since the day I lost Shiori. I really wanted a little more time to sort out my feelings. When I’m alone at night, my breathing still gets tight. Sometimes, in an unguarded moment, the horn from that day comes back to me.
But if I don’t work, I can’t protect Tsumugi-chan. I won’t be able to fulfill the “request” Shiori entrusted to me.
In my room, I went through the documents that had arrived by mail, one by one. The fingertips holding the pen remained cold, yet a small, creeping anxiety began to seep into my back.
Rent, utilities, food, school fees. Between Shiori’s savings and my salary, there was no room for luxury. But it wasn’t an impossible amount to manage.
“…It’ll be okay.”
As if convincing myself, I whispered those words softly.
How much time had passed since I returned to the living room? The sound of the clock’s second hand seemed unnaturally loud. Playing some sound might have distracted me a little, but I didn’t have the energy for that.
As I sat blankly on the sofa, staring at the table, the sound of the bathroom door opening made me look up.
Tsumugi-chan emerged from the bath, appearing in the living room while lightly dabbing her dripping hair with a towel. Perhaps her throat was dry, she took a glass from the cupboard and stood in front of the sink.
Seeing her like that, I caught my breath.
“…!”
What Tsumugi-chan was wearing were the pajamas Shiori had used many times when she stayed over. A pale color, the sleeves a little long on Tsumugi-chan, with a soft embroidered detail on the chest. Even the pilling that never came out no matter how many times it was washed was exactly as I remembered.
I knew they were sisters, so they looked alike. But even so, the way Tsumugi-chan’s hair was wet, her build, the curve of her shoulders—she looked exactly like Shiori as I had seen her once.
Standing there was my lover, fresh from the bath. The person who would normally turn around with a laugh and say, “You should get in too, Akane.”
Something deep in my chest churned violently, and the words spilled out before thought.
“Shiori…?”
At that single word, Tsumugi-chan’s movements stopped dead.
The face that slowly turned toward me was far colder, harder, and trembling thinly with anger than it had been just moments before.
“…Don’t joke around. I’m not my sister.”
A low, trembling voice. And in it, I saw clear rejection.
“My sister isn’t anywhere anymore! Because you killed her!”
“…!”
A crushing pain shot through my chest. I couldn’t deny it. I couldn’t retort.
Tsumugi-chan ran off, still holding the glass. When she returned to her room, she must have slammed the door shut with such force that the wall shuddered.
In the now-silent living room, I stood frozen.
“I know… I know, and yet…”
How cruel that single word of mine had been. I knew, for Tsumugi-chan, it was the one spot that must not be touched.
With that one word from earlier, the distance between us had grown. Just when I thought I might finally be able to take a step closer, reality was far too cruel.
Biting back the tears that threatened to fall, I headed for the bath. My steps were unsteady, my vision slightly swaying. My own face reflected in the bathroom mirror was terribly pale.
In the steam-filled bathroom, I stood under the warm shower spray. But no matter how much I exposed my body to the water that should have been warm, the depths of my heart remained utterly frozen.
“…Shiori, tell me. What should I do…?”
My voice was swallowed by the steam and vanished.
No answer came. None could come. That day, the sensation of the hand I held last came back vividly.
When I closed my eyes, Shiori’s face, laughing at the hot springs, floated up. The gap between that smile and the present reality was so vast it made my head spin.
Unable to tell if the drops tracing my cheeks were tears or bathwater, I simply continued washing my body in silence.
Carrying a question with no answer… holding a heart frozen solid.