Ruan Chen responded with a dazed “Oh.” Jiang Tingting’s voice softened as well, becoming gentle and delicate, almost dependent as she said, “I’ve only told you this secretly, Senior… don’t tell anyone else.”
Ruan Chen replied, “I’ll keep it a secret.”
Sigh. The junior was lying again.
Ruan Chen thought.
Unlike before, now Ruan Chen didn’t even hesitate. Almost instinctively, he judged that Mu Xinghai would never go back to Jiang Tingting. There was no need to list out reasons one, two, three or four, he simply knew it wouldn’t happen.
It only made him recall once again the foolish motive that had led him to approach Mu Xinghai in the first place.
Lately, he couldn’t help but think, if he hadn’t blindly believed his junior back then, would things have turned out differently? Would he have avoided ending up entangled with a man like this?
On a piece of paper, Ruan Chen wrote down a term: bi curious.
He added a definition beneath it:
This refers to heterosexual individuals who are interested in experimenting with bisexuality. They usually regard it as a purely sexual experience, while their primary lifestyle remains centered on heterosexual relationships. They resist being labeled as homosexual.
He speculated that Mu Xinghai belonged to this category.
Then what about himself?
What about him?
He didn’t possess Mu Xinghai’s certainty. Having already been involved with a man, could he still consider himself heterosexual?
When Mu Xinghai left, would it truly be over?
Could he return to ordinary society, live as a heterosexual man again, fall in love with a woman, get married and build a family?
And if he did that, wouldn’t it be unbearably shameless?
That day, gis advisor asked him to help with something, to pick up his daughter from kindergarten. It wasn’t the first time Ruan Chen had done something like this and he was familiar with the place. The teachers recognized him, knew he was taking the child to her father and smoothly allowed him to take her.
The little girl asked, “Are we going to see Daddy?”
Ruan Chen replied, “Yes.”
The girl said, “I’ll tell Mom first,” and began tapping on her smartwatch.
A few minutes later, while Ruan Chen was still holding her hand and walking toward the subway station, he received a call from his advisor’s wife. She told him not to rush back to school but to take the child somewhere nearby to sit and wait for her.
So Ruan Chen took the little girl to a bookstore across the street, settling into the children’s reading area.
About twenty minutes later, his advisor’s wife, Fang Yan, came to pick up her daughter after work. With a gentle and approachable smile, she asked, “Have you eaten? I don’t feel like cooking either, why don’t we grab something to eat together on the way?”
“Thank you, Sister Fang,” Ruan Chen said. He didn’t call her “Madam” or “Teacher’s wife.” He had once, at the beginning but Fang Yan had laughed and said it made her sound old, telling him to just call her “Sister Fang.”
Fang Yan wasn’t very old. She and his advisor, Song Yingyan, had been university classmates but after completing her postgraduate studies, she hadn’t pursued further academia. Instead, she worked in the research department of a company, holding quite a high position.
Sitting in the back seat of the car, Ruan Chen watched her from behind and couldn’t help feeling a trace of envy.
Sometimes, he truly couldn’t understand his advisor. With such a good wife and such a bright, lovely daughter, why would he still cheat?
This was, in every sense, the perfect family he had always imagined.
They had a meal together at a Western restaurant and afterward, Fang Yan even drove him back to school.
Just before he got out of the car, Fang Yan glanced at her daughter, who had fallen asleep in the back seat and said, “Xiao Ruan, if Song Yingyan asks you to pick up my daughter again in the future, please don’t go.”
Ruan Chen didn’t react immediately. “Ah?”
Fang Yan spoke calmly, “Last month, I already filed for divorce. The child will stay with me. There’s no need for him to be involved anymore.”
Ruan Chen replied, “Ah… okay. Got it.” Beyond that, he didn’t know what else to say.
After getting out of the car, Ruan Chen stood by the roadside, watching the vehicle drive away. For some reason, it felt as though a shadow of unease had quietly settled over his heart.
Across the street, Mu Xinghai spotted Ruan Chen at a glance.
Ruan Chen looked distracted, so lost in thought that he didn’t even hear when his name was called. Mu Xinghai glanced at the passing traffic, then carefully crossed the street and jogged over to him.
Ruan Chen was on the phone. “…Gu Yin was picked up by Sister Fang… no, nothing was said…”
Mu Xinghai stood quietly to the side. After Ruan Chen hung up and let out a sigh, he turned around and nearly bumped straight into him, startled. “Why are you here?”
Mu Xinghai frowned. “I called out to you and you didn’t even hear me.”
Ruan Chen said, “I have something to do…” then reminded him again, “This is outside the school.”
Mu Xinghai gave a nonchalant “Mm.”
Ruan Chen felt especially uncomfortable speaking with Mu Xinghai under so many watching eyes. He wished he didn’t have to say another word at all. In a perfunctory, distant, hurried tone, he said, “I still have things to take care of. I’ll be going first.”
After saying that, he didn’t wait for Mu Xinghai’s response before turning around to leave.
Mu Xinghai followed a step behind him, neither speaking nor straying far yet not drawing any closer either.
Ruan Chen didn’t look back. He wanted to, very much but doing so felt like a deliberate attempt to cover something up.
He also didn’t want to head toward the dormitory. If he did, chances were he would unknowingly lead Mu Xinghai back again and then, just as unconsciously, they would end up tangled together on the bed once more.
So instead, he wandered slowly around campus.
He walked along the artificial lake. It was nearing early summer; the surface of the green water was dotted with delicate water lilies, their petals shyly closing under the cover of night.
The water reflected the dim glow of the streetlights, the light wavering gently with the ripples before settling again, forming Mu Xinghai’s faint reflection.
Gradually, they reached a quieter area where few people passed.
Seeing no one around, Ruan Chen stopped.
Mu Xinghai asked, “Tired of walking?”
Ruan Chen lifted his foot again as if to continue but didn’t go far. Instead, he sat down on a bench by the path. Mu Xinghai followed and sat beside him.
Naturally, Mu Xinghai took something out and handed it to Ruan Chen, disrupting whatever Ruan Chen had been about to say. Ruan Chen lowered his gaze and saw that it was a small bottle of mosquito repellent.
“There are a lot of mosquitoes here,” Mu Xinghai said. “And you attract them easily. Put some on first.”
Ruan Chen accepted it. “Why are you even carrying this around with you?”
“I was heading to the supermarket to buy some things,” Mu Xinghai replied. “Just happened to pass by.”
Ruan Chen didn’t use it.
Suddenly, Mu Xinghai reached out and brushed the side of his neck with the back of his hand. The touch was faintly ticklish. Ruan Chen recoiled instantly, as if bitten by a snake. In an instant, his ears flushed bright red and his dim gray eyes lit up with irritation. “What are you doing?”
Mu Xinghai spoke quickly, apologetically. “Sorry. I saw a bump here, did a mosquito bite you? Doesn’t it itch? I didn’t see you scratching.”
Ruan Chen said, “For this kind of itch, if you resist scratching at the beginning, it stops after ten or so minutes. If you scratch it, it just gets worse.”
“I’ll help you apply it,” Mu Xinghai said.
Ruan Chen stared at him without speaking, rejecting him solely with his gaze.
His face was tense and inside him, a fierce struggle unfolded. It felt as though a long time had passed yet perhaps it was only a moment. Amid the incessant chirping of insects in the grass, Ruan Chen spoke without any preamble, his voice dry and abrupt.
“Let’s break up… From now on, no matter where we are, we shouldn’t meet again.”
Mu Xinghai’s expression darkened instantly, turning frighteningly grim. “Why?” he asked.
There were countless respectable excuses he could have given, studies, future prospects, the marginalization and complications of same sex relationships but in that moment, none of them came to mind.
Instead, driven by a sense of guilt straight from the heart, Ruan Chen said, “I wasn’t with you because I liked you.”
Before the words had even fully fallen, Ruan Chen didn’t even clearly see how Mu Xinghai moved. Mu Xinghai leaned in and kissed him directly.
A forceful kiss.
Ruan Chen froze for a second in shock, then tried to pull away but his head was held firmly in place.
It felt as though something exploded inside his mind. His lips burned, his cheeks burned but most of all, it was the overwhelming sense of shame that flared hot, almost unbearable.
About a dozen meters away,
Lin Mu saw the overlapping silhouettes of two men. For a moment, he wondered if he had seen wrong. He took out his phone, opened the camera and zoomed in.
Then he saw clearly.
It was Ruan Chen and Mu Xinghai, kissing.
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
This chapter was powered by questionable decisions. The next one may require coffee.
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
← PreviousNext →
ChaptersChapter 1 · Rear WindowChapter 2 · Kahlil Gibran, “I Have Spit My Soul Seven Times”Chapter 3 · His ToyChapter 4 · Star GazingChapter 5 · Just a dreamChapter 6 · ColdChapter 7 · Yearning for LoveChapter 8 · A Good PersonChapter 9 · Such a good boyChapter 10 · Delivered to your doorChapter 11 · Not familiar with itChapter 12 · First loveChapter 13 · Giving giftsChapter 14 · HeartstringsChapter 15 · Chinese New YearChapter 16 · TruthChapter 17 · SeparateChapter 18 · Planting minesChapter 19 · ChoiceChapter 20 · More hereChapter 21 · Could things have gotten any worse?Chapter 22 · Not because you like me?Chapter 23 · Not because you like me?Chapter 24 · It’s a tangled mess, impossible to unravelChapter 25 · The truth has been revealedChapter 26 · Extra: 1Chapter 27 · Extra: 2Chapter 28 · Extra: 3Chapter 29 · Extra: 4Chapter 30 · Extra: 5Chapter 31 · Extra: 6Chapter 32 · Extra: 7