The early morning sky was veiled in a thin layer of feathery clouds. Light seeped slowly up from the horizon, diluting the heavy ink of night. A few cold stars still flickered faintly in the lingering dimness.
Mu Xinghai took a narrow path that few people used. Dew dampened his shoulders as he walked. At the end of the trail, he saw Ruan Chen, dressed in full hiking gear.
Ruan Chen had no idea how long he had been waiting. The moment he spotted Mu Xinghai, before Mu Xinghai had even come close, he lifted his hand and waved at him, unable to hide his excitement.
Ruan Chen was smiling at him.
Mu Xinghai’s steps faltered for half a second. Then, inexplicably, they grew lighter.
He could feel the muscles in his own face shifting, as though he were smiling too.
He felt a distinct sense of achievement. Ruan Chen was extremely shy and rarely smiled; it was even rarer for him to smile like that at someone.
It was like the fleeting bloom of a night flower, he smiled only once, his eyes brightening for a brief instant, before slowly retreating back into his usual reserved and understated composure.
With his backpack slung over his shoulders, Mu Xinghai jogged up to him. “Have you been waiting long? I’m too slow.”
Ruan Chen shook his head. “Not slow. I just came too early.”
After that, the two of them set off for their camping trip.
It was still very early. When they left the school together, they hardly encountered anyone at all.
Mu Xinghai quite enjoyed this secretive relationship.
Some friends had noticed that he had been hard to reach lately and asked what he had been busy with. He brushed them off with lies every time. He had told no one that he was amusing himself by toying with a male admirer, using it as a way to spice up his days.
The more he interacted with Ruan Chen, the more he felt that, originally, they should never have become friends at all.
Ruan Chen was solitary and eccentric. In this era of information exploding across the internet, he still insisted on living with cash, refusing to handle electronic payments. He knew nothing about trending celebrities, had never listened to modern pop music and did not own a single new piece of clothing or pair of shoes. Outside of his personal interests, his material desires were astonishingly low, he was almost like an ascetic monk.
Completely the opposite of himself.
Up ahead, the road turned into a bumpy mountain path.
Mu Xinghai drove carefully. The car was his own, a gift from his parents on his twentieth birthday. It barely managed to fit Ruan Chen along with all their hiking and camping gear.
They had brought only one tent. Although there were two sleeping bags, Mu Xinghai couldn’t help but feel a trace of unease. Could this be deliberate on Ruan Chen’s part?
Would he be “attacked” at night?
Ruan Chen, for his part, was also nervous.
Mu Xinghai glanced at him and noticed the faint crease between his brows, as though he were lost in thought, troubled by something. “What’s wrong? Didn’t sleep well last night?”
“It’s fine…” Ruan Chen said.
He glanced down at his phone.
He had stayed up late the previous night to finish his junior’s assignment and had sent it to her. She was probably still asleep and hadn’t replied yet.
There were not many messages between them; one could scroll through the entire chat history in a matter of seconds yet even without looking, he remembered every word Jiang Tingting had said to him.
It had been torment.
“Senior, it’s not that I don’t want to write it, I really have something going on…”
“My mood is terrible right now. I can’t focus on reading at all, I can’t bring myself to write the assignment.”
“I think my boyfriend is cheating on me.”
“I hope you can keep this a secret for me. I don’t want things to turn ugly.”
“I know I should break up with him but I just can’t bear to let him go. I’m so heartbroken.”
Jiang Tingting was the girl he loved.
Seeing her in pain made Ruan Chen ache as well.
That was why he had taken the initiative to approach Mu Xinghai.
But after spending this period of time with Mu Xinghai, he did not think Mu Xinghai was a bad person at all. On the contrary, he even felt that Mu Xinghai was a very good friend, attentive, considerate, as pleasant as a gentle spring breeze.
He thought perhaps being a friend and being a lover were two entirely different things.
Mu Xinghai was a good person; that was why so many people liked him.
Ruan Chen felt a faint bitterness in his chest. Mu Xinghai was younger than him yet he radiated such undeniable masculine charm, so naturally popular with women.
He had already won the girl Ruan Chen liked yet he did not know how to cherish her.
When they arrived at the campsite, it was still noon.
They pitched the tent and set up their cooking gear by the river.
Ruan Chen set up a small pot and poured in canned meat and canned vegetables to cook a simple meal.
This was Mu Xinghai’s first time camping outdoors. Watching the thick soup bubble and gurgle, he asked, “When you came here alone before, what did you usually do?”
“Look at nature, eat, read, rest and at night, watch the stars,” Ruan Chen replied.
The reason he had invited Mu Xinghai this time was to watch the stars together at night.
It sounded rather dull but Mu Xinghai felt that simply being with Ruan Chen was interesting enough. Every movement Ruan Chen made seemed meaningful in his eyes, as though each gesture contained some hidden signal of affection.
At this very moment, his curiosity was stirred.
Ruan Chen looked thin and slender, almost frail yet he could carry such heavy equipment. So beneath his clothes, was there perhaps a well defined, muscular body?
But Ruan Chen always dressed in a restrained, almost ascetic manner. Even when wearing a shirt, he buttoned it up to the very top and never revealed the slightest hint of skin.
Ruan Chen had also brought a folding lounge chair. It did not look expensive yet it appeared extremely comfortable. After they finished eating, he set it up in a shaded patch beneath a tree and lay back with a book in hand, resting in a relaxed and contented manner.
It was practically an invitation for Mu Xinghai to entertain himself.
Again. Sigh.
Mu Xinghai felt a little frustrated. Ruan Chen seemed to like him yet he often behaved in this distant and elusive way, as though slipping into his own private world, impossible to decipher. It was like a feather brushing lightly over the tip of his heart, again and again, leaving him itchy and restless.
Perhaps that was simply how artistic types were, he thought.
Left with no choice, Mu Xinghai borrowed a book from Ruan Chen and tried to read, only to grow drowsy.
By evening,
At last, it was time to watch the stars together.
When Ruan Chen encountered something he loved, he grew animated and enthusiastic, eagerly introducing it to Mu Xinghai.
He spoke at great length, tirelessly, without the slightest trace of sleepiness.
They sat side by side. Ruan Chen tilted his head up to gaze at the vast starry sky, while Mu Xinghai turned his head sideways to watch Ruan Chen instead.
The light from the kerosene lamp cast a warm glow along Ruan Chen’s profile. He stared at the sky with devoted concentration, the corners of his lips faintly lifted. The stiffness and tension he carried in ordinary social life were gone; he was completely at ease. His eyes were filled with starlight, his gaze gentle and ardent. Sitting with his knees drawn up, chin resting atop them, he resembled a child, revealing a subtle vulnerability and innocence.
Mu Xinghai could not tear his eyes away. A protective instinct rose unbidden within him. He did not truly care about the stars at all; what he wanted to see was the way Ruan Chen looked when he opened the treasury of his heart.
The dull and awkward Ruan Chen seemed transformed, speaking softly and tenderly:
“I once read a passage that said the point of light we’re seeing now may have begun its journey millions of years ago from its own planet.”
“At that time, the Earth might still have been in chaos. While those rays of light traveled through the boundless universe, humanity kept evolving, generation after generation, living and dying in endless succession and so, tens of thousands of years later, these distant messengers finally reach our eyes.”
“When we gaze at them, what we are actually seeing has crossed immense stretches of time and space.”
“Sitting here, I can’t help wondering whether that tiny speck of light I’m looking at now might have originated from a stellar explosion hundreds of millions of years ago.”
“To me, that is the most romantic thing in the world. That’s why I can sit here watching the stars all night and never grow tired of it.”
At that, Ruan Chen lowered his head, as though returning from the heavens to the mortal world. Tilting his head slightly, he looked at the person beside him.
“Thank you, Mu Xinghai, for coming to watch the stars with me.”
Mu Xinghai smiled faintly. “I’m having a great time too.”
Ruan Chen gazed at him and said, “I don’t have friends. This is the first time anyone has accompanied me.”
He spoke with such shy sincerity that Mu Xinghai’s heartbeat immediately became chaotic.
“I…. Is that so?”
Their eyes met in the dim light and it felt as though the tips of their hearts had been lightly scalded.
Ruan Chen looked away first. He lowered his head and stared at a speck of dust floating in the air.
Mu Xinghai noticed that even his ears had turned completely red.
He thought to himself, it had been so long since they met yet just being looked at for a little longer was enough to make him blush.
For some reason, Mu Xinghai heard himself asking proactively, “Did you invite me out just to watch the stars?”
It was as though Ruan Chen had been caught in the act of something he meant to hide. The tips of his ears twitched and trembled slightly. He let out a soft, almost humming sound before saying:
“…There is something else I wanted to tell you.”
Mu Xinghai felt as though he were driving his prey step by step into a trap. He asked softly, “What is it?”
Ruan Chen’s face flushed so deeply it was almost crimson. After a long while, trembling faintly, he gathered his courage and turned his head back toward him.
“What do you think,” he asked, voice unsteady, “love is?”
“I think…” Ruan Chen swallowed, his fingers tightening unconsciously against his knees. “Love ought to be unwavering and faithful.”
The confession left Mu Xinghai almost dizzy.
It was as though, within his chest, entire constellations were detonating.
In the instant he was held beneath that pale face dotted with faint freckles, beneath that gaze, those dimly burning sparks in Ruan Chen’s eyes fell like scattered stars upon the strings of his heart, making a soft, crackling sound. A quiet “snap, snap,” as though the taut strings of his old rationality were being scorched and severed.
All at once, Mu Xinghai completely understood why Lin Mu had once been so infatuated with Ruan Chen.
Ruan Chen had a world of his own, remote, self contained, standing apart from the mundane world, allowing no one entry and Mu Xinghai could not help himself, could not help it, could not help it, could not help it, he found himself thinking how triumphant it would feel if he could step into that world.
By the time he came back to his senses, he had already leaned forward and kissed him.
Ruan Chen’s face turned so red it looked ready to bleed. He seemed stunned by the kiss, eyes wide as he stared at Mu Xinghai, completely at a loss.
The glasses were in the way.
Mu Xinghai reached up and removed them. With one hand, he cupped the side of Ruan Chen’s face, his thumb slowly stroking along his cheek. He caressed him twice before letting his hand drift backward, cradling the back of Ruan Chen’s head. He squeezed lightly at the nape of his neck, an old habit of his.
Ruan Chen stammered, as if he wanted to say something yet he seemed to have lost the ability to organize his words. The moment he parted his lips to speak, Mu Xinghai kissed him again.
“You… you have a girlfriend…” Ruan Chen managed to say at last, breath uneven. “You can’t do this.”
“We already broke up,” Mu Xinghai replied.
Ruan Chen stared at him blankly. For a moment, he could not tell whether it was true or false.
Perhaps Mu Xinghai was still Jiang Tingting’s boyfriend and was simply lying to deceive him or perhaps Jiang Tingting had been the one lying to him all along.
He found it impossible to believe either possibility.
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
Every chapter has a price. This one accepts coffee.
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
← PreviousNext →
ChaptersChapter 1 · Rear WindowChapter 2 · Kahlil Gibran, “I Have Spit My Soul Seven Times”Chapter 3 · His ToyChapter 4 · Star GazingChapter 5 · Just a dreamChapter 6 · ColdChapter 7 · Yearning for LoveChapter 8 · A Good PersonChapter 9 · Such a good boyChapter 10 · Delivered to your doorChapter 11 · Not familiar with itChapter 12 · First loveChapter 13 · Giving giftsChapter 14 · HeartstringsChapter 15 · Chinese New YearChapter 16 · TruthChapter 17 · SeparateChapter 18 · Planting minesChapter 19 · ChoiceChapter 20 · More hereChapter 21 · Could things have gotten any worse?Chapter 22 · Not because you like me?Chapter 23 · Not because you like me?Chapter 24 · It’s a tangled mess, impossible to unravelChapter 25 · The truth has been revealedChapter 26 · Extra: 1Chapter 27 · Extra: 2Chapter 28 · Extra: 3Chapter 29 · Extra: 4Chapter 30 · Extra: 5Chapter 31 · Extra: 6Chapter 32 · Extra: 7