The deep oceanic abyssal trench, usually a realm of majestic, silent authority, was currently echoing with a terrifying series of underwater shrieks that sounded like a pool of electrocuted blue whales having a collective meltdown.
Eagre torpedoed through the crystal-clear depths at terrifying, sound-barrier-breaking speeds, his massive shimmering tail lashing the ocean into a boiling froth of angry, turbulent bubbles.
His luminous fins flared wide with apocalyptic fury, casting shimmering violent purple light against the jagged coral walls of the subterranean ocean floor.
“Stupid!
Arrogant!
Sun-baked!
Air-breathing land-pest!” Eagre snarled in High Siren-an ancient, complex dialect consisting of screeching echolocation, melodic curses, pressurized water-hisses, and sonic pops.
“Fleshy hot-water bottle!
Delusional, frizzy-haired sea-sponge!
How dare she!
How ABSOLUTELY dare she!
May her boots root in brine!
May her sticks collapse upon her nose for a thousand generations!” He did an angry, sharp loop-de-loop around a centuries-old sunken galleon, snapping its wooden mainmast clean in half with a single, furious whip of his tail just to vent his simmering rage.
The wood splintered into a million tiny floating shards, scattering a school of innocence fish into sheer, hysterical panic.
“She thinks I am in love with her!
“Eagre roared underwater, sending a localized shockwave through the water column that vibrated the kelp beds for half a mile.
“In LOVE!
with a feral human who lives in a pile of sun-dried debris!
A creature who doesn’t even know how to properly de-husk a sea-coconut!
The utter, unmitigated audacity!” He swam upward violently, executed a sharp corkscrew turn, and dove back down toward the trench, his gills pumping with furious heat.
“I am an ancient aquatic deity!” He screamed into the abyss, his voice vibrating through the deep trenches.
“I command the tides!
I have summoned storms that swallowed entire imperial fleets!
I have dragged warships down into the crushing darkness of the deep sea floor!
I do not cuddle!
I do not purr!
I do not possess delicate, romantic yearning for a shipwrecked lunatic who smells like cheap coconut oil and tried to consume my shoulder like a midday snack!” He paused mid-swim, hovering in the water while furiously rubbing his bitten shoulder with a webbed hand.”And she bit me!
She actually bit me!
No respect!
Zero reverence for the divine!
She treats me like a minor coastal inconvenience, a personal heating pad, and a seafood appetizer!” His pounding head only fed the flames of his temper.
The double-coconut incident had left a massive, tense knot right at the base of his crown.
Every time he snapped his tail too fast, his brain rattled against his skull like a loose pebble inside a dry clam shell.
Seeking quiet isolation to nurse his severely bruised ego, Eagre dove dipper into the trench, descending toward the dark, pressure-heavy deaths of the Pearl Shelves- a subterranean cavern where giant, ancient oysters slept in the freezing currents.
Here, far away from the sun, the surf, and the sound of her insufferable, pompous voice, he could finally regain his divine composure.
He landed on the smooth basalt floor of the cavern, his tail coiling beneath him as he rested his chin on his webbed hands, brooding silently in the dark.
Silence.
Pure, glorious, deep-sea silence.
No frantic shouting.
No property claims.
No terrifying human woman threatening to charge him rent for existing.
Eagre let out a long, underwater sigh of relief.
He closed his eyes, allowing the freezing ocean currents to cool his flushing face.
Clack.
Eagre opened one eye.
A few feet away, a massive, ancient giant clam-easily the size of a tavern table-slowly yawned open its heavy, barnacle-encrusted shell to feed on the passing plankton.
Nestled deep within its soft, glowing iridecent mantle sat a collosal, perfectly spherical, blindingly bright pink pearl.
It was the size of a human toddler’s head, glowing with a soft, ethereal rose light that illuminated the dark cavern floor.
Eagre stared at it.
The pearl stared back.
Suddenly, as clear as a bell, Saira’s obnoxious, smug, upper-crust voice echoed straight through the sea-god’s memory: “…the next time you feel the urge to spoon the island owner, at least bring big pearls first!” Eagre’s emerald pupils shrank to microscopic pinpricks.
His gills flared so hard they made a sharp snap sound in the water.
“NO!” Eagre roared in High Siren, slamming both claws against his forehead.
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
” He spun around, flicking his tail to swim away, but his eyes darted right back to the pink pearl.
It was massive.
It was ridiculous.
It was, without a single shadow of a doubt, the exact kind of obnoxious, gaudy treasure that infuriating girl would parade around her pathetic stick-villa while declaring herself the Queen of Aethel.
“I do not owe her tribute!
If I bring her this pearl, it will only confirm her insane, delusional theory that I am courting her!” Eagre growled underwater, pacing back and forth in front of the clam like a caged reef shark, his webbed hands twitching violently.
He took two steps away.
He stopped.
He turned back, staring intensely at the glowing pink orb.
“Think about it, Eagre,” he reasoned with himself, his voice dropping to an urgent underwater whisper.
“What does she expect?
She expects me to sulk in the dark like a rejected maiden.
She expects me to pine for her land-dwelling affection!
If I return empty-handed, she will look down her spotty, sunburnt nose and tell that little armour-plated crab that I am too shy to present my feelings!
” He circled the clam again, his iridescent ear-fins twitching in rhythm with his escalating paranoia.
“And what if I don’t bring it?
” He argued internally, arguing against his own divine judgement.
“She will spend the rest of her miserable, shipwrecked existence complaining about my lack of courtly etiquette!
She will lecture the tide!
She will tell the sea-gulls that the Great Terror of Aethel has bad manners!
I have a reputation to uphold across seven seas!
I cannot allow a feral architect to slander my name to the local marine life!
” He paused, resting his webbed hands on his hips as a dark, vengeful light ignited in his glowing emerald eyes.
“On the other hand…” Eagre mused, a wicked, razor-sharp smirk spreading across his face.
“If I hurl a fifty-pound, rock-hard pink pearl straight at her face from the surf, the kinetic impact will knock her out cold before she can utter another word about ‘true love’.
It is not a gift.
It is an act of aggressive, marine warfare!
” He nodded slowly to himself underwater, thoroughly entranced by his own brilliant, completely unhinged logic.
Yes.
That was it.
He wasn’t wooing her.
He was delivering heavy artillery disguised as luxury jewelry.
He would throw the pearl at her, demand she shut up her ridiculous mouth forever, and re-establish his dominance as the undisputed terror of the island once and for all.
“She wants a pink pearl?
“Eagre snarled, his pupils narrowing into lethal razor-blades.”I will give her a pink pear!
Right between her stupid sapphire eyes.” Without another second of hesitation, Eagre reached into the giant clam, snatched the colossal, glowing pink pearl from its mentle, and hoisted it over his head like a warlord lifting a cannonball.
He kicked his powerful tail with furious, explosive speed, shooting out of the dark cavern and rocketing back toward the surface like a torpedo destined for impact.
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