Parting with the women dear to my heart was as swift as the meeting.
They’d already stayed because of us, so we couldn’t delay any further, and the next day Irbis and I saw them off to their ship.
Mom’s personal ship.
A Peacemaker-class cruiser.
A six-person vessel, two of whom were crew.
No, technically it could carry more, but thanks to its special control system, a single person could manage it alone.
Funny — Mom and Ves were cruising around on a personal ship, while I was stuck traveling on passenger and cargo vessels with this pacifist.
Not that I was jealous or indignant — I didn’t care personally, it was the principle of the thing!
But never mind — when the time came, I’d definitely get one of those.
Though I could understand — Irbis had only recently become a master, and he didn’t want to fly on an interplanetary fighter — not comfortable enough.
Speaking of which — what was this Noghri so happy about, I couldn’t figure out?
He stood there, smiling, sighing.
“Irbis?” I nudged him with my elbow.
“Huh?” “What’s with the sighing?” “Oh, nothing…
just thinking about the eternal.” “Really?” I squinted suspiciously.
“Really.
No, but what a woman, Shade.
What a woman!
Ahh…” “Uh…
I’m really not following!” “Relax.
She likes humans or Miraluka.” “Long story short — she shot you down.” “Mm-hm.” “Right away?” “Mm-hm.” “At least you got out in one piece — be proud!
Not everyone can say that.
Trust me — I know.” “Mm-hm.” “How’d it go?” “Well…
with threats and a blade in the throat.
And interrogation.
How beautiful she was…
that blazing aura, the Force seeping and pressing, and her eyes…
no, what a Woman!” “Irbis, come in, come back to me!” I shake him by the shoulder.
“Teacher!” “Huh?
Oh, yes, sorry.
By the way, do you know where your mother is from?” “Nope.
Never asked.
Do you know?” “Yes.” “And where?
From Tython?” I smirk.
“No, from Shikaakwa.” “Ohh…
uh…
pff!
Well, that explains everything.” “M?” “I can see where the mannerisms come from.
Hadiya suffers from the same thing, only more so.
Anything happens — straight for the knife, waving it around like a wand.” “Right.
And did you know your mother is a Foundling?” “No, she doesn’t like talking about her past.
Wait, hold on…” I looked at the blast door the ship had disappeared behind.
“Foundlings on Shikaakwa — that’s the very bottom, right?” Irbis’s expression shifted into a pointed “exactly what I’m saying.” “Right.
Should we go?” “Let’s.” That was the small island of calm and happiness in the whole kaleidoscope of events.
Fly there — sort things out.
Fly here — deal with things…
Mom had a more fun job — catching runaway gifted individuals dangerous to society.
Which, by the way, suited me just fine.
Good pay, clean work, someone to punch…
I mean, isn’t that bliss?
Ah, dreams, dreams.
I still had a long way to go before that, and for now — study, study, and…
hold on.
Irbis, I just had the most brilliant idea!
Hey, where are you backing away to?!
What, you don’t like my face?
This is a great idea, and I assure you, you’ll love it!
Don’t look at me like that — am I a maniac that you need to look at me THAT way?
Fine, doesn’t matter.
Anyway, listen — I noticed I’ve gotten a little rusty…
go to Saarl, smartass — I mean in terms of combat.
So how about a training sparring match?
No, what do you mean you ‘don’t want to’?
I need to maintain form and remember the basics — I haven’t punched anyone’s face in two takedas because of you, you damn pacifist!
No, that doesn’t mean I should hit you, but I definitely like where your mind’s going.
I just want to stay in shape.
Promise I won’t hit hard.
How many times — stop looking at me like that, look at yourself!
You’re constantly running from one mess to another, you need to be able to defend yourself too.
And I can show you a lot of interesting stuff, huh?
Training for me, and for you — useful skills.
What?
Well, fine, but remember — I offered!
Boring into me with a gaze full of distrust, Irbis finally gave in, and I mentally shouted “Gotcha.” Because now, whenever possible, we sparred — including on the ships.
To do this, we’d just spread out the cargo in the hold to clear a space, and then, well, the fight began.
O-o-o-oh, what a pleasant feeling that was.
I wiped the floor with Irbis, no contest.
Despite the age difference between us, he still wasn’t a militant like me, so any skirmish ended with his face meeting the floor.
As promised, I didn’t hit him hard, but it was enough for him.
And yes, this was all purely training!
Right.
I don’t take pleasure in righteous vengeance against this tormentor, I don’t take pleasure in righteous vengeance, I don’t take…
no, Irbis, I’m talking to myself.
No, there’s nothing wrong with my head.
Shall we continue the session?
Hey!
Where are you crawling off to, we’ve only just begun!
Vessira Staring out the viewport, sprawled out on the bed right next to it, with a stupid grin on my lips, I imagined how soon the training would end and we would become wanderers.
What would happen after that, there was no need to guess; the final stage would begin next — the pilgrimage to the Je’daii temples.
Probably the most dangerous stage in their lives, the one that divides it into before and after.
After all, not everyone completes their Great Journey.
Some fall victim to countless deadly natural phenomena and wildlife on Tython.
Others lose themselves.
And there are those who simply break and choose to leave Tython, scattering across the system.
But as Je’daii, we must accept this.
Master from Padawan Kesh — Dila Yan Morolla always said that in reality, there are no absolutes.
And life is a challenge; only by facing danger head-on can one achieve true greatness.
Only, this thought both inspired and stopped me in equal measure.
Greatness.
What is that?
Recognition from others?
Personal achievements?
Or maybe both?
But…
why?
Why do I need it?
I don’t want to be great.
I don’t need it.
Not now.
And I understand that.
But before, it was different.
Before, I wanted both the recognition of others and to reach the pinnacle in understanding the Force.
And while I agree with the latter even now, albeit for different reasons, the former…
looking at Shade, and now at his mother, I’m no longer sure — do I even need the recognition of someone who, essentially, means nothing to me?
Shuhhr!
— the door opened and Master Aala walked in.
Steaming, wrapped in a towel, with a happy smile on her face.
Master Aala…
at first, I was embarrassed by my teacher and her ways, as if she had never even heard of shame.
Coming into the cabin and calmly changing clothes, talking about intimate topics, cracking jokes that made me blush like a boiled crab for the first few deca-cycles.
And she loves to smile and is generally in a good mood.
Even when we have problems, very big problems, she keeps smiling and having fun.
That’s her all over.
We’re about to be eaten, and she doesn’t even think about getting serious.
Shade, by the way, has a similar trait.
Not exactly the same, but close.
Like that time in our first year of training when we got stranded in the desert and had to run from flint-beasts.
We’re fighting for survival, and he’s laughing.
Glancing again at Aala in the reflection of the viewport, tying her chest with bands, I realize she and her son are cut from the same cloth.
On the other hand, that’s a good thing.
Aala never loses heart…
or pretends not to, no matter how bad she feels.
Only once did I see a distinct dark shadow on her face, when I asked about Shade’s father.
The topic never came up again, and I didn’t pry.
Another brief glance at the pensive master, who, with an expression of universal torment, was thinking — wear the red tunic or the green one?
And yet she wasn’t just strong and sufficiently intelligent, but also very charming.
Because if there was one thing Aala wasn’t lacking, it was figure and beauty.
Wherever we went, someone would always hit on her.
It didn’t matter if it was an ordinary person or some high-ranking figure from the top of the planet.
And they all crashed and burned.
Here I saw a radical change in Aala.
With just a look, she could send you on a very long walk off a short pier, all while smiling sweetly.
Others, the particularly dense ones, she sent packing with a kick in the rear.
There was a third type who still wouldn’t give up even after that and threatened retribution, but the last one flew out a window from the third floor.
Aala didn’t like to stand on ceremony; she acted immediately.
I remember she just casually fried the guards of some enterprising drug dealer.
Mercy, the value of life, clemency…
what are you talking about?
And when we were on Shikaakwa, I could witness firsthand how the entire criminal underworld gave her a wide berth.
Seriously, we’d be walking down the street, see some clan patrol ahead, and the moment they noticed us, they’d try to sidle away and disappear.
Later I learned that the master grew up on Shikaakwa, hence her special reputation and her sharpened teeth for the locals…
but at least I learned firsthand that with a sweet smile, a kind word, and a Force lightning bolt, you can achieve a very, very great deal.
And here’s the interesting thing: Aala, essentially, has everything.
Power, respect, influence…
she is a significant member of the Order, moreover, she even refused the post of Temple Master of Stav Kesh, she is one of the best fighters, and essentially, she achieved that very Greatness I once pondered about.
She is feared on Shikaakwa, acknowledged on Kalimar; her mere name can sway the resolution of a dispute.
But…
the funniest part is that I don’t see this greatness in her.
I mean, in her behavior.
Because what comes with it?
The higher you climb, the higher you hold your nose.
It’s just a fact I’ve observed many times.
It’s in everyone, whether you’re a Force user or not, it’s just more pronounced in some and less in others, that’s all.
But Aala…
she didn’t care.
She simply didn’t care.
About achievements, recognition, rewards, the Order, even the Force itself — she was so indifferent to all of it that she could sacrifice it at any moment.
We never talked about it, but I just knew.
“Ves, are you going to tell me what’s eating you?” “Huh?” I turned around, looking at the master.
She was just fastening her armor over her tunic.
Aala always wore light armor and had trained me to do the same, as if it were everyday clothing.
“You’ve been staring blankly out the viewport for an hour, glancing at me every now and then.
Even someone not Force-sensitive would understand something’s bothering you.
So you can stop hiding your emotions; it’s written all over your mug,” she winked at me.
“Well…
‘bothering’ isn’t quite the right word,” I turned back, resting my chin on my hands, looking out at space.
“I’m just…
thinking.” “About what?” “Master, have you ever strived for Greatness?” “In what sense?” she sat down on the edge of my bed, and I turned completely towards her.
“Well, in the literal sense.
The most recognized Je’daii are those who have achieved significant success in understanding the Force.
Didn’t you ever want to reach the very top?” “Mmm, no,” she shrugged in surprise, looking around.
“Not at all.
And what brought this on?” “Well, how can you…
it’s…
Greatness!” I tried to find the words but couldn’t.
“And?” She seemed not to have heard me.
“Well, Greatness!” I said, like a child trying to explain an absurd idea to an adult, half-rising on the bed.
“Everyone respects you, acknowledges you, everyone listens to your words.
The Force itself walks hand in hand with you.” “And what do I need it for?” Those words finally finished me off.
How could anyone refuse…
such a thing?!
The very thing that, in principle…
is impossible to refuse!
“That’s exactly what I don’t understand!
You’re just one step away from it.
You have enough strength and knowledge to rise higher.
Why don’t you go further?” Having finally found the words and gesticulating actively, I tried to convey my point.
“What’s the point, Vessira?
What’s the point of going further when I don’t want to?” she sighed, looking at me with the gaze of an adult amused by a child’s foolishness.
“How is that?” “Before, yes, I pushed forward regardless of anything,” Aala nodded, settling more comfortably on my bed.
“I studied diligently, learned the Force, built my authority.
I sincerely believed that by reaching, as you put it, ‘greatness,’ I would become happy.
I would prove and show everyone what I was worth.
Moreover, knowing that such Power was concentrated in my hands…
the very thought excited my mind.
But then…” she sighed and looked away.
“the higher I climbed, the clearer I saw the pointlessness of this path.” “But why?” “Because it didn’t make me happy.” “And what did?” “Not what, but who,” Aala corrected me and smiled sadly.
“Once, quite by chance, I met a wanderer.
He was a Miraluka.
We ended up in a tight spot completely by chance.
The ship crashed; most survived, but there were many wounded.
We were waiting for help, and while we waited, he, I, and a couple of other beings were the only fighters and the survivors’ only hope of not ending their journey in some creature’s stomach.
So, that Miraluka managed what others couldn’t — he struck me.
Struck me as a man,” pausing, Aala smiled more broadly and freely.
“No, of course I had partners before, but let’s just say I wasn’t particularly concerned with serious relationships.” “Oh…
” “And he managed to win a place in my heart.
And you won’t believe how.” “How?” “At first, I thought he was hitting on me, so I shot him down every time.
Sometimes radically.
But this masochist wouldn’t give up, and eventually, I didn’t even notice how we ended up sitting together by the fire, chatting about the Order, the stars, our childhoods.
Until that moment, I had never poured my heart out to anyone.
Not to anyone, not even my best friend.
But I poured it out to him.
I was feeling really bad then — the stress, losing my balance in the Force, and it had all just built up.
And he listened, helped me find my balance again, and we had so many common interests that those sit-downs became regular.
And when we were finally picked up, we kept seeing each other and even went everywhere together as a pair.
That’s when I was happy, Ves.
Happier than I’d ever been.
And that happiness was given to me by the one I loved, not by the Force or achievements, and certainly not by the Order,” a short sigh.
“So before you set a goal for yourself, think about whether you really need it.” “And what happened to him?” “Well…” she darkened.
“It’s complicated.
His exile from the Order, a series of conflicts that followed, I almost did some terrible things myself, directly threatening one of the Temple Masters…” Aala clenched her fists and hid her eyes from me.
“You see, Saros held different views on the Force and the Order.
They weren’t bad or good, they were just different, but that was enough for the Order.
And that broke him.
He valued the Order and wanted to prove he was right.
He found something on Tython; he said it would make the Order reconsider.
Prove them wrong.
You could say it became his idée fixe — to prove his truth, to defend it, to make them believe it not with words, but with proof.
And he left the Tython system with some like-minded people on a sleeping ship.
I heard about fame…
about Greatness, Ves, the kind I could never have even dreamed of.
He knew perfectly well about my childhood dreams,” leaning slightly, I saw a tear slide down the master’s cheek.
“But he never understood that everything I ever dreamed of, I already had.
So forgive me, but words about Greatness, about power, about recognition…
they bring up very unpleasant…
comments.
Certainly not for your sweet ears.
And what I think of it all, I won’t say either,” the last words already carried a hint of anger.
“And Shade, he…” swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat, I asked anyway.
“Does he know?” “He knows, but not everything.
He’s very much like his father.
He also has views that differ slightly from the Order’s.
Unfortunately, they diverge too much from what the Order considers correct, so the same fate might befall him.
The Council is very conservative in its views; only two of them might be lenient towards something like that.
Although he doesn’t say anything particularly outlandish, it’s still the same mastery of the Force, just instead of moving from one aspect to another, he tries to grasp everything at once.
I won’t say it comes easy to him; moreover, he himself doesn’t understand on how thin ice he’s walking, but…
I believe he’ll make it.” “Hmm…” “One thing heartens me — Shade’s core strength.
He gets that from me.
He won’t try to prove anything to anyone; he’ll just shrug and move on.
But that’s also the problem.
He might follow his father simply because he’s curious.
Because he won’t see anything here that could hold him back.
And I sincerely hope that if that moment comes, if he truly wants to leave our system, you won’t repeat my mistake, Ves.” “But would he even listen to me?” “He’d listen to you.
Yes.
Just like he listens to me.
But I won’t always be able to be by his side.
Far from it.
So I’ll have to rely on you.” “I…
promise.
I promise I won’t let him go.” “Thank you.
By the way,” she suddenly brightened, wiped away a tear, and continued in a cheerful voice: “If you didn’t know, learning the Force with your partner is much easier than doing it alone.
Saros and I spent a whole year together that way.
The technique is called ‘Mind Meld.’ When two flows of power from different beings merge into one.
So many interesting things open up, very, very curious and surprisingly pleasant things, that I guarantee — you’ll definitely find something to keep yourselves busy.” “You know, Master…
knowing you, I somehow get the feeling you’re hinting at something vulgar,” I squinted at her.
“Hmm…
everyone thinks according to their own depravity,” she shrugged, but the expression on her face gave her away completely.
“I, for one, meant understanding the Force.
What you thought of…
that’s good too, of course, but a little different.” “Ma-a-aster, why are you teasing me?!” “Me?
Teasing?!
How could you think such a thing?
And anyway, since we’re on the topic, let me tell you about another technique?” “Which one?” I raised an eyebrow, hiding my interest.
“Mmm…
this technique was created for medical purposes, to numb nerve endings.
Others turned it into a torture technique, on the contrary, cranking sensitivity to the max.
However, what I want to tell you about sort of enhances some things and numbs others, so you can get more intense sensations from caresses, burn brighter, and generally, you know how useful it can be?” “I’m afraid to ask how you know this,” I muttered, blushing.
“Well…
everyone has their little secrets,” Aala winked, flicking my nose.
What is it with them and that habit?!
Shade Thump!
— a fist slammed onto the table, and another drawing flew into the trash.
Yeah…
inventing something you don’t know, but making it work, turns out to be really hard.
Freaking impossible!
And how do all those other transported souls manage it?!
I don’t get it…
Even building a theory is a nightmare.
Forget the theory, I can’t even sketch a decent drawing.
And the problem isn’t that I can’t draw, it’s that I simply can’t imagine what exactly should be depicted.
Remembering that Irbis had let slip about the vision where I had a flaming sword, I decided to try sketching at least some theoretical schematics of possible weapons in my free time.
I tried.
I tried my hardest, almost meditating over that sorry scrap of paper and pencil, but nothing happened.
Because what do I know?
I know that laser swords will appear later.
Laser swords that run on batteries, so purely technical weapons.
I also know that in this world there are Force Swords.
That thing runs on the Force, in the original, I think, on its dark side energy, which isn’t surprising — the light isn’t inclined toward destruction, and the beam released by the weapon is very, very destructive.
But how does it come out?
How is it focused?
All that was hidden.
No, I’ll definitely go to the Temple of Science, that’s a fact.
And I hope I’ll be able to understand something there.
But I have to arrive there with at least some groundwork, so the masters there don’t laugh at me and twirl a finger by their temple.
That’s why I was trying to somehow put my concept on paper.
Crooked drawings of sword hilts, plus some kind of scribble inside — that’s all I managed.
I couldn’t even imagine where the crystal was supposed to be mounted.
“What are you suffering over?” Irbis came up from behind, crunching on a Sweet Delight.
What pests — first Ves, now him…
they’re eating all my stuff, boo-hoo.
“Oh, nothing…
remembered your words about the vision where I had a special weapon.
Thought about it, reflected, and here I am trying to put the idea on paper.” “What kind of ideas?” The Master immediately became interested, sitting down next to the table.
“May I?” “Of course,” I waved my hand, and he picked up one of the better-quality drawings.
I spent a whole hour drawing it with a ruler.
“Hmm…
and how do you imagine it working?” “You see, Irbis,” I reached into my pocket and pulled out that same, small white kyber crystal that I always carry with me and charge with Force energy.
Over time, the stone had changed somewhat.
It seemed cleaner, and if you held it in your hand, it sort of warmed it.
How it worked and why, I didn’t understand; I could only shrug and say, “Through the Force.” “I’ll start with this little stone.
Tell me, what do you think of it?” I glanced sideways at my teacher.
It’s funny, by the way — if you carry this crystal with you for a long time, it becomes imbued with your energy, and you can feel it as a small part of yourself.
The stone also starts to respond.
“Well…
a good energy focuser.
Used in laser weapons.
Also used in special generators to power devices that exist on the boundary between the Force and technology.
That’s how the flying cities on Ska-Gora work, that’s how some ships work.
Why?” “And that’s all?” “Well, yes.” “Eh…
teacher.
You underestimate the power of this little stone,” I chuckled.
“It can be felt in the Force.” “And?” “And it responds within it.” “I know that.” “Yeah, you have no flight of fancy, Irbis,” I shook my head.
“In my idea, if you put this little stone into this sword hilt here and power the thing with the Force from here,” I tapped the drawing with the tip of my pencil, “a continuous but short beam of energy should come out.
Sort of like a sword.” “Hmm…” “But how to do this or make it work, I have absolutely no idea.” “Most likely, you’d have to disrupt the balance within yourself.
The light side is not inclined towards destruction,” he shook his head.
“Yes, but for this sword to work, it requires constant power.
Sorry, but I don’t want to constantly work myself up.
So I’m thinking about neutral energy.” “It doesn’t exist,” he shook his head.
“There is light and darkness.” “And there’s also you,” I chuckled.
“In whom both coexist perfectly well!
As long as you don’t deliberately choose one side.
Remember I told you my point of view?” “About the filter and the Unifying Force?” I nodded.
“I re-e-e-member.
And…
in principle, I understand what you want to formulate.
But we come back to the question: ‘how’?!” “And that’s what I don’t know yet — ‘how,'” I sighed.
“No…
but this looks very much like what I saw,” Irbis thoughtfully rubbed his chin, looking at the weapon anew.
And then his gaze turned to me and became even more thoughtful.
“Considering your theory, I’m starting to doubt the Order and its views, Shade…” “M?” “If there is a third…
substance that unites the first two, it…
gives one pause for thought.” “Irbis, you are that third ‘substance,’ as you put it.
You already contain both within yourself.
You just need to redirect it.” “Still.
We’re taught to divide the Force into black and white sides.
You, on the contrary, try to use everything at once,” he put down the drawing and, thoughtfully tapping his claw on his lips, asked more quietly: “Won’t it tear you apart?” “It shouldn’t,” I shook my head.
“Reassuring.” “And even if it does, it’ll only prove I was wrong and shouldn’t do it.” “Shade!” “What?
Just think what it’ll give us if I’m right!” “You be more careful with your experiments.
I still have to return you to Aala, and if you don’t want to live, I certainly do.” “Heh, don’t worry.
I’ve lived with this idea my whole life and so far, as you can see, I’m managing fine and haven’t even sprung a leak upstairs.” “Well, I wouldn’t be so sure about the last part.” “Hey!
What are you implying?” “Oh, nothing.” “Actually, my theory doesn’t contradict the Je’daii Code; it neatly sits on top of it.
‘The Force is neither light nor darkness; it is the equilibrium between extremes!’ So I don’t know anything about it, and anyway, if you think about it, I’m following the Code.” “Just don’t blurt something like that out in a temple.” “Which one?” “Any of them, Shade.
Any of them.” “Temple Master Tsikuna knows about my theories, plans, and ideas, you know.
I talked to her about it myself!” At these words, Irbis seemed to feel ill.
But then he relaxed and whispered quietly: “Yeah, the Force itself is protecting you; I have no other explanation for your survival.” “Heh.” In the end, I still couldn’t figure out the sword, leaving it for later.
But at least I made a good drawing.
With Irbis’s help.
The Noghri, taking my comments, managed to create my ‘precious’ for me, which I’ll try to bring to life!
Not that I have some sort of obsession with glowy sticks; it’s more the soul of a displaced person in me speaking when I see a cool gadget.
But until I get the hang of it, I can go back to my main activity — trolling and beat…
I mean, messing with Irbis.
But carefully.
Because I’ve already learned that he’s a vengeful guy and can pay back a debt big time.
It all helps promote the story.