This inexplicable fantasy, born from nowhere, troubled Shen Yandong deeply.
And worse, he couldn’t stop it.
Every few days, Di Zhe would appear in his dreams.
And in reality, Di Zhe’s persistence never relented either, showing up day after day, rain or shine, openly expressing his affection for him.
As time went on, even Shen Yandong’s thoughts began to shift, little by little:
Judging by the way he keeps handing out love letters everywhere, as long as I firmly refuse him, he’ll probably fall for someone else soon enough, right?
I rejected him again yesterday, he looked so dejected then. Why does it seem like he’s already forgotten all about it today?
Forget it. That would be too rude. I’ll treat him a little better today.
Everyone’s cleaning, where did Di Zhe go? It looks like he’s talking to a girl from the class next door. I remember her… she’s someone he confessed to before. What are they laughing about?
So he’s already moved on after all. Hmph. Good. Then he should stop coming to me!
And he still has the nerve to ask why I’m in a bad mood? Why I’m in a bad mood, doesn’t he know…?
Wait. No.
I am definitely not in a bad mood because Di Zhe talked to someone else a little longer than usual.
I just can’t stand how fickle he is. That’s why we don’t get along.
If I say he’s spending his parents’ money, does he really have to go out and get a job?
He’s clearly been pampered, can he even handle that kind of hardship?
And he deliberately chose a workplace near where I live… what is that supposed to mean?
But I won’t be staying here during the holidays anyway.
Should I tell him?
…No, better not.
After the way I’ve treated him, he should understand what I mean by rejecting him this time.
He should.
Final exams are coming up. I should focus on studying. Sigh… I can’t be bothered to keep putting on a cold face toward him. We’re classmates, after all, it’s better to just get along for now.
After not seeing him all summer, how did Di Zhe get even fairer?
Oh, right, he’s been working in a shop, so he doesn’t go out into the sun much. The tan lines on his body must have faded by now…
Stop.
Shen Yandong, what are you thinking?!
Don’t think about it. It’s been half a month since you last dreamed about his body, don’t ruin that now.
I disappeared without a word for two whole months. He should be angry, shouldn’t he…?
Then why is he still smiling at me?
Stay away from me.
Stop appearing in my dreams.
You’re giving me a gift? A sweater? I’m not lacking sweaters…
Wait, when I said I didn’t want it, I didn’t mean you should go and learn how to knit one!
How can someone be this persistent?
If he put this kind of effort into studying, how good would that be?
…Well, it seems like he actually has started studying.
Since he’s managed to do that, I can’t really keep saying harsh things to him anymore.
Actually… he’s not that stupid. If he puts his mind to it, he can do well.
Whether it’s cooking, working, or studying, once he’s serious about something, he can do it properly.
But still…
Today, I ran into people Di Zhe used to confess to before.
I thought they would only have bad things to say about him but surprisingly, they were praising him.
Someone who grows up carefree and optimistic like that is actually a little terrifying… he seems capable of finding something good in everyone.
He really is fickle.
I still shouldn’t trust him too much.
Someone said something bad about me and Di Zhe got furious, arguing with them until his face turned red.
Am I really as good as he says?
How annoying.
When he acts like this, I can’t even maintain a cold attitude toward him anymore.
Time really flies. How is it already senior year?
Lately, Di Zhe hasn’t been studying properly again. He seems to have gotten hooked on a newly released game, skipping evening self study to go home and play. If this continues, what will happen to his grades?
It seems like Di Zhe realized I don’t like him playing games. For the past few days, he’s been sitting in the classroom obediently, working on exam papers.
There are six months left until the college entrance exams.
And Di Zhe confessed to me again.
This is the seventh formal confession.
They say things shouldn’t be repeated more than three times yet he’s managed to persist through seven without giving up. At this point, I don’t even know whether to call him determined, or whether he simply treats confession like a joke.
This time, I thought about it seriously for an entire night.
Di Zhe and I were never people from the same world. Our lives are completely different. Sooner or later, I will return to the capital to work. As for Di Zhe, he doesn’t seem to have any grand ambitions, he’ll probably stay by his parents’ side and live an easy, carefree life.
If our life goals are already different from the start, then why should there be any intersection at all?
Sigh… don’t look at me like you’re about to cry.
I’ve rejected you so many times, how can you still look at me with so much feeling?
We only met by chance. Once we part, that should be the end of it.
Di Zhe asked me about my target university and major.
I shouldn’t have told him.
But I still did.
What kind of unreasonable expectation am I holding onto?
Yet over these two years, I’ve also seen something, maybe he really could do it.
If… if this time, Di Zhe actually manages it, if he really runs toward me and ends up at the same university as me,
Then at that point, what excuse would I have left to reject him?
It seems…
there wouldn’t be any left at all.
Is it because the college entrance exams are approaching and the pressure has been getting to me lately?
Why am I dreaming about Di Zhe every single day? It’s far too frequent.
And the things I do to him in those dreams… they’re getting worse and more twisted with each passing day. Is there something wrong with my mind?
But… it’s already been two years. By now, I don’t even feel any resistance anymore, I’ve grown used to it.
That’s… really terrible.
For the next few days, I should keep some distance from Di Zhe.
The exams are over.
I have a feeling Di Zhe is going to confess to me again today. Otherwise, why would he dress so formally just to have a meal? Only an idiot wouldn’t be able to tell.
What should I do?
This time… if he confesses again, maybe I’ll just agree.
And that’s where it should end, Shen Yandong felt that everything was still within his expectations, under his control.
The only problem was that a drunken Di Zhe, throwing a tantrum after drinking too much, was a bit difficult to deal with.
He had thought Di Zhe would confess but instead he got himself this drunk. In this state, even if he did confess, it would hardly be appropriate.
Better to talk about it another day.
Di Zhe tugged at him and said, “I, I have something I want to tell you.”
It was a little frightening.
Di Zhe kept pressing against him, his breath so close it felt like he might kiss him at any moment, murmuring into his ear, “You smell so good.”
It seemed like his body was starting to react.
This was bad. He absolutely didn’t want to lose face like this.
Shen Yandong said, “I’m a Beta. I don’t have pheromones. I don’t smell.”
But Di Zhe refused to let it go. “You do. You smell really good. I like the way you smell. So good. Don’t run, let me smell you again.”
Forget it. Better stay calm. Di Zhe might not know any better but could he really afford to lose control too?
Shen Yandong said, “What exactly do you want to say?”
Like a stubborn, unruly child, Di Zhe kept pulling at him. It was irritating yet not entirely unpleasant, there was something faintly endearing about it, a helpless kind of frustration that he couldn’t quite deal with.
Di Zhe persisted, “Can we go to the park to talk?”
He had to be firm.
Shen Yandong said, “No. If you won’t say it here, then forget it.”
Di Zhe immediately looked aggrieved again. “It’s not romantic to say it by the roadside. We should go somewhere romantic.”
No.
He really needed to go back now.
Otherwise… he felt like he might not be able to suppress the urge to lean in and kiss those lips.
They just kept talking and talking. He had long thought that Di Zhe’s lips looked soft, inviting to kiss and now, flushed from alcohol, they were even redder, even more vivid.
Turning his face away, he said, “I’ll call a taxi and send you home.”
The next thing he heard was the sound of Di Zhe collapsing onto the ground.
Honestly…
why was it that he just couldn’t deal with Di Zhe?
In the small grove of trees, Di Zhe said with a hint of pride, “Your expression looks like you don’t even know why you ended up following me here.”
Shen Yandong thought irritably to himself that wasn’t true.
In fact, he knew exactly why he had come.
It was just that he hadn’t fully made up his mind yet.
If he were to be with Di Zhe, then he would have to carefully consider their future, how to plan their studies, their careers, how to talk to their families about marriage. One was a Beta, the other an Alpha, they couldn’t have children. He would have to find a way to make his parents accept it.
His mother, in particular, seemed to want him to find someone of equal social standing. She would probably be very angry, perhaps even treat Di Zhe coldly. Even if Di Zhe was somewhat thick skinned, he was still his lover. If he were to take responsibility, he couldn’t let Di Zhe be wronged in front of his family…
There were too many things to think about.
It made Shen Yandong feel irritated.
“No,” he said. “Are you done talking? You’re just too strong, I couldn’t force you into a taxi.”
Di Zhe shook his head. “No. It’s because you’re kind. You can’t just ignore me.”
He hadn’t expected Di Zhe to say that.
Shen Yandong found it hard to describe what he felt at that moment but his tone came out sharper than he intended. “Flattering me won’t help.”
Before he could even finish speaking, Di Zhe suddenly leaned in and kissed him.
It felt as if something exploded in his mind.
All the impulses he had been struggling to suppress surged up at once.
He shoved Di Zhe away, sending him stumbling to the ground. Instinctively, Shen Yandong took a step forward, wanting to help him up but he was afraid that if he touched him any more, he might lose control completely.
Afraid that he might pin him down right there and go too far.
So he forced himself to stand still, swallowing his frustration as he said, “Get up.”
Di Zhe asked, “Do you hate it when I kiss you?”
“Shen Yandong, date me. I really want to date you. If you don’t hate it, then you like me too. Maybe you don’t even realize it yourself. Just try it with me, try it and you’ll know whether you like me or not.”
Shen Yandong felt a surge of guilt. Di Zhe’s voice sounded so aggrieved yet so sincere.
Alright, alright… stop talking for now.
He only wanted to pull him up from the ground first but Di Zhe refused to get up, clinging to him instead.
“You’re an adult now and so am I.”
“Before, you rejected me saying that in high school we should focus on studying and not date but now we’ve graduated.”
“You told me to study hard and I did. You said I was wasting my parents’ money, so I went to work. You said the things I bought didn’t taste good, so I learned to cook. Haven’t I done well enough?”
He heard a faint tremor in Di Zhe’s voice, tinged with the edge of tears.
Di Zhe was always hovering around him, cheerful from morning till night, smiling as if nothing in the world could weigh him down and yet, he had never cried.
This… was the first time.
Just hearing it made Shen Yandong feel as though his heart were about to shatter. In that instant, all resistance drained from him, leaving him powerless. “I never said you weren’t good enough, ”
Di Zhe said, “But you still don’t want to date me.”
Sigh.
There was really no way to keep being cold hearted anymore.
On impulse, Shen Yandong said, “I never said I wouldn’t date you.”
The moment the words left his mouth, he felt an unexpected sense of relief.
Gritting his teeth, he added, “Get up first. Your clothes are all dirty, weren’t you wearing formal clothes? They must be expensive. You’ve ruined them.”
That’s enough.
If we’re going to date, then we’ll date.
Even if there will be a lot of trouble ahead… there will always be a way to deal with it.
Before he had even finished speaking, Di Zhe had already leapt up from the ground, overjoyed. “What did you just say? You’re willing to date me now?”
Shen Yandong couldn’t help but laugh, caught between amusement and exasperation.
Di Zhe looked at him with bright, shining eyes, like an eager little puppy, so full of anticipation that it made Shen Yandong feel happy too. He even looked as though he was about to lean in and kiss him again.
Is he going to kiss me?
Shen Yandong’s heart skipped a beat.
But he didn’t.
Instead, Di Zhe grinned and said, “Really? Did I drink too much and start hallucinating? You really agreed to it? Then kiss me.”
At this point, you’re still making things difficult for me? Shen Yandong grumbled inwardly but he had no real choice.
In the end, he leaned forward and kissed Di Zhe first.
The moment their lips met, he fell in love with the feeling.
For two years, he had imagined this in his dreams and even those had felt wonderful but now that it was real, he realized it was far more intoxicating than anything he had ever imagined.
If only there weren’t such a strong taste of alcohol.
“Is that enough?”
“No.”
“I said it’s enough. Come on, drunkard, I’ll take you home.”
“Am I dreaming? Did you really kiss me?”
“I didn’t even get to feel anything yet.”
“Then kiss me again. Let me feel it properly.”
“Shen Yandong, Shen Yandong, Shen Yandong, ”
“Can’t it wait until another day?”
Di Zhe kept chattering endlessly, noisy and insistent, just like a real couple.
No, they were a real couple now.
They were truly together.
Shen Yandong could feel the sweat gathering in their clasped hands. He was so nervous he could hardly steady himself.
But Di Zhe said, “Why not now? Do you think that was enough? I don’t think it was enough at all. The way I feel about you right now, it’s overflowing. I like you so much, so much, so much, I can’t even control it. I still want to tell you I like you and I still want to kiss you. Just today, right now, if we wait for another day, it won’t be the same anymore… If we miss this moment, it’ll never come back.”
“Shen Yandong, can you kiss me again? Please?”
Why is he so clingy?
Is it because we’ve graduated? They were both adults now. Their relationship was legitimate, proper.
Shen Yandong felt both sweet and troubled as he thought, starting from tonight, Di Zhe would probably love him ten times, a hundred times more intensely than before.
That kiss just now had felt too good. He wanted to kiss him again too.
But… they were outside.
He had no desire to be seen, or worse, recorded.
So he could only endure it, saying, “…Someone might pass by.”
Di Zhe’s eyes lit up, a hint of foolish cleverness shining within them. “Then if we find somewhere more private… does that mean we can kiss more?”
What is he planning now?
What kind of place counts as “private”?
A trace of caution rose in Shen Yandong’s chest as he asked, “Where are we going?”
Di Zhe grabbed his hand. “Just come with me.”
Perhaps it was because of that kiss, because he had been intoxicated by the lingering taste of alcohol on Di Zhe’s lips,
or perhaps it was because he himself harbored thoughts that weren’t entirely innocent.
In any case, by the time Di Zhe led him to the entrance of a small inn, Shen Yandong had already vaguely realized what he intended.
His throat tightened.
…Wasn’t this basically walking straight into a trap?
Did he think that just because he was an Alpha, he had nothing to fear?
Fortunately, Shen Yandong was a Beta with strong self control.
As he remained silent, he told himself inwardly,
I won’t do anything.
I just… want to take a look at Di Zhe’s body.
Just one look.
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
(´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ a little coffee would be lovely
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
← PreviousNext →
ChaptersChapter 1 · Love at first sightChapter 2 · Lack of discretionChapter 3 · ShamelessChapter 4 · UnreasonableChapter 5 · PerseveranceChapter 6 · College Entrance Examination EndChapter 7 · Graduation dinnerChapter 8 · Confession nightChapter 9 · Pressing in step by stepChapter 10 · Enough is enoughChapter 11 · A huge blowChapter 12 · University start dateChapter 13 · Roommate meetingChapter 14 · Relentless harassmentChapter 15 · I’ll pick you upChapter 16 · It’s my vulnerable periodChapter 17 · Voluntary datingChapter 18 · Open your heartChapter 19 · Obedient to allChapter 20 · Not a virginChapter 21 · Swear to love meChapter 22 · Youthful DaydreamsChapter 23 · Teenage ThoughtsChapter 24 · EmptyChapter 25 · Extremely anxiousChapter 26 · Too lazy to struggleChapter 27 · From now on