Tutoring, it seems, is something one can get addicted to.
This was the conclusion Xu Yan reached after two weekends of tutoring at Ji Ran’s house. Now, the thing he looked forward to most each week was going to Ji Ran’s place for tutoring.
“Ji Ran, are we still on for tutoring this week?” Xu Yan held the just-distributed physics weekly quiz paper and gently nudged Ji Ran beside him with his elbow.
Ji Ran remained silent, his eyes filled with unspoken thoughts.
“What’s wrong? Can’t do it this week?” Xu Yan asked anxiously when Ji Ran didn’t respond.
“Probably not. Maybe next time.” Ji Ran shook his head, then looked at Xu Yan’s quiz paper and praised, “You’ve improved a lot this week.”
“Really?” Xu Yan grinned proudly. “I think so too, but it’s because you teach so well.”
“No, it’s because you’re smart.”
Xu Yan was overjoyed by the compliment, his tone unconsciously turning a bit airy. “Of course, I do think I’m pretty smart. Ji Ran, you know what? I’m one step closer to my goal.”
“What goal?” Ji Ran couldn’t help but ask, looking at Xu Yan’s bright and spirited expression.
Xu Yan turned sideways to face Ji Ran. The winter sun had unknowingly shifted toward Ji Ran, bathing his entire figure in a soft, pale light, making him appear somewhat dazed.
“Well, the long-term goal is to get into a good university?” Xu Yan curiously poked Ji Ran’s blank face. “Why are you spacing out all of a sudden? What’s on your mind?”
“Which university?” Ji Ran’s voice was very soft, drifting lightly into Xu Yan’s ear, making his heart inexplicably flutter.
“Haven’t decided yet. We’re only in our second year of high school—what’s the rush?” Xu Yan awkwardly changed the subject. “What are we having for lunch later?”
“Anything is fine. I’ll go with whatever you want.”
Xu Yan nodded, but his heart was still racing wildly. Damn it, what’s going on with my body lately?
Xu Yan couldn’t understand the inexplicable palpitations he’d been experiencing for the past half-month and secretly resolved to see a traditional Chinese medicine doctor after the monthly exams.
Noon, cafeteria, bustling with noise and chatter.
“Yan, have you been secretly studying behind our backs lately? You’ve been doing so well on these last two weekly quizzes.” At the lunch table, Sun Rui shoveled food into his mouth while glancing sideways at Xu Yan, his tone dripping with sarcasm.
“Not secretly.” Xu Yan ignored Sun Rui’s sarcasm, simply stating the facts in rebuttal.
Recently, a strange and toxic trend had inexplicably swept through the class, especially with Sun Rui. Whenever he saw someone studying, he would sneak in a snide remark like “study freak.” Naturally, Xu Yan had become one of Sun Rui’s targets.
“Yan, you’re such a study freak, a total overachiever.” Sun Rui sighed dramatically, leaving Qiu Muyang, sitting beside him, utterly awkward. Qiu Muyang said bluntly, “Seriously, guys, we’re eating. Can we not talk about studying? Just shut up already. I’m so sick of physics lately.”
Qiu Muyang’s tone was impatient. He’d been under a lot of academic pressure recently, and on top of that, every time he tried to do homework, Sun Rui would come over and mock him obnoxiously. Qiu Muyang felt that not losing his temper and cursing was already giving Sun Rui enough face. But then, in the next moment, Sun Rui turned the tables on him.
“I was talking about Yan, not you. What are you barking about? Yan doesn’t even mind, so why are you getting worked up?” Sun Rui wondered aloud. Qiu Muyang nearly choked on his food at Sun Rui’s comment, immediately shooting Xu Yan a look to urge him to retaliate. But Xu Yan, surprisingly good-natured, just said, “Oh, it’s fine. I don’t mind you saying that.”
Qiu Muyang fumed,”Can’t you tell he’s being sarcastic?”
Xu Yan found it strange. “Isn’t this just a joke? What’s there to get angry about?”
Qiu Muyang: …
Alright, he was being overly sensitive again.
“Finished eating, I’m off.” Ji Ran’s tone was calm as he picked up his tray, nodded to Xu Yan beside him, and turned to leave. But Ji Ran’s words unexpectedly broke the tense atmosphere.
Xu Yan tried to soothe Qiu Muyang, “Eat, eat, no need to get worked up.”
“I’m not worked up,” Qiu Muyang said, glaring at Sun Rui. “It’s my problem. I’ve been a bit sensitive lately.”
Sun Rui, feeling inexplicably guilty under Qiu Muyang’s stare, lowered his head and continued eating. “You are a bit sensitive. I was talking about Yan, not you. I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up.”
Qiu Muyang: …
Just a meal, and he’d become the overly sensitive one.
In mid-December, the biting wind stung Xu Yan’s face. If the harsh cold was a physical attack on him, then the monthly exam arriving in an hour would be a new round of psychological torment.
So, after staying in Class 2 for so long, he had started to care about exam results too.
He sighed softly, feeling like he’d been brainwashed by exams. With only one hour left before the science exam, he needed to cram a few more formulas. He wasn’t the same Xu Yan anymore—now he was Xu Yan, the science enthusiast.
“Performing any rituals this time?” Ji Ran asked softly, watching Xu Yan beside him tapping his head with a pen.
Xu Yan stopped his movements, staring intently at the formulas in his notebook. “No, rituals are kind of useless. Better to rely on myself.”
“Alright,” Ji Ran said, then handed Xu Yan a small note, adding, “Don’t open it until you’re about to enter the exam hall.”
Xu Yan’s heart leaped. Could this be some kind of secret strategy? He immediately accepted it, carefully tucking the note into his pencil case.
Before entering the exam hall, Xu Yan followed Ji Ran’s instructions and opened the note. Written in Ji Ran’s flowing cursive script were the words: “Go for it, believe in yourself!”
Xu Yan: …
Might as well have performed a ritual before the exam.
Amid the chaos, Xu Yan finished the December monthly exam. On the day the results were posted, bundled in his long down jacket with his neck tucked in, he squeezed his way to the front of the bulletin board.
Unsurprisingly, the first name he saw was Ji Ran’s. The first page of the bulletin board listed the top 30 students in the grade. Xu Yan’s eyes scanned downward—Shu Ning, Qiu Muyang At the end of the first page, he unexpectedly saw his own name.
He was in the top 30 this time?
Xu Yan rubbed his eyes in disbelief, checking the bulletin board several times. He had really made it into the top 30 this time.
Joy and celebration!
Xu Yan dashed upstairs and, as soon as he entered the classroom, excitedly said to Qiu Muyang, “Yang, you’re still ranked 18th this time.”
Then he turned around, pointing and naming off most of the scores he had memorized in that instant.
“Yan, what about you?” Qiu Muyang immediately pulled Xu Yan, who was getting a bit too excited, closer. “Don’t tell me you did poorly and are now going crazy.”
“No, no, I did really well.”
Qiu Muyang saw Xu Yan smiling brilliantly, but there was not a trace of genuine joy in his eyes—his confusion was unmistakable.
Qiu Muyang tugged at the corner of his mouth and didn’t stop Xu Yan from acting like he was pointing out the world’s affairs. He only thought to himself: It’s not even senior year yet, and Xu Yan’s already been driven mad by exams. What’s he going to be like when we reach senior year?
It took Xu Yan a long time to snap out of it. He sat quietly in his seat, reflecting on the intense emotional turmoil this exam had stirred in him.
“Aren’t you happy about doing well?” Ji Ran asked, looking at Xu Yan, who seemed somewhat sullen as he sat there.
“No, it’s just that it feels unreal,” Xu Yan replied, resting his head on the desk. The last rays of the setting sun fell across the surface, and as he lifted his gaze, he saw Ji Ran, softened and outlined by the interplay of light and shadow.
That familiar palpitation found Xu Yan once again.
For some reason, Ji Ran also rested his head on the desk. The moment their eyes met, Xu Yan felt a flicker of panic. Holding his breath, Xu Yan asked in a low voice, “Why are you leaning down like that?”
Ji Ran answered simply and directly, “To look at you.”
Xu Yan turned his head away, flustered by Ji Ran’s reply. He felt something was off—very off. Why did he feel a flush of heat just because Ji Ran was looking at him?
“You’ll do even better in the future,” Ji Ran said, still leaning on the desk. Xu Yan’s ear happened to be close to the wooden surface, and the sound traveled unexpectedly through the connected desk, ethereal and startling, straight into his ear.
Xu Yan jolted upright in surprise.
He thought Ji Ran’s voice was far too captivating, especially when it reached his ear through the desk. There was an inexplicable sense of penetration, as if his entire body had been tingled and stirred by Ji Ran’s words.
It was too strange.
After Xu Yan’s good exam results, rumors about him cheating somehow spread like wildfire.
“Hey, did you hear? They’re saying someone in Class Two cheated on this month’s exam!”
“Yeah, Xu Yan. Thought he’d tone it down after getting into a good class. I heard he cheated back in freshman year too.”
“And have you heard about what happened with his family? They say he sent his own dad to prison.”
“Yeah, and they say his mom’s no good either—wasn’t she a mistress or something?”
“No, that’s not the version I heard. They say his mom was a prostitute.”
As Ji Ran passed by the hallway after using the restroom, he unintentionally overheard a group of people whispering.
Were they talking about Xu Yan?
Ji Ran’s fists clenched instantly.
Meanwhile, the person at the center of these rumors was currently buried in his studies in the classroom.
Xu Yan felt a vague sense of panic about his results from the December monthly exam. His heart remained unsettled; he couldn’t shake the feeling that luck had played a significant part in his performance this time, so he knew he had to work twice as hard.
“Yanzi, damn it, I’m so pissed!” Qiu Muyang rushed over to Xu Yan’s desk, fuming with indignation.
Xu Yan comforted him calmly and peacefully, “Don’t get angry. Anger hurts the body.”
His palpitations had been growing more noticeable lately—he needed to take care of his health.
Qiu Muyang caught his breath, glanced at Xu Yan, and moved his lips up and down, but no sound came out. Just then, Ji Ran, who had just entered the classroom, walked straight over to Xu Yan. After noticing Qiu Muyang’s hesitant silence, he cut straight to the point: “Someone’s spreading rumors.”
“Rumors about who?” Xu Yan asked.
After a moment’s hesitation, Ji Ran replied, “You.”
“Oh, I know, it’s about the rumors of me cheating on the exam, right? It’s nothing.” Xu Yan shrugged it off, his tone resolute. “Rumors stop with the wise. I never cheated, so let them talk. I don’t care.”
“Not just that.” For the first time, Ji Ran’s usually calm voice carried a hint of anger.
“Yeah, I know.” Xu Yan remained composed, continuing to work on his problems without haste. “They’re talking about my family, aren’t they?”
“It’s nothing. It’s not the first time I’ve gone through this. I really don’t care about any of it.”
As he spoke, the tip of the pen in his hand trembled slightly. His voice quivered as he repeated, “I’m fine.”
He was just afraid.
Afraid of being isolated all over again.