Friday Peter appeared in the now-familiar setting, sitting on the couch beside Tony.
The two whispered with conspiratorial expressions.
Finally, they noticed the camera and smiled in greeting.
“Puppy greetings!
First of all, oh my God, more than forty-six million people have subscribed to Tony and me in four days.
Do you understand?” Peter’s eyes shone while Tony merely smirked.
“That isn’t even counting our Twitter and Instagram accounts.
Those are complete chaos.
And I thought I should say that after this week ends, I won’t continue making videos.
Maybe occasionally, someday, but very rarely.
I am constantly busy, and you saw that in Wednesday’s video.
So yes.
I’m sorry in advance, but that’s how things are.” Peter wrinkled his nose and became distracted by a voice outside the frame.
Judging by the fact that it was female, it belonged to Pepper.
The recording cut abruptly.
When Tony and Peter reappeared, several hours had clearly passed.
“See what I mean?” Tony laughed quietly.
Peter pushed him in the shoulder.
“So what are we doing today?
I wanted to organize an eating contest, but the winner was obvious.” “Yep, and it wasn’t me.” Tony shrugged casually and called the puppy over.
“He also suggested seeing who could go longer without sleeping, but first, Pepper objected, and second, I would have won anyway.” “Yes, yes, Tony can stay awake for a very long time.
We constantly yell at him for it.” Tony protested loudly, and Peter laughed.
“So we decided to play a question-and-answer game with a lie detector.
F.R.I.D.A.Y.
will serve as the detector.
Apparently she constantly reads our heart rates and knows a great number of our secrets, so she definitely won’t let us lie.
The rules are simple: Tony asks me five questions, then I ask him five.” The shot changed.
Peter’s pulse now appeared on screen, while Tony held a sheet of questions.
“We’ll begin with a control question.
What is your name?” “Peter Parker.” “Peter is telling the truth.” “How old are you?” “Twenty-eight.” “Peter is lying.” Tony rubbed his palms together wickedly.
Peter swallowed with theatrical fear as though preparing for something terrible.
“We’ll start easy.” Peter smiled while Tony narrowed his eyes slyly.
“Who is your favorite Avenger?” “Iron Man,” Peter answered immediately.
“That is true, Boss.” “Did you seriously need to confirm that?” “I had to be sure of you,” Tony replied wickedly, completely ignoring Peter’s mock-offended stare.
“Have you ever ordered Hawaiian pizza?” “No.” Even before F.R.I.D.A.Y.
commented, it was obvious Peter was lying.
“Disgusting.
God, how could you?
In my house?” Tony grimaced.
Peter laughed.
“Question number three: what are you afraid of?” “Earthquakes, disappointing or losing people I love, and spiders.” “That is true, Boss.” Tony frowned deeply at the first two answers, but at the third his eyebrows shot upward and he stared at Peter as though he knew something the rest of the world did not.
“All right, I’m going to remind you of that later.” Peter sighed in defeat and prepared for the next question.
“Number four: your favorite television show?” “Doctor Who.” Peter gave an almost apologetic smile.
“House is great, but he isn’t the best Doctor.” “Because it’s about space?” “Yes!
And history, and aliens.” Peter smiled brightly.
“You didn’t ask, but I’m answering anyway.
I haven’t watched Classic Who, but of the modern Doctors I love Ten, Eleven, and Twelve.
I’m not sure about Thirteen yet, but she’s sweet.
My favorite companions are Amy, Clara, Rory, and Rose.
My favorite aliens are Madame Vastra, Strax, and the Daleks.
And obviously my absolute favorite character is River Song.” “All right, kid, calm down.
Less fanboying.” Tony smiled and ruffled Peter’s hair.
“Last question.
Do you love me?” “No.” “The answer ‘no’ is a complete lie,” F.R.I.D.A.Y.
announced firmly.
In two seconds Tony passed through at least ten emotions, from hurt and confusion to shock.
Then he laughed and lightly shoved Peter’s shoulder.
“Little menace.
Did you forget I’m not supposed to get excited?
I have a heart condition!” Peter giggled and tucked himself into Tony’s arms.
Tony had asked an obvious question.
This was his own fault.
The shot changed.
Tony’s heart rate now appeared on screen, and Peter held his own sheet of questions.
He crossed several things out, apparently changing the list.
“We’ll start with a control question.
Is your name Tony Stark?” “Yes.” “That is true, Peter.” “Excellent.
Then let’s begin.” Peter smiled slyly and read his first question.
“Pepper and I asked you to eat three meals a day and sleep at least five hours every night for twenty-three days.
Did you follow those instructions honestly?” “Yes.” Peter gave the smiling Tony a skeptical look and turned to the all-seeing F.R.I.D.A.Y.
“Boss is telling the truth.” Tony raised a fist in victory.
Peter laughed.
“All right.” There was no reason to doubt F.R.I.D.A.Y., was there?
“Question number two.
Do you truly dislike ice cream?” “Yes.” F.R.I.D.A.Y.
immediately announced that this was a lie, and Peter clapped delightedly.
“I knew it!
My father cannot possibly dislike ice cream.” We will politely ignore the way Tony’s pulse jumped at the word father.
“Question number three.
Have I ever annoyed you so much that you regretted adopting me?” “No.” F.R.I.D.A.Y.
immediately confirmed the truth.
“You annoyed me so much before I adopted you that I decided I was absolutely required to do it.” “Sweet.” Peter hummed skeptically, though he was clearly happy to hear it.
“Question number four.
What quality do you value most in people?” “Resilience.” Tony smiled.
“Probably because a person has to be extremely resilient to tolerate me.” “Boss is telling the truth.” “Oh, nonsense, Tony.
You’re a sweetheart.
When you aren’t being difficult.” Peter smirked and waved away Tony’s objection.
“Last question—the one important enough that I abandoned the Harry Potter question.
Do you love me?” “Yes.” Tony shrugged calmly, and F.R.I.D.A.Y.
confirmed it.
“There’s nothing surprising about that.” Peter smiled sweetly and once again tucked himself into Tony’s embrace.
Apparently they had decided to kill their audience with a cuteness overdose.
The shot changed.
Peter sat on the couch with his feet across Tony’s lap.
The puppy and kitten slept beside them.
Darkness lay adorably on top of Charlie, her black fur standing out sharply against his white coat.
“That’s everything for today,” Peter said in a low voice.
“I hope you enjoyed it.
See you soon.
For now, look at these little ones.
They’re adorable.” F.R.I.D.A.Y.
filmed the sleeping animals for several seconds, then ended the video.
*** “Tony and Peter: Lie Detector”—#1 on the Trending tab.
IronKiddo Comments: AlexKingston Since you love my Doctor Who character so much, would you like to meet?
Show 35,076 replies MattSmith I support Alex.
We all absolutely need to meet this child!
Show 29,734 replies JLColeman Oh God, yes.
I agree.
Show 22,709 replies KarenGillan Have you seen how adorable they are?
Arthur and I are already on our way!
Show 17,848 replies IronDaddy The brat is going to wake up, see this, and freeze from happiness.
Show 37,842 replies IronKiddo OHMYGODWHYAMIASLEEP If I can actually meet all of you, this is the best day of my life!!!!!!
Show 48,086 replies *** Saturday Peter and Tony appeared on screen smiling and talking excitedly.
Judging by the cabinets and stove behind them, they were in the kitchen.
“A huge puppy greeting to everyone!
First, I need to say that after yesterday’s video, actors from the Doctor Who cast wrote to me and offered to meet.” Peter smiled in delight, almost bouncing.
“They’re all in London right now, so next weekend Tony will lend me his plane so I can meet them!
Oh God, I can’t believe it.
MJ, Ned, obviously you’re coming with me.
All right, now to today’s video.
Tony and I are making cookies!” “Apparently the Avengers and I have a small tradition,” Tony said, seemingly addressing the audience directly for the first time rather than merely talking with Peter.
“Every Saturday we have a movie marathon, and everyone has to bring different snacks.
The kiddo and I decided to make a mountain of cookies, so you get to watch.” “Tony, as always, radiates kindness.” Peter nudged him jokingly in the side.
The shot changed.
There were now four people in the kitchen.
Bucky Barnes stood beside Peter and Tony with his new arm, while the Scarlet Witch sat on a chair behind them eating baby food.
All four wore aprons with amusing phrases or cartoon characters.
Bucky’s read Frozen and displayed Elsa.
Tony’s said World’s Best Mom.
Wanda’s read My Mood Is Blue—Natasha said there was a Russian song like that.
Peter’s had a yellow puppy sitting in the middle of a burning kitchen above the words This Is Fine.
“As you can see, we called in reinforcements.” Peter smiled, took out four sheets of paper, and handed one to each person.
“I found four cookie recipes, and we’re holding a small competition to see who can make the best ones.
Wanda is making ginger cookies, Bucky oatmeal, Tony chocolate, and I’m making pumpkin.
Let’s go!” The next eleven minutes consisted of fast-motion footage of all four people moving around the kitchen and mixing ingredients.
Occasionally time returned to normal so everyone could hear a joke.
The fast-forwarding ended only when all four pulled their cookies from the ovens.
No one knew why Tony needed two ovens, but seriously, it was Tony.
Nobody was surprised.
“So, each of us made two trays of the world’s best cookies, and now we need to invite our judge.” Peter quickly arranged the cookies in bowls and attached numbers to them.
Wanda disappeared, apparently to summon the judge.
When she returned, Peter smiled and presented the bowls.
“To determine who made the most delicious cookies, we invited the greatest expert in the field.” Peter stubbornly pretended to be hosting an impressive cooking show and ignored the laughing adults.
“Allow me to present the Black Widow.
Please welcome her warmly.” Natasha entered the frame, waved cheerfully at the camera, and put an arm around Peter’s shoulders while he explained what she was expected to do.
“Natasha is trying the first cookie,” Peter announced, leaning closer to see which one she had chosen.
“Ginger.
Excellent choice.
What is your rating on a scale from one adorable puppy to ten?” “Eight.” Natasha smiled.
“It needs mulled wine.” “You’ll survive without it,” Peter snorted.
“Next is pumpkin.
Please amaze us.” “Nine.” Natasha’s smile widened.
Peter had deliberately hidden who made each type so Natasha could judge impartially, but he began to suspect she already knew.
Her smile was far too sly when she picked up the chocolate cookie.
“I’ll give it eight and a half, but only because I love chocolate.” Natasha winked discreetly at Wanda when Peter was not looking.
She took the final oatmeal cookie without waiting for Peter’s instructions.
“Eight adorable puppies.” Neither Wanda, Bucky, nor especially Tony appeared disappointed by losing.
Had Peter been slightly less delighted, he might have noticed the way everyone exchanged conspiratorial smiles.
He was too busy for details like that.
The shot changed.
The entire group sat on the couch, smiled, and ate cookies.
Several other Avengers were visible behind them, while Darkness relaxed in Tony’s arms.
“And that’s everything!
Hope you enjoyed it.
See you soon!” The video did not end as usual.
Instead, the footage of Peter was replaced by a black screen with a concise line of white text: “I heard them persuading Natasha to make me the winner, but the cookies were delicious anyway.” *** “Peter and Tony: A Little Cooking, or What Is Impartiality?”—#1 on the Trending tab.
IronKiddo Comments: IronKiddo I would have won even if they hadn’t cheated.
Show 39,706 replies Romanof(uckof)f Nobody is arguing, sweetheart.
Show 29,073 replies GGHadidOfficial Oh God, this is so adorable.
I can’t handle it.
Show 17,842 replies UnHappyGuy Damn, now I want a mountain of cookies too.
Show 3,097 replies TRueMJ Maybe information like that should be delivered personally rather than announced in a video, hm?
Maybe I don’t want to fly to London.
Show 12,407 replies SpidyGator MJ desperately wants to go to London, but did you seriously never consider, I don’t know, telling us personally?
(Though this is still awesome!!!!!) Show 10,308 replies IronKiddo I know you watch every video.
(And MJ, I know you’re even more in love with Alex Kingston than you are with me.
If I had asked whether you wanted to go to London, your answer would have been, “Obviously.
Are you an idiot?
Why are you asking such obvious questions?”) IronDaddy Someone BAN THESE CHILDREN FROM USING PARENTHESES!
*** Sunday Peter and Tony sat on the couch and smiled at the camera.
“Puppy greetings, everyone!
The week has come to an end, which means our participation in the challenge ends too.” Peter smiled sadly.
“As I said, I don’t plan to continue running the channel, but perhaps if another interesting challenge appears in the future, Tony and I will return.
This video is a kind of summary, mostly because we have simply run out of ideas.” “Yeah.
That has never happened to me before.” Tony smirked.
“Shall we review the results?” “I think so.” Peter smiled.
“Our channel has reached one hundred and sixty-four million subscribers, which means we are the most popular channel on YouTube.
That is impossibly cool.” “We revealed the location of the Alaska house, so now you can come visit us someday.” “I’m going to meet people I have watched on television since I was eight.
I think that’s amazing.” “We destroyed the Avengers’ reputation as cool, serious people.
Now you know they’re insane.” “Tony learned that he’s my favorite Avenger and that I love him.” Tony smiled and messed up Peter’s hair.
“And Peter discredited my position as ice cream’s greatest opponent.” “I showed everyone that Tony Stark truly has a heart.” Peter smiled and moved slightly closer.
“Approximately seven million people now want their own tiny Charlie and beautiful Darkness.” “Elon Musk followed us.” “Peter and I became the internet’s most popular father-and-son duo.” Tony smiled warmly, placed an arm around Peter’s shoulders, and ruffled his hair again.
“For an entire week, we destroyed the ratings of the world’s coolest hosts because our videos occupied the first six positions on the Trending page.” “Peter showed you how to make an artificial arm.” “And all of this happened because of you.” Peter blew a kiss toward the camera, and Tony laughed.
“That’s where we say goodbye.
I hope you truly enjoyed living through this week with us.
The end?” The recording cut.
On the black screen appeared a single word in ornate white letters.
The end?
*** “Peter and Tony: The Results.
And the End?”—#1 on the Trending tab.
IronKiddo Comments: IronKiddo I really don’t want to disappoint you, but I genuinely have a lot to do.
Show 76,013 replies Jennifer Lopez Oh God, no.
Why did it end so quickly?!
Show 58,900 replies FamBuis Damn, I knew it had to end eventually, but somehow it still came as a complete surprise.
Damn.
Show 39,765 replies El The previous commenters already expressed exactly what I think, but still: Nooooooo, not this.
How am I supposed to live without you now?
Show 48,025 replies JustSteve Damn.
I had already forgotten they were only doing this for one week.
Well, it was incredible.
Thank you.
Show 30,890 replies jimmy fallon I’m sad to see them go, obviously, but at least my show’s ratings can return to normal now.
Show 25,098 replies TheEllenShow Fallon, nobody watches your show!
Tony, Peter, when are you scheduled to appear on mine?
And don’t you dare destroy my ratings with your antics again.
(Please?) Show 30,371 replies Jimmy Kimmel Live To recover my ratings, I’ll have to invite both of them onto my show.
Nothing less will work.
You create a show, work hard, and then two beginner vloggers arrive and ruin everything!
Show 26,890 replies IronDaddy We’re not saying goodbye forever.
Don’t worry.
We’ll have plenty of time to destroy your ratings again.
More than once… Show 124,041 replies