Looking at Xie Yuheng’s appearance, Ji Hanyi knew he must have heard his mother was ill; he hadn’t even had time to change his clothes before going to see her.
But by coming here now, did he remember what she had said this morning?
Ji Hanyi was about to dismiss the maids in the room to discuss the divorce agreement, but before she could speak, Xie Yuheng spoke first, his face cold. “My mother is gravely ill. When I returned, I saw only Mingrou by her side taking care of her. As the eldest daughter-in-law, is this how you neglect your mother-in-law?”
“Mingrou has always been in poor health. How could you have the heart to let her look after my mother alone?”
Ji Hanyi paused, frowning as she looked at Xie Yuheng. “I did not neglect her. This morning, as soon as I learned Mother was ill, I…”
Xie Yuheng raised his voice, cutting her off. She looked up and saw eyes filled with disappointment. “Hanyi, the Xie family has never mistreated you.”
“And I have certainly never mistreated you.”
“But you insist on making everyone feel as though they’ve wronged you before you’re satisfied, isn’t that right?”
Ji Hanyi froze. Her slender white fingers, which had been resting on the small table, slid down to her lap. Her sleeve crumpled slightly, and a drop of ink fell onto the letter paper. She spoke quietly, “I don’t understand what you mean.”
Xie Yuheng’s expression was cold and distant, his disappointment palpable. “You are simply upset that I didn’t bring you back myself that night. Because of that, you’ve targeted Mingrou at every turn and have been acting out of spite toward me these past two days.”
“If you are dissatisfied, you can tell me. Why must you make such a scene while my mother is sick?”
“Do you know that even now, Mingrou is still the one at my mother’s side?”
Ji Hanyi finally understood. Suppressing the bitterness rising in her heart, she looked at Xie Yuheng. “You think the reason I am not by Mother’s side right now is that I am sulking?”
Xie Yuheng looked at her with disappointment. “Whether you are sulking or not, you know the truth in your heart.”
“With a temperament like this, how can you be the mistress of this house in the future? How can you manage the inner chambers?”
“Though I am busy with official duties, has the Xie family ever lacked in its treatment of you since you married in? Has my mother ever mistreated you in the slightest?”
“Hanyi, this is unfilial. This is ingratitude.”
To the outside world, Xie Yuheng was upright and aloof. Everyone said he was like the moon in the sky—a paragon of elegance, as refined as polished jade. But who knew he was the one who best understood how to pierce a person’s heart with words?
Ji Hanyi looked at the man standing before her. When he had agreed to the marriage without hesitation, he had given her a moment of stability and warmth.
In the early days of their marriage, he had even shown her tenderness. They had once shared a brief period of harmony and mutual respect.
How had they reached this point, where everything was so distorted?
She didn’t know.
Perhaps it was through one misunderstanding after another, and his repeated displays of favoritism.
Their relationship hadn’t been sabotaged by Li Mingrou; it was simply that, from beginning to end, he only had eyes for Li Mingrou.
She felt only bitterness. If this was the case, a divorce would be for the best.
Perhaps she should never have taken the marriage certificate to find him all those years ago. She had been of age for six months, and the Xie family had made no move to come for her. She should have seen the truth then, yet she had still clung to a shred of fantasy.
Arguments, resentment, and accusations had long since lost all meaning.
Ji Hanyi took a deep breath and dismissed the maids. She then told Rong Chun to bring the divorce agreement she had written.
Finally, she looked at Xie Yuheng. “Think of me what you will. As the daughter-in-law of the Xie family, I have always done what I ought to do.”
“Even if you criticize me, my conscience is clear.”
Xie Yuheng closed his eyes, his brow furrowing as he sighed. “Hanyi, you always say I don’t take your side, but how can I?”
“Tomorrow, I will go to Mother’s and explain for you. You will also go there first thing in the morning to apologize. You have been far too willful this time. I will dock your monthly allowance and have you copy Buddhist scriptures to properly cultivate your character.”
Having said his piece, he turned to leave.
Ji Hanyi quickly called out to him, “Wait, don’t go yet. I have something to say to you.”
Xie Yuheng stopped and looked back at her, his gaze dark. “I know what you want to say.”
His expression turned complex as he frowned and whispered, “Hanyi, there is no room for negotiation on this matter.”
“I will not help you.”
The words she intended to say never had the chance to leave her lips. Ji Hanyi watched the swaying curtain and the back of the man who didn’t look back. She stood dazed for a moment, then looked down at the rolled-up divorce agreement in her hand.
She smiled bitterly. She understood. It seemed he knew about her cousin’s situation and assumed she was going to beg for help.
Though she had known he wouldn’t help, hearing it with her own eyes still felt like a needle to the heart.
The pink outer garment draped over her shoulders slipped down, and her simply tied hair fell over one shoulder. Her pale face bore the weary pallor of illness, yet under the hazy glow of the gauze lantern, she looked as gentle as mist and clouds.
Rong Chun hurried over to pull the garment back up for her, saying distressedly, “The Eldest Young Master only said those angry words because he misunderstood. Once you explain things, he will surely listen.”
Ji Hanyi propped her head on her hand and handed the divorce agreement to Rong Chun to put away. She stared down at the single ink blot on the clean letter paper—a scar that could never be erased, a surface that could never be restored to its original state.
It would never be right again.
The next morning, Ji Hanyi woke to find that Xie Yuheng had not come by. He had merely sent a servant to fetch his clothes and take them to the study in the front yard.
Ji Hanyi understood. Xie Yuheng would likely not return to the courtyard for a long time.
She didn’t feel much of anything, but Rong Chun was full of worry. “Young Madam, you should explain everything to the Eldest Young Master as soon as possible.”
Ji Hanyi lowered her head to finish her medicine, then handed the empty bowl to Rong Chun. She said softly, “I’m thinking now… even if he heard my explanation, what difference would it make?”
“If he listens this time, will he listen the next?”
Rong Chun listened to Ji Hanyi’s words, her own heart aching.
With tears in her eyes, she whispered, “I heard the Eldest Young Master has already chosen a suitor for the young miss. They are to be betrothed next spring.”
“Once she is married off and is no longer here to drive a wedge between you, the Eldest Young Master will surely realize how good you are.”
Ji Hanyi sighed and said nothing. She looked at the shadows cast by the lanterns outside the window and stood up, supporting herself on the armrest.
Xie Yuheng went to pay his respects to his mother early in the morning. First Madam Lin leaned against the head of the bed and sighed upon seeing him. “You should head to your duties early. Don’t worry about me.”
Xie Yuheng walked to his mother’s side, pursed his lips, and said quietly, “Hanyi did not take proper care of you. I have already scolded her. Please do not blame her too much.”
First Madam Lin looked up at him, helpless. “Why would I blame her? She was actually quite diligent in caring for me.”
“She was by my side all day yesterday, doing everything herself. I saw it all.”
“I fell asleep in the afternoon. When I woke up, the nannies told me her complexion looked terrible and she nearly fainted. The servants had to support her so she wouldn’t fall.”
“It just so happened that Mingrou came to see me then, so she left.”
First Madam Lin sighed. “Her cold hasn’t even recovered yet, and she came to look after me. It was hard on her.”
She then asked Xie Yuheng, “Have you seen her? Is she feeling any better?”
“I heard from the housekeeper that the physician said she is quite ill and has been coughing for days.”
Xie Yuheng froze.
When he returned last night, he had only seen Mingrou there. His mother had been asleep, and Mingrou hadn’t mentioned that Ji Hanyi had been there first, so he assumed she hadn’t come at all.
Thinking back to the paleness of Ji Hanyi’s face when he returned to the courtyard last night, his heart skipped a beat.
She had been sick for days, and he hadn’t offered her a single word of concern.
His mother’s low voice drifted into his ears again. “Regardless, though I wasn’t entirely satisfied with her marrying you, and I know you don’t like her either…”
“But you were the one who said that since she brought the marriage certificate, it was only right and proper to marry her.”
“And she has done well these past three years. She is diligent in everything and conducts herself with perfect decorum in public.”
“Even though her family has fallen on hard times and the Xie family can’t expect her to help your career, since you’ve married her, let it be.”
“If nothing else, it would be good for her to give birth to an eldest son soon.”
“In the future, if you truly still don’t like her and want to take a concubine, I won’t stop you.”
“But according to the rules, the family will only be harmonious if the legal wife bears the eldest son. It won’t affect your reputation either.”
Xie Yuheng opened his mouth to speak, but after a long silence, he only said, “I will keep my original promise. I will not take any concubines.”