SHAN
“It’s Daddy’s birthday tomorrow.
You should go!”
Hiro, who had just returned to the Philippines from Florida, looked at me.
“Are you going?” He whispered.
There’s nothing I can do, since this is what Elyse wants.
I just nodded and sighed heavily.
“Yeah, I’ll go.” Hiro gave Elyse a small smile before looking at me again, trying to communicate with his eyes.
He looked worried for me, but I just nodded to give him assurance that I’d be okay.
I didn’t want to go to that man’s birthday, but Elyse begged me to go so she could have her idea of a ‘complete family,’ so I still went.
I wore a charcoal grey tuxedo and went with Hiro to the party.
Elyse and Hiro were just playing some game in the tissue while I was talking to our friends.
“No partner yet, Ida?” I asked her.
She was my sister’s best friend.
She’s also sitting at our table.
“No, Kuya.
What are you!
I’m not trying to find love!” She smirked at me before taking a sip of champagne.
“Ask Eli!” I raised my eyebrows, thinking that Elyse was hiding something from me.
If ever she already found someone to love…
I’d honestly feel glad for her.
She wasn’t scared of anything.
I just hoped that that kind of love won’t end up badly.
I was lost in my thoughts when the photographer called us for a family picture.
I looked away and drank my champagne, pretending that I wasn’t blood-related to any of them, but Elyse held my arm and pulled me.
“Elyse, I don’t want to take a picture-”
“For me, please?”
For her.
How could I resist, right?
I stood up and walked to the center.
I positioned myself as far away from Alfred as possible because I didn’t want to be close to him, not even in a photo.
I didn’t smile; I just stared at the camera, even though it was supposed to be a wacky shot.
Only Elyse smiled brightly and struck a wacky pose.
I was just about to leave when Alfred talked.
“You haven’t greeted me yet.”
I fought the urge to roll my eyes when I looked back at him.
“Happy birthday.
I hope it’s not your last.” Then, I walked away.
“You son of a-”
I walked faster so I could finally get out of that fucking venue.
Hiro saw me, so he stood up and followed me until we reached the stairs outside the building’s lobby.
I sat there and put my hands on my side to carry my weight.
I looked up and closed my eyes while trying to calm my breathing.
Hiro sat beside me.
“Want to leave?”
I opened my eyes and glanced at him from the side, laughing a little.
“Why are you even here?
You should enjoy the party.”
“Dude, I just attended this party because I was worried about you.
I won’t ever want myself to even be near that man.” He shook his head and stretched his legs on the stairs.
“Did you find her?” I asked him after a long silence.
He shook his head again as his lips formed a small smile.
“I don’t know, man…
She just vanished like that.
Was I dating a ghost all along?”
“You weren’t even dating.” I laughed at him.
“How could you love someone you didn’t even date?
No, scratch that.
The question is just…
How could you even love someone?”
“You have to be in the position to understand.”
He tapped on my shoulder and smirked at me.
“How’s it going with that girl?”
My lips formed a small smile upon checking my phone.
I gave her time to think about it, but she never answered me ever since.
“I’m still waiting.”
I waited until after undas break to have a date with her.
(Undas refers to the Philippine observance of All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day around November 1–2.)
__________________________
I kept asking Hiro what I would wear, but that fucker just kept laughing about how worried I was about how I would look.
I’ll just choose what to wear.
I already have a few changes.
I arrived too early.
I don’t know why I’m nervous.
I kept on checking the time because I was conscious that I arrived too early.
I just looked outside to watch for her.
“Am I late?” Kierra asked when she arrived.
“No, I’m just early.” I gave her a smile.
“What do you want to eat?
Their alfredo tastes good.”
We ate and talked about a lot of stuff.
Both of us were too careful not to touch on the things that would make us uncomfortable.
That made me realize how…
far we were from each other, although we were sitting at one table.
“And you don’t want to tell your life story?” She asked.
“Do you mind telling yours?” I asked back.
She shook her head.
“I’m not ready to talk about it.”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
I knew how hard it was to open up.
Maybe it was too fresh for her, too.
As for me, I’m gradually opening up to my friends.
Hiro and the others have known for a long time, so I don’t find it difficult.
I wasn’t sure if it was the same for her.
________________________
I helped her pick some clothes after eating, which I really enjoyed.
I liked picking stuff for her.
I liked knowing that she valued my opinion.
I also did this a lot with my sister before, but she was already starting to act like a grown-up, doing shopping all by herself without my help.
Ah, I missed the times when she was still a kid and relied on me.
That made me laugh a bit.
“Elyse, right?” Huh?
How did she know?
“Oh, my friend knows.
He’s always at UST too.”
“Huh?
Why?” She didn’t answer me after that like she knew something I didn’t!
She had a secret she wasn’t telling me.
What was that?
While we were walking at the mall, I suddenly stopped when I heard a familiar voice.
“Kuya!”
My brows furrowed when I saw Elyse.
What is she doing here?
“Elyse…
Why are you here?”
“Uhm, I was just..
Uhm..
Shopping!
It’s boring at home, huh!
I also had a manicure.
Look!” She even showed me her nails as evidence.
She was clearly hiding something.
She couldn’t help but feel uneasy.
“Oh.” I nodded and looked around, trying to find Kierra.
“You?
What are you doing here?”
“Huh?” I blinked twice when she asked me back.
I couldn’t tell her that I was on a date after telling her countless times that I didn’t want to date anymore.
“Nothing, I’m looking for a specific book.” I looked away.
“I’ll go now.”
When Elyse left, I saw Kierra hiding behind a post.
I don’t know what she’s doing there.
Is she trying to escape me?
She was suddenly hard to understand.
_________________________
We went to the high street so we could walk and have some ice cream before sunset.
I liked eating ice cream.
It was my comfort food.
When I was young, my mom, the teachers, and Acel would buy me ice cream whenever they saw me crying.
“So…
How was it?” I asked when I sat beside her.
She was admiring the sky.
“The date.”
She shrugged.
“It was okay…
I had a good time but don’t trust me on this.
I didn’t go on dates a lot.”
“I thought you had a boyfriend before?”
“We didn’t go on dates.”
That was enough for me to understand.
She looked like she got lost in her thoughts until she was already tearing up.
I felt my chest go tight for a second before I handed her my handkerchief.
“I’m going to buy a book.” I offered my hand.
It could be nice to distract her for a moment.
We went to a book store and walked around.
I was trying to find a book that I needed for my class while she was also walking around, looking at the shelves.
“Shan!
Wow, I didn’t know I would see you here, bro…”
When I looked at Miguel, I immediately felt annoyed.
Is he really going to pester me even here?
I hated seeing his face, even in class.
He was always trying to make himself feel superior because his family got power and boasted a lot about the fraternity he was in.
“Miguel..” I said his name with no emotion on my face.
When I looked to the side, I saw Kierra running towards the exit.
I was about to follow her when Miguel held my wrist.
“What?” I asked, getting more irritated.
“I was just talking to you, eh.
Where are you going?” He was smiling but he looked pissed.
“Did you buy the book yet?”
I shook my head at him.
He didn’t let go of me.
“Who are you with?
Girlfriend?” He looked around.
“I thought you were all just playing around?
I thought we’re the same, man…”
“I think you should mind your own business.” I said, and shook of his hold on me before running away.
She was already gone from my sight when I stepped out of the store.
I called her, but she wasn’t answering.
I even texted her, but she wasn’t replying.
I ran around until I saw a familiar face.
Samantha was hugging Kierra in her arms while she was crying and trembling.
I was about to walk towards her, but I suddenly stopped when I took a step.
I hesitated.
She wouldn’t cry like that in public for no reason.
I knew something happened.
I wanted to hold her but also did not want to scare her.
I was debating with myself.
She was slowly calming down, so I put my hands in my pocket and slowly walked away.
It was better for her to be touched by the people she felt safe with.
I called her again just to make sure that she was okay.
Samantha was the one who answered.
[Hi, Shan!
Kierra’s still sleeping.]
“Hey…” It sounded like a whisper.
“How is she?”
[Don’t worry.] She said.
[We’ll get her home safely.
Were you with her earlier?]
“Yes, actually.
We were on a…
a date.” I couldn’t talk properly.
[Oh, I see…
Well, we’ll have to take her home.
She’s not in a good state.
I hope you understand.]
I did.
I understood.
Maybe something happened…
or someone.
I traced all of it back to the bookstore.
“Alright.
Thank you, Sam.” I ended the call and held the phone tightly in my hand, thinking about what happened.
_____________________________
When I returned to class, I was just quietly looking at the index cards where I put some notes.
When Miguel went inside, I watched him go to his seat, talking to a bunch of guys he was friends with.
I was staring with my brows furrowed until he noticed and went to me.
“Is there a problem?” He asked aggressively.
KIERRA
“Fuck!
This is so annoying!” I looked at the slacks I was wearing.
“Let me see.
It’s not that noticeable…”
Via looked at the back of my pants while we were in the restroom because they had ripped.
They had gotten caught on the chair, making the hole even bigger.
I thought I had already thrown these away!
“Oh no, it actually is noticeable.” She said, changing her mind.
I was taking an exam when I felt my slacks rip!
I just finished the exam first and used my bag to cover myself when I handed in my paper before going straight to the restroom.
I told Luna and the others to follow me.
“Your panties are cute, Ke.
Baby blue.” Luna said uselessly.
She wasn’t helping.
“Wait, I don’t have an extra.
I’ll just borrow a jacket to cover it.” Via said as she left the restroom.
I just waited in the restroom with Luna until Via came back carrying a jacket she had borrowed from our classmate.
I tied it around my waist before we left the building to have lunch.
“What’s that?
Is that your new style, Ke?” Sevi asked when we ran into him and Theo near the gate.
He was such a nuisance.
“Ah, her slacks got ruined!
They ripped!” Luna even explained.
“Come on, let’s eat!”
“Where are you going, Theo?
Aren’t you coming with us?” Via asked.
“Ah, I have somewhere to go first.” He smiled at us, waved, and ran off.
We just left him and went to the eatery to have lunch.
I even got Sevi to treat me to some grilled chicken intestines.
The idiot seemed to be in a good mood, and he actually paid for it.
It was a miracle—he didn’t have a date today.
He’s always with someone.
While we were eating, Theo caught up with us.
He was sweating and looked out of breath.
“Where did you come from?” Sevi asked in confusion.
“Don’t breathe in my face, bro!”
Theo placed a plastic bag beside me before sitting down next to Sevi and drinking some water.
I frowned and looked at what was inside.
“Oh my gosh, thank you,” I said to Theo when I saw the new pair of slacks.
Luna frowned and looked at him, wondering why.
“Go change first.
I’ll come with you.”
He stood up and helped me out because there were a lot of people.
I smiled at him, and we walked to the nearest restroom inside UST.
He waited outside while I changed.
The slacks he bought fit me.
“Thank you!
Is that why you left?” I asked curiously as we walked back.
I put my ripped pants into the plastic bag and let him hold it for me.
“No!
I just happened to pass by the store, and then I remembered that your slacks got ripped, so…” He couldn’t speak properly.
I laughed at him and messed up his hair.
“Thank you.
You’re the best!”
I even gave him a side hug before walking ahead of him back to the others.
Sevi, Luna, and Via were all looking at Theo when we got back.
It was like they were having a conversation using only their eyes while I just went back to eating.
When lunch was over, we returned to our classroom to study.
Finals week was really exhausting.
It wasn’t even finals week anymore.
It had become finals month because there was just so much to do.
“Ah, I’m so tired.
Come on, let’s get ice cream.” Luna invited us.
We went in front of the main building to buy Mang Tomas ice cream in cones.
While the three of us were waiting, I looked to my side because Theo came over.
He handed me the plastic bag with my ripped pants.
I had forgotten it with him earlier.
“Thank you!
Do you want some?” I offered him my ice cream, but he shook his head.
“What?
I haven’t even eaten any yet!
Here, it’s yours!”
I gently pressed the ice cream against his lips so he couldn’t refuse anymore, and the three of us laughed.
“Fine, give it to me.”
He held the cone in my hand and looked for some tissue to wipe his mouth.
I reached into my bag and just wiped his mouth myself since I was the reason it got messy.
He froze for a moment before holding my hand.
“What?” I asked with a smile.
“I’ll do it.” He said before taking the tissue from my hand.
“Uh… Ke, your ice cream.” Via interrupted and handed me a new ice cream.
She even glanced at Theo and narrowed her eyes at him.
“My cousin… You’re really so cute!” Luna put her arm around my shoulders, pinched my cheek, and then pulled me away.
The next day was the last day of finals, and we got home early, so I told Ciandrei that I was available that afternoon.
He picked me up from the condo so we could have lunch outside.
__________________________
“That exam was so hard!
And not just the exam!
We also had so many plates to do.
I didn’t even get to finish one of them properly.
I really rushed it.
Here’s the picture… Wait…”
I took out my phone and showed him my plates.
He leaned closer so he could see them.
“They’re okay, right?
Look at Luna’s!
She’s so good!”
“Yours is better.” He said.
I frowned and looked at him before gently pushing his forehead, laughing.
Luna’s was obviously better.
My cousin really was something else.
“What else?” He asked, encouraging me to talk more about my exams.
We were at Yesterday’s Coffee.
It wasn’t on the menu, but he cooked pasta, chicken, and garlic bread for me.
He was even wearing an apron while listening to everything I was saying.
“In fairness, this is really delicious.
You should sell this.
Put it on your menu!” I suggested while eating.
He laughed at me and wiped the corner of my mouth with his index finger.
“Chew first.” He said, smiling.
“Do you want a drink?”
“The sakura one.” I said to him.
“Alright.
Coming up!”
He stood up and went back to the counter to make me a drink.
I only had water on my table.
While I was eating, I noticed that he still hadn’t taken any of the food he had prepared in front of me.
When he came back and placed the drink on the table, I offered him my fork with some pasta on it.
“Are you done?” He immediately asked me.
“Eat too.” I said.
He took a bite from the fork and drank some water.
“Why aren’t you eating?”
“I’m not hungry.” He said to me.
“You should enjoy your food.
I might add that to the menu.”
After we finished eating, we drove to the cemetery where his mom was buried.
I was holding the flowers he had bought while we walked.
I suddenly became nervous.
“Here it is.”
Ciandrei stretched out his hand to point at his mom’s grave.
I immediately knelt down and placed the flowers there while he lit a candle.
I sat on the grass when he sat down there.
He wasn’t saying anything.
I thought he would at least talk to his mom or something.
“Aren’t you going to talk to her?” I asked him.
“Isn’t that how it works?
When you visit… we talk to them.”
“I don’t do that.” He said to me while playing with the flowers. New chapters come out on g.com first.
“She wouldn’t even hear it.”
“Well… Maybe she’s listening!” I shrugged.
I couldn’t force him if he didn’t want to talk to his mom.
“I’ll do it instead.
Hello, Tita… This is Ciandrei, your son.”
“You really don’t have to do that…” I even heard him laugh.
“What if my mom answers you?”
“Ah, so that’s probably why you don’t talk to her because you’re afraid someone might answer!” I looked at him when I realized that.
He looked away from me and bit his lip to stop himself from smiling.
“Your son is actually scared, Tita.”
“She won’t believe you.
I was really brave as a kid.” He said.
I looked at him and raised an eyebrow.
“Did you know I studied martial arts?
My mom wanted me to be able to protect myself.
I still practice them now.”
“What is your martial arts going to do against a ghost?” I frowned.
“You can’t touch them.”
“Ah, I don’t know about you.
Maybe you’re the one who’s scared.” He shot back at me.
We didn’t stay there long because he already wanted to leave before it got dark.
It looked like he really was scared of the cemetery.
He really didn’t talk to his mom.
He just sat there in silence, feeling her presence.
Maybe that was enough for him.
“Are you okay?” I asked while he was driving.
He seemed down today.
Before he could answer, I reached over and felt his forehead.
“Oh my gosh, you have a fever!”
“I don’t.” He denied and removed my hand.
“Are you a thermometer?”
“Why?” I asked.
“That wasn’t a pick-up line.” He said seriously.
I laughed so hard that I lightly slapped my leg because of how funny his expression was.
“It wasn’t?
You’re alone at your condo.
Can you take care of yourself?”
“I’m not going to die, Kierra.”
I shook my head at him.
“Can you still drive?
Why don’t you sleep over at our place first?
Luna’s there, though.”
He couldn’t answer anymore.
He pulled the car over to the side of the road and held his head, massaging his temples.
“I’m sorry.
Can we switch?” He asked weakly.
I immediately got out of the car and took his place in the driver’s seat.
I drove back to my condo.
I was originally just going to get him some clothes, but then I decided to let him stay there for a while instead.
There was food there too.
“Ke!
You’re home…” Luna stopped when she saw who was with me.
“…with a guy.”
“He’s sick.
He’s going to rest here for a while.” I told her before helping Ciandrei lie down on the sofa.
Luna immediately picked up the things she had on the floor so he wouldn’t step on them.
“What is this, a clinic?” Luna joked.
“Hi, Luna,” Ciandrei greeted her.
“What do you mean, ‘Hi, Luna’!” Luna scoffed at him and went to the cabinets to look for medicine.
I excused myself because I was going to take a shower first.
After I changed my clothes, I came out of my room and saw Ciandrei with his eyes closed on the sofa.
I got a wet towel to wipe him down.
“Luna, do you have an oversized shirt?” I asked.
He was already sweating.
Luna came out of her room and placed a shirt on Ciandrei’s chest before going back inside.
Ciandrei opened his eyes and looked at the shirt.
“Huh?” He asked in confusion.
It was a blue shirt.
Ateneo de Manila University
Legal Management
“That belongs to her ex.
Kalix.” I explained, laughing.
Apparently, Kalix had still left some shirts here.
“Can you take a shower?
Go change first.”
He stood up and almost lost his balance, so he grabbed the wall for support.
I handed him an extra towel.
He picked up his bag and said he had an extra set of clothes in there, except for a shirt.
When he came back from his shower, he lay down on the couch again and closed his eyes.
Luna had already given him his medicine, so I just let him sleep.
I sat on the floor and turned on the TV to watch while keeping an eye on him in case he needed anything.
“You can go to your room.” He said softly, his arm covering his eyes.
“It’s okay.
I’m not sleepy yet.” I replied.
“Are you hungry?
You haven’t eaten dinner.” He suddenly noticed.
“I’ll cook you something.”
He was about to get up, but I stopped him.
“Don’t!
I’ll eat when I get hungry!
You’re the one who hasn’t eaten.
Wait, I’ll make some soup.”
I stood up and went to the kitchen.
When I looked back at him while I was cooking, I saw that he had turned onto his side and was just watching the TV, trying to stay awake while waiting for me.
“Hmm… Why do you like sticky notes so much?” I asked just so we’d have something to talk about.
“My mom loved leaving sticky notes for me when I was young.” He answered.
“She said I should write it down if I couldn’t say it out loud.
I had trouble communicating when I was a kid.”
“Why?” I asked.
“She was always asking me why I was crying or if I was hurt.
I didn’t want to tell her that it was because of my dad, so she urged me to just write it down.
I still didn’t.
I would just write down, ‘I’m fine, Mommy.’ or ‘Shan is not hurt, Mommy.'” He told me.
“When I wanted something, I also couldn’t say it, so I would just write down, ‘I want to stay in school, Mommy.'”
“You’re really hardworking when it comes to studying.” I said.
“No, it was because I didn’t want to go home.”
He adjusted the way he was lying down and stared at the ceiling.
“My mom wasn’t always around because of work, and I didn’t want to be alone at home.”
“You really love your mom.” I poured the soup into a bowl and brought it to him.
I placed it on the coffee table and took a spoonful to taste it.
“It must’ve been so hard to lose her.
You’re strong.”
I blew on the soup in the spoon before feeding it to him.
“Wow, chef.” He teased me.
“Where did you learn how to cook?”
“I had to learn because it was just Luna and me.
Even before I started college, Mommy had already taught me how to cook.
During the entire vacation, all we did was cooking lessons!
Luna and I also try to save money.
We can’t keep ordering food all the time.
It’s not healthy either.” I told him.
“Neither of us is spoiled by our parents.
Whatever allowance we’re given, we make it last.
We’ve been like that ever since high school.”
We both looked toward the door when Luna came out of her room to get her bag beside the couch.
She looked at the two of us before narrowing her eyes at Ciandrei.
“Are you hungry, Ke?
I’ll cook for you.” She said.
“What do you want?”
“I’ll do it.
I can cook for her.” Ciandrei tried to stand up again.
“Don’t tire yourself out.”
“I’ll do it.” Luna shot back, glaring at him.
“Ke likes my cooking better.”
“Do you?” Ciandrei asked me.
“Come on, Shondei, you’re still doubting it, huh?” Luna answered for me.
I frowned at the two of them.
They were like siblings fighting over the TV or a computer.
“I already made soup.
That’s what I’m going to eat.
Luna… It’s Ciandrei.” I corrected her.
“You can keep that shirt.
Don’t bother returning it.” Luna said.
“I’ll just return it to Kalix.” Ciandrei answered.
“Ke, stop me!” Luna shouted, glaring at him.
I just laughed and fed Ciandrei another spoonful of soup.
Luna scoffed and went back into her room.
“I can tell your cousin cherishes you.” Ciandrei grinned while drinking water.
“She’s just wary of the guys I’m with because the last one didn’t turn out well…” I said softly while blowing on another spoonful of soup.
He froze and stared at me.
“Eat this.”
I made him finish it before I stood up and washed the dishes.
He also went to the bathroom again before returning to the couch.
As soon as he lay down, he immediately fell asleep.
I sat on the floor and watched some shows because I wasn’t sleepy yet.
I didn’t even notice how I fell asleep.
I woke up before dawn when my phone’s alarm suddenly rang.
It was time for him to take his medicine again.
I immediately stood up from where I had fallen asleep on the floor to get his medicine, only to notice that he was no longer on the couch.
He was already standing and taking his medicine.
“You should go back to your room to sleep.
I was about to carry you.” He said to me.
“I must’ve fallen asleep.” I stood up and stretched.
My neck hurt.
“How are you?”
I walked over and touched his forehead.
His fever had gone down, but he still had one.
“Time to go to bed.”
I almost screamed when he picked me up and carried me into my room before gently placing me on my bed.
He didn’t even seem to struggle carrying me!
I was stunned once I was lying on the bed.
He even adjusted the comforter and tucked me in.
“Good night.”
He turned off the light and walked out.
When I woke up, he was already gone from the condo, but he had left a sticky note on my lamp.
Smile today!