Mu Xinghai felt he had already used the gentlest, softest tone in his entire life to coax him yet he still wasn’t sure whether Ruan Chen would agree. The odds didn’t feel high. He hesitated a moment before speaking: “I heard that Observatory XX in Country A is a famous stargazing spot, right? How about we go together?”
Then Ruan Chen answered calmly: “No need.”
Mu Xinghai felt an almost uncontrollable anxiety rise within him, a tightness in his chest, a discomfort that bordered on physical.
Then Ruan Chen added, “You don’t have to pay. I can cover it myself.”
Instantly, Mu Xinghai’s mood lifted, a small surge of joy flickering through him.
Ruan Chen spoke again, gentle and measured, “We don’t even need to go abroad. I know a little known spot that’s excellent for stargazing.”
Mu Xinghai didn’t hesitate and replied quickly, voice full of eager agreement, “Okay, okay, sure!”
Ruan Chen’s tone carried a trace of concern, “Before that, let’s not meet in person casually. Finals are coming up, I hope you can do well.”
The words sounded distant, aloof, detached yet, paradoxically, he had still agreed to the invitation.
This time, Mu Xinghai kept his promise.
He didn’t seek him out until the winter break but every day without fail, he would greet Ruan Chen in the morning and at night. Occasionally, they would log into a study session together, remaining silent, simply listening to the sound of each other flipping pages and writing notes.
Sometimes they would discuss ordinary things or Mu Xinghai would ask for movie recommendations and, after watching, share his thoughts and discuss them with Ruan Chen.
In this way, Mu Xinghai found a surprising resonance with Ruan Chen, their taste in movies often coincided, as if they shared an unspoken understanding.
When winter break ended, the students had mostly left campus.
Ruan Chen departed the next day.
Just like before, early in the morning, before dawn, he was already waiting at the side gate of the school, carrying a suitcase and a large hiking backpack, ready to get into Mu Xinghai’s car.
They drove toward an ancient ethnic minority village nestled deep in the mountains of their province.
Once they left the highway and entered the old mountain roads, the path became difficult and treacherous. Winding hairpin turns, only the most rudimentary guardrails to prevent disaster, the slightest mistake could have sent them plummeting into the ravine below.
With the added time lost to navigation, it took them seven or eight hours of careful driving before they finally reached their destination.
Ruan Chen remarked, “When I came here a few years ago, the road wasn’t nearly this developed. For the villagers, going down the mountain was incredibly difficult. Now we can even drive in.”
Mu Xinghai’s first impression of the village was its silence, utter, absolute quiet.
Ruan Chen seemed like a different person here, freer, more relaxed. He approached an elderly woman dressed in traditional ethnic clothing, squatted down and asked politely in a soft voice if there was a place for lodging and food. Once he had the answer, he smiled at her and thanked her.
The elderly woman stood and Ruan Chen turned to beckon Mu Xinghai. “She says her family runs a guesthouse. We can stay at her place.”
At the guesthouse, the woman asked, “Do you need one room or two?”
Mu Xinghai replied, “One room will be fine for the two of us.”
Ruan Chen glanced at him, saying nothing to contradict and once the woman left, he finally spoke, “It’s not convenient to shower here.”
Mu Xinghai’s face flushed and he looked at Ruan Chen, lowering his voice slightly, “Don’t think of me as some… pervert or lustful person… I just want to be your partner.”
They went to the room to rest.
Mu Xinghai called his parents in front of Ruan Chen to check in, letting them know he had arrived safely.
Ruan Chen listened quietly, quietly admiring the warmth of a child being pampered by caring parents.
Mu Xinghai turned to him. “Aren’t you going to call your parents?”
It was like poking a sore spot. Ruan Chen, just settling into the bed, paused for a moment, then replied with a hint of frustration, “My parents don’t care.”
Ruan Chen had never shared his family matters with anyone.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Mu Xinghai apologized softly, choosing not to press further.
But Ruan Chen began to speak on his own.
Perhaps he had held it all in for too long. Now, encountering someone who could listen, even knowing it might be inappropriate, he could not help but speak.
“I haven’t decided where I’ll spend the New Year yet.”
The lights were off.
The room was completely dark.
Mu Xinghai asked cautiously, “A divorced family?”
Ruan Chen answered, quietly, “No. I was sold to foster parents when I was little but once they had their own biological child, they didn’t really care for me. Things are strained now. I visit both families occasionally but the relationships are distant and not warm.”
He added quietly, “I want to repay my biological parents but my foster parents strongly oppose it. I know it’s foolish but I just… I just want a place to belong. Any home that will take me, that’s all I want.”
Mu Xinghai said nothing.
He didn’t speak a word. Instead, he shifted closer under the covers, wrapping his arms around Ruan Chen.
Warmth spread, quiet and comforting, between them.
The two lay there in silence, the room dark, hearts quietly speaking in a language that didn’t need words.
Ruan Chen never thought there was anyone in the world who could truly step into his shoes and feel the depth of his loneliness and confusion yet at moments like this, just being held was enough, it was comforting in a way words couldn’t express.
He let out a small, almost imperceptible laugh and muttered, “You smell like a car.”
Mu Xinghai replied, gentle and teasing, “I’m comforting you… can you not hate me for smelling like that?”
After a moment, he hesitated, then asked, “Do I really smell that bad? I can go wash up.”
Ruan Chen shook his head slightly, “It’s not that bad. I’m just a bit sensitive to smells, that’s all. I’m not bothered by you.”
Mu Xinghai leaned closer, tentatively sniffing at the faint scent lingering on Ruan Chen’s clothes. Ruan Chen had washed himself simply with warm water before bed, so there was almost no discernible odor.
If anything, it carried Ruan Chen’s subtle, indescribable scent, a clean, comforting aura that wasn’t offensive yet somehow, the more Mu Xinghai inhaled, the more his own body began to betray him.
He had mentally prepared himself to keep their relationship purely emotional for now, to maintain a kind of spiritual intimacy without physical overreach yet his body seemed determined to ignore reason.
Mu Xinghai froze, embarrassed.
He didn’t move. He tried to steady himself, even reciting calming mantras silently in his mind, attempting to summon restraint.
Ruan Chen turned in his arms to face him and asked softly, “So… what now? Did you bring protection?”
Mu Xinghai froze.
He swallowed hard, words coming out in a low, reluctant whisper, “I… I brought it.”
Ruan Chen made a soft, noncommittal sound, “Mm.”
It didn’t matter.
Mu Xinghai’s heart pounded like a drum, his face flushed, his ears burning. “Don’t worry… I said I want to be in a relationship with you. I won’t do anything tonight.”
He said it with effort, slowly releasing his embrace, planning to slip back under the separate blanket on the other bed.
The moment he shifted even slightly, Ruan Chen moved immediately closer, pressing against him again.
This was the first time Ruan Chen had been so proactively affectionate, so deliberately intimate.
Mu Xinghai’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his voice tight. “Do you… want to do it?”
Ruan Chen shook his head, “No.”
Mu Xinghai felt a strange mix of frustration and anxiety. What exactly did that mean?
Ruan Chen’s next words were quiet, tender: “But I want you to hold me.”
So Mu Xinghai continued to hold him, unable to resist.
Time stretched painfully slow, every second dragging on.
Mu Xinghai counted silently in his mind, determined to maintain control. Two minutes later, he had already lost his composure. He was beginning to understand, dimly but unmistakably, why Ruan Chen never refused a man.
Who could resist such a delicate, vulnerable heart so entwined around their fingertips?
Ruan Chen’s defenses were subtle but complete, he would never outright refuse yet he allowed Mu Xinghai to have this power over him, to guide him without protest.
Ruan Chen’s lips said “no,” but his body and his heart already said “yes” in every quiet, unspoken way.
And indeed, he had never refused.
Mu Xinghai held him closer, letting the warmth of the moment envelop them both, the two of them tangled together in quiet intimacy, every heartbeat, every breath, drawing them further into each other.
The night was still. The air thick with unspoken tension yet filled with the soft safety of their closeness.
In the quiet darkness, Mu Xinghai realized something profound: Ruan Chen’s vulnerabilities were not a weakness, they were an invitation, delicate and trembling yet utterly irresistible and in this fragile, unguarded state, he had to tread carefully yet could not deny the pull, the intoxicating closeness that made it impossible to let go.
The night stretched long, the world outside ceasing to exist, until only the warmth of their bodies and the quiet thrum of their hearts remained and Mu Xinghai finally understood: this was more than comfort, more than desire, it was trust and trust, he realized, could be just as intimate, just as binding, as any physical act.
Yet he still held him tightly, knowing that in this embrace, everything, every fear, every secret, every unspoken longing, was safe.
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
The coffee spirits are watching. 👁️☕
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
← PreviousNext →
ChaptersChapter 1 · Rear WindowChapter 2 · Kahlil Gibran, “I Have Spit My Soul Seven Times”Chapter 3 · His ToyChapter 4 · Star GazingChapter 5 · Just a dreamChapter 6 · ColdChapter 7 · Yearning for LoveChapter 8 · A Good PersonChapter 9 · Such a good boyChapter 10 · Delivered to your doorChapter 11 · Not familiar with itChapter 12 · First loveChapter 13 · Giving giftsChapter 14 · HeartstringsChapter 15 · Chinese New YearChapter 16 · TruthChapter 17 · SeparateChapter 18 · Planting minesChapter 19 · ChoiceChapter 20 · More hereChapter 21 · Could things have gotten any worse?Chapter 22 · Not because you like me?Chapter 23 · Not because you like me?Chapter 24 · It’s a tangled mess, impossible to unravelChapter 25 · The truth has been revealedChapter 26 · Extra: 1Chapter 27 · Extra: 2Chapter 28 · Extra: 3Chapter 29 · Extra: 4Chapter 30 · Extra: 5Chapter 31 · Extra: 6Chapter 32 · Extra: 7