The world I’d held dear was crumbling. A crack had formed in the trust I thought was solid. My first love had been violated.
Park Sion, you weren’t the salvation of my life. You were a bomb dropped into my ordinary, uneventful world.
I stopped walking and stood still. My face twisted in grief, and I choked down the tears that threatened to rise. As I lowered my head, droplets of tears fell onto the asphalt. I walked with my gaze fixed to the ground, waiting in silence for the tears to stop. I simply waited for this sadness to pass.
Once upon a time, the reason apples fell from trees was thought to be divine will. People of that era believed that Heaven sat above their heads, Hell beneath their feet, and at the edge of the world lay a great and endless cliff.
But soon came the Age of Enlightenment. People began to uncover the world’s bare face through the sharp lens of reason and the cold clarity of science.
Now, no one watches an apple fall from a tree and thinks of God. Everyone knows it’s not divine will—it’s gravity.
The Earth revolves around the sun, and above our heads isn’t Heaven, but infinite space. There is no edge of the world to terrify sailors who cross the ocean. Where people once imagined a cliff, there was a new continent. And so, faith was replaced by reason, and people came to see the world through the eyes of science, not religion.
It was the Age of Enlightenment, when reason illuminated the darkness. Those awakened from ignorance dug into the essence of nature with objective sight. No longer did sacred reverence save people—reason and rationality did.
Therefore, I must think. I have to think. I must patch together my tattered heart and face the situation coldly. I must tighten the loosened cord of reason once again.
Everyone makes mistakes. That’s inevitable. We are all imperfect beings.
What matters is not avoiding mistakes, but never repeating them. In that sense, reason is not the ability to avoid error—but the ability to reflect on irreversible ones.
So I count my mistakes. I retrace my painful past and reconsider my choices.
From the moment Park Sion’s gaze first met mine, I felt a vague unease. That’s where my first mistake began.
That gaze, which oddly seemed to lord over others. That downward look from above. The discomfort that came with it. That chilling air that touched the skin. It was an animal instinct.
But my feeble sense of principle—don’t judge people based on first impressions—clouded my eyes. Even though I saw through his nature at a glance, I refused to grasp it.
And so, Park Sion was able to approach me first—someone marked with a dirty reputation. He reached out his hand to me, even though he had nothing to gain.
I concluded that someone like Park Sion, so perfect, would never have any reason to want anything from me. That was my second misstep—an overly hasty assumption, buried in my own standards.
Looking back now, I was far too easy to read. I said I wasn’t lonely, but I was constantly craving companionship. Sharing meals, studying together, talking about our days—those things were desperately important to me. Park Sion sensed that emptiness in me, and gave me what I wanted.
I fell helplessly for the kindness and warmth he handed out like charity.
That was my third misstep—unaware of my own deprivation, I exposed my weakness too easily.
But even so, I still had one last chance to escape from Park Sion. I was the one who kicked it away. In the end, Jung Suwon was right about everything. Park Sion was a bastard. He toyed with me. And even after Suwon’s warning, I made the worst possible choice: I pitied him. I cherished him. I fell for him. That blind affection that pushed me into foolish decisions—this was my fourth mistake.
In contrast, Park Sion was cunning. He knew exactly what I lacked, and he used it to deceive me effortlessly. He didn’t force himself on me like Kim Shinju did—but he waited patiently, until I undressed myself.
My arrogance led me to foolish choices. And now, I’m paying the price in full. Then what about you, Park Sion? What’s the cost of your deceit?
I sat blankly on the couch, waiting for Park Sion. I revisited his warmth, his tenderness, and the dirty words that had trampled me—one by one. I sat face to face with the wounds you gave me.
Eventually, night fell. Someone rang the doorbell. When no one answered, they knocked. Still no response—then came the sound of someone hastily punching in the door code. The sound of footsteps grew closer, urgent.
“Why weren’t you answering?”
Park Sion grabbed my arm as soon as he walked in, panting like he’d run all the way here. I stared blankly at the dark corner of the living room.
“Why was your phone off? I was worried.”
“……”
“Why aren’t you saying anything? Seonwoo?”
“……”
“What’s wrong with your face…”
His cool fingers brushed my cheek. Only then did I turn my head and look at Park Sion. His eyes widened in shock.
See? This is the crying face you always wanted to see so badly.
But instead of delight, Park Sion frowned like it hurt him and embraced me.
“What happened? Why are you crying?”
“……”
“Seonwoo, what’s going on?”
I examined the worry on Park Sion’s face. Did he already know I’d met Kim Shinju, or didn’t he?
For a moment, I noticed the faint red handprint on Park Sion’s cheek. Fuck. I barely managed to swallow the curse rising in my throat. That fucker came here knowing everything. He knew and still came to pull this shit. He must’ve heard I met Kim Shinju and went and got hit by someone again just to sell the act. Who was it this time? Shin Jaeyoung again? Or Kim Shinju? Cold fury froze my tears.
“You got hit again.”
I slowly pulled him down to sit beside me and touched his reddened cheek. A deep heat radiated into my fingertips.
“Who was it this time?”
“You’re seriously worried about my face right now? What’s going on—why are you crying?”
“……”
“What happened? Please talk to me.”
Without answering, I ran my hand over his flushed pale cheek. Just seeing a mark on that face had once made my heart ache. But now my throat tightened with a deep, stabbing sadness. You really are cruel to me, right up to the very end.
“Why do you keep getting hit by other people…”
“What?”
“It’s a hassle.”
For a second, Park Sion’s pupils trembled. The hand stroking my cheek froze. Slowly, his expression faded. A dark, sticky silence settled between us.
Park Sion stared into my eyes, persistently. I could feel him trying to read my thoughts. I simply looked back at him calmly. Finally, he spoke.
“A hassle?”
“Yeah.”
“Why are you talking like that?”
“Just because.”
“Just because?”
“Just… felt like it.”
I gave him back the same answer he’d once given me. He furrowed his brow slightly. Narrowed his eyes and stared right at me. I didn’t look away.
“Why are you being so… unsettling.”
“Unsettling?”
“Yeah. You’re scaring me. I’m going crazy here.”
“What exactly is making you so scared?”
I tilted my head. Was it the fear of being caught in a lie? Or was even this fear he claimed to feel just another lie?
His plump lips trembled. A shaking hand wrapped around my knee. His breath brushed my shoulder. As he hugged me tightly, his shoulders shivered—like someone paralyzed by anxiety.
“What’s wrong, Seonwoo, huh?”
“You…”
“What did someone say to you this time?”
“……”
“Tell me, please?”
Park Sion rubbed his cheek against my palm. He looked up at me like a child afraid of being abandoned. His innocent-looking eyes trembled with desperation. That face, red with a handprint, looked pitifully sorrowful.
I just stared at his face. Blankly, like watching heat waves rise from the asphalt. And slowly, I leaned in. When I did, his long lashes fluttered faintly, like he was relieved. I stopped when we were close enough for our noses to almost touch. Then I stared into his eyes for a long time. A sigh slipped from my mouth like a soft gasp of admiration.
Amazing. I’ve never met someone like you. How can you lie so perfectly? You really look scared and sad.
“Park Sion… you’re a really good actor.”
“…What?”
“I keep wanting to believe you.”
A faint smirk tugged at my lips. Park Sion looked momentarily stunned. I pulled away from him without hesitation. His face twisted with a mix of emotions. I calmly observed the confusion blooming across that pretty face.
“I saw Kim Shinju at the PC bang.”
The confused look on his face froze in an instant. A crack formed across his smooth features. I stared at the fracture, quietly, to glimpse the true face hidden behind it.
“That bastard said some pretty interesting things.”
That was all I said before closing my mouth. I couldn’t afford to show my entire hand. Park Sion would definitely find a hole in my story and spin some convincing lie to worm his way out of it.
“What did he say?”
“Oh, a few things.”
“A few things? How am I supposed to know what that means?”
“Wouldn’t you know better than I do? It was about you.”
I spoke offhandedly, and Park Sion’s eyes wavered. Even in the dim light of the room, his pupils glistened.
“Seonwoo, what exactly did you hear?”
“You already know.”
“I don’t. I don’t get what you’re talking about at all.”
“……”
“Why are you acting like this just because of something Kim Shinju said? You can’t trust a word that bastard says.”
Park Sion shook his head and leaned into my arms. I stayed silent, then reached out to stroke his back. He lifted his head slightly to look at me. I gripped his shoulders and gently pushed him away.
“Then say it yourself. Tell me what I shouldn’t believe, directly.”
As I brushed the hair from his forehead, Park Sion’s gaze clung to me.
“What exactly did you hear?”
“I told you. You already know.”
So don’t put it in my mouth. Say it yourself. Because the words are too fucking disgusting for me to speak.
But Park Sion lowered his head. His gaze wandered the floor for a long time before drifting back to me. Those jet-black pupils were clear enough to reflect my face. His eyes slid downward again. Park Sion took my hand—his palm damp with nervous sweat—and laced his fingers through mine.
“Just… don’t believe anything that bastard said.”
“Which part, exactly?”
“All of it. You don’t need to believe any of it.”
“……”
“Just listen to me.”
He gripped my hand tightly as he said it, voice firm. I let out a small, involuntary scoff at the way he said I should only believe him.
“You don’t trust Kim Shinju more than me, right?”
And like a reflex, he started spewing nonsense again. With just that one question—do you trust him more than me—he tried to bury the heart of the problem. He provoked my trauma, trying to drag sympathy out of me. I already knew what would come next. He’d scrunch up that pretty face and beg for pity.
“Okay, I used to hang out with Kim Shinju for a bit. It was just a short time. Is that what this is about? Are you upset because I knew him?”
“……”
“You’re really mad, huh? But you don’t have to be. Everything he said was bullshit. You should trust me. You said you trusted me. Don’t keep making me feel anxious, okay?”
He offered up the single truth—that he knew Kim Shinju—as a smokescreen to cover all the other lies. It was textbook manipulation. He’d done the same when I asked about Jung Suwon. He gave me a few truths to hold onto and used them to hide the one truth that really mattered.
“Yoon Seonwoo, please, please…”
Park Sion slid off the couch and got down on his knees. He buried his face against my knees. A strange sense of déjà vu washed over me.
That’s right—when I first started doubting him after talking to Jung Suwon, he did the exact same thing. He’d buried his face in my knees like this, wearing an expression like he might burst into tears, with that same desperate look in his eyes.
Back then, you admitted you lied because you wanted to make a good impression on me. But that was only half the truth. You never said the real reason—that you wanted to fuck me no matter what.
I placed my hand on his shoulder. As I stroked his back, the trembling slowly subsided. I took his chin and tilted his head up, locking eyes with him. When I rubbed his cheek with my thumb, he bit his lip. I gently pressed a finger to his plump lips to stop him from biting anymore. His eyes lit up in a pleading, pitiful way.
Your face was still heartbreakingly beautiful. So beautiful it almost made me fall in love all over again.
“Seonwoo, please don’t do this to me. If you ask, I’ll tell you everything, I promise. So please don’t be cold like this. Please…”
“Park Sion.”
“Seonwoo, please…”
“Park Sion.”
My voice, calling your name, cut across the feverish chaos of my first infatuation and the foolish choices I’d made while burning with that fever.
“Sion…”
I stared into his tear-filled eyes. I looked deep into that abyss.
Ah—finally, I thought of names that actually suited you. Arrogant hypocrite. Cunning liar. Pathetic thug. Irredeemable trash. From now on, those descriptors will follow your name, Park Sion.
“Sion, do you… still think I’m your pathetic little plaything?”
From now on, I’ll crack that pretty shell you’re wearing. I’ll break your mask and see your rotten core, and crush your so-called dignity into the dirt. Just wait—I’ll return your gaze with the same one you used on me.
“…What?”
I’ll mock your wounds. I’ll savor your misery.
“I can hear the gears turning in your head from here, you fucking piece of shit.”
“…What did you just say?”
So show me. Show me the real face behind that delicate, innocent mask. Not this pathetic act—your revolting, actual self.
Slowly, the expression drained from Park Sion’s face. The moisture in his eyes stopped trembling, and in its place came a deep, consuming darkness. His eyes, now impossible to read, locked with mine—and it felt like the breath was sucked out of my lungs.
“……”
“……”
“…Haah… Fuck… This is fucking bullshit. That bastard Kim Shinju…”
A voice I barely recognized echoed in my ears. Park Sion muttered the curse like a sigh, running a hand through his hair.
“How much do you know?”
The swirl of emotion that had clouded his face vanished without a trace. His gaze, suddenly cold and dry, skimmed across my face. There was even a faint edge of annoyance in it.
“How much did Kim Shinju tell you?”
“You did it, didn’t you? You should know everything already.”
“Fuck, this is insane.”
“Then say it. Out loud. Since you already know.”
Park Sion rubbed his face with both hands, sighing deeply. Then, with a breath of hollow laughter, he said,
“Seonwoo. Is this about the bet?”
He pressed a hand to his tired eyes, wiped away his irritation, and then took both my hands in his. He met my eyes like he was speaking to a child.
“That doesn’t matter anymore.”
“……”
“It’s already over. You don’t need to worry about it anymore.”
He spoke in that familiar gentle tone, coaxing and soothing. I couldn’t help it—laughter escaped my lips, dry and disbelieving. I hadn’t been expecting an apology, but this was far worse than I’d imagined.
His cool fingers brushed my bangs to the side. I stared at him like I was trying to burn a hole in his face. He looked up at me with a languid gaze.
“There’s no ‘bet’ between us anymore.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah. I ended it. Completely.”
He even smiled. A light, proud smile. The sharp edges of his eyes softened. His hand played with my hair again. I felt the urge to bite those fingers clean off. But I kept my voice calm.
“Oh, the watch?”
“You remember, right? The one I gave Shin Jaeyoung. That settled everything. It’s over.”
“…Guess my ass was worth more than I thought.”
At that biting sarcasm, Park Sion’s brow twitched slightly. I kept smirking and looked straight into his face. Then, with a pitiful expression, I tapped his chest lightly—twice.
“‘I want to be friends…’ ‘You’re special…’ ‘I really like you…’”
I mimicked his tone, exaggerating the inflections. I twisted my eyebrows and acted like a lovesick fool. Just like he used to do with me.
The lies Park Sion had fed me slipped from my lips.
“‘I’m scared, Seonwoo…’ ‘Don’t leave me…’ ‘Please keep loving me…’”
“…What are you doing?”
Park Sion’s expression twisted at the mockery. I kept pushing at his chest.
“Yeah, what were you so afraid of, huh? Why was someone like you—so perfect, so charming—always whining like a wet dog?”
“……”
“Let me guess. You were scared all your lies would come out. That’s why you started laying the groundwork early. Throwing out bait, playing the long game. Saying you were afraid. Saying not to leave. Telling me to keep loving you. All of it—just part of your strategy.”
Park Sion wiped his face clean of emotion and stared daggers into me. The blankness on his face was terrifyingly cold.
“You could’ve ended that bet without me ever knowing. But no. You gave that watch to Shin Jaeyoung right in front of me, like a show. Just in case it all came to light one day—you wanted something to use as an excuse. Just like now. Saying you gave away such an expensive watch, saying that you ended it, saying you did your part. Trying to absolve yourself.”
“……”
“You thought that fancy watch you threw at Shin Jaeyoung, like a bribe to shut him up, would somehow be your fucking absolution?”