SHAN
“Why do you look so sad?”
I looked at Hiro with irritation.
“I’m not sad.”
He leaned over the counter while I was trying to work, wearing his playful smile.
“She hasn’t contacted you yet?” He guessed.
“I am giving her space.” I corrected.
“I haven’t contacted her either.”
That incident must have been so hard for her.
I would understand if she wanted to avoid me or not be near me again.
I could not contact her, feeling guilty about what happened that day.
I felt like part of it was my fault for even…
knowing that guy, if he was really the reason.
“What if she’s just waiting for you to contact her?” Hiro insisted.
I immediately shook my head.
I didn’t want to be pushy.
It might be bad for her.
“If you have so much time to be here, you might as well buy our whole menu to help the business.” I said changing the topic so he would stop.
“I don’t think you still need help with your business.
The coffee shop is packed.” He looked around the place.
The tables were full.
People were even looking at him.
“It’s because you’re a tourist attraction here, bro.” I tapped his shoulder.
“Just stay right there so we get more customers.”
He just shook his head at me and leaned against the counter, facing the doorway.
I found myself looking that way, too, while tallying our sales.
Haze and Acel walked in, looking for us.
We had agreed to meet here today just to catch up.
This would be the first time Hiro and Acel were seeing each other again.
“Hey, how are you?!” Acel asked excitedly after he and Hiro hugged.
“Do you have an iced honey lemonade drink?
It’s for Acel.” Haze immediately placed his card on the counter.
He didn’t even greet his brother.
They didn’t care about each other.
“Don’t make it too sweet.
He likes it kind of sour.”
“I can make one.” I said to him.
My friends just kept on barging in here, asking for drinks that weren’t on the menu.
I should still add those.
Because they keep ordering items not on the menu, our selection of available drinks is growing.
I liked expanding them to cater to different people’s tastes.
“Oh, so you’re leaving in late December, too?” I heard Acel ask.
They were already chatting away over there.
“Aren’t you going with him?” He asked Haze this time.
“I’ll go for a bit.
It’s Christmas.” Haze answered.
“What are your plans for Christmas?” He asked me.
I shrugged.
I didn’t have a family, so I didn’t know what to do.
“Usual.”
I would probably just stay in my condo the whole day.
“Do you want to come with us to Florida?” Hiro asked me.
“You can spend time with my family.” Acel also offered.
I laughed and just shook my head, turning my back against them so I can make the drink.
“I’ll be fine.”
I was already used to it.
Elyse and her mom will probably go to Japan.
I just don’t know if the other one is included.
They were always out during Christmas.
“Why don’t we get a table?
We’re crowding the space.” Haze said, because customers were coming to the counter.
They were blocking the way.
They just sat at the table near me and talked to each other.
They were attracting attention just by sitting there.
After making drinks, I went to their table and sat there so I could join the conversation.
They were gossiping about someone again.
“Really?
They broke up?
But I just saw them yesterday at the hotel when I had dinner.” Hiro said, puzzled.
“I’m telling you, I saw him with another girl the other day, and they were holding hands.
My sources said he already broke up with his girlfriend.” Haze added.
“Eh?
I honestly thought they would last a year.” I said
“Why did they break up?”
“I don’t think that’s our business anymore.” Acel interjected, “Breakup or not, that’s none of our business.
Stop gossiping about other people…” He glared at Haze.
“I’m pretty sure people are gossiping about me too.” Haze defended in a small voice like he didn’t want anyone to hear.
“They’re gossiping about what a gossip you are.” Hiro said.
“Who texted me last night to say that Shan finally found a girl he wanted to be serious with, and he’s lonely because they weren’t talking anymore?” Haze retaliated.
I glared at Hiro, feeling betrayed, but he just laughed and tapped my shoulder, telling me that Haze was bound to know.
He just advanced it.
Acel already knew too.
I said I won’t disclose the name, so they cannot gather more information about it.
____________________________
The next day, I went out with Helen and Arman since Hiro was out with his mom for dinner.
They mentioned this restaurant they wanted to try.
As soon as I entered the restaurant, I immediately stopped because I saw Kierra.
We locked eyes, but I immediately looked away.
“Let’s go to another restaurant.” I told my friends.
I cannot allow them to see Kierra.
They will just bombard her with questions about Yanna.
“It’s…
hot here.”
“Why?
I told you, I like this restaurant.” Helen said.
“Don’t be so fussy, Shan!
I’m so hungry!”
I couldn’t do anything when they pushed me and found a table for us.
I just sat there.
I could not even eat properly.
I kept on looking at her and the guy he was with.
I stopped myself before she could notice my glances.
She looked like she was close with that guy.
________________________
The next day, she was back at the coffee shop.
She looked like she was disappointed to see me there.
“Good morning.” I greeted.
“Iced americano?” I cannot even look at her.
“Yes, and a latte.”
“Bread?” I suggested.
She should still eat something.
She looked fine.
She looked normal, like she wasn’t lonely or anything…
but I had been yearning for her ever since that day.
When could we talk again?
Was she even ready to talk to me?
___________________________
“Here’s your order, Ma’am.” After giving her the cup holder, I went inside the staff room to take off my apron.
I still have class.
I just waited today to see if she was going to show up.
I already changed into my school outfit when I went out of the staff room.
I walked faster, fighting the urge to talk to her.
When I went out of the café, I looked back at her from the glass door and saw her bumping her head against the table.
I pursed my lips and took out my phone to text her.
I cannot resist it anymore.
To: Kierra
Don’t hurt your head.
Then, I went inside my car and drove away.
____________________________
When I arrived at school, I ran straight to the room.
I’m running late.
The professor was already calling names for recitation when I went inside.
When she saw me, she called my name and asked me a question about the case assigned to us today.
I hadn’t put my bag down yet and was still standing at the door when I answered.
“Do you agree, Mr.
Villaflor?” She asked Miguel after I answered.
I was still standing near the door.
“No, I disagree with Mr.
Lopez.
During the interregnum, a person could not invoke any exclusionary right under a Bill of Rights because there was neither a constitution nor a Bill of Rights.” Miguel replied.
“Even in the absence of written law, I agree with the separate opinion of Justice Puno that the private respondent can invoke her natural right against unreasonable search and seizure.” I said seriously.
She called my other classmate and asked me to sit down since I was still standing at the door.
Miguel looked at me, his lips forming a playful smirk.
I raised an eyebrow and gave his chair a slight kick so he would look forward.
His face was annoying me.
“So grumpy in the morning, Lopez.” He said softly.
“Or…
Ledezma?”
I bit my lower lip as my hands formed a fist.
I counted in my head and waited for myself to calm down.
I looked away without saying anything, ignoring his remarks.
I wanted to call him by his other name, which he hated a lot, but it was such a waste of time.
I don’t want to be kicked out of class.
I was called again but I answered confidently since I finished reading that case last night.
____________________________
After class, Miguel and his friends followed me to the restroom.
I was washing my hands while they were standing near the door, staring at me.
“What?
You want to see my dick and compare sizes or something?” I asked, looking at him through the mirror.
“Do you have a problem with me, man?
Do you, perhaps, feel…
threatened?” His face tilted a bit to the side.
“Since professors always make us argue?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at what he said.
“You can’t even remember the title of the case.
Do you think I’d feel threatened by a fool?”
“What?” The smile vanished from his lips.
He was easily provoked by what I said.
“What’s wrong with you, bro?
I’ve been nice to you.”
“Do you know Kierra?” I stared at him, waiting for an answer.
His lips parted, and for a moment, he was unable to talk.
Then, he let out a loud laugh.
He kept on laughing like I said something funny and even held at his friend’s shoulders for support while his hand was on his stomach.
“Are you serious?
Why are you suddenly asking me about a random girl’s name?” His brows furrowed.
I continued staring at him before shaking my head and walking out of the restroom.
I even bumped his shoulder as I walked out.
I went to the library to have some peace while thinking about his reaction.
Nothing was funny about my question.
His reaction was exaggerated, masking his fear of me knowing about them.
What was there to fear?
I knew he got nervous.
“A random girl’s name?” I repeated to myself, letting out a scoff.
“So he’s denying it, huh…”
I was feeling so angry that I wanted to throw the book over the wall.
My curiosity was having the best of me but I didn’t want to push.
____________________________
When I saw her again, she was with that guy.
The guy that I told myself that she looked good with.
He still looked at her like she was the best thing he had ever seen.
She looked so happy that I felt a little jealous.
He even spilled his drink.
See?
That’s what you get for staring at her.
___________________________
That night, I was thinking if it was really over for her.
I was so confused.
Was it for the best?
Maybe she felt uncomfortable knowing that I had some sort of connection with that fucker.
Understandable.
Even I didn’t want to be connected to that guy in any way.
I couldn’t sleep at all.
I was thinking about what to do next.
Maybe it was really over.
I would just stop myself from hoping any more than what we had, whatever it’s called.
Why was I thinking about it in the first place?
Why was I feeling lonely?
I should just give it up before it could get any deeper.
___________________________
But she showed herself in front of me again.
“Why are you doing this?”
I was already having a hard time sorting out what I was feeling.
It was the first time I wasn’t in control of my feelings and I hated not being in control of myself.
I had to visit my doctor again.
“I just don’t think we’re ready.” I told her.
“If you think you are not ready, then do not rush it, Shan…” My doctor said.
“It is important to carefully evaluate what you are feeling right now.
It is the first time you are uncertain about what to call the emotion you are feeling.
It needs more thinking…
Do not rush it.”
“It’s probably not love.” I told her.
“Or whatever people call that crazy feeling.”
“It is not a crazy feeling, Shan.
Maybe you are just unfamiliar with that kind of emotion, but you are still capable of loving and being loved.
However, only you can give answers to yourself.
What you can do is start from the basics.
Take it slow…
Rushing things always end up badly.”
She asked me to create a list I wanted to explore.
A list of the things I wanted to know, and I was also willing to share.
It was important to give and take…
and I really enjoyed knowing a lot of new stuff.
____________________________
“Why are you here again?
What the fuck.” I almost fainted when I went out of my study room and saw Hiro in the kitchen, drinking a glass of water.
“I’m bored.” He told me.
“By the way…
Do you have something going on with Helen?”
If I were drinking, I would’ve choked.
“What the fuck are you saying?
No!”
At least not anymore.
It was a long time ago.
He was talking about the present.
“Nothing.
You’ve been with her a lot lately.” He noticed.
“We’re just friends.” I said, and sat on the stool.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, man.
I don’t want to talk about women or dating or love or friends.
I’m so fucking stressed.”
“Bro, don’t think about it too much.
How about let’s go out and drink?”
KIERRA
“Drinking again?
No.
I don’t want to.”
The exams were over, so it was once again Luna’s time to invite someone to drink.
I was busy, taking care of clothes that I could donate because Samantha was doing some charity work.
“Ke, door!” Luna shouted from her room when she heard the doorbell.
I had asked Ciandrei to come here because he said he would also bring some things that could be donated.
He was carrying a box when I opened the door.
“Thank you!
Just put it there.” I let him in so he could put the box down in the living room.
Just then, Luna came out and her forehead furrowed again when she saw who was here.
“You’re here again?” Luna glared at him.
“Hi, Luna.
You look stressed,” Ciandrei greeted and even grinned.
“Boy problem?”
“It’s Kierra!
She doesn’t want to drink with me!
Just here in the condo!
Just a chill drinking session.” Luna lay down on the couch and threw a fit there.
“Just beer.
What if we drink, Sundae?” She had another new nickname.
“Go.
I’ll buy the drinks.
What do you want?” Ciandrei looked like he had been challenged.
I put my hand to my forehead and just continued taking care of the boxes.
Ciandrei did leave to buy alcohol.
Luna had a triumphant smile because she could drink now and had found someone to drink with.
They should just get along with each other so I wouldn’t have a hard time and get irritated whenever they were here.
___________________________
Ciandrei put the alcohol on the coffee table when he returned.
There was no introduction.
He immediately opened the beers and handed us a bottle.
It was only beer, so I took it while arranging the things.
The two of them were sitting on the floor, facing each other like they were challenging each other to a drinking match.
I took a shower after arranging everything because I was already sweaty.
I just wore shorts and a tank top when I came out of my room.
“What are you drinking now?” I asked as I sat beside Ciandrei.
I was still holding the hair tie to tie my hair, but he took it from me and tied my hair for me.
“Tequila.” Luna answered.
“Hey, where did you bring the shirt again?” She asked Ciandrei.
“I told you I’d give it back.” Ciandrei answered and even scratched his head a bit like it was the 5th time Luna had asked him about it.
“Kalix has it now.”
“Are you an idiot?” Luna straightened her sitting position.
“Are you serious?
Don’t be a prankster, bro!”
“I’m serious.” Ciandrei insisted.
“He’s friends with my best friend and we had a chance to see each other so I gave it back.”
“Idiot—”
“I told him it was from you, don’t worry.”
“You made it worse!
Animal!”
I was wrong.
They still weren’t getting along.
Those two were noisy.
I ended up drinking too.
As time passed, Luna only became worse.
She was already red and singing while lying face down on the floor.
Ciandrei and I just looked at each other and together carried her to move her to the couch again.
He carried her feet while I carried her hands.
“Luna, Kalix supposedly still loves you.” Ciandrei said to my drunk cousin, teasing her.
“Your—!
What love-love?!
All I know is insults!
Fuck you all!” Luna raised her middle finger in the air while her eyes were closed and her face was red.
“Turns out you’re a weak drinking partner, Luna.
I don’t want to drink with you anymore.” Ciandrei shook his head, disappointed.
“No, you’re just strong at drinking.” I defended my cousin.
I stood up and got a glass of water to get the alcohol out of my system.
I also handed the glass to him so he could drink.
“Ciandrei, water.” I said.
“Why do you always call me by my full name?
It sounds weird and tiring.” He pointed out.
“Shan, water.” I changed it and handed him the glass.
He stared at me for a moment and seemed surprised.
He seemed unable to function for a few seconds but also took the glass and drank, hiding his smile.
“Where are you going for Christmas?” He asked me.
I leaned sideways against the refrigerator so I could face him.
“We might go to Bataan to celebrate with my dad’s side.
What about you?”
“My condo.
It’s the tradition.” He joked.
“I usually just stay in my condo during holidays.”
“Eh?
Do you want to come with us to Bataan?
We’re staying at that resort where we always go.
I’ll tell Mommy!” I invited him.
I felt bad.
I didn’t want to imagine him alone on a special occasion.
“You’re going to bring me?” He asked me with a laugh.
“You’re bringing me with your family?
Are you serious?”
“My family is so nice!
They’ll understand immediately when I tell them.
They would want you to be with us!”
He just laughed at me, not taking what I was saying seriously.
I just didn’t want him to be alone.
I already knew he didn’t have a good relationship with his family, so he wouldn’t have anyone to be with.
Maybe he could be with us.
My parents wouldn’t mind.
We went out for a while to go to the convenience store and buy something we could eat.
While we were walking, I looked at the date on my phone.
“It’s supposed to be Christmas season.
You know, my last Christmas didn’t go well.” I told him.
“Why?
What happened?” He asked curiously.
“I introduced my ex to my friends.
They didn’t like him and it turned out badly.
We fought… We argued.
I was just scared that time, tried to defend him and make him look good… so they wouldn’t have anything else to say about him.” Because that man would blame me for that, too.
He would say that I was badmouthing him to my friends.
“I would be the one at fault again if that happened.”
“They didn’t like him at first glance?” He asked me.
“Yeah… I understand.
He just gave off that vibe.
I guess that was our worst fight.
I cried that day.
Ah, I don’t want that to happen again.
I don’t want us to fight with each other.
I’m not used to it.”
He opened the door for me before we entered the convenience store.
We only bought snacks because we planned to watch a movie.
The next one on the list was movies we liked.
Our favorite movies that one of us hadn’t watched yet.
He said he wanted to know the things I liked.
“Have you ever fought with your friends?” I asked him while paying.
“Hmm…” He thought while handing money to the cashier.
“Not that I recall.
My friends are always pretty calm with things.
Did you have a fight with Sam that day?”
“Sam was there but we didn’t really argue much.
You know Sam.
She’s really nice.
The only person I can’t fight with is Luna.
I also said some wrong things to her that day.
I can’t believe I chose that man over my cousin.” I shook my head, remembering what happened that day.
“Well, there are those choices that we are forced to make.
That doesn’t make you a bad person.” He smiled and put his hand on my head.
I immediately removed it and glared at him.
He laughed a bit and got the paper bag full of our snacks.
When we returned to the condo, Luna was still on the couch, so we just watched in my room.
We sat on the carpet with our backs leaning against the bed while watching on the mini projector that he brought.
_____________________________
“Eh?
Do they end up together?” I elbowed Shan.
“I don’t want to watch anymore if they don’t!”
“Watch.
There’s a lesson in that.” He removed my cover from my eyes.
“I actually prefer them not ending up together.
They’re better off without each other.”
“I thought you didn’t like romantic movies?
What is this that you’re making me watch?”
“That’s not a romantic movie.
It’s suspenseful.
Why are you focusing on the romantic side?” He laughed and forced me to watch again.
“Shush, we’re getting to the good part.”
I didn’t understand it that much, so I kept asking him questions while watching.
He answered all my questions, but he also told me to watch because apparently they would still be answered.
“Why are you even crying?
It’s not that sad.” He was surprised when he turned to look at me.
“I told you I don’t want to watch if they don’t end up together, eh…” I said while crying.
He laughed as he held my chin to see my face.
“Shush, it’s okay.” He whispered while wiping my tears, holding back his laughter.
“Don’t cry… They’re a couple in real life so you don’t have to cry…” He softly said.
My face lit up and I immediately wiped my tears, then took my phone to search.
Oh my, it’s true.
I repeatedly hit the bed out of excitement because they suited each other so well.
“This is rare!
That they’re actually together in real life.
I know someone.
My friend…” I suddenly stopped when I almost said the name.
His forehead furrowed, left hanging by what I said.
“What was that?” He asked.
I shook my head and covered my mouth.
“Oh, come on!
I wanted to know… What was that?”
I laughed loudly at what he said and even lay down on my bed.
Never in my life did I expect him to say it like that!
He kept pestering me about what it was, but I couldn’t expose my friend!
“Hey!
Don’t you two fool around!
I can hear you!” I suddenly fell off the bed from the shock when I heard Luna’s voice outside.
She’s awake!
I hurriedly stood up and went out of the room to check her condition.
Her hair was messy and she was drinking water.
She even got a piece of chichirya from the table.
“Are you okay now?” Shan came out of the room and let his hand rest on my shoulder.
“Do you remember the things you were saying?”
“Excuse me, I still remember everything!
Even your teasing!”
Shan ran when Luna pretended to kick him and they chased each other there.
Shan hid behind me again when he came back and I ended up in the middle of the two of them.
“Seriously?!
You really returned it?!”
“Of course.
You’re so persistent, huh.” Shan said.
“I could call him now to confirm.”
“Kierra, don’t let that person come back here anymore!” Luna rolled her eyes at him and lay down on the couch again, saying that her head hurt.
____________________________
We picked up Yanna before Christmas so she could stay here in Manila because her due date was also getting closer.
It would be better for her to be near the hospital.
After that, I also arranged my things because Daddy and I would be going home to Bataan.
I wasn’t able to go to Sam’s charity event anymore either.
I still hadn’t been able to visit my doctor.
I promised myself that I will visit after Christmas break.
“Mommy, my friend is here!” I shouted on the stairs while going down because I heard the doorbell.
I hurriedly opened the door and Shan appeared in front of me.
“Good thing you made it!
Come in!
Mommy is coming down!”
He looked so nervous while holding a bouquet of flowers for my mom.
He said he would feel bad if he came empty-handed.
It was beautifully arranged.
It was beautiful and looked expensive.
“Oh, hello!” Mommy smiled as she approached the door.
“Mom, this is Ciandrei Lopez.
Shan, this is my mom.
Daddy is still upstairs.” I introduced them.
The smile disappeared from Mommy’s lips when she heard what I said.
I blinked and repeatedly looked at the two of them.
“Are you… perhaps… related to Ciana Lopez?”
“Yes, Ma’am.
She’s my mother… Oh, these are for you.” Shan handed the flowers to Mommy, but instead of taking them, she suddenly hugged Shan tightly and patted his back repeatedly.
“Uh… Mommy?” I asked confusedly.
Shan just gave me a small smile and hugged my mom back a little by putting his hand on her back.
“You were just a kid…” My mom whispered.
“You grew up so well.”