When Ruan Chen arrived at the hospital and found the ward, Mu Xinghai’s wounds had already been treated. His hands, still stained with blood, had been cleaned and the injuries properly dressed.
But it wasn’t just that. His face was bruised and mottled, shades of blue and purple marking the skin, clearly the result of someone hitting him.
Ruan Chen stood in front of him, frowning, exasperated. “What were you doing out at this hour? How did you end up looking like this?”
Mu Xinghai grinned wryly. “Fighting.”
Fighting? And he wasn’t even ashamed, he seemed proud of it. Ruan Chen couldn’t help the pang of worry that struck his chest and it made him even more furious. “You actually have the nerve to say that? Fighting? Fighting what? Don’t you care about getting into trouble with the school?”
For once, he carried the air of a senior brother, authoritative and stern.
Ruan Chen’s frustration was at its peak. His chest burned with a rage that had nowhere to go and he vented it pointedly, his words sharp and tinged with anguish:
“You’re impossible! Always like this! Are you insane? You act on every whim, doing whatever comes to mind, without a thought for the consequences! Is this deliberate? You planned it, didn’t you? You knew I’d end up softening, didn’t you? Is it necessary for you to do this?!”
By the end of his tirade, his voice carried a hint of collapse, almost breaking into sobs.
Mu Xinghai didn’t dare to be cheeky anymore. He stayed seated, making himself slightly smaller, as if to show vulnerability. He reached out to hold Ruan Chen’s hand, deliberately using his injured one, forcing Ruan Chen to hesitate, unable to pull away.
Ruan Chen stayed still, his voice firm. “Let go. We’re still in public.”
Mu Xinghai didn’t release him. “Senior brother… sit down. Let’s talk slowly.”
Ruan Chen took a deep breath and finally sat beside him.
“Why did you start a fight for no reason?” he asked.
“I went to a bar for a drink. Someone provoked me, it wasn’t like I started it,” Mu Xinghai replied.
“And the other person?”
“He probably went to another hospital. Someone called the police, so we just went our separate ways.”
Hearing that he wouldn’t get tangled up in any legal trouble, Ruan Chen relaxed slightly, though he still wanted to give the scoundrel a piece of his mind.
As someone who avoided bars entirely, a social introvert completely alien to trouble, he couldn’t understand Mu Xinghai’s way of life, how this guy could be so wild, so flamboyant, so recklessly daring.
Ruan Chen’s tone dripped with irony. “So, should I also say how impressive you are? So manly, so heroic?”
Mu Xinghai lowered his head and spoke softly. “No, not at all.”
Scolding him felt like punching a pillow, there was no real impact, no satisfaction.
If he called him rebellious, Mu Xinghai took it without complaint; if he demanded obedience, there was no sign of genuine remorse and yet, there was a sly little joy in the way he seemed to have successfully deceived him.
Ruan Chen felt like a fool, caught in a trap of his own making.
He sat brooding for a moment before glancing up and noticing Mu Xinghai staring at him intently. His heart began to race, his chest tight.
The events of the night still lingered unresolved. Even if he avoided bringing them up, the words Mu Xinghai had said about coming out to his parents kept echoing in his mind.
But he didn’t dare speak of it.
Ruan Chen stood. “Let’s go. I’ll take you home, Young Master.”
He picked up Mu Xinghai’s medical record, medications and other belongings, walking slowly beside him.
Mu Xinghai lagged behind by half a step, watching his back.
To be honest, it wasn’t exactly an enchanting view, Ruan Chen’s back was slightly hunched, his head bowed, always exuding a kind of humble, pitiful aura and yet, for some reason, Mu Xinghai couldn’t help wanting to press a kiss to the small mole on his neck.
He didn’t reveal the full truth to Ruan Chen.
He had gone to the bar, had a disagreement but he didn’t mention that the other person was Lin Mu, or that Lin Mu had confronted him with photos of them kissing.
They left the bright interior behind and stepped into an area devoid of streetlights.
Mu Xinghai lowered his voice, as if afraid of startling Ruan Chen. “Senior brother… I really did tell my parents about us… that we’re dating. They don’t oppose it… and… how do you feel about it?”
People often say those who seem cold outside are warm inside; those who seem warm outside are cold inside. Mu Xinghai thought Ruan Chen was both outwardly and inwardly cold, like a thick block of ice.
On the surface, one could seem to understand him at a glance but underneath layers of frost, his heart remained fiercely protected.
No matter how much heat Mu Xinghai poured in, it couldn’t melt him.
He saw Ruan Chen stop and he stopped with him. Then, abruptly, Ruan Chen spoke, seemingly out of nowhere: “Actually… I had some good times with my foster parents, too.”
Mu Xinghai listened quietly.
Ruan Chen continued, “They thought I wouldn’t remember but I remember everything. When I first arrived at the Ruan household, my parents treated me so well. My mother knitted me several little sweaters, all beautiful, with kittens playing with butterflies. Other kids in kindergarten were envious. Every day, my father would come home from work and I would wait by the door. As soon as he came in, I would rush to him and he’d lift me up to play, even letting me ride on his shoulders to go to the kindergarten.”
“I understood why they still chose to send me away. By then, my mother had a second child and my grandmother was ill, it cost a lot. Hearts aren’t perfectly balanced; one side is heavier than the other. Maybe they loved me but not enough. They weren’t cruel, though. When I said I wanted to study, they supported me, so I gave money when the family needed it.”
“I know I’m living well now and they’ve treated me decently within reason. I’m grateful enough.”
In that moment, Mu Xinghai felt as though he could see Ruan Chen’s soul, fragmented, floating like splinters on water.
It reminded him of something from a film they had watched together recently: once a heart is broken, it stays broken forever.
“I know that in this world, no one is ever obligated to love another person.”
“But sometimes… sometimes I still feel resentment. I resent them for picking my soul from the void, for dragging me into this world without asking.”
Ruan Chen turned, his face taut with tension. He stared at the man before him, handsome yet disheveled, a man who stirred both jealousy and longing within him. Their emotions tangled and twisted together like a knot with no end. He said sharply, voice tight, every word laced with frustration:
“Do you think telling me your parents agreed would make me overjoyed, or make me grateful to you? I’m not a woman to need you to give me some title or acknowledgment. Do you even know how that makes me feel? I just… feel even more jealous. I’ve always been jealous of you. Why is it that everything you want seems to come so easily? Even when you go against the rules, even when you’re rebellious, the world bends to forgive you.”
“Do you know what would happen if my family found out about us? Everything I’ve worked for all these years, every ounce of respect I’ve earned by being diligent, by taking on hardships, by serving others, would collapse in an instant.”
“You can always turn back… but I can’t.”
Ruan Chen planted himself firmly, immovable. Mu Xinghai, as if splitting an invisible, heavy wall, stepped closer, relentless, his presence pressing in, his words piercing:
“Can’t you try, just once? Are you really going to build your walls around everyone forever? Yes, you protect yourself that way but it also cuts off any care, any warmth that might reach you. You say you want a family… but you never let anyone get close. Then who could ever truly build that family with you?”
The words struck Ruan Chen like a blow to a tender spot he had long tried to ignore. He had no retort; no words could counter the truth Mu Xinghai exposed so sharply.
He knew, deep down, how cowardly he was. He hated that cowardice more than anyone could imagine.
Mu Xinghai pressed the palm of his hand against Ruan Chen’s cheek, leaning in to brush a soft, deliberate kiss against his cold, trembling lips.
“If you want to keep hiding, you can. That’s fine. I’m not asking you to tell your family anything. You can leave yourself a way out.”
“It’s not for me,” he whispered, voice low but unwavering. “It’s for you. Be brave… just once.”
Ruan Chen’s tone was sharp, laced with disbelief. “After so long… how could we possibly keep it a secret?”
Mu Xinghai’s eyes burned with certainty. “We can. I won’t stay behind. I’ll take you with me.”
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ChaptersChapter 1 · Rear WindowChapter 2 · Kahlil Gibran, “I Have Spit My Soul Seven Times”Chapter 3 · His ToyChapter 4 · Star GazingChapter 5 · Just a dreamChapter 6 · ColdChapter 7 · Yearning for LoveChapter 8 · A Good PersonChapter 9 · Such a good boyChapter 10 · Delivered to your doorChapter 11 · Not familiar with itChapter 12 · First loveChapter 13 · Giving giftsChapter 14 · HeartstringsChapter 15 · Chinese New YearChapter 16 · TruthChapter 17 · SeparateChapter 18 · Planting minesChapter 19 · ChoiceChapter 20 · More hereChapter 21 · Could things have gotten any worse?Chapter 22 · Not because you like me?Chapter 23 · Not because you like me?Chapter 24 · It’s a tangled mess, impossible to unravelChapter 25 · The truth has been revealedChapter 26 · Extra: 1Chapter 27 · Extra: 2Chapter 28 · Extra: 3Chapter 29 · Extra: 4Chapter 30 · Extra: 5Chapter 31 · Extra: 6Chapter 32 · Extra: 7