Xu Yan had known since middle school that malice could appear out of nowhere—without reason, without warning.
Just like how his once gentle mother would hurl insults at him after becoming pregnant with Xu Yao, or how the seemingly kind Xu Guodong would beat and kick him once he started middle school. It was like the garbage bags the neighbor lady would pile in front of their door every morning, followed by a sudden, inexplicable curse: “Bastard spawn.” Or how, shortly after starting middle school, he became the target of inexplicable bullying and mockery from his classmates.
Xu Yan’s middle school years were wrapped in all kinds of malice, and so he naturally came to believe that malice arrived without logic.
But through careful observation in middle school, Xu Yan concluded one thing: at school, people kept their distance from those who seemed gloomy and quiet, while they drew closer to those who were good-looking and had pleasant personalities.
So after entering Third High School, Xu Yan diligently maintained his persona. But now, it seemed malice had simply arrived later than he expected.
Xu Yan smiled self-mockingly, glanced up at Qiu Muyang and Ji Ran in front of him, and said, “So you all know already.”
Qiu Muyang was utterly confused by Xu Yan’s demeanor. He never expected his friend Yanzi to be so edgy—this line sounded exactly like the standard pre-villain monologue from the xianxia dramas his mom watched. Thinking this, Qiu Muyang unconsciously blurted out, “Know what?”
“The rumors,” Ji Ran answered for Xu Yan.
“But those are all fake,” Qiu Muyang waved his hand dismissively, a look of disdain on his face. “Who knows which dog started spreading rumors, even dragging Xu Yan’s mom into it. What a disgusting piece of work. Just wait till I track him down and make him kneel and apologize to my Yanzi”
“Xu Yan, come here.” Just as Qiu Muyang was getting worked up, their homeroom teacher Du Bo appeared silently at the back door of the classroom, his expression serious as he motioned for Xu Yan.
Xu Yan stood up and walked toward Du Bo.
The teacher’s action instantly caused an uproar in the classroom.
The previously quiet Class 2 suddenly erupted into chaos. Xu Yan stood at the doorway surrounded by hushed whispers, but unfortunately, the voices were too jumbled for him to make out exactly what was being said.
They’re probably talking about me, Xu Yan thought, stepping out of the classroom with a sense of resignation.
“Qiu Muyang, did Xu Yan really cheat? He couldn’t have, right?”
“Yeah, you’re close with him. Do you know?”
A crowd of curious onlookers surrounded Qiu Muyang, relentlessly pressing him about Xu Yan. Annoyed by the noise, he scratched his head and awkwardly turned to the indifferent Ji Ran behind him. “Aren’t you worried? Yanzi’s been called to the office by Old Du. He couldn’t have really cheated, could he?”
Ji Ran replied firmly, “No.”
Second Year of High School, Homeroom Teacher’s Office.
Xu Yan stood awkwardly in front of Du Bo’s desk, watching as the teacher opened his computer and conducted a personalized performance analysis report meeting just for him.
At the end of the meeting, Xu Yan finally faced Du Bo’s critical question: “I’m not surprised you made it into the top 30 of your grade this time, but this improvement is quite significant. Can you explain how you managed it?”
“Extra tutoring.” Xu Yan glanced at the grade analysis line chart on Du Bo’s computer and told the truth. But Du Bo wasn’t convinced, puzzled as he asked, “Recently, the teachers have heard some unpleasant rumors. The school is cracking down hard on cheating. Are you sure you didn’t copy?”
Xu Yan automatically categorized Du Bo’s words as malicious. His fingertips tingled with numbness, and he looked at Du Bo with an expression devoid of emotion. “I didn’t copy, and I couldn’t have copied.” With those words, Xu Yan turned to leave, but Du Bo gently stopped him.
“That’s not what I meant,” Du Bo chuckled. “The school is being strict this time. They’re planning to thoroughly review the surveillance footage from this exam, hold invigilators accountable by class, and publicly criticize students caught cheating.”
“I just wanted to ease your mind.” Du Bo let out a long sigh of relief, ruffled Xu Yan’s hair, and laughed heartily. “Good kid, I’ve seen how hard you’ve been working lately. Keep it up! I believe you can break into the top twenty next time.”
Instead of the malice Xu Yan had anticipated, he received encouragement. He stared blankly at Du Bo, a warmth rising in his heart.
Ever since he started at Third High, the hostility around him had unexpectedly dissipated. Was it just his imagination?
Leaving the office, Xu Yan still felt a bit dazed. When he returned to his seat, Qiu Muyang suddenly turned around and asked with concern, “Yanzi, what did Old Du want?”
“Analyzing grades,” Xu Yan replied flatly.
“Thank goodness, you scared me. I thought something was wrong.” After asking, Qiu Muyang craned his neck to carefully examine the subtle expressions on Xu Yan’s face.
Xu Yan was amused by Qiu Muyang. “Don’t worry, nothing’s wrong.”
Satisfied that Xu Yan seemed normal, Qiu Muyang turned back around.
“Good to hear,” Ji Ran chimed in unexpectedly while working on a problem. He glanced up at Xu Yan, as if confirming he was truly fine, then buried his head back in his work.
The classroom windows were wide open, and the howling cold wind rushed into Xu Yan’s ears, chilling him to the bone. Yet, he was surrounded by a warm current.
As the cold wind gradually subsided, the rumors about Xu Yan were slowly replaced by new gossip. It seemed the matter had been put to rest.
It wasn’t until Third High issued its public criticism regarding exam cheating that Xu Yan’s name was brought up again.
The one who had cheated wasn’t Xu Yan but someone he never expected—Sun Rui.
Third High required those criticized publicly to write a self-criticism. Sun Rui was now slumped over his desk, pen in hand, sighing as he wrote.
“Hey, buddy, you brought this on yourself. At least it’s just a self-criticism. You can cheat now, but you won’t be able to during the college entrance exam, right?” Qiu Muyang teased Sun Rui while sipping from his thermos, his tone carrying a hint of earnest advice.
Sun Rui shot a dark glare at Qiu Muyang and retorted sarcastically, “Oh, you’re so righteous. You’ve never cheated, you’re just amazing.”
Qiu Muyang took a small sip of tea and smiled. “I’ve never cheated on major exams.”
“Enough already. Let Sun Rui finish his work. Stop talking,” Xu Yan said, patting Qiu Muyang’s head with a smile.
But Xu Yan’s smile stung Sun Rui deeply. “What are you laughing at? Do you think your grades are so honorable? They just didn’t catch you this time. I was in the same exam hall as you, and I saw the notes hidden in your pencil case.”
“You got lucky this time, they didn’t catch you,” Sun Rui said, pursing his lips. “You’re just as dirty as your mother.”
“Say that again,” Xu Yan said, his face darkening, his tone icy.
Sun Rui taunted, “I said you’re just like your mom—dirty. A grown man like you, always flashing that dimple and grinning—learned that from your mom, didn’t you? Selling smiles works pretty well for you!”
Xu Yan’s mind went blank. A cold wind crept up his spine, seeping into every limb, and he vaguely sensed sinister, venomous gazes closing in from all directions, prickling his scalp.
The faint, scattered sounds around him surged like waves against his ears, eventually condensing into droplets that coalesced into the haunting, years-old taunts that still lingered: “Xu Yan, Xu Yan, the little bastard from a family of bastards, hahaha.”
“His mom sells smiles for a living, and he’s just like her. Plus, Xu Yan looks so girly, hahaha.”
Childhood memories flooded back like a tide. Standing frozen in place, Xu Yan asked Sun Rui numbly, “Why?”
Sun Rui looked baffled, his expression scornful. “Why what? Isn’t it true? Everyone in my neighborhood’s known for ages—your mom’s a mistress, your dad’s a gambler, and you’ve got a sister who’s probably just like you and your mom, right? Who knows if the money you use to treat us to meals is even clean? Just thinking about it makes me sick”
Before Sun Rui could finish, Xu Yan’s expression turned ferocious as he swung a fist straight at Sun Rui’s face. Sun Rui had no time to dodge and took the blow head-on.
Staggering from the impact, Sun Rui stared at Xu Yan in disbelief and cursed, “Xu Yan, are you insane?”
Qiu Muyang was stunned by Xu Yan’s reaction. Before he could process it, a gust of wind brushed past his ear as he saw Xu Yan throw a second punch.
Chaos erupted completely.
This was the first time Qiu Muyang had ever seen Xu Yan fight. Every punch Xu Yan threw carried a vicious, life-threatening force—seemingly wild but landing with brutal precision. Xu Yan’s eyes were eerily empty, devoid of emotion, as if he were mechanically throwing punches. Yet, every counterattack Sun Rui attempted was effortlessly dodged. Qiu Muyang thought that if Xu Yan were in one of his mom’s martial arts dramas, he’d be a grandmaster without a doubt.
As Qiu Muyang marveled inwardly and prepared to intervene, he was stunned once more. He saw Ji Ran calmly pull the enraged Xu Yan aside, then gently wrap his hands around Xu Yan’s trembling fists, speaking softly, “Yan Yan, calm down.”
Yan… Yan? Qiu Muyang froze instantly. This… this isn’t right. In an instant, countless scenes from the BL dramas his mom watched flashed through his mind, and he shuddered in the near-freezing weather.
A bold suspicion surfaced in his mind: Could the top student be… gay?
News of Xu Yan and Sun Rui’s fight spread like wildfire and soon reached Du Bo’s ears.
In the office, Du Bo wore a troubled expression.
“Oh, I heard Xu Yan got into a fight?” Liu Yin said as she peeled an orange and tossed it toward Du Bo.
Du Bo caught it deftly and sighed. “Sis, how do I handle something like this? I’ve never dealt with it before.”
“Now you think to ask your big sister?” Liu Yin raised a slender eyebrow, gracefully pulling over an empty office chair and sitting across from Du Bo.
“You had that notorious troublemaker You Zhou in your class last year, so you must have plenty of experience dealing with fights.” Du Bo flashed an ingratiating smile, only to inadvertently touch on Liu Yin’s sore spot. Liu Yin gritted his teeth and snapped:
“Don’t even mention that little brat. I didn’t get a single peaceful day’s sleep while he was around. Xu Yan’s case is nothing compared to that—just a schoolyard fight between boys. Pull them together, have them hug it out and apologize, and it’s over.”
“That simple? No need for disciplinary records or anything?”
“Just that simple. It’s just boys roughhousing. After it’s settled, hold a class meeting to wrap things up. Of course, if the parents kick up a fuss, that’s another story.” Liu Yin munched on an orange while earnestly offering advice, but Du Bo’s phone rang.
“Oh no, Teacher Liu, you called it. The parents are making a scene.” Du Bo hung up, snatched an orange from the table in passing, and hurried toward the first-floor academic affairs office.
Academic Affairs Office.
“Xu Yan beat my Ruirui so badly he ended up in the hospital, and you teachers aren’t doing anything about it?”
“I demand justice for my Ruirui today—either pay compensation or expel Xu Yan! How can a child like him be allowed to stay at No. 3 High School?”
Sun Rui’s father jabbed a finger at Xu Yan’s head, shouting so vehemently that Xu Yan was reminded of the neighbor’s aunt who practiced vocal exercises at the top of her lungs every morning.
Xu Yan watched the man spewing saliva with a calm, detached expression. It wasn’t until the man shoved a medical bill for a staggering 50,000 yuan in his face, demanding payment with righteous indignation, that Xu Yan couldn’t help but curl his lip in disdain.
How ridiculous. He had held back during the fight, and Sun Rui had only ended up with a bruised face. Afterward, Xu Yan had coldly paid for the medical expenses, which Sun Rui had accepted without complaint. What was this all about now?
“I’ve already paid. I won’t pay again,” Xu Yan said coolly, eyeing the medical bill.
“Not paying? Since when does someone get away with beating others without compensation? Your father’s a deadbeat, and it turns out you’re just a chip off the old block. Where’s Xu Guodong? Get your father here!” Sun Rui’s father pressed forward aggressively, forcing Xu Yan back against the wall. Xu Yan looked at the man and replied with a cold laugh, “My dad’s dead.”
As Sun Rui’s father continued his relentless tirade, Huang Yi, the head of the academic affairs office, couldn’t hold back an eye roll and barked sharply, “Sir, the homeroom teacher will be here soon. Take up any issues with them. Arguing with a kid here—what’s the point?”
“Speak of the devil, here’s the homeroom teacher.” Huang Yi pointed at Du Bo, who was panting in the doorway, then took a sip of tea. “Now let’s talk this through properly.”
Xu Yan leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, quietly observing the farce. After more than half an hour, he reached a conclusion: this man was just trying to extort money.
“You claim the medical bills cost 50,000 yuan and that Sun Rui is still hospitalized?” Xu Yan pointed at the medical report on the table, tapping the amount with his fingertip and sneering. “Didn’t you notice you added two extra rows of data when you faked this?”
“And the report isn’t signed.”
Du Bo, who had been trying to mediate patiently, glanced at the report after hearing Xu Yan’s words and couldn’t help but curse, “Damn it, you fabricated this to extort money!”
“So my son gets beaten, and there’s no consequence at all?” Sun Rui’s father, flushed with anger and humiliation, grabbed Xu Yan by the collar and let out a hoarse roar.
“I’m sorry.” Xu Yan lowered his eyelashes and spoke softly, “But it was your son who started spreading rumors about me first. I don’t care if he spreads lies about me cheating or talks behind my back, but saying it to my face is truly disgusting.”
Knock, knock. The door of the academic affairs office suddenly sounded, and Ji Ran walked straight in with a thick stack of materials. The atmosphere instantly turned strange, and everyone instinctively turned their attention to Ji Ran.
Huang Yi was visibly taken aback and asked, “What is it?”
“Evidence for a report,” Ji Ran said solemnly.
Du Bo instinctively asked, “Reporting who?”
“Sun Rui. He has cheated on multiple exams and incited others to engage in personal attacks.” Ji Ran placed the materials on Huang Yi’s desk, then turned and left without another word.
The people in the academic affairs office were left in disarray.
After a moment of hesitation, Huang Yi said to Xu Yan, “Go back to class for now. Your fight will definitely be recorded as a disciplinary violation. We’ll talk with this parent.”
Xu Yan nodded and left.
As he stepped out of the academic affairs office, raindrops began to fall from the gloomy sky. Xu Yan stood in the corridor on the first floor, quietly watching the rain grow heavier.
He was so tired. He didn’t want to pretend anymore.
“Aren’t you leaving?” Ji Ran appeared beside Xu Yan at some point, his voice soft, even softer than the sound of the rain.
Xu Yan looked at Ji Ran with a numb expression and forced a bitter smile. “Why help me? Out of pity?”
“No,” Ji Ran paused, “because you deserve it.”
The rain grew heavier, and the pitted cement ground gradually filled with water. A raindrop fell into a puddle, sending ripples spreading outward, one after another.
A sudden gust of wind stirred, and the familiar palpitations once again pierced Xu Yan’s heart. He looked at Ji Ran, tugged at the corner of his mouth, and said self-deprecatingly, “I don’t deserve it. Actually, I’m a terrible person—hypocritical, lacking empathy, and with a terrible temper. A lot of what you see is just an act. I…”
Xu Yan’s words became somewhat incoherent. “I really don’t understand myself. Sometimes I get so angry, and other times I feel like nothing matters. But when Sun Rui insulted me, I was really… scared.”
Scared that malice would strike again, scared that the friendships he had worked so hard to build would vanish in an instant.
“Don’t be afraid. I’m here.” Ji Ran gently wrapped an arm around Xu Yan’s shoulder. “I’ll always be here.”