“Senior Beastmaster Online Livestream Pet Q&A”
“Click to connect and watch a Beastmaster answer your pet problems”
“Shocking! Approaching Science: A mysterious woman claims she can understand beast language”
…
“Mama mia, the scale of this video is so big, is this something I can watch for free?! No time to explain, get in the car!”
After racking her brains and repeatedly revising the title countless times, Su Yi’s livestream room finally welcomed its first viewer.
She almost wept with joy.
[Clickbait? Reported.]
The smile froze on her face. Before she could even say, “Excuse me, family member, what’s wrong with your pet? Beastmaster Little Su will sincerely answer for you,” the only viewer had ruthlessly left.
Looking at the realistic documentary footage playing on her computer screen, “Spring has arrived, everything is reviving, it’s the season for animal mating again,” where two little cats were engaging in the grand harmony of life, Su Yi was furious. How was she clickbaiting? Are cat videos not videos?
Angry, she changed the title again: “Beast Language Decryption, Beastmaster Online Pet Consultation and Q&A, if it doesn’t work, it’s free!”
Calmly waiting for ten minutes, still no one came.
Su Yi held her head in deep thought. How could this be!
She, Su Yi, a plot awakener, possessor of the beast language golden finger, the chosen one, actually reduced to this state? Whatever happened to the awakened little cannon fodder defying the heavens and changing her fate?
In today’s society, the status of pets has reached an unprecedented height. With her ultimate skill of communicating with animals, shouldn’t she be raking in the money?
Turning the plot around should be as easy as flipping her hand.
Su Yi: Heh, my fate is up to me, not the heavens!
However, the slap in the face came too fast, like a tornado. Making money is so hard; she was severely beaten by life.
The three days since she discovered she was just a little cannon fodder in a dog-blood wealthy family novel were the longest seven days of the five days she had run away from home.
Every day felt like a year!
As a shared burden whose parents had separately married into wealthy families, she was either flattering people every day or on her way to flattery. Su Yi had no status and, naturally, was financially strapped.
Thinking she was about to reach the pinnacle of her life, she packed up and ran away overnight. After renting an apartment and buying pots and pans, she successfully brought her balance back down to double digits.
Suffering through three days, she only had 1.8 RMB left.
The familiar stomach rumbling came again. Su Yi rubbed her belly with difficulty, sadness welling up from within. She just wanted to earn 9.9 RMB to buy a roujiamo [meat sandwich], couldn’t she even do that?
[Beastmaster? Real or fake? If the streamer can make my cat do a disco dance, I’ll believe it.]
Just as Su Yi was struggling between washing dishes at a restaurant to earn some money for a roujiamo or temporarily abandoning her backbone, pretending nothing happened, and sneaking back for a big meal, a bullet comment popped up on the screen.
Her spirits lifted; another potential client had come in. The number of online viewers reached five, a gratifying growth!
But, disco dancing? She could only understand animals talking, not actually command them…
“That won’t work, family member. Cats walking upright causes too much damage to their lumbar spine. It would be very painful and violates my professional ethics. I won’t do such a thing, and I also advise families not to treat little cats this way,” Su Yi said seriously.
[? Is this throwing shade at other pet bloggers? Such dirty business tactics, reported.]
[If you can’t do it, just say so, why make excuses? I’m leaving.]
[@Up in Heaven Down in Hang? The streamer’s ID, emmm, where is Su? Where did Su go? Confirmed to be starting a fight, reported.]
Su Yi: ?
Her whole life felt like walking on thin ice.
“Wait, although it can’t dance disco, I can make your cat bow,” Su Yi hurriedly said before the viewer named “Yuanyuan’s Father” exited the livestream.
The other party’s interest was indeed piqued, and he readily paid the fee.
“Bowing, right? Open my eyes, streamer, let me see how you make our Yuanyuan bow.”
The connection opened. The person on the other end wore a mask and a baseball cap, but from his breaking, duck-like voice, she could tell he was a teenage boy.
His tone was clearly disbelieving.
A round, chubby orange cat was placed on the table, staring wide-eyed at Su Yi.
Truly a cat that lived up to its name [Yuanyuan means round]. Su Yi sighed at its tonnage, and facing the contemptuous gazes of the boy and his cat, she smiled slightly and pulled out half a sausage.
Good thing she held back and saved her last bit of rations.
“Yuanyuan, as long as you bow, I’ll give you this sausage,” she said gently.
The orange cat Yuanyuan’s reaction to this was to remain completely motionless, looking at her like she was an idiot.
“Meow? Are you an idiot or am I an idiot? Across the internet cable, how are you going to give me the sausage?”
Su Yi’s kindly smile paused.
Little cats nowadays are hard to fool.
However, she had a sudden stroke of genius: “I can ask your owner to give you one.”
“Meow! This kid isn’t my owner, he’s my servant, let it be known. Also, what’s so great about sausages? I’m sick of them.” The orange cat lazily flicked its tail, then its eyes widened. “Huh? You can understand me?!”
On the surface, Su Yi was calm, but inside she was crying streams of tears. Humans are inferior to cats, humans are inferior to cats! What kind of miserable world is this?
At this moment, Yuanyuan’s Father sneered twice: “I knew you were running false advertising. Our Yuanyuan is different from other orange cats. It’s very aloof and disciplined. It doesn’t eat anything except its main meals, let alone sausages. Even if we try to tempt it with food, it’s too lazy to bother with us. Refund!”
Disciplined? Doesn’t eat anything except its main meals? Then what’s up with this massive body?
Su Yi politely inquired about the unreasonableness, and the other party smiled smugly: “Yuanyuan has a good digestive system and a strong constitution.”
“Is that so? But, just now Yuanyuan said, it—”
“Meow, meow, meow! Don’t say it!”
The orange cat’s fur suddenly puffed up. It jumped up, using all four limbs to spread itself out like a cat pancake, pouncing on the screen, letting out a low growl from its throat: “If you dare say it, I’ll… I’ll draw a circle and curse you!”
A complete reversal!
Su Yi held back a laugh and raised her eyebrows: “Is this the attitude to ask for a favor, Yuanyuan?”
“…Meow~~ I’m begging you, don’t say it, okay? Pretty please?”
This sudden sweet, high-pitched voice made Su Yi shiver, and astonished its owner even more: “Yuanyuan, you…”
He had just heard the streamer say, “Is this the attitude to ask for a favor?” and thought she was mocking him for asking for a refund. Just as he was about to start cursing, he saw his aloof cat son turn into an octopus. Also, who was making this sweet little voice??
“Then about this bowing?” Su Yi dragged out the syllables, looking at the panicked cat face pressed against the screen.
The orange cat hurriedly meowed: “Bowing, bowing, I’ll bow right now! I’ll bow, is that okay?”
Saying this, it took two steps back, very arduously brought its two chubby little paws together, shook them back and forth, and forced out a bow towards her.
Orange Cat Yuanyuan: Now honest, begging to be let go QAQ.
“Hello, did you see? Yuanyuan bowed,” Su Yi smiled in satisfaction, reminding the dumbfounded client.
Su Yi: Cat slave, are you satisfied with what you see?
“…One more time, I didn’t see clearly. One more time, can you make Yuanyuan bow to me? I want to record a video.” Yuanyuan’s Father finally came to his senses, speaking in a daze yet with excitement.
Su Yi looked at the orange cat.
Orange Cat: “Meow?!”
Dammit! A dignified owner like itself, reduced to performing for its servant! Where is the justice, where is the justice!
Even with thousands of grievances and anger in its heart, it couldn’t overcome the fear of its cat persona collapsing. Humiliated and with great difficulty, it performed a bow.
Yuanyuan’s Father was extremely excited, his attitude towards Su Yi taking a 180-degree turn. He asked excitedly and curiously, “Streamer, how did you get Yuanyuan to agree? What did you say to it?”
After asking, he realized he was right there, and she didn’t seem to say anything special to it… He remembered now, as soon as she said, “Just now Yuanyuan said,” it uncharacteristically abandoned its image and pounced on the computer, instantly switching to a sweet voice.
“Right, streamer, what did Yuanyuan say just now?” he asked urgently.
The orange cat glared at Su Yi: “Meow! Please keep your promise!”
Su Yi laughed out loud: “It said it’s sick of eating sausages.”
Being overly obese is not a good thing. For its health, she had to be an adult who doesn’t keep her promises. Sorry, little cat~
“Meow!! You have no martial ethics! Bad person!” The orange cat howled heart-wrenchingly, its two front paws frantically scratching the screen, attempting to reach through and scratch her.
Yuanyuan’s Father froze for a few seconds before he realized what she meant.
“What? Streamer, you mean, Yuanyuan sneaks food??” He couldn’t believe it.
The orange cat yelled frantically: “I didn’t! I didn’t sneak food!”
Su Yi smiled and nodded.
Yuanyuan’s Father originally wanted to say, “Is it possible that its digestive absorption ability is too strong, leading to its weight skyrocketing like a rocket even though it eats little?” But seeing Yuanyuan’s reaction of turning anger into shame, and remembering the inexplicably fast-depleting cat food and snacks, he had to believe it.
The orange cat turned around and saw his expression change from shock to sudden realization. It instantly wanted to die of shame. The cat persona it had worked so hard to maintain!
At this critical moment, the idea of creating a huge scandal to cover up its own “scandal” suddenly exploded.
“Meow! So what if I sneak food? Am I the only cat who has secretly done bad things?” it howled at Su Yi. “I’ll tell you, this kid is secretly in love with his best buddy’s girlfriend!”
Su Yi: ? Wow ☉▽☉
Even with the cartoon face covering him, it couldn’t hide the expression of surprise and gossiping. Seeing this, Yuanyuan’s Father had an ominous feeling and hurriedly asked, “Streamer, streamer, what did Yuanyuan say now?”
How could she cut open a client’s gossip right to his face? Isn’t that an ultimate attack straight to the face?
Su Yi glanced at the orange cat, who looked like it had won a round, and said seriously: “It said the reason it sneaks food is because it’s afraid you guys will think it eats too much and won’t want to keep it.”
“Meow?? Rumor mongering, pure rumor mongering! The internet is not outside the law, don’t think you can escape legal punishment just by covering your face with a cartoon. This cat wants to call the police!”
The orange cat, who had only been calm for a moment, started frantically scratching the screen again. How could there be such a bad person? Hasn’t she heard that life is hard for a cat, so don’t expose things, see through them but don’t say them out loud?
Yuanyuan’s Father was stunned. In the next second, he fiercely hugged it tightly in his arms, almost crying: “Fool, no matter how much you eat, we won’t abandon you. You can eat whatever you want, as much as you want, all you can eat!”
Hearing this, the fiercely struggling orange cat froze. What’s going on? Its secret was exposed, and not only was it not mocked and despised, but it got food freedom??
It struggled to turn its head to look at the screen. It understood! So this streamer wasn’t a bad person, she was helping it… retreating to advance, using a small stake to win big, finding life in a desperate situation. An expert, this is a true expert!
“Right, streamer, could you help me ask Yuanyuan what’s been going on the last few days? Sometimes it’s irritable, sometimes it has no energy. Is it because it didn’t eat enough?” At this time, Yuanyuan’s Father, who was lovingly hugging and rubbing the orange cat, seemed to remember something and hurriedly asked.
He now completely believed that the streamer in front of him could genuinely understand beast language, so he couldn’t help but ask the question that had troubled him for several days.
Irritability she could see, but as for having no energy? Su Yi was confused, how come she didn’t see that?
She met the orange cat’s bright big eyes and repeated the client’s question.
The orange cat hesitated, and after a long while finally said: “Meow… Sigh, there is one thing. This kid’s best buddy secretly got a new girlfriend, and his girlfriend doesn’t know yet. Originally this had nothing to do with this cat, but this best buddy is too sensible, he bought me a lot of canned food.”
“I am an upright, good cat. I can’t just watch him do bad things, but my mouth is soft from eating others’ food—” Speaking of this, it stopped abruptly, looking at the person opposite with annoyance. “You know what I mean?”
Between favors and morality, it struggled bitterly. It was continuously angry that its extra-curricular servant actually had one foot in two boats. This would be strongly condemned in the human world! Intermittently, it despised itself for wanting to turn a blind eye just for the canned food.
It didn’t want to tell others this secret, but returning a favor with a favor, they cats also spoke of the moral code of the jianghu [the community of martial artists/outsiders]. It would just consider it as returning a favor to this streamer who helped it realize its dream of eating food openly and honestly. Moreover, she was the first person who could understand its words. This feeling of not having to face idiots was really, truly great!
After speaking out the secret that had been bottled up in its heart for several days, it instantly felt much lighter. It felt so good to say it out loud. As a little cat, how could it bear such a heavy secret alone?
“This best buddy you mentioned, is he the best buddy of the girlfriend your owner secretly has a crush on?” Su Yi went ‘wow’ in her heart, thought for a moment, and asked it.
The orange cat nodded: “It’s him. Wait, I already said this kid isn’t my owner, he’s my servant—”
Its angry cries were interrupted by Yuanyuan’s Father, whose eyes were almost bulging out: “Streamer, you, what did you say, what secret crush…”
“…About this, Yuanyuan said your best buddy cheated, and his girlfriend doesn’t know yet,” Su Yi said rapidly.
She thought ‘oh no’ in her heart; she was so busy gossiping that she forgot to shield the party involved. The client wouldn’t fly into a rage out of humiliation and demand a refund again, would he?
However, unexpectedly, the other party was very angry, but the anger was mixed with an overflowing ecstasy: “This bastard! Thank you, streamer!”
Su Yi: ??
She quickly understood, what kind of plastic brotherhood [fake friendship] was this?
In the next second, a cool rocket swiped across the screen.
“Thank you, thank you! Thank you, family member, for the rocket tip!” Su Yi was overjoyed. Seeing that Yuanyuan’s Father, holding the cat, was impatient to exit the connection, she quickly said, “A cat being overweight is not a good thing, it’s a health risk. Please pay attention to controlling its diet.”
The other party froze for a moment, then nodded repeatedly: “Okay, okay, thank you, streamer!”
Orange cat: “Meow?!”
It wasn’t mistaken, this streamer is a bad person!
[Wow, catching some fresh hot gossip. He loves her, but she loves him, but he loves another her. He’s about to go reveal the truth and take advantage of her vulnerability… ah no, save her.]
[Stealing a buddy’s girl, tsk tsk. But he deserves it. Supporting the connected little brother.]
[It was the cat who revealed the truth. Team Meow-Meow did a great job!]
[Hehe, you guys actually believe it. It’s obviously fake, clearly a script. How could anyone understand cats talking? Those who believe it, be careful you don’t get tricked into buying a whole house of health supplements when you get old, awooo.]
Su Yi happily checked how much she could get from the two rockets. Just as she switched back to the interface, she saw the bullet comments floating across the screen. Taking a look at the number of online viewers, it had finally broken through the single-digit barrier, a whole fifteen!
Life was truly looking more and more hopeful.
“It’s not acting, family members. If you don’t believe it, you can connect with me. If it doesn’t work, it’s free,” Su Yi took the opportunity to promote herself. “Only 9.9, for 9.9 you won’t suffer a loss, you won’t be fooled, but you can buy the most accurate answers~ Any uncertain questions you have about your babies at home, you can ask me. Beautiful price, honest with young and old!”