“What nonsense are you talking about? What love or not love, biological or not—who else could have given birth to you if not me?” Jiang’s mother said impatiently, still adding firewood to the stove.
“Then why do you treat your children differently when we’re all your kids?” Jiang Xue finished speaking and glanced at her younger siblings playing in the sandpile outside the gate.
“Why are you afraid Jiang Lu might get hot, but you never worry whether I’m hot or not?” Jiang Xue asked again.
“How old are they, and how old are you? You’re comparing laziness with your younger siblings—aren’t you ashamed?”
“Hah, Mom, have you forgotten? I was washing my own clothes and cooking for myself by the age of seven or eight. When I was as old as Jiang Lu and Jiang Chao, I was already working in the fields like an adult.” Why was there such a double standard when it came to her? Her younger siblings were still small, still children, but she wasn’t—why?
“Back then, Your Father and I were working away from home. There was no other way.”
“Right, you had to go out to work, so I had to be left behind at home. I would have held you back. But why was I a left-behind child while they aren’t? Am I different from them?”
“Are you determined to argue with me today about whether I’m biased or not? If you don’t want to work, get out. Why bring all this up?” Feeling that her usually obedient daughter was challenging her authority, Jiang’s mother couldn’t answer these questions and didn’t want to answer them either.
Resorting to her usual method of forceful suppression, she grabbed Jiang Xue and tried to drag her out of the kitchen.
Jiang Xue struggled with all her might, refusing to let herself be pulled.
“You clearly act this way, so why won’t you admit you’re biased? Why treat your children differently when we’re all born to you?Not only did she not love her, but she also used her identity as a mother to manipulate and morally blackmail her.
“Yes, I am biased. I do love your younger siblings more. I find you annoying. Go find somewhere cool to stay and don’t delay my cooking.” After all, Jiang’s mother was an adult and stronger than Jiang Xue. She grabbed her clothes, dragged her into the yard, and threw her forcefully.
Jiang’s mother thought for a moment and still felt angry. She was about to come over and kick her, but Jiang Xue was no longer the little girl from childhood who would be scared out of her wits when beaten, too afraid to resist, curling up and letting others hit her.
Although she was very weak now, her head throbbing with pain, when faced with the incoming kick, she hugged the leg tightly. A searing pain shot through her head as Jiang’s mother pulled her hair. Enduring the pain, Jiang Xue bit down hard on the leg she was holding.
Jiang’s mother gasped in pain.
“Let go!!” Jiang’s mother shouted loudly.
Jiang Chao and Jiang Lu, playing outside, had hesitated to come in when they saw their mother hitting their sister, afraid of getting caught up in it. But when they heard their mother cry out in pain, they immediately ran inside.
The two tried to pull Jiang Xue away, but she wouldn’t let go with her mouth or hands. The tighter her mother pulled her hair, the harder she bit, until the taste of blood filled her mouth.
Jiang’s father returned from work and saw this scene. He quickly threw down the sickle in his hand and separated the two.
“Xiaoxue, what are you doing? Look how you’ve bitten your mother’s leg.” Jiang’s father examined his wife’s leg, saw the bleeding tooth marks, and turned to Jiang Xue with an accusing tone.
“I’m your mother. How dare you bite me? I think you’re trying to rebel against heaven itself.” Jiang’s mother exclaimed in shock.
"I'll beat you to death today, or I'm not your mother." As Jiang's mother spoke, she moved to grab a broom to hit her. Jiang Xue wasn't foolish enough to stand there and let the broom land on her. She walked over to where Jiang's father had just dropped the sickle, picked it up, and said, "You can't kill me with a broom. Use this—split my neck in two."
Then she ran to the well pump, picked up the vegetable knife that had just been used for peeling beside the sink, and said, "This works too—it's even sharper." After speaking, she threw the knife at their feet.
"Xiaoxue, put down the sickle first."
Seeing Jiang Xue unmoved, Jiang's father turned to persuade his wife, "Mother, you're so old—why are you still arguing with a child? Don’t stoop to her level."
Jiang's mother didn’t listen and grew even angrier. "Look at your precious daughter! I’m her mother, and she dared to bite me!!"
Jiang's father tried to calm both their emotions. He picked up the vegetable knife from the ground and handed it to his son, signaling him to take it far away.
"You’ve gone too far! Are you trying to kill your own mother with that sickle? How did I give birth to such an ungrateful wretch? And you go to school—what did you learn there? How to treat your elders like this? I should’ve strangled you at birth." Jiang's mother was shocked by her usually obedient daughter’s behavior, but more than that, she was furious, feeling her maternal authority had been challenged.
"Alright, alright, Liu Yan, say less. Don’t provoke the child further."
"Shut up! You’re just pretending to be the good one. She’s spoiled because of you." After yelling at Jiang's father, Jiang's mother moved to snatch the sickle.
"Don’t come closer," Jiang Xue warned.
Seeing her mother ignore her, Jiang Xue drove the sickle into the belly of the old hen tied by the leg near the wall—meant to prevent it from brooding—before it could even struggle.
At the same time, the rope binding it was cut by the sickle. The chicken flapped wildly in its death throes, and chicken blood splattered across the courtyard ground.
Only then did Jiang's mother truly feel fear. Jiang Xue had just stabbed the chicken without blinking—she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d get the same treatment if she moved closer.
The blood on the ground and the dying chicken’s struggle shook her.
"I’m a person, not a cat or dog, not a chicken or duck to be slaughtered at will. Even though you’re my mother, you can’t just beat or curse me whenever you want. Otherwise…" She glanced at the chicken, which had stopped flapping and was gradually losing signs of life.
"You’ve gone too far! Wuwu… How did I give birth to her? Such defiance!"
"Xiaoxue, how can you talk to your mother like that? Be good and put down the sickle."
The voices around her grew fuzzy. She saw Jiang's mother crying as she retreated to the kitchen, and Jiang Xue’s heart relaxed at her departure.
The sickle fell from her hand with a clatter, and her consciousness blurred—her body collapsing to the ground along with it.
"Xiaoxue, Xiaoxue, what’s wrong? Why are you so hot? Do you have a fever?" Jiang's father checked on his unconscious eldest daughter and felt the unusual heat radiating from her body. She had completely lost consciousness.
He picked her up to take her to the clinic. Hearing the commotion, Jiang's mother came out from the kitchen, saw her husband carrying Jiang Xue out the gate, sighed, hurried back to the room to fetch money, and chased after them.
Jiang Xue actually woke up not long after, not returning to her busy thirty-year-old self, but still at fifteen. Watching her parents bustling about, fetching water and feeding her medicine, she pretended to be weak and kept her eyes closed, then fell asleep again. When she woke up once more, the sky outside was completely dark.
On the neighboring bed, Jiang Lu was already asleep.
Her family now lived in a row of four single-story rooms built just a few years earlier.
Jiang's father and Jiang's mother occupied one room, she and Jiang Lu shared another, the central room served as the main hall, and at the far end was Jiang Chao's room.
With her fever gone, her mind felt much clearer. Recalling how she had questioned her parents during the day about their favoritism and whether they loved her, and even killed a chicken, she felt a bit ashamed.
It was only when her mind was clouded that she would ask the questions she had harbored since childhood. After all, the grown-up version of herself had already made peace with these issues and no longer cared about them.