That day was her birthday.
I had reserved a restaurant a while back. It was the birthday of the girl I had been dating for six long years. I wanted us to spend at least today together, proper and special.
Sitting alone at the reserved table, I checked my watch.
Ten minutes past our agreed time.
Twenty minutes.
Thirty minutes.
I checked my phone over and over.
Then, a notification finally came through.
“Sorry. I can’t make it today.”
It was a short text.
“What happened?”
I replied immediately.
After a short while, her answer came.
“I’m with Saeki-kun.”
My fingers froze over the screen.
“Work?”
“No.”
That was all she said.
I stared blankly at the screen.
She should have known today was her birthday.
And yet, she cancelled our plans just to be with Saeki.
“I see.”
That was what I sent back.
A moment later, my phone rang. It was her calling.
“Hello?”
“I’m sorry…”
“…Yeah.”
“Some things came up today.”
“With Saeki?”
“Yeah.”
“Even though it’s your birthday?”
The question slipped out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
On the other end of the line, she went silent.
“…Are you mad?”
“I’m mad, yeah.”
My voice sounded surprisingly calm, even to me.
“But it’s not like punching you or punching Saeki is gonna make your feelings come back to me, is it?”
“Please don’t talk like that.”
“Sorry.”
I apologized.
It wasn’t my fault.
I knew that much.
But I didn’t want to fight with her.
Because I still loved her.
That night, she didn’t come home until shortly before midnight.
“I’m home.”
“Welcome back.”
I was sitting in the living room.
When she saw me, she shifted her eyes away awkwardly.
“…You’re still up.”
“Yeah.”
“You could have just gone to sleep before me.”
“I suppose.”
Silence fell over the room.
After a while, she broke the quiet.
“Hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Maybe we should… take a break?”
The moment I heard those words, a chill ran deep through my chest.
“Why?”
“I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”
“About what?”
“About us.”
She cast her head downward.
“It’s not that I’ve come to hate you.”
“…Yeah.”
“But…”
She paused for a beat.
“Lately, I just find it more fun being with Saeki-kun.”
I didn’t want to hear it.
And yet, I asked anyway.
“Do you love him?”
“…Yeah.”
She gave a small, quiet nod.
“I like Saeki-kun.”
I closed my eyes.
Six years began flashing through my mind.
The day we first met. The day we held hands for the first time. The trips we took together. The quiet nights we laughed over silly little things.
All of it.
Every single piece of it was precious to me.
“What about me?”
Before I knew it, the question slipped past my lips.
She stayed silent.
“Do you not love me anymore?”
“…I don’t know.”
“I see.”
I couldn’t bring myself to ask any further.
I stood up.
“Alright then. I understand.”
“Huh?”
“Let’s take a break.”
“…Are you okay with that?”
“I’m not okay with it,” I answered honestly. “Because I still love you.”
She looked up at me.
“But if you can’t choose me anymore, then nothing I say is going to change that.”
I walked back into the bedroom and packed only the essentials into my bag. A few clothes, my wallet, my phone charger. That was all.
“Are you really leaving?” she asked, standing near the entryway.
“Yeah.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’ll crash at a friend’s place.”
I put on my shoes.
Then, I looked at her.
I wasn’t crying.
I wasn’t angry either.
I was just… exhausted.
“Be happy.”
“…Huh?”
“With Saeki.”
She said nothing.
I opened the front door.
I didn’t look back.
I knew that if I looked back even once, I would end up turning right back around.
So, I just kept walking.
Without ever learning how to stop loving her. Still feeling that love inside me.
I walked out of the apartment where we had lived together for six years.
At the time, I still didn’t know.
That a few months later…
She would be the one searching for me all over again.