“I may not have raised you for many years, but didn’t I give your grandmother money when she took care of you? Every time she called—which was every other day—she’d come up with some excuse to ask for money, and I never refused. I gave birth to you, I paid to raise you, yet you’re not close to me. Who can I even complain to?”
“You’re older now, but when you were little, your grandmother taught you to tell me that you preferred Grandma, that Mom was a shrew, a bad woman, that you wanted Your Father to kick me out, saying I was bought by your family for so much money. When I argued with your grandmother, you’d take her side. Do you have any idea how much that hurts a mother?!!!” As if recalling unpleasant memories from the past, Liu Yan looked furious after saying all this.
“How old was I back then? What did I know? I was just a child saying things I didn’t understand, yet you held onto every word, determined to retaliate and get back at me.”
“If you had ever considered my feelings even a little, think about how strained your relationship with my grandmother was. Even as a young child, I understood whose bowl I was eating from and who I should listen to.”
“Your grandmother is nothing but a troublemaker. She raised you to oppose me just to get back at me. How can you be so foolish? No matter what, I’m your mother.” After saying this, she wiped her tears and began to cry.
Her crying demeanor began to overlap with the memories from her past life.
First, the tearful complaints, playing the family card, then making her demands, blaming Grandma for stirring up trouble, yet never engaging in self-reflection.
In her past life, she had used these tactics to extract money and things from her. This time, it had come earlier—probably because she thought Jiang Xue was about to go out and work, making her valuable, so she needed to repair their relationship. Otherwise, it would be awkward to ask for things later.
“You and your younger siblings are all my children, flesh of my flesh. Even though I sometimes scold or yell at you when I can’t control my temper, I still love you.” After saying this, she reached out to stroke Jiang Xue’s hair, but Jiang Xue dodged.
Jiang's mother’s expression changed, and she raised her hand to slap her. Jiang Xue dodged, stood up, and met her gaze.
“Try hitting me again today. I’ve told you, I’m not some stray cat or dog.”
Jiang's mother lowered her hand, remembering the scar on her thigh, and left resentfully.
It was a truth she had learned through blood and tears in her past life: her mother was someone who bullied the weak and feared the strong.
On the evening before she left, after packing the books she needed to bring and a few simple summer clothes, Jiang's mother came to her room with money.
“Here, this is a thousand yuan. Spend it wisely.”
“Work hard, and don’t hang out with shady people. When you get your salary, don’t waste it. The family is struggling, and there are expenses everywhere.” Jiang Xue took the money—no reason to refuse what was offered.
“I heard from your aunt that the base salary is 800, and you get overtime pay for extra hours. Sometimes you can earn over two thousand a month. When you get your salary, don’t spend it recklessly. I’ll settle accounts with you when you come back for New Year.” Jiang's mother instructed.
“Didn’t Dad tell you that the money I earn will be used for my own tuition?” Jiang Xue frowned, interrupting her.
Jiang's father had mentioned it, but Jiang's mother didn’t believe her daughter could still get into high school while working.
“If you really have what it takes to work and get into high school at the same time, I won’t take a single cent of the money you earn.”
“I hope you keep your word.”
“Look at Jiang Xian. She’s always been at the top of her class since she was little. How much effort did your aunt put in to get her into County No. 1 High School? Are you smarter than Jiang Xian, or do you work harder than her?”
"What do you think you are? I think you just don’t know yourself. You’re so stupid. Everyone else is studying in class, and only a few from the town’s middle school can get into the county’s high school. You want to go work and still think you can get into high school? Do you think you’re a genius? Wishful thinking." Here it comes again—belittling, criticizing.
Was she stupid? At this point in her past life, she thought she was stupid because everyone around her said so—that she was dull, slow with words, and lacked awareness, only moving when prodded.
But it was this "stupid" one who did well on the college entrance exam and attended a better university than all her siblings.
She made it from a small town with such poor teaching standards to the county’s best high school, without tutoring or extra classes, and then went on to a key university with top grades in her class.
She wasn’t stupid at all. On the contrary, she was hardworking, able to focus, willing to put in the effort, and endure hardship.
She was outstanding, truly remarkable. It took her a long time in her past life to learn this—to accept herself, appreciate herself, and affirm herself.
Liu Yan saw that Jiang Xue didn’t talk back, just kept her head down, silent, lost in thought. Her anger felt like hitting cotton. Remembering that Jiang Xue would leave tomorrow and wouldn’t be around, she didn’t dare push too hard. Besides, her eldest daughter had changed so much recently. Maybe her husband was right—she was grown up now and couldn’t be scolded or hit like when she was little.
Not long after, Grandma Jiang arrived.
"Leaving tomorrow."
"Yes."
"Your mother is so heartless. You’re still so young, and she’s sending you out to work. It’s not like the family is starving and needs to rely on a child." Grandma Jiang lowered her voice to criticize.
"Then, Grandma, should I not go work and stay home to study with you?"
"Heh, the ticket’s already booked, isn’t it? But since you’re going out to work, do it well. Don’t waste your money when you earn your wages." Grandma Jiang quickly changed the subject.
Taking care of Jiang Xue alone wouldn’t be a problem, but if she agreed, her eldest son’s two boys would definitely be dumped on her too. Not to mention Jiang Xue’s mother—what if she left the twins with her as well? And then there was her younger son’s baby. Her future days would be unimaginable.
So she absolutely couldn’t open that door.
"Your father said your mother gave you a thousand yuan. I heard from Xiao Die that they hold back a month and a half of wages. It’s so far away, you can’t bring much, and you’ll have to spend money on everything there. Take these two hundred yuan and hide them well, in case you run short." As she spoke, Grandma Jiang handed over a handkerchief wrapped around the money.
"Just like you said, Grandma, even with an extra two hundred, it won’t be enough. Can you lend me a bit more?"
"I don’t have any money! Cough, cough. Grandma’s old now and can’t earn money anymore. If you think it’s not enough, go pester your mother. Get her to give you more."
"Okay." Jiang Xue replied.
"Don’t be like a mute gourd when you’re out there. Be sweet-tongued, work hard, and keep your eyes open."
After saying this, she leaned closer and whispered in her ear, "Don’t be foolish and give all your earnings to your mother. Save some for yourself."
"I understand." Grandma Jiang patted her head and left.
She tried to focus on the homework and textbooks in front of her but couldn’t calm her mind.
Her feelings toward Grandma were complicated.
There had been scolding, favoritism, and harshness while raising the children, but at the same time, all the warmth of her childhood, many beautiful memories, had also come from her.