“Good boy.”
The doctor sounded deeply satisfied as he offered the praise like a reward. “As long as you cooperate with the treatment, you’ll be discharged very soon.”
There was a hollow look in You Li’s eyes. He stared blankly at the empty space above him and asked softly, “…Really?”
“Of course,” the doctor replied with certainty.
You Li blinked in confusion. “Doctor… where am I?”
He was being carried in the doctor’s arms, cradled horizontally against his chest. Because he was so thin, his frail body curled into a small bundle within the tall man’s embrace, his legs hanging limply downward without strength.
The doctor carried him steadily down the corridor at an unhurried pace. “You fell asleep,” he explained. “Our group therapy session has already ended but the consultation room still needs to be used for other patients. In order not to disturb them, I could only bring you back first.”
“My wheelchair?” You Li asked.
Hadn’t he come here in a wheelchair? Then why was the doctor carrying him back instead?
The doctor’s tone was filled with concern for his patient’s well being. “Your nervous exhaustion has become more serious lately. You finally managed to fall asleep with great difficulty and the sound of the wheelchair moving would have woken you.”
“I see…” Although something about it felt strange, You Li still thanked him quietly. “Thank you, Doctor.”
His lips parted again yet not a single word came out.
The doctor lowered his gaze slightly. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
There were many things You Li wanted to say.
He wanted to say that he had dreamed an incredibly bizarre dream. He hoped the doctor could help him interpret it, untangle it, ease the emotions left behind by it.
But in the end, he said nothing at all.
He merely shook his head in silence.
After carrying him back to the ward, the doctor left. A nurse had already placed his dinner box neatly on the table beside his bed.
You Li ate quietly.
He had never liked talking much. Most of the time, he preferred being alone, sitting in silence. When he ate, he often let his mind drift blankly away.
He thought about many things.
Part of him felt that dream had been absurdly strange yet another part of him couldn’t convince himself it had merely been a dream. The car accident in it had felt far too real.
You Li even felt as though the protagonist in that dream had been himself.
The sensation of lying on the road after the crash, bleeding quietly while hovering on the brink of death, was exactly the same as the vague feeling hidden somewhere deep within his memories, as if he truly had once experienced death up close.
But hadn’t the doctor said that the person who got into the accident was his husband, while he himself had only been a bystander?
Had he loved his husband so deeply that he had unconsciously projected himself entirely into that accident?
Then why had the driver possessed his eyes?
Was he the one driving?
Was he the one who killed his husband in the crash?
Then why did he still feel it so deeply?
Why did he still love his husband so much?
After finishing his meal, You Li threw the disposable lunch box and chopsticks into the trash. Then he took out a tissue and carefully wiped the tabletop clean before pushing his wheelchair toward the bathroom to rinse his mouth and wash his hands.
The sink and mirror were built at a normal height. He could only brace himself against the wheelchair and struggle to stand. Since he couldn’t remain standing for long, his body wavered unsteadily, forcing him to support himself against the edge of the sink as he lowered his head and cleaned himself with some difficulty.
He faced the mirror but because his eyes were lowered, he wasn’t paying much attention to his reflection.
Out of the corner of his eye, however, he thought he saw a shadow pass behind him in the mirror.
It seemed as though someone had just walked past the window on the door outside his hospital room, a fleeting figure gone in an instant. Probably a passing nurse or doctor.
You Li stared at the stream of running water for a moment.
Then, suddenly, something felt wrong.
He lifted his head and stared carefully at the door reflected in the mirror.
Behind the glass window, there was nothing now.
Not a single figure remained.
Doctors and nurses all wore white uniforms.
But just now, he thought he had seen black.
White wrapped around black, not very obvious, like a white lab coat thrown over a dark suit.
That was when You Li finally realized it.
It hadn’t been a doctor.
Nor a nurse.
Then who was it?
Another patient?
But the patients all wore blue and white striped hospital gowns.
…Had he seen it wrong?
You Li shook his head, deciding that his精神 exhaustion must simply be getting worse and worse. He did not think too deeply about it anymore. Instead, he merely stared at himself in the mirror for a very long time.
He wanted to find even the slightest trace on that face of his, some evidence that he truly suffered from schizophrenia.
After a while, You Li quietly lowered his eyes again and asked in a tentative voice, “Are you there?”
He thought that perhaps it was finally time for him to properly speak with the thing inside his head.
The system’s voice was as steady and low as ever, carrying that same inhuman indifference yet the words it spoke were completely the opposite.
“I’m here.”
“I’ve always been here.”
You Li tried imitating the way those patients spoke. “Are we clearing a dungeon called Psychiatric Hospital?”
The system answered without the slightest pause, “Yes.”
“I’ve already stayed here for sixty seven days?” he asked.
“Yes.”
You Li hesitated before asking softly, “You really aren’t my second personality?”
“Of course not.”
“Then… who are you?”
“I am 04.”
“How am I supposed to believe you?” You Li sounded troubled. “Other people’s systems all seem to be controllable panels but you… you feel more like some strange thing parasitizing my brain.”
The system seemed to laugh softly.
“Because I belong exclusively to you.”
There was an unmistakable sense of privilege hidden within those words.
Every other player only possessed an ordinary system panel.
Only You Li’s system was different, a GM that could truly communicate with him, something tangible and real.
Only he was special.
The low male voice seemed to press against You Li’s ear as it asked in an eerily intimate tone, “But you do believe me, don’t you?”
“You never told anyone about my existence.”
You Li fell silent for a moment before changing the subject. “How many times have I cleared this dungeon?”
“The tenth time.”
The system’s voice remained calm.
“Host, this is your tenth time clearing this dungeon.”
Are you sure this is the first time you’ve lost your memory?
How do you know it’s the first time?
How do you know this isn’t already the tenth time you’ve lost your memories?
The words spoken earlier by the girl with the bun hairstyle echoed once more beside his ears. You Li stared stiffly at himself in the mirror as a freezing chill crawled upward from the soles of his feet, climbing along his spine all the way to the top of his head.
Pain gradually surfaced in his expression.
One moment, he was thinking about how he had lost his memories. Had it hurt terribly at the time?
The next moment, he wondered whether, after losing his memory ten times, his brain could still truly be considered his own.
Had his mind already become like a broken sieve full of holes without him realizing it?
Was there really nothing wrong with him?
It felt as though he had returned to that dream once again, standing at the exact same crossroads yet unable to decide whether he should move forward or retreat backward.
Ahead of him stretched nothing but confusion and uncertainty.
Two short knocks on the door suddenly snapped the You Li inside the mirror awake from his daze.
The instant he regained his senses, the numbness in his legs from standing too long abruptly returned, making him lose control and collapse back into the wheelchair behind him.
Looking somewhat disheveled, You Li turned around.
Standing outside the door was a nurse he didn’t recognize. She knocked lightly again. “Number 13? Are you Number 13?”
You Li nodded. “Yes. That’s me.”
The nurse pushed the door open and immediately looked toward his legs with concern. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” You Li shook his head.
The nurse let out a relieved sigh. “If anything feels wrong, you must press the emergency call bell. Our nurse station is staffed twenty four hours a day.”
Hearing the care and patience in the nurse’s tone made You Li hesitate slightly again. Quietly, he nodded. “I understand. Thank you.”
“Oh right, Number 13.” The nurse suddenly seemed to remember something. “You have a call from family.”
She continued, “It might be one of your relatives or friends calling you.”
As she spoke, she naturally moved behind him and began pushing his wheelchair. Warm heartedly, she said, “Don’t move. I’ll push you over there.”
Patients were naturally forbidden from possessing electronic devices of any kind but every floor of the hospital had a landline telephone installed on the wall.
You Li looked startled. “A family call?”
The nurse nodded. “Looking at the records, it seems a lot of people care about you. You used to receive calls from your family quite often but now that you’ve lost your memories… you probably can’t remember any of them anymore.”
She pushed him toward the landline at the end of the hallway. Beside it sat a small registry booklet where every completed phone call was recorded.
The dates and times were written clearly, followed by the patient’s signature.
Over the past two months, You Li’s signature had appeared there many times.
And now, he added another fresh signature himself.
Every signature looked exactly the same.
Even though You Li could not remember anything, he could still tell that the previous signatures truly belonged to him.
The nurse thoughtfully helped him dial the number back. “Please wait a moment. Your family said they’d remain by the phone waiting for you, so they should answer quickly.”
She held the receiver to her ear for a moment before smiling. “Alright, it’s connected. Go ahead.”
Still somewhat dazed, You Li accepted the receiver.
The nurse kindly switched off the speakerphone before walking farther away to give him privacy.
You Li spoke uncertainly into the phone. “Hello? …Hello? This is You Li.”
Static crackled from the other side of the line, as though the signal was poor.
After several moments of silence, a male voice finally sounded through the interference. His tone was somewhat exaggerated, carrying a standard American accent.
“Hey, my cutie?”
It sounded like the way someone would address their lover. The voice was young and sexy, filled with charm, carrying a trace of long awaited amusement.
Faced with such an intimate pet name, You Li became visibly flustered. “…Who are you?”
The person on the other end seemed momentarily disappointed.
But very quickly, he adjusted his mood again. His tone became teasing and playful.
“Baby, don’t tell me you even forgot the husband who’s on the same household register as you?”
You Li’s mind blanked completely.
For a moment, he simply could not process the fact that his dead husband was somehow calling him as family.
If his husband wasn’t dead, then why hadn’t he called yesterday?
Or the day before yesterday?
Why today?
Why contact him only now?
The call had arrived without warning, entirely beyond expectation, carrying a strange sense of impatience, as though the other person simply had not existed during the previous few days.
As though only today had he finally been able to appear.
Only today had he suddenly been able to reveal himself.
And the very moment he appeared, he hurried to call the wife who belonged to him in name.
The voice on the other end continued speaking to itself softly.
“You forgot me.”
The crackling static mixed into the sentence, causing the tone to become oddly sinister and eerie yet also heartbreakingly aggrieved, like the accusation of a lover who had been abandoned.
“I’m really hurt.”
✦ ✧ ✦
Nycreth
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
Coffee is technically a form of emotional support.
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
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ChaptersChapter 1 · I have amnesia (1)Chapter 2 · I have amnesia (2)Chapter 3 · I have amnesia (3)Chapter 4 · I have amnesia (4)Chapter 5 · I have amnesia (5)Chapter 6 · I have amnesia (6)Chapter 7 · I have amnesia (7)Chapter 8 · I have amnesia (8)Chapter 9 · I have amnesia (9)Chapter 10 · I have amnesia (10)Chapter 11 · I have amnesia (11)Chapter 12 · I have amnesia (12)Chapter 13 · I have amnesia (14)Chapter 14 · I have amnesia (14)Chapter 15 · I have amnesia (15)Chapter 16 · I have amnesia (16)Chapter 17 · I have amnesia (17)Chapter 18 · I have amnesia (18)Chapter 19 · I have amnesia (19)Chapter 20 · I have amnesia (20)Chapter 21 · I have amnesia (21)Chapter 22 · I have amnesia (22)Chapter 23 · I have amnesia (23)Chapter 24 · I have amnesia (24)Chapter 25 · I have amnesia (25)Chapter 26 · I have amnesia (26)Chapter 27 · I have amnesia (27)Chapter 28 · I have amnesia (28)Chapter 29 · Desert Highway (1)Chapter 30 · Desert Highway (2)Chapter 31 · Desert Highway (3)Chapter 32 · Desert Highway (4)Chapter 33 · Desert Highway (5)Chapter 34 · Desert Highway (6)Chapter 35 · Desert Highway (7)Chapter 36 · Desert Highway (8)Chapter 37 · Desert Highway (9)Chapter 38 · Desert Highway (10)Chapter 39 · Desert Highway (11)Chapter 40 · Desert Highway (12)Chapter 41 · Desert Highway (13)Chapter 42 · Desert Highway (14)Chapter 43 · Desert Highway (15)