“What’s the point of a girl getting so much schooling? She’d be better off going out to work. Look at Liu Ting from the Liu family; she’s only two years older than Xiaoxue. She’s only been out for a few years and she’s already built a house for her family,” Jiang Xiaodie said to her brother, Jiang Haiyang.
“If a child has good grades, whether boy or girl, I’ll provide for their education even if I have to sell everything I own.”
“You’ll provide? Does my second sister-in-law agree?”
This second sister-in-law of hers was notoriously biased. You could say she favored boys over girls, yet she doted on her youngest daughter, Jiang Lu—also considered a ‘money-losing venture’—as if she were a precious treasure. It was only this eldest daughter she couldn’t stand. Usually, in families with many children, no matter how biased the parents were, they would at least try to disguise it a little. But this sister-in-law of hers wore her dislike and loathing right on her sleeve.
Jiang Haiyang was speechless, stammering. His wife had recently been looking for someone to take his eldest daughter, who was just starting her third year of junior high, out to work. She had asked all their friends and relatives.
It just so happened that his younger sister’s sister-in-law, Qiuxia, had recently returned to her hometown, so his wife wanted Jiang Xue to go out with Qiuxia.
He didn’t agree and had been arguing with his wife for several days.
But his wife cried, threw tantrums, blamed the family’s poverty, blamed him for being useless, cursed his parents for being biased, lamented that the two younger children didn’t have enough to eat or wear, and sighed about her own hard life. He gritted his teeth and stood his ground, but he was being worn down by her relentless nagging. Now, he’d rather spend more time working in the fields than go back and listen to her cry.
“I came back this time because my second sister-in-law asked me to arrange for Xiaoxue to go out and work with Qiuxia. Qiuxia is leaving the day after tomorrow. Give me a straight answer on whether Xiaoxue is going so she can book the tickets in advance.”
“Xiaoxue is going to continue her schooling, not go out to work. At the very least, let the kid finish junior high. Her grades are good; if she has the ability to get into high school, I’ll provide for that too.”
“Form a united front with your wife first. You can’t even make decisions for her anyway,” Jiang Xiaodie curled her lip and mocked.
“Discuss it with her this afternoon. I’m going to Mom’s for lunch. Give me a reply after the meal whether she’s going or not.”
With that, she hefted the small bag of fruit in her hand and walked toward her mother’s house.
She wondered if her old mother would think she brought too little. It had been a while since she last visited her maternal home.
And then there was her younger brother’s wife, who probably wouldn’t give her a pleasant look either.
Being a daughter was truly difficult, Jiang Xiaodie sighed inwardly.
Meanwhile, the Jiang Xue they were talking about was being yanked from her sleep, her quilt thrown aside and her ear pinched.
“Look at the time! Still lazing in bed in broad daylight. What kind of child your age is this lazy?”
“It’s lunchtime. Don’t you know you should help with the cooking? I see the clothes haven’t been washed, and the breakfast pot hasn’t been scrubbed. All you do is sleep, sleep, sleep!” As she spoke, she angrily struck Jiang Xue a few times.
“Sleeping with your butt in the air… why don’t you just sleep yourself to death? Get up right now!”
“Mom…” Jiang Xue called out tentatively.
“What are you dazing for? Hurry up and start the fire so I can cook!” Jiang’s mother said through gritted teeth before turning toward the kitchen. As she walked, her mouth continued to mutter curses. Jiang Xue wasn’t interested in what she was saying; she was currently in a total daze. The last thing she remembered was collapsing in front of her computer from exhaustion.
“You’re not young anymore, don’t push yourself so hard. Watch out for sudden death.” She remembered her friend sending her news videos of people dying from overwork and advising her. At the time, she had dismissed it, feeling as strong as an ox. She hadn’t expected that after pulling just two all-nighters, she would feel dizzy and have trouble breathing. So, was she dead?
Or had she fainted and was now dreaming? She looked around her surroundings; they were both familiar and strange.
This seemed to be her childhood home.
It was strange; even though she had money later and bought a home of her own, and had lived in various dorms and rentals while growing up, every time she dreamed of home, it was always this four-room bungalow from her childhood.
She sat up, her head heavy and dizzy. She reached up to touch her forehead; her hand was hot, but her forehead was hotter. She must have a fever.
Staggering to her feet, she walked to the desk and picked up a round plastic mirror. In the reflection was a face both familiar and strange.
Her hair was yellowed and dry, her face sallow and thin, and her lips were parched and cracked, yet her eyes were piercingly bright.
It was her, and yet it wasn’t.
She glanced at the books on the desk; they were all for junior high. Spread out before her was the summer homework for the second year of junior high.
Stepping out of the room, the calendar hanging on the wall of the central room confirmed her suspicion.
July 3, 2007.
The summer break of her fifteenth year, after her second year of junior high.
Her head felt heavy. Was this a dream? If it was, it felt far too real.
“What are you dawdling for? You wretched girl, get over here and start the fire so I can stir-fry!” Jiang’s mother’s shout echoed from the kitchen.
Jiang Lu, who was playing outside in the yard, heard her mother’s call and immediately ran in. Standing at the kitchen door, she said, “Mom, let me help you.”
“You go play. When have you ever worked the stove? It’s so hot in the kitchen; what if you get heatstroke?” Hearing Jiang’s mother’s words, Jiang Xue turned her gaze toward this younger sister, who was four years younger than her.
She gave a mocking smile but said nothing. She walked into the kitchen and sat on the small stool in front of the stove.
She stuffed the firewood into the hearth and lit it with a match, but it didn’t catch. Instead, it produced a lot of smoke.
She couldn’t help but cough twice, which caught Jiang’s mother’s attention. Like a lit firecracker, the woman exploded again.
“How can you be so stupid? You can’t even light a fire properly!”
“Get out of the way, you’re utterly useless!” Before Jiang Xue could even stand, her mother reached out and shoved her hard. Jiang Xue tumbled onto the kitchen floor.
Jiang’s mother quickly lit the fire herself. When she turned back, she saw her eldest daughter sitting on the ground with a cold expression, staring fixedly at her.
“What kind of look is that? Are you giving me attitude with that long face?”
“Can’t you have some common sense and not make me angry?!”
“I’m exhausted from work, and I have to come back and cook for you. Why are you so lazy at your age? Don’t you know how to be considerate of your mother?!”
“Don’t you eat the food you cook? Don’t Dad, Jiang Chao, and Jiang Lu eat it too?”
“What??” Jiang’s mother was baffled by Jiang Xue’s question.
“You all eat it, so why do you say you’re specifically cooking for me? Since everyone eats, why is all your pent-up rage directed only at me and not them? Is your exhaustion caused by me? What exactly did I do wrong to make you not love me, to make you hate and loathe me? I’m truly curious.” She had never found the answer to this mystery in her past life.
In her previous life, the thing she least wanted to admit was that her mother didn’t love her.
No matter what she did, how she compromised, or how obedient and sensible she was.
Jiang’s mother didn’t know how to respond for a moment. She wanted to lose her temper again, but seeing her eldest daughter’s expressionless, stubborn, and serious face, her fire momentarily died down, and she swallowed her subsequent insults.
“Am I your biological child? Am I the child of your enemy that you were forced to raise? Is that why you treat me like this?” After she grew up, she had actually verified this; they were indeed mother and daughter. She didn’t know if waking up again meant continuing from age thirty or staying at fifteen, but right now, she just wanted an answer to the questions of her childhood.