Though the anger burned fiercely inside him, he still forced himself to remain calm.
Mu Xinghai hastily said goodbye to Lin Mu, his attitude carrying a faint hint of coldness. After finishing what he had said, Lin Mu himself felt somewhat awkward.
He had simply been too happy and had wanted to tell someone about it yet he really had no suitable friends to share it with. When he ran into Mu Xinghai, he couldn’t help blurting it out.
He thought that perhaps someone like Mu Xinghai, a straight man, might not hold any prejudice but probably had no real interest in same sex romance either. After all, the last time he had asked Mu Xinghai for help, nothing had come of it. Most likely Mu Xinghai had never taken the matter seriously.
Mu Xinghai returned to the dormitory first. When he reached the intersection, he remembered that turning left would take him toward the doctoral dormitory building.
He stopped walking without realizing it.
His head felt hot the entire time.
He couldn’t suppress it.
In the end, he simply turned and headed straight toward the dormitory building.
He couldn’t remember ever feeling this annoyed during any relationship before. His thoughts kept circling restlessly: Would Ruan Chen agree? What if he actually agreed? Did Ruan Chen not know that Lin Mu was gay? Or did he know yet allow things to develop anyway?
Mu Xinghai had thought that Ruan Chen’s world contained only himself now, that it should belong solely to him.
But when Ruan Chen opened the door and looked up at him with that pale, fragile face, gazing at him quietly, Mu Xinghai suddenly found that he couldn’t remain angry at all.
He only feared that he might frighten him.
Ruan Chen looked confused. “Why did you suddenly come to see me? Is something wrong?”
Mu Xinghai asked, “What are you doing?”
Ruan Chen replied, “Writing my thesis.” He sounded a little nervous as he added, “You should come in first.”
On the desk sat an open laptop, its screen displaying a Word document. Beside it were several professional textbooks and a notebook.
Ruan Chen turned his back to him and slowly led him inside.
Mu Xinghai had so many questions he wanted to ask yet for a moment he didn’t know where to begin.
At that moment, the shy and introverted Ruan Chen spoke softly first.
“…You suddenly came over and I haven’t taken a shower yet. Everything’s a mess.”
Mu Xinghai froze for a moment.
In an instant he forgot everything he had originally come here to be angry about. His heart began pounding loudly, what did Ruan Chen mean by that?
Did he think he had come here to have sex?
Ruan Chen behaved as if he were receiving a guest. He went to pour him a cup of tea and said, “Sit for a while.”
Mu Xinghai sat down and watched as Ruan Chen walked into the small bathroom. Then he stood up and followed him over.
“I haven’t showered either,” Mu Xinghai said. “Let’s wash together.”
Ruan Chen stood at the bathroom doorway, hesitating. His face flushed red enough to look as though it might drip blood.
Mu Xinghai walked closer. Every time he stepped forward, Ruan Chen stepped back. Step by step, retreating little by little, he backed into the narrow, cramped bathroom.
Mu Xinghai said, “It’s warmer when two people shower together.”
Ruan Chen gave a quiet “Mm.”
Call him despicable or call it surrendering to desire.
He had already tacitly accepted this bed partner relationship with Mu Xinghai.
It existed only for pleasure.
After all, he was a man and Mu Xinghai was a man as well and a man with a wide social circle at that. Ruan Chen considered himself insignificant and never even believed that he was Mu Xinghai’s only casual partner.
But he didn’t mind. On the contrary, he thought it might even be better that way. When the time came to end things, they could simply part cleanly, each going their separate way without any entanglements.
He still didn’t believe he was gay.
He only wanted, during this period of time, to lean against Mu Xinghai for warmth, to use that scorching, burning desire to soothe and fill the lonely, cold emptiness of his soul.
Mu Xinghai felt as though Ruan Chen rested in the palm of his hand, something he could toy with.
Ruan Chen cooperated so obediently, never refusing him yet he was also easily embarrassed.
Halfway through, Mu Xinghai suddenly asked, “Do you know Lin Mu is gay?”
Ruan Chen had been worn down to the point of discomfort. With his eyes closed, he nodded.
“I know.”
He looked as though he had no idea what he had done wrong.
Mu Xinghai grew even angrier. “Then you still became friends with him and you’re even going to watch a movie with him.”
Even as he said it, he felt the sourness in his own words.
Ruan Chen hesitated before speaking. “But I’m friends with you too… And I’m not going to watch a movie with him. I have to submit my thesis. I don’t have time.”
As long as he wasn’t going, that was enough.
Mu Xinghai’s anger subsided a little. He said, “While we’re involved like this, you’re not allowed to find other bed partners.”
Ruan Chen lowered his head and said nothing.
Mu Xinghai assumed he disagreed. Seeing his wet eyelashes, they seemed to cling delicately to Mu Xinghai’s heart, stirring trouble there. It had already been difficult enough just to step into Ruan Chen’s closed off world yet he still foolishly wished to play the role of a god and rewrite the rules.
Was Ruan Chen silent because he thought Mu Xinghai was meddling too much?
His thoughts ran wild until Ruan Chen spoke again, two beats too late, sounding slightly aggrieved.
“…I couldn’t find other bed partners anyway. You’re the one who probably has many, right?”
Mu Xinghai paused, stunned for a moment.
For some reason, he felt strangely pleased.
“I don’t,” he said.
Mu Xinghai kissed the damp Ruan Chen and murmured, “Right now, I only have you.”
He didn’t realize how deeply infatuated his tone sounded, almost like someone making a vow to a lover.
Ruan Chen, however, thought to himself that he didn’t really care whether Mu Xinghai found other partners or not.
Perhaps it would even be better if there were others. Lately, hadn’t Mu Xinghai been coming a little too frequently? He didn’t like such a high frequency. A little less would be better.
But if Mu Xinghai didn’t come, he would never actively go looking for someone else.
For example, after this time… he hoped Mu Xinghai would appear again in a week or two.
Ideally, Mu Xinghai would only come when Ruan Chen himself felt like it.
So in the end, it would simply depend on fate.
After they finished.
There was still plenty of time left in the evening.
Mu Xinghai wanted to linger for a while, to enjoy a bit of warmth together but Ruan Chen had already put his clothes back on and returned to his desk to continue writing his thesis, leaving him lying alone on the bed without a second thought.
Mu Xinghai watched him from behind.
Ruan Chen was wearing an old fashioned pajama set, an outdated shirt paired with long pants. His back was slightly hunched as he faced the computer, fingers tapping rapidly on the keyboard.
From Mu Xinghai’s perspective, he didn’t look the least bit sexy.
He looked plain, even a little old fashioned.
“Are you really that busy?” Mu Xinghai said irritably. “I’ve never seen Jiang Tingting this busy. She always seems pretty free.”
The moment Jiang Tingting’s name was mentioned, Mu Xinghai clearly saw Ruan Chen’s shoulders stiffen slightly.
He continued, “Why are you so nervous? I’ve been broken up with her for a while now. Is it because she’s your junior sister, so you feel embarrassed?”
Ruan Chen nodded.
Mu Xinghai let out a soft scoff.
He climbed out of bed. Aside from a pair of underwear, he had only pulled on a pair of jeans without even zipping them properly. His well built upper body was completely bare.
Walking up behind Ruan Chen, he bent down and wrapped his arms around him from the back. Leaning close to his ear, he asked with an amused tone that carried a trace of deliberate malice, “Then why are you still sleeping with me?”
Ruan Chen held back his answer for a moment.
He hesitated, clearly uncertain whether he should speak but in the end, he chose honesty.
“Because… it feels pretty good…”
The further he spoke, the softer his voice became, as though he felt too ashamed to say it aloud yet he didn’t want to lie either.
“Such a good boy,” Mu Xinghai said with satisfaction.
Two days later.
While scrolling through his social media feed, Ruan Chen saw that both Mu Xinghai and Jiang Tingting had posted announcements about their peaceful breakup.
Even though he had already mentally prepared himself, seeing it for real still left him feeling strangely unsettled.
Under Mu Xinghai’s post, the comments multiplied almost instantly. After so many years at the university, Ruan Chen had added quite a few people on WeChat through his studies. Looking at the lively comment section under Mu Xinghai’s post, especially the many girls leaving messages, he couldn’t help but feel a faint sense of envy.
Then he went to look at his junior sister’s post.
Quietly, he tapped the like button.
After thinking about it, he canceled the like.
Then he tapped it again.
Then canceled it again.
Ruan Chen felt that he had truly let his junior sister down.
Although Mu Xinghai could be a little scummy, he was still far better than their advisor, Song Yingyan. Song Yingyan might not be young anymore but he had a proper appearance and was the youngest doctoral supervisor at their university.
But he was already married…
Or perhaps it was simply that Ruan Chen had guessed wrong all along.
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
Coffee first. Existential crisis later.
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
← PreviousNext →
ChaptersChapter 1 · Rear WindowChapter 2 · Kahlil Gibran, “I Have Spit My Soul Seven Times”Chapter 3 · His ToyChapter 4 · Star GazingChapter 5 · Just a dreamChapter 6 · ColdChapter 7 · Yearning for LoveChapter 8 · A Good PersonChapter 9 · Such a good boyChapter 10 · Delivered to your doorChapter 11 · Not familiar with itChapter 12 · First loveChapter 13 · Giving giftsChapter 14 · HeartstringsChapter 15 · Chinese New YearChapter 16 · TruthChapter 17 · SeparateChapter 18 · Planting minesChapter 19 · ChoiceChapter 20 · More hereChapter 21 · Could things have gotten any worse?Chapter 22 · Not because you like me?Chapter 23 · Not because you like me?Chapter 24 · It’s a tangled mess, impossible to unravelChapter 25 · The truth has been revealedChapter 26 · Extra: 1Chapter 27 · Extra: 2Chapter 28 · Extra: 3Chapter 29 · Extra: 4Chapter 30 · Extra: 5Chapter 31 · Extra: 6Chapter 32 · Extra: 7