Adolescent love is often hidden deep in the heart, yet hoped to float on the surface.
Longing to be seen, yet afraid of being cast aside.
Even on the inner pages of a diary, one would still use name initials as a disguise.
As if only this way could the rapidly beating heart be temporarily concealed.
The paper in the school's printing room was of poor quality, and the edges of the photocopied answer sheet lightly pricked Wen Qing's palm.
The smell of cheap ink lingered at her fingertips.
The printed ink was also not very clear—she had to hold the paper almost against her cheek to make out the two letters.
But Wen Qing was certain they were W and Q.
Aside from herself,
she didn't believe there was anyone else in Zhou Shixu's life
who could make him write his name's initials on an exam paper.
The noisy chatter, the sounds of snowball fights in the corridor, even Zheng Shiyi and Chen Zhi's argument over the answer sheet—
all of it became blurry before Wen Qing's eyes in that moment.
Even though she had known for many years that she was absolutely the one and only existence in Zhou Shixu's life.
Even though she had long anticipated her importance to him.
But the instant she saw those name initials,
Wen Qing couldn't help but admit that her heart raced so fast it wouldn't stop for a long time.
Outside the window, the snow fell heavier and heavier, and the sharp rooftops grew gentle under the blanket of white.
Wen Qing turned her gaze out the window.
For the first time, she truly and sincerely fell in love with the first snow.
·
Snowy days didn't just mean the arrival of winter.
For students long pent up in their classrooms, they also symbolized—Spring Festival!!
As an epic-level holiday that came only twice a year.
The school finally gave the senior-year students a full five days off.
Leave on the twenty-ninth of the twelfth lunar month, report back on the fourth of the first lunar month.
With a leap month this year, Spring Festival arrived later than usual.
After school resumed in the first lunar month, the countdown to the college entrance exam would soon drop to double digits.
So even on the eve of the holiday,
the homeroom teacher still earnestly told the students not to slack off, not to slack off.
His tone was so grave it seemed these few short days could decide the fate of most examinees.
Though Wen Qing hadn't been particularly hardworking in the past two years, her efficiency in and out of class was by no means low.
Her foundation was solid; all she needed was to reach higher.
In the past two years, due to changes in the higher-ups' education reform policies, Qingcheng No. 1 High School no longer divided students into regular and advanced classes.
That was what they said, but a few exceptionally privileged classes would always be designated to guarantee the college admission rate.
Teachers of the other classes, in order to accommodate the majority of students, would prioritize teaching fundamental problems.
Thanks to some exam papers Xu Jinqi had bought from who knows where,
and an empty classroom Zhou Shixu had somehow secured,
every day during lunch break, Zhou Shixu gave her one-on-one advanced tutoring.
It felt, in a daze, like being back in middle school.
But back then, Zhou Shixu's tutoring came with a precondition.
After the tutoring, no matter how her grades turned out—
whether they rose or fell—
she could only choose the same high school as him.
There was no room for negotiation.
Now, there were no conditions at all.
He didn't say she had to attend the same university as him.
He didn't even say they had to be in the same city.
Wen Qing couldn't figure out what he was thinking right now.
But she still knew, with certainty, how important she was to Zhou Shixu at this moment.
Qingcheng's weather changed without warning.
The earlier snowfall had long since melted away completely.
Unlike cities blanketed in silver all winter long, Qingcheng might only see two or three snowfalls a year.
In recent years, even fewer.
Yet the temperature was much colder than in previous years.
The ground had long since turned dry and damp-cold.
Wen Qing had brought the few books Zhou Shixu had assigned according to his tutoring plan.
Her backpack wasn't heavy—she could carry it easily on her own.
The usual one-hour lunch break was already not enough for the two of them.
Now, with five days of vacation, they certainly couldn't let the time go to waste.
"So are we still tutoring today?" Wen Qing turned to look at Zhou Shixu.
School was off for the morning, leaving most of the day ahead—it would seem like too much of a waste not to use it for studying.
"Mm. Come to my place."
"Are Uncle Zhou and Auntie Shi back yet?"
"No."
Ever since she was little, Wen Qing had never quite understood it.
How could Zhou Xiping and Shi Wan's work be so busy?
So busy that no one came home even for Zhou Shixu's high school entrance exams.
So busy that they rarely came home even for Chinese New Year.
So busy that even when their only child spent New Year's Eve alone, work still came first.
Though it did make a lot of money, admittedly.
"Are they coming back this year?" As the words left her mouth, Wen Qing couldn't help feeling angry and aggrieved on Zhou Shixu's behalf.
"I don't know." Yet his tone was so flat that not a trace of caring could be seen.
"Then come to my place for New Year's Eve dinner this year. Let me tell you, this year all sorts of relatives—aunts and uncles and the whole crowd—are gathering at my house. They're definitely going to latch onto my grades and won't let go. If you come, you can help draw some of the fire."
"Fire?"
Wen Qing was so absorbed in talking that she nearly drifted off the sidewalk again; Zhou Shixu grabbed her backpack and pulled her back.
"Exactly. Everyone will be praising you then."
"Not afraid of them comparing you two?"
"Who'd be that tactless? Besides, everyone's known since we were kids how close we are. If anyone tries to flatter one and put down the other, you just shoot them one cold look."
As she spoke, Wen Qing tilted her head to look into Zhou Shixu's eyes:
"Yes, yes, exactly that look."
Before Zhou Shixu could even process "everyone's known how close we are," the words "cold look" yanked his thoughts back.
Zhou Shixu thought his expression at this moment was perfectly normal.
So, all this time, to her—
had he always been giving her the cold shoulder?
"Did Uncle and Auntie tell you to say that?"
"What? What does that have to do with my parents?"
"Didn't they tell you to invite me to your place for New Year's?"
The moment she heard the question, Wen Qing frowned and blurted out almost before she could think:
"No, I want you to come."
The sidewalk narrowed, and the two could no longer walk side by side.
Zhou Shixu followed behind Wen Qing.
At this moment, he desperately, achingly wanted to be closer to her.
Wanted to ask why.
"Will there be a lot of people?"
"Quite a few, anyway. All sorts of random relatives—some I probably won't even recognize. Just stick with me when the time comes; whatever I call them, you call them the same."
The one-way stretch of sidewalk was about to widen into two lanes again.
Wen Qing was about to quicken her pace so she could walk beside Zhou Shixu and talk.
But he gave her backpack a light tug.
Her steps couldn't move forward.
"Call them the same as you?"
"Yeah. It's not like you know all of them? Well, if you do know them, I could follow your lead instead."
Once they reached the wider path, she deliberately slowed down to wait for Zhou Shixu so they could walk side by side.
Wen Qing's words pulled Zhou Shixu back to the past.
Every word, every sentence, made him feel that he was extraordinarily special to her.
Yet with just one distant gap,
she could instantly detach herself from the relationship between them.
So, Wen Qing,
as far as you're concerned—dislike and fondness,
which one really outweighs the other?
Seeing that he didn't reply for a long while, the two had already arrived at the Zhou family home.
The moment the door opened, Wen Qing spoke under the cover of the wind: "Do you not want to come to my house?"
Zhou Shixu took her coat and hung it up along with his own.
"No."
"Then why didn't you answer just now, and you didn't reply to my message either. It sounded like you didn't want to go."
"It's not that I didn't want to go."
The two of them put on slippers and went into the study.
The moment Wen Qing pulled her textbook out of her bag, Zhou Shixu picked up where he'd left off:
"If I'm not going home with you, where else would I go?"
The hand holding her pen froze, and Wen Qing glanced sideways at Zhou Shixu.
On the way home, the wind had already mussed his hair.
All of its softness seemed to have been lost.
A rare sight—
a side of him he only showed in front of Wen Qing.
She suddenly wanted to reach out and ruffle it.
Best to mess up all his hair.
To strip away every shell of the rational exterior he wore.
That way, she could clearly hear Zhou Shixu say to her:
You're the only one I can't do without.
·
New Year's Eve.
Before she'd even woken up that morning, Wen Qing heard the clatter and clanging coming from the house.
Wen's father and Wen's mother were equally matched in cooking skill.
But the cuisines they specialized in were different.
One was a master of spicy dishes, the other a genius at making soup.
As for Wen Qing—
she had fully absorbed both of their skills.
Whether it was spicy chicken or three-delicacy soup, she could devour it all.
While still in her room, Wen Qing heard Ms. Zhao calling Auntie Shi.
Complaining that no one was coming home even for New Year's.
Before the call had even been connected for ten minutes, Shi Wan received a new proposal to review.
Ms. Zhao's words of scolding turned into words of sympathy.
Before the holiday had even started, Xu Jinqi had secretly approached Wen Qing several times.
Telling her to invite Sang Nianning out to celebrate New Year's Eve together.
He even said he'd scouted out a prime feng shui spot with a perfect view of the fireworks.
Rather than staying home eating dinner with all sorts of relatives—
and maybe even having to perform a talent show.
Wen Qing simply agreed to Xu Jinqi.
By mid-afternoon, Zhou Shixu had already arrived at the Wen household.
Saying he wanted to see if there was anything he could help with.
Wen's father and mother said there wasn't, so he said he'd go help Wen Qing with her tutoring.
Within just a few words, he had the two elders utterly charmed.
"Knock knock knock~"
"Come in."
The moment Zhou Shixu opened the door, he found Wen Qing sitting at her desk,
a fork stabbed firmly into a slice of cantaloupe on her plate before popping it into her mouth.
"Why are you here so early?"
"Came to help."
"With your cooking skills, what could you possibly help with? Help make a mess?"
The practice test in her hands was pulled away by Zhou Shixu.
"Helping you."
During breaks in explaining the problems, Zhou Shixu noticed she was extremely distracted today.
Her mind kept wandering.
And once it wandered off, she couldn't pull it back.
"Oh right, are we going out for dinner tonight, or having New Year's Eve dinner at my house?"
"Just the two of us?"
"Xu Jinqi and Sangsang are coming too."
"Why the sudden plan to go out?"
"To celebrate." Wen Qing grew more and more excited as she spoke.
Zhou Shixu put down his pen and leaned forward slightly, looking at her.
"Celebrate what?"
"After today, we'll be eighteen tomorrow, in the new year."
"Didn't you say you didn't want to grow up?"
"A little, but I'm also a little excited."
Even though it wasn't evening yet, the sounds of fireworks and firecrackers could already be heard outside.
Anticipation, fear, anxiety.
These emotions often entwine around the same thing.
Like the college entrance exam.
Like growing up.
Like turning eighteen.
"We're about to become adults. Doesn't thinking about it make you excited?"
Seeing that she'd completely lost any intention of studying, Zhou Shixu folded down the corner of the test paper.
"What's so different about being an adult?"
"At least when I sneak out to have fun, hotel staff won't make me call Ms. Zhao anymore."
"Once we're eighteen, we can go even farther away, right?"
And we can leave everything behind without guilt, right?
"That makes sense. Once the college entrance exams are over, we can go traveling everywhere."
Wen Qing grew more and more excited as she talked, so caught up that she forgot to eat the cantaloupe already speared on her fork.
Zhou Shixu touched the end of the fork and lowered it away from her cheek.
"So for you, at eighteen,
is there more to look forward to, or more to fear?"
Wen Qing propped her cheek on her hand, hesitating, on the verge of speaking several times but stopping short.
Zhou Shixu looked at her indecisive eyes and her tightly pressed lips.
And what about me?
For the eighteenth birthday we're about to face—the one that might mean us parting ways.
Has your fear ever—
even for just a moment—
been because you're a little reluctant to leave me?