After being force-fed enough romantic dog food to last a lifetime, Rowan Ashford felt deeply wounded.
The kind of wound that could only be healed by food.
Lots of food.
For an entire week, Rowan flew to Silvara every single day.
Breakfast.
Lunch.
Dinner.
Late-night snacks.
By the end of the week, he had practically eaten his way through an entire southern town.
Unfortunately, his dream of eating through all of Silvara remained a distant one.
A truly noble goal required patience.
One afternoon, just after finishing another excellent meal, Rowan’s phone rang.
“Old Coulson?” “What’s up?” A moment later, his eyes lit up.
“Oh?” “They’ve arrived?” “Got it.” “I’m on my way.” Coulson had called to report that four strangely dressed warriors wearing ancient armor had appeared looking for Thor.
Rowan immediately knew who it was.
The Warriors Three.
And Lady Sif.
If they were here…
That meant Loki would be sending the Destroyer to Earth very soon.
Rowan accelerated.
Within minutes he arrived outside the New Mexico town where Thor was staying.
A large S.H.I.E.L.D.
task force had already gathered around the strange markings left behind by the Bifrost.
Agents were busy taking measurements and collecting samples.
Then suddenly— The weather changed.
Dark clouds swirled overhead.
A gigantic vortex formed in the sky.
Wind screamed across the desert.
Agents struggled to keep their footing.
When the storm finally calmed, something stepped out from the center of the vortex.
A massive humanoid figure made entirely of enchanted metal.
The Destroyer.
Rowan’s expression immediately changed.
“Oh crap.” Meanwhile, Coulson made one of the dumbest decisions of his career.
Holding a megaphone, he stepped forward.
“This is Agent Phil Coulson of S.H.I.E.L.D.” “I order you to disarm and surrender immediately.” Rowan nearly face-planted.
Are you serious?
You’re negotiating with a magical apocalypse robot?
To everyone’s surprise, the Destroyer actually stopped.
Then its helmet slowly opened.
Coulson relaxed slightly.
For approximately half a second.
Because there wasn’t a face inside.
Only blazing fire.
Pure destructive energy.
Coulson immediately realized his mistake.
“RUN!” The agents scattered.
The Destroyer’s face ignited.
A beam of searing energy erupted forward.
Coulson was fast.
The laser was faster.
The beam missed him.
Unfortunately, it hit a nearby vehicle.
The car exploded instantly.
Fire.
Shrapnel.
Metal fragments.
A shockwave.
Everything hurtled directly toward him.
For one terrifying moment, Coulson felt death approaching.
Well.
This is it.
He closed his eyes.
Then…
Nothing.
No pain.
No burning.
No death.
Instead, he felt himself flying through the air.
Something grabbed him.
Then gently placed him back on the ground.
“Why are your eyes still closed?” Rowan’s annoyed voice reached his ears.
“You planning to take a nap?” Coulson opened his eyes.
The giant Roc standing beside him looked distinctly irritated.
“What were you thinking?” Rowan started unloading immediately.
“Usually you’re smart.” “Today you saw a giant magical murder robot and decided to walk closer?” “Are you in a hurry to die?” “If I hadn’t reacted fast enough you’d be a charcoal briquette right now.” Coulson’s face turned red.
His response came out barely above a whisper.
“…I thought it might be one of Mr.
Stark’s prototypes.” Rowan stared.
Then stared harder.
Then sighed.
The sigh of someone who had completely given up.
“Hurry up and get out of here.” The Destroyer’s face was already beginning to glow again.
Without wasting another second, Rowan layered every buff he had onto himself.
Then transformed.
A giant panda appeared.
“CHARGE!” The panda shot forward like a missile.
BOOM!
The Destroyer staggered.
The fire gathering inside its helmet immediately dispersed.
Success.
Charge could interrupt abilities.
Good to know.
Using the momentum, Rowan slammed into the giant armor and actually knocked it onto its back.
Unfortunately…
That was where the good news ended.
The Destroyer stood up almost immediately.
Completely unharmed.
A beam of fire shot toward Rowan.
He barely dodged.
Then the Destroyer ignored him entirely and continued marching toward town.
Toward Thor.
Rowan immediately transformed back into human form.
“Entangling Roots!” Vines erupted from the earth and wrapped around the Destroyer’s legs.
For a moment it stopped.
Then— SNAP.
SNAP.
SNAP.
Three seconds later the vines were gone.
Completely destroyed.
Rowan sighed.
“As expected.” “My current roots aren’t strong enough for something at this level.” “They work great against Iron Monger.” “But this thing is basically an enchanted boss monster.” He quickly called Coulson.
“Coulson.” “Get Thor out of town.” “This thing is here for him.” “We cannot let this fight happen around civilians.” Then he hung up and transformed again.
Panda form.
Challenge Roar.
Activated.
The Destroyer immediately turned.
Its entire focus locked onto Rowan.
The giant panda grinned.
“See?” “Taunts are universal.” “Doesn’t matter if you’re human, robot, alien, or magical armor.” “Everybody wants to punch the tank.” Another roar followed.
Demoralizing Roar.
The effect landed.
Immediately, the Destroyer’s movements slowed.
Its energy buildup slowed too.
Interesting.
Apparently lowering battle intent also interfered with energy accumulation.
Rowan mentally filed away the discovery.
Unfortunately, Loki was beginning to lose patience.
Back in Asgard, Loki sat on the throne while controlling the Destroyer remotely.
Ever since that black-and-white creature had appeared, he’d felt increasingly irritated.
An overwhelming urge to kill it refused to go away.
No matter how hard he tried.
Something about that stupid panda was driving him insane.
First the panda.
Then Thor.
That was the plan.
The Destroyer’s attacks became faster.
More aggressive.
More dangerous.
Rowan quickly realized he was running out of room to maneuver.
His buffs were strong.
His defenses were high.
But the Destroyer was in a completely different league.
One direct hit wouldn’t kill him.
Probably.
But it would hurt.
A lot.
“Damn it.” “Where are Thor and his friends?” “If they take any longer, next time Thor and Jane go on a date, I’m following them around with a flashlight.” At long last, figures appeared in the distance.
Lady Sif.
Fandral.
Volstagg.
Hogun.
The Warriors Three were finally arriving.
Thor himself wasn’t with them.
Being mortal now, he was probably still riding in a car.
Rowan nearly cried tears of joy.
His damage output was terrible.
Actually, calling it terrible was generous.
He basically had none.
All he could do was attract aggro and get punched.
The thought immediately reminded him of something.
“When I get home…” “I’m making Tony build me armor.” “I’m sick of being a professional punching bag.” Unfortunately, distractions were dangerous.
While thinking about custom armor, Rowan dodged one energy beam— And got hit by another.
BOOM!
The blast struck him head-on.
The Wild Mark shield shattered instantly.
The remaining energy slammed into his body.
His fur blackened.
His skin burned.
The giant panda was launched through the air.
“HOLY—” “THAT HURTS!” Rowan transformed back into human form immediately.
Healing Touch.
Rejuvenation.
Both spells activated.
His wounds rapidly began closing.
Meanwhile, Lady Sif and the Warriors Three were sprinting toward the battlefield.
Even from a distance, Sif had noticed the strange black-and-white creature.
She had never seen anything like it.
But somehow…
It looked adorable.
Every time the Destroyer attacked, the panda twisted its oversized backside and dodged.
It was strangely cute.
Part of her actually wanted to hug it.
Then she watched the Destroyer’s beam hit the panda directly.
Sif sighed.
“What a shame.” “Such a cute creature.” The next moment her worldview exploded.
The panda transformed.
In midair.
Into a handsome young man.
And that young man happened to be flying directly toward her.
Instinctively, Sif reached out.
And caught him.
Princess style.
Rowan blinked.
Then looked up.
A beautiful woman was carrying him in her arms.
For exactly half a second, his brain stopped working.
Then he grinned.
The biggest grin possible.
“Hi there, beautiful lady.” “My name is Rowan Ashford.” “Nice to meet you.” Sif stared at the boy in her arms.
Still processing what had just happened.
Several seconds passed.
Then she answered automatically.
“My name is Sif.” “It’s…
nice to meet you too.” For the first time since arriving in this world, Rowan felt that maybe— Just maybe— Life was finally starting to be fair.