After that, I began hearing the name “Saeki” more and more often.
“I have to work overtime with Saeki-kun today.”
“I see. Then I’ll head home first.”
“I’m sorry.”
At first, that was all it was.
I didn’t think much of it either.
If it’s for work, it can’t be helped, I thought.
However, on the weekend we had plans to go see a movie together—
“Sorry. I can’t make it today.”
She told me that first thing in the morning.
“Is it work?”
“No. Saeki-kun is having a bit of trouble.”
“…Saeki is?”
“With work, yeah. It seems like I’m the only person he can talk to about it.”
I fell silent for a moment.
“I was really looking forward to the movie, though.”
“We can just go next time.”
“Well… I guess so.”
“Don’t be so upset.”
I wasn’t angry.
I was just lonely.
After six years together, the reason she canceled a plan I had been looking forward to was to give advice to another man.
Even so, I said:
“Alright. Take care and go on.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled.
Looking at her smile, I smiled too.
That evening.
She sent me a photo.
‘‘Eating dinner”
In the picture, two sets of meals were lined up on the table.
The face of the man sitting opposite her wasn’t clearly visible.
But I knew who it was.
It was Saeki.
I stared at the screen for a long time.
‘‘Looks like fun” I replied.
‘‘Yeah. Saeki-kun is really funny to talk to.”
Seeing her response, I turned my phone face down.
A heavy sensation settled deep in my chest.
The following week.
While we were eating dinner, she suddenly spoke up.
“Hey, about you…”
“Hmm?”
“Couldn’t you do a bit more on your own initiative?”
“Like what?”
“Like planning dates. Looking for restaurants, making trip plans…”
“I’ll do it if you tell me to.”
“That’s exactly the problem.”
She let out a sigh.
“You never do anything unless I say something first.”
“…Is that so?”
“Yes, it is.”
I didn’t feel like arguing back.
She put down her chopsticks and looked down at her phone.
“Saeki-kun is amazing, you know.”
“Saeki again.”
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
She looked up.
“What?”
“No… it’s just, I’ve been hearing his name a lot lately.”
“So what? He’s my coworker.”
“I suppose.”
“You’ve been acting a little weird lately.”
“Me?”
“It’s like you’re suspicious of something.”
“I’m not suspicious.”
I answered.
In truth, I really wasn’t doubting her yet.
I was just scared.
I felt as though my presence in her heart was gradually growing smaller.
And I was terrified of admitting it.
“Even though Saeki-kun is about the same age as me, he’s great at his job and really fun to talk to.”
She said casually, “How do I put it… he just has his life together.”
Something pierced my heart.
“So, I don’t have my life together?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“…I see.”
“You’re gentle and kind, after all.”
There it was again—that word.
Gentle.
Comforting.
Like family.
Lately, whenever she praised me, she always used the same words.
As if there was nothing else left about me worth praising.
“Well, whatever.”
I forced a smile.
She smiled too.
That night.
While she was taking a bath, the phone left on the table vibrated.
On the screen was Saeki’s name.
‘‘Thanks for today. I had a great time.”
I pretended I hadn’t seen it and looked away from the phone.
I still wanted to believe in her.
We had been together for six whole years.
It was ridiculous to doubt her over something like this.
That was what I kept telling myself.
And yet—
Even while I desperately turned a blind eye, her heart was bit by bit drifting away from me.