When Lin Youhe asked "Want one?" Xi Shi suddenly felt a surge of impulse to throw caution to the wind and kiss him. She frowned, silent and poised to act.
Lin Youhe seemed not to notice the turbulent desire churning in Xi Shi's eyes. He bit down on that damned candy of his, amiable as ever, holding the tissue and meeting her gaze.
He said words that were teasing and misleading, yet only intended to play the good neighbor and hand her a tissue?
Xi Shi took a deep breath. "No!"
She casually wiped the red wine from the corner of her lips with the back of her fingers, tore open the disposable cutlery wrapper, and viciously stabbed at an innocent eel sushi before shoving it into her mouth.
Lin Youhe quietly moved his thermos aside, poured Xi Shi a glass of warm water, and set the folded tissue beside her hand—as if all those hidden, dark intentions had nothing to do with him, remaining purely and cleanly the gentleman Teacher Lin.
The eel sushi died a tragic death.
Xi Shi received a gratified, smiling compliment from Lin Youhe: "Miss Xi has quite the appetite today."
Xi Shi kept her face expressionless, chewing the sushi with force, thinking:
Miss Xi's appetite in other aspects is quite strong too.
Planning to order takeout at Lin Youhe's place hadn't been a good move. Not only had she failed to maintain the facade of neighborly harmony and chat late into the night as kindred spirits, but the movie hadn't even finished before Xi Shi, suppressing her compassion, fled in defeat.
She rubbed her eyes and lied that she was crashing from carbs and desperately sleepy, saying she needed to go home to bed.
Lin Youhe still walked her to the door, reaching out a hand to stop her.
Xi Shi suppressed that restless urge, following Lin Youhe's well-defined hand up to his eyes.
The hallway in the dead of night was so quiet she could hear the winter wind outside the window, yet Lin Youhe's gaze rippled like a clear spring.
Lin Youhe pointed at Xi Shi's eyelid. "Your eyelash came off from rubbing. It'll irritate your eye later."
Xi Shi distractedly patted around her eyelid and the corner of her eye, didn't find it, and for a moment didn't think of the simple solution of checking in the mirror at home. She closed one eye, feeling around her eye area, meeting Lin Youhe's gaze with three eyes between them.
Lin Youhe helped Xi Shi get the eyelash off. His warm fingertip swept lightly across her eyelid, touching and withdrawing in an instant, making Xi Shi's lashes flutter as she suddenly opened her eyes.
Lin Youhe showed Xi Shi the eyelash on his fingertip, then said, "Go sleep. Good night."
Xi Shi felt like she really might be crashing from carbs. After washing up, she stumbled dizzily into her blankets.
Earlier she'd thought deliberately teasing Lin Youhe into letting her wipe his back was her getting the upper hand. But once back in bed, recalling the contours and lines of Lin Youhe's back became something of a torment instead.
In the haze between waking and dreaming, Xi Shi suddenly remembered some indistinct fragments—
In pitch-black darkness where she couldn't see her own hand, someone coaxed her to open her mouth.
She refused, burrowing into the blankets like a cold-blooded animal encountering a drop in temperature, hiding under the pillow, wishing she could dig a hole into the mattress and curl up inside.
In the end, she was still scooped up and sat upright by the one coaxing her, who firmly pried open her jaw and pressed a bitter pill onto the tip of her tongue.
Even after she swallowed the pill, they didn't let her go, stirring almost as punishment.
Xi Shi had resisted, even bitten someone, but in the end, in the inescapable nightmare, she fell into a warm, steady embrace.
Someone shared the bed with her, wiped the cold sweat from her forehead, patted her back, and coaxed her in a gentle voice, saying, it's all over now.
It seemed to be in a private hospital ward…
Xi Shi smelled the scent of disinfectant, and the clean, crisp scent from that person's neck—like lotus, faint, warmed by body heat.
Lotus fragrance…
It was Lin Youhe!
Before she'd even fully fallen asleep, Xi Shi was jolted wide awake by that impression, half dream and half real.
She threw off the covers and sat bolt upright in bed, staring in shock into the silent night for a long, long time—so long her shoulders grew cold—before she reached up to pull back the thin strap of her nightgown that had long since slipped off her shoulder.
Private hospital wards were a bit more spacious; that hospital bed could indeed squeeze in two people.
But if Lin Youhe could so easily end up in bed with her, she wouldn't have needed to come home tonight at all.
And Lin Youhe's flirting probably wasn't that style anyway. She felt he was the type who'd be so restrained in bed he'd keep asking if it hurt.
It must have been a dream.
Xi Shi was plagued by nightmares almost every night, but this was the first time she'd had a dream with that kind of suggestive undertone.
Playing the good neighbor, she sat in bed, recalling Lin Youhe's views on love and marriage, then recalling the night the two of them nearly ended up in bed together, and felt he was now like a piece of fatty meat she could see but couldn't eat—mouthwatering.
Having eaten properly all day, Xi Shi didn't feel as cold tonight, but it wasn't exactly warm either. She let her mind drift to Lin Youhe for a while, then curled back under the covers.
Another night of sinking and surfacing nightmares.
The next day, when she woke up and received a call from Lin Youhe, Xi Shi realized he wasn't fatty meat but a carrot dangled in front of a donkey.
And she was the donkey salivating over the carrot. The donkey wanted to be stubborn, but in the end, it couldn't resist the temptation—
Carrot's voice sounded even gentler over the phone: "Is Miss Xi awake? The insulated lunchbox is still at your place. I wanted to bring you breakfast, but I realized I didn't have a container to put it in."
The moment Xi Shi heard Lin Youhe's voice, her tongue felt uncomfortable. She pressed her lips together and said nothing.
Lin Youhe asked, "Would you like to come over for breakfast?"
No way!
Xi Shi roared inwardly.
Lin Youhe paused for a second before speaking somewhat sheepishly: "Actually, I wanted to bribe you with breakfast to ask for your help."
Xi Shi asked with grudging curiosity, "What kind of help?"
It was the last weekend before New Year's Day. Lin Youhe said he had received care from several elders over the past year and wanted to pick out some gifts to bring when visiting them on New Year's Day.
He smiled and asked, "I always feel like Miss Xi has better taste. I don't suppose you'd have time to come out with me?"
Cold-blooded animals need to sleep!
No time!
Xi Shi swallowed her irritation: "…Fine, I'll be there after I eat breakfast."
As the year drew to a close, the mall was packed. The gold jewelry counters on the first floor were crowded with people, the noise vaguely resembling the vegetable market that used to be next to Xi Shi's old home.
Xi Shi stepped aside in her high heels to avoid an elderly customer: "Why not wait until Spring Festival to give them?"
Lin Youhe smiled gently: "People in education have winter break. By Spring Festival, many of the elders have already traveled with their families or gone back to their hometowns. I wouldn't be able to deliver them."
Xi Shi wanted to ask whether Lin Youhe would also be going back to his parents' side, but she felt the question was useless for refreshing her database, so she didn't speak and simply walked quietly beside him.
The festive bustle of the season felt foreign to her. She looked at the crowds happily gathered around the jewelry counters and felt they belonged to a different world entirely.
Lin Youhe was somewhat picky about his gift purchases. He wasn't looking for simple nutritional supplements, nut gift packs, milk, or fruit—the kind of token gifts that merely went through the motions.
Instead, he chose gifts based on the elders' actual habits.
Lin Youhe said that when he first started teaching at the university, an old professor had given him a great deal of guidance, from which he had benefited immensely.
The old professor had severe muscle strain in the back of his neck and was very sensitive to cold. Looking at the photo, Xi Shi helped Lin Youhe pick out an expensive long cashmere scarf for the old man.
Xi Shi spoke in a seemingly casual tone: "That friend of yours—the one borrowing your house—should we pick something for his father too? Does he have any particular preferences?"
Lin Youhe lowered his lashes and chuckled: "A bar."
The surrounding noise was loud and chaotic. Xi Shi leaned in and asked, "What? What should we pick?"
Lin Youhe turned his head, gently shielding Xi Shi from a passerby who nearly bumped into her shoulder, and smiled as he shook his head: "Let's just give him a red envelope directly. After all, I'm living in his house. Buying just a few things wouldn't be proper."
Xi Shi felt a pang of bitterness in her heart.
She had worked so many part-time jobs and saved so much money, yet she never had the chance to give her grandmother a red envelope.
Lin Youhe suddenly ruffled the top of Xi Shi's head: "Let me buy you a flower."
Xi Shi was puzzled: "What for?"
Lin Youhe said, "As a return gift for the two roses."
And sure enough, Lin Youhe brought Xi Shi into the flower market, picked out a huge moth orchid from among the New Year flowers, and had the shop owner help carry it into the car.
On the way back, Xi Shi sat in the passenger seat and kept turning around to look: "This flower is way too expensive. Did we get ripped off? There's no exchange of interests between us…"
She bit into a freshly baked bread and paused guiltily for half a second, "I think you should just give it to one of the elders instead."
Lin Youhe looked as if he didn't quite understand: "I just felt you weren't too happy earlier. It's a bit tacky, but New Year flowers need to be tacky to feel festive and lively. Let it stay at your place to keep you company."
Xi Shi wanted to say something clever in response but couldn't think of anything, so she ate her bread in silence.
When she was with Lin Youhe, Xi Shi always felt she had a bit more humanity in her.
Eating meals on time, having snacks, going grocery shopping, strolling through stores, and even keeping flowers and plants.
Her desires also surfaced steadily from time to time, flickering once or twice—the feeling of having almost succeeded always left Xi Shi itching for more.
On the night before New Year's Day, Xi Shi walked through the gates of the university where Lin Youhe taught, carrying the invitation he had left with her.
Young students bustled across the campus. Ask anyone at random, and they would enthusiastically point the way.
When Xi Shi was in university, she had always been a loner who walked with hurried steps. Unless favored by the old accounting professor, she rarely participated in recreational group activities.
At the entrance to the auditorium, she saw Lin Youhe chatting with several senior colleagues. The elders talked endlessly, and as Lin Youhe followed them toward the backstage, he lowered his head and tapped a few times on his phone.
Xi Shi's phone vibrated repeatedly in her hand:
[Are you here?]
[Should I come get you?]
Xi Shi replied that she was strolling around the campus and that Lin Youhe should focus on his business.
She leaned against the auditorium entrance, looking at the stars, when a figure suddenly appeared before her.
The young man was somewhat handsome, tall as well. He scratched the back of his head and asked Xi Shi, "Sis, which college are you from?"
Xi Shi had nothing better to do anyway, so she casually asked, "Which college do you think I look like I'm from?"
The young man asked, "Performance? Dance? Or are you from the flight academy next door?"
It was a pickup line that subtly complimented her looks. Xi Shi shook her head lightly. "No."
The young man asked a few more questions, but all he got were perfunctory, closed-ended answers from Xi Shi. Still watching her earrings sway gently with the rhythm of her head shakes, he left her a sticky note with his phone number. "My WeChat is the same number."
Xi Shi remembered the note she had written for Lin Youhe, still stuck on his refrigerator door, and shook her head with a smile at the small piece of paper in her hand.
A steaming hot drink appeared before her, and a hand landed on her shoulder.
Xi Shi was guided a few steps into the auditorium by Lin Youhe's arm around her shoulder, hearing him say, "It's so cold outside, why didn't you come in and sit?"
Xi Shi took the hot drink.
Lin Youhe said, "You didn't bring a bag, did you? Want me to hold it for you?"
Realizing Lin Youhe was asking about the sticky note in her hand, Xi Shi, preoccupied with the thoughts in her head, handed it over casually.
Lin Youhe still had things to attend to, so after leading Xi Shi to her seat, he left.
The bustle before her had nothing to do with Xi Shi. She had a feeling that many things were about to come to an end:
After waiting all these months, Shen Meiyan's criminal judgment should be coming down soon.
And Chen Lintian…
All Xi Shi needed to do was rent a car on New Year's Day and follow Lin Youhe's car. Then she'd know the addresses of all the elders he visited. By slowly eliminating them one by one, she would eventually trace it back to Chen Lintian.
Lin Youhe had returned at some point without her noticing, and suddenly asked, "What are you thinking about?"
Xi Shi was abruptly pulled back from her scheming to the solemn, elegant auditorium. Meeting Lin Youhe's eyes, she could only open her palm to him. "I'll keep the note myself after all."
Lin Youhe paused for two seconds. "Alright."
But then he patted his pants pocket. "Sorry, I lost it while I was busy."
To make her excuse sound genuine, Xi Shi squeezed out a sigh. "It's lost, huh…"
Lin Youhe still smiled gently. "Did he tell you which school and which department he's from? I can help you ask around later."